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DICHOTOMYGIRL's Photo DICHOTOMYGIRL Posts: 1,580
8/27/08 10:13 P

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Believe it or not, I can somewhat understand the difficulties of having an autistic child, even though I have no children. My soon to be ex, is an Aspie (has Asperger's Syndrome), which has made things extremely difficult over the years.

~Michelle~


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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,516
8/27/08 2:15 P

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Thank you for that, MICHLOW. Being a 15% disabled stay-at-home mom of a high-energy 4-y/o boy and another one who's 7 and has autism, it's very challenging for me. Mondays are the worst, because I have to catch up on all the mess that occurred over the weekend. NOW I have to drive my son to the Marcus Autism Center, about 25 miles in traffic, spend 3 hrs there, and then drop him at school, I get an hour at home, then go pick up my 4-y/o from his school, come home to meet 7's bus, give him his supplements. And amidst all this, I have to do the laundry, and the cooking, and the cleaning.

I have decided to set a timer for myself, and just chip away at all of this stuff 10 or 15 or 30 minutes at a time. Whatever I can't do in the allotted time, just doesn't get done that day. I think/hope that will work for helping me to maintain whatever sanity I do have. Of course, a little bit of help from the hubby wouldn't hurt either. But that's another story. Thanks for listening, and thanks for telling me your story. I hope everything works out okay with your divorce.

Summarah
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"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

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DICHOTOMYGIRL's Photo DICHOTOMYGIRL Posts: 1,580
8/27/08 7:14 A

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I know how it is to be stressed and have a million and a half things to do.

At the beginning of this month my Mom had Triple Bypass surgery. She had just moved a few months previously down to where I live, and I am the only family/friend within 900 miles.

So I spent 2 weeks at the hospital with her, and then once she was released, and I had to return to work. My husband would spend the day with her while I was at work (he is unemployed), and I would spend any time not at work at her house, doing all her care, housework, cooking, etc.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, my husband and I decided to divorce, which added a million more things to a day that was already too full. And of course at work, where I missed 2 weeks rather than the expected 1, I am still playing catch up.

It's easy to get overwhelmed, because everything seems of great importance, and everything has great consequences if I mess up.

It is a total cliche, but the only way to get through it, is to take it one day at a time. You can't let yourself get overwhelmed. Just remind yourself, that the fate of the entire world IS NOT resting on your shoulders, even though it feels like it.

And though its hard to do when everything is so important, but do your best to prioritize. My list goes like this...

1. My Mom's life is the most important, so the first things on my list are things that involve her post-op care.

2. Job. If I lose my job, I will effectively become homeless. So work is next.

3. Divorce details. Some are more important than others. I try and get a few things done each day, of the hundreds that need to get done.

So when I wake up in the morning, my to-do list for the day might look like this...

1. Take Mom to 11:30 Cardiologist appt.
2. Call Pulmonologist about oxygen
3. Work Stuff
4. Work Stuff
5. Work Stuff
6. Order annual free credit reports and verify that all joint accounts are closed, and all authorized users are removed.
7. Call Paralegal and find out status of divorce docs.
8. Meet with Mortgage lender about house refinance.

Though there are about 200 other important things on my list that NEED to get done. All I can do is what I am capable of doing. And stressing myself out, and making myself sick is not going to help me do things any faster.

And that is how I keep myself sane!

(Oh, and you might ask because, it never seems to make the list...but after being away from home for a month, and never having time to deal with it, my house needs to be thoroughly cleaned from top to bottom!!! For now, I just try not to notice during the hour a day I am here! LOL)

~Michelle~


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LINDA!'s Photo LINDA! Posts: 87,653
8/25/08 11:58 P

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So happy to hear that you are feeling better and I hope you have a great night... emoticon

Linda - Florida

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KELLYACOX's Photo KELLYACOX Posts: 657
8/25/08 11:20 P

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You go girl for getting through it.
And remember we are our own worse enemies.....don't be so hard on yourself!
And we are always glad to be here for you anytime.
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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,516
8/25/08 11:13 P

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OMG! It's ridiculous how many "unfinished" lists I have. It's actually discouraging to make a list, because I NEVER CROSS EVERYTHING OFF! Not even half. And even if I make a two-day list, the first day I get the big stuff done, the second day, nothing gets checked off cuz there's always something else that didn't make the list when I wrote it. LOL I'm okay now, cuz the day is done (for the most part), I did what I could, and tomorrow's another day. The carpet is half-cleaned, but I think that by the time I get to the other half, it will be time to clean them again. And these fans are sooooooo dusty, it won't be long before they're kicking my allergies into high gear, and who knows the other health implications. I don't want to sound neurotic or OCD (although I proudly admit that I am to some degree), but the thing that gets my anxiety going is all of these items just floating around nebulously in my head.

I just need to refocus, and center myself. What I *can* do is just schedule some time to do stuff every day. That works on weekdays after Monday, but Monday is my recovery day from the weekend. Anyway, this is getting rather long, and I know you all have busy lives, too. Thanks for reading my rant today. I think I'm okay now.

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CANUCKER08's Photo CANUCKER08 Posts: 2,436
8/25/08 9:39 P

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Great support team members!

My advice is similar, slow down and make a list and prioritize it. If it's too much for one day, don't do the less important things like dusting your fans... who's gonna really care, the fan checkers won't be visiting. You can always do that another day that you have more time and feel less stressed.

One thing at a time... and try not to stress the small stuff. (I know, easier said than done)

I hope you got through it all okay and feel better by now.

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ELLE_2012's Photo ELLE_2012 Posts: 473
8/25/08 4:48 P

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I'm glad you are feeling better. Next time prioritize and do the best you can. :)
Life will go on if you dont get the ceiling fans dusted!
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~*KIMMI*~'s Photo ~*KIMMI*~ Posts: 2,618
8/25/08 4:10 P

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Yay for you for bustin' through it!!!

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Busy days like that are hard for me as well. Awesome suggestions here, I like to make a list.

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The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

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HLTHAPPINESS4C's Photo HLTHAPPINESS4C Posts: 21,178
8/25/08 3:53 P

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***DEEEEEP Breaths****

Focus on 1 thing at a time. Like Linda said do a little of the house and put off the rest. And no guilt trips today. You've been on them before (we all have)and they're not that enjoyable!! Perhaps set aside a special time later this week to spend quality time with your son.

Also...Take some "ME" Time today....even if it's just for 5 minutes. Try to do something nice for yourself. Listen to your favorite song, take a hot bath, put on your favorite smelling lotion or perfume, drink a hot cup of herbal tea.

Hang in there and let us know how it goes.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,516
8/25/08 3:51 P

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Thanks for your support, ladies. Although I just read it a few minutes ago b/c I had to run out the door and get my errands started, I feel much better now. Anxiety, in this case, was brought on by fear of the unknown, and how I could get it all done. But the day is gone for all intents and purposes, and I think I can just breathe now. Put on some good music, and just chill while I file. There ya go!

Forgive yourself and move on.

"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

"God give me the courage to love with an open heart." - India.Arie


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LINDA!'s Photo LINDA! Posts: 87,653
8/25/08 11:58 A

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First, calm down. I know that is easier said than done because I sometimes find myself in the same anxiety panic you are experiencing. But try to take deep breaths because you need to make yourself feel better and calm yourself down. Just take a few minutes to do the housework and if you cannot get it all down you can finish it tomorrow. It will be okay. And do not feel guilty about not being able to spend as much time with your son as you want. I worked as I raised my children and found that I spent a lot of quality time with them. I know that you are doing the same thing. You are giving him quality time and he appreciates you and loves you so much. You may not work but whatever the situation just know that your son will always love you. My kids are grown now and I truly know they love me very much!! Please take care of yourself. You are worth it. emoticon

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KELLYACOX's Photo KELLYACOX Posts: 657
8/25/08 11:56 A

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OK the best thing to do is stop trying to "think" you need to get all of it done now.
Just 1 by 1 work on something and feel GOOD about it when you get one thing done not oh gosh I have so many other things still to do.
Little by little you will see that you are getting your lists accomplished.
Say a prayer for God to give you strength and peace throughout your day. He will walk with you through it all.
You can do it girl!!!!!!
One thing at a time................

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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,516
8/25/08 11:39 A

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Today is not a good day for me. I have too much to do at once, LITERALLY so I cannot prioritize. And I'm feeling terribly anxious and panicky. I can't find things. I have to go places. I have to clean things. I have to file all this crap. I have to balance the bank accounts. Do laundry. Clean the carpet. Clean the ceiling fans. Fix dinner. Take my son to therapy. Fix my phone. Shop for a few food items. And I can't breathe!!! I think my nervousness stems from not knowing what kind of mood my son will be in when I pick him up, and the guilt that I will possibly feel by not being able to spend time with him once we get back home. HELP!!!

Thanks,
Summarah
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"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

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