We got together the year before last on Christmas eve at the gym. You were insulting to me even then, pointing out that you would call me even though you knew that inside I didn't think I deserved all that you had going on. You thought you were a trainer when I know more about truing than you do from the years I have spent working out in a gym. I gave you my number because it was christmas eve and your attitude towards me changed drastically in the few minutes we spoke, telling me how beautiful I was.
You called three weeks later and asked why i hadn't been at the gym when you had been, that you had been looking for me. I had seen you three times and tried to speak to you and you had brushed me off like lint. You apologized and said you were looking for work because the personal trainer thing wasn't working out as well as you had expected it to. I went out with you, you made me feel happy. You told me that night, on our first date, that you didn't approve of my going to school and not working. You actually said it was waste of your time.
On our third date you knocked my tooth loose and fell over yourself apologizing for it. By the time you brought me home it had become "That tooth needs to come out anyway, I keep telling you that," when we had never had any such conversation.
Every holiday, especially my birthday, you stayed as far away from me as possible eventually calling and saying sarcastically how you knew how holidays were supposed to be spent better than I did. I don't even want to go into that mess but it just hit me as cruel and bizarre that on my birthday you wouldn't even see me, or give me a card. You asked me what I was going to do for you for my birthday because you said you knew that would make me happiest.
Our relationship carried on mostly in your absence because you didn't want to see me much. My grandmother died in January and five days later you picked me yup to have me buy you a birthday gift. Let me point out here that I broke up with you four times and still you called whining and begging me to see you again. What can I say? You are gorgeous and I felt lucky to have you wanting me.
You attacked me that night and I have had a restraining order out since late January. Part of me wants you to be here for the holidays, but you aren't somebody who celebrates holidays or so you told me. You did, you just didn't want anything to do with me. I honestly think you're married and I feel so sorry for anyone who would be married to your pathetic soul that thinking of how much you don't feel makes me feel better.
I wish I hadn't cared for you. I wish it were easy and although I know it's for the best we did have our good times. But together with the bad they don't even out enough to justify what you put me through. I changed gyms because of you, something I shouldn't have had to do. Yes, a lot of it was my paranoia about seeing you and the reality of hearing you say things about me to other woman and men alike.
I want to say merry Christmas but you wouldn't care. You didn't even say Merry Christmas me when we met or the next day, which was christmas.
Leader of WRITERS
co leader of Pushing 40
co leader of Writers and Poets
"We could have save the earth but we were too damned cheap."- Kurt Vonnegut
| Pounds lost: 42.0