I did make it through last night...but am still having the urges to cut...especially after the day I have had, I had an appointment and went to pick up meds before hand and had to wait a long time for those, then at the appointment I had to go pick up some other meds and those people at target are so damn slow...they told me that my meds would be ready in a half hour but it took an hour to get them... I did tell the doctor today that I was tired of having to change doctors so much, he isnt even going to be my doctor, I will be seeing someone who just started there...I was so frustrated by this, I told him that I wasnt sure I wanted to go through everything if I had to see someone else later, but we did, I told him about my anxiety and I noticed I was talking a million miles and hour, I am irritable and cant stop my mind...that is a sign of mania for me...I often get urges to cut when I am manic, and if it continues I wont be able to control those urges...I will act on impulses...last night I went down the list of things to do instead of cutting and none of them really helped, I finally went to bed and prayed till I fell asleep...I hope that I can continue to hold off these urges, I have gone 4 months and one week without cutting I would hate to lose that...but they are really bad right now...I will probably take an attivan soon...anyway I will stop ranting here...I know you all are probably tired of hearing me complain a so much...so I will stop now...big warm angel hugs to all.
Even the smallest people can change the course of the future.
-Galadriel, Lord of the Rings fellowship of the ring.
Around here we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we're curious
and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
-Walt Disney, Meet the Robinsons
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