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CANUCKER08's Photo CANUCKER08 Posts: 2,436
7/25/08 3:26 A

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Sorry I was away when you posted but I hope you are feeling better today.



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7/24/08 8:16 A

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Sometimes when a woman choses to not work and stay home with the kids, the hubby gets this idea that we are taking an extended vacation. Somewhere deep inside they have a bit of resentment and don't understand what a 24/7 job kids and home are. I resorted to writing out very long detailed lists of the things I had done and leaving it where he could see it (even things like fed dogs, fixed broken lamp, got mail) just so he could see that daytime soaps and chocolate candies were not happening.

It sounds like your husband is a little controlling and you are trying to be the perfect wife. I have SO been there and understand. You hang in there and be strong.

If at first you don't succeed...try...try again!


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JUSTME52's Photo JUSTME52 Posts: 6,546
7/23/08 10:15 P

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Don't be sorry, it's good to get it off your chest. And yes, it's temporary.

Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
Jacquelyn Mitchard

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
~ William James


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JULIED37's Photo JULIED37 Posts: 606
7/23/08 9:16 P

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I totally understand what you are saying about the prioritys change. I think you husband should help you more than it sounds like he does. I did the same things for several years myself. Banking, insurance, schooling at home, child care daily activities, dealing with to children with some learning difficulties, dinner, laundry, housework, you name it. Your list was just like mine. I finally just broke down and told him, I am not super woman and I can not do everything. So I started making lists of his expectations of what he expected me in a day. I even went as far as, asking him to make a schedule that he thought would work or help me. Of course, I listed out everything that I thought he expected, and had him make a list of what he expected. Then I asked him to try and make that all fit into a time frame. He couldn't do it, and that is when he realized that his expectations and mine were more than I could handle in a day. So, I gave the banking business to him. Bills and all, I also requested weekend days off, where he had the kids the whole day so I can do for myself. Then we would switch off. Kind of every other weekend. Then I set days for certain things, like mon and thurs for laundry, dishes daily, bathrooms wed, etc. I don't know that this will help you. I did me and helped my husband understand how full a day is and to back off a little. Goodluck.

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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,522
7/23/08 8:33 P

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Thank you all for your kind support. It means a lot. As the day has ended, I feel vastly unaccomplished, yet a little bit satisfied b/c I listened to some inspirational CDs, and found a little inner peace.

The trouble with prioritizing is that priorities are constantly shifting. For example, my husband wants me to do some learning activities with the kids, but then when he asks me whether I got the mail or fixed that IRS thing, I feel bad when I tell him "No," and I can sense the disappointment over the phone. Maybe it's me doing it to myself, but I can tell that he is thinking that I could and/or should have done it. I don't think he recognizes that I don't do that to HIM.

We have several things that we are working on together, but I think and feel that he expects me to do too much. He expects me (paraphrasing what he has told me in the past) to spend all my time with the kids teaching them patiently, fix all the meals, keep the house clean & smelling nice, the laundry done, and the bank account registers updated. But I also manage the kids' healthcare, take care of insurance issues, keep our son's supplements on hand, update the household budget, taxi the kids, pay the online bills, take the kids to the library at least once a week, clip coupons and do other money-saving things, try to find ways for us to get more for less, and other things that I can't think of right now. I need to be like 8 people at once!

I think I'll post more on this on my blog later, cuz I feel like I'm whining now. Sorry for the rant. Just reminding myself that everything's only temporary is a little bit of relief ...

Edited by: SUMMARAH at: 7/23/2008 (20:33)
Forgive yourself and move on.

"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

"God give me the courage to love with an open heart." - India.Arie


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JUSTME52's Photo JUSTME52 Posts: 6,546
7/23/08 5:24 P

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I know where you're coming from. I have found (through reading many books and talking to my therapist) When I'm not feeling well or having anxiety pretty much all day - I have to PUSH myself to get things done. It is so hard when you're feeling bad BUT when I began to do this I started improving. So, take it one step at a time, decide what you need to get done first and take that first step, turn on music you like and do what you can. Then go outside and walk around taking in the beauty of nature, go back inside and take on your next item.
You can do this! Tell yourself, you can do this!

Cats regard people as warmblooded furniture.
Jacquelyn Mitchard

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind."
~ William James


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JULIED37's Photo JULIED37 Posts: 606
7/23/08 4:15 P

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Totally understand the sensitive time in marriage. Mine is there as well. Making lists and including your son in on it, may help get things done quicker. I don't know how old he is. When I stayed at home and was depressed or anxious, I too did not get alot done. Feel good about what you do get done. Try and prioritize them, to what your husband may find to be the most important and start there. Good Luck, sorry your have a rough day.

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LINDA!'s Photo LINDA! Posts: 89,762
7/23/08 3:04 P

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I am sorry that your day started out like this. I also understand about a husband who seems to think he is the only one that has all the answers....glad you came here to vent. Take care! emoticon

Linda - Florida
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JANJILL's Photo JANJILL Posts: 168
7/23/08 2:06 P

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Hang in there!
It is very hard and stressful to be in a relationship where you have to watch everything you say as to not not upset them. I know how you feel very well.

THEGARDENLADY's Photo THEGARDENLADY Posts: 2,060
7/23/08 1:54 P

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I am here for you....what do you need

Melissa

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"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." --Edward Hickson, "Moral Song"





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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,522
7/23/08 1:46 P

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Hi all. I just got back to Spark yesterday, and yesterday was great. I exercised, journaled my eating, did relaxing things throughout the day. But I have trouble sleeping, so I overslept a little this morning. Awakened to a phone call from my hubby asking me to convert a file for him and email it back. So I got up, got dressed, and then got my son some breakfast (he slept late too, in my bed), then checked my email for the file. A bit later, I got another email from him saying that our son should not be allowed to sleep so late (this is not a daily occurrence), and that he needs more supervised academics throughout the day, all day every day. I did not reply to this email, because we are going through a very sensitive time in our relationship right now, and I did not want to say the wrong thing. I think that he meant well, but just said it very offensively. He does not understand the things I do all day everyday, and thinks he is the only one who does important things. But when I cannot get to what needs to be done because I'm doing something else, he gets upset. Okay. So right now, I feel terribly anxious b/c there are so many things I need to be doing right now, and I feel this terrible terrible guilt about not doing them.

Guess I need some support here, guys.

Forgive yourself and move on.

"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

"God give me the courage to love with an open heart." - India.Arie


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