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TINADEE86's Photo TINADEE86 SparkPoints: (13,782)
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7/13/13 10:03 P

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My ex moved 3 hours away 3 years ago.I got full custody of my kids. Now he is moving back and want full custody. I'm up for shared parenting. A week here and a week there. He is being a butt. So I told him to take me back to court. I will let you know how it goes.

With God all things Are possible!


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JANLYNN32's Photo JANLYNN32 Posts: 132
8/4/11 10:29 A

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Thank you so much for the advice. They have been home now 2 weeks since visitation with their father and we have heard nothing. Waiting to hear and then will decide what to do! It is so nice to know I am not alone and have support.

All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim; have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible. -Orison Swett Marden


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KAKAKALI4's Photo KAKAKALI4 SparkPoints: (11,682)
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8/4/11 9:43 A

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I understand completely what you are saying about not being able to make him do right by your girls! First, let me say that they (men) when in front of a judge tend to be less than forcoming. did your 16 year old get to talk to the judge and tell him why she did not want to go? I mean, if they see that is his behavior than maybe the other one shouldn't have to go alone. That is what I would worry about.
My ex lives less than 20 minutes from me, and hasn't seen his girls in a year - plus hasn't paid his court ordered child support in 5 months. It is a battle, but I found this - I got in contact with my governors office - and they put me in touch with the people above Child Support services - and although I have not seen my full child support yet - it should be corrected this week. They were able to do what the other office gave me the run around on!

You will find that your girls know more than you will ever want them to - and that you can't get them to want a relationship with someone that they knows - doesn't really 'want' then around!

As for driving them there - I wouldn't do it. Test the waters alittle bit - and see 1- if they even want to go or ask to go, and 2- if he does anything or just kinda drops out of sight because he really doesn't want them around, is just feeling like he has too!

I hate to tell you to go against a court order, but it sounds to me like maybe the judge would side with you anyway! In the end, the decision to drive them, is a small one. Keep the faith - with the ages of your girls, hopefully this will be a non-issue before you know it .. and whether he sees them or not .. he still has to pay so don't let that be a concern! Hang in there .. I know how hard it is for you! I am there all the time with my drama .. it is so hard sometimes! But you have a wonderful support system here .. use it and be strong!

Teri

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JUSTJUSTY's Photo JUSTJUSTY Posts: 4,821
8/4/11 12:26 A

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I think perhaps he knows my ex. He has some nerve! So the child support is now court ordered? I know when my ex stopped paying, I didn't have to do anything because it was court ordered. They tracked him down and just took the funds from him, over time of course. Still it sure saves a lot of hassle.

Do you think your girls can see it? That he speaks what others want to hear?

Sorry this is so frustrating. emoticon

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JANLYNN32's Photo JANLYNN32 Posts: 132
8/1/11 10:04 P

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The issue with meeting him half way is when I moved an hour away I had to drive them to and from his house because I was the one that chose to move. It amazes me that he feels since he is moving I should drive them there. We went back to court because he was not paying child support and I was opening the judge would change the order from every other weekend to something that made the girls happier. It all started because he took their room away and packed up their stuff and said they had to earn the right to have a room and their stuff by cleaning his house. the girls said they did not want to go so I took him back to court. But he is good at telling judges and the girls what they need to hear so he does not look so bad. It is so frustrating.

All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim; have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible. -Orison Swett Marden


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JUSTJUSTY's Photo JUSTJUSTY Posts: 4,821
8/1/11 8:56 P

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Hi!! You most definately deserve to have time with your kids on holidays and non-school days.

As far as driving, splitting that seems fair. But I'd prefer him picking up the girls and you retrieving them, but that's me.

I am not sure how often he sees the girls now? How different will it be to "live" with dad every other weekend compared to now? I'd be freaking out! I am so sorry for you. It's hard when things change. I do think that if he hasn't been an active dad thus far, he won't change. You may stress out, set up an elaborate plan for visitation only to find that it doesn't hold anyway. That he falls back into his old ways.

Still, fight fight fight for what you want. I am puzzled why you would take him back to court regarding visitation if the girls didn't want to go? If it's because he was making demands because he was moving, if he is anything like my ex, he'll be all talk and no change. I know you'd prefer that the girls have a relationship with their dad, but you said it, you can't force it. As long as the girls have opporunity there's not much else you can do. I know many out there say to force young ones. My feelings are that if a child is at the age they can explain their reasons for not wanting to visit, I don't think forcing is a good idea at all. Even if their explanation doesn't make total sense.

My step-daughter was 8 when I married her father. He didn't do anything to try and have a relationship with her. Yes, we took her out now and then but mostly, she didn't want to see him (or me?). I used to get so angry because I thought he should be doing more. 12 years later I was blessed with this beautiful young ladies' friendship! We got surprisingly close. She told me that she wasn't ready for her father's attention. She was happy that I never won that battle with him. She said she needed to come to terms on her own. As you see, it took a long time. (she was killed by a drunk driver which is why this sounds past tense, I miss her).

My experience with 11 very different children is that the relationship will happen but it will be on the child's terms. They are going through so much, it takes time to weed through all their feelings.



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JANLYNN32's Photo JANLYNN32 Posts: 132
8/1/11 11:36 A

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My ex is moving 2 plus hours away from his minor children. I have had full custody the whole time, he even tried to get custody once. He has never been an active parent. Does not show up for school plays, swim meets, award ceremonies. Yes, he has come once or twice but not anything you can count on. He does not call or talk to the children when they are with me even though we got the oldest a cell phone so that he did not have to talk to me to talk to them. Anyway, back to question at hand, how do i handle visitation there is nothing in our divorce decree about this and I just took him back to court on visitation because the girls refused to go. He thinks I should drive them there and he will drive them home every other weekend or he should get them every time they are out of school for holidays, teacher workdays, the whole summer vacation and christmas break. I am not okay with this because I deserve holidays and non school time with them as well! Any ideas, I have always tried to encourage my girls to have a good relationship with their father, like call him, see him whenever they can but I have learned I cannot force them to have a good relationship especially when he seems unwilling. My oldest is 16 and the judge told her she did not have to go if she did not want. He told my youngest who is almost 10 that he thought her dad would try harder to spend time with her (he has not). Just not sure what to do in this case. Any ideas?

All who have accomplished great things have had a great aim; have fixed their gaze on a goal which was high, one which sometimes seemed impossible. -Orison Swett Marden


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