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MARYHOLMAN's Photo MARYHOLMAN Posts: 805
6/5/11 12:36 P

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I don't think you should tell friends they are obese--accept them the way they are.
If they want to change and ask for advice, refer them to their doctor who will scare them to death! emoticon

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HOPE_MARIE78's Photo HOPE_MARIE78 SparkPoints: (0)
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4/4/11 3:04 A

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My husband isn't obese or over weight even but he's headed both those place if he doesn't do anything about it. I noticed you also have a goal to get healthier and what worked with him was driving home the fact I need support. When he eats badly around me it tempts me to eat bad as well. He always tells me he's fine with my weight and says I am not obese (I am though). I tell him I want to be healthier and I want him to be healthier as well.

I think now he sees the sodium and fat (chips,pizza, chicken strips) will catch up with him. He still struggles but it helps. I honestly think the most important things to do is not have certain things in the house. Especially "trigger" foods. My husband was one of the pickiest eaters I know he wouldn't eat veggies, beef, fish, pork :p His diet was mainly kraft dinner, chicken, pizza, fries, chips, chicken fingers, and corn. He now eats most of the things he wouldn't before except fish and I would like to see him eat more veggies.

I honestly think if we show them how we want to be healthier and how hard it is when they eat badly then they will eat well to help us.

“Though my soul may set in darkness, It will rise in perfect light, I have loved the stars too fondly To be fearful of the night” ~Sarah Williams



"When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives." - Ned Stark ~A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin



"Winter is coming" Stark House Motto ~George R.R. Martin A Song of Ice and Fire Series
NJORDGAL's Photo NJORDGAL Posts: 1,484
2/17/11 2:25 P

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Yup, sounds like my house.


Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese Proverb


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FYREDANCER13's Photo FYREDANCER13 Posts: 39
2/17/11 2:18 P

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Yes! I try to tell him that a 6oz steak is MORE than enough and he gives me a face like "you're kidding right?" *sigh*

Luckily I do all of the meal planning/grocery shopping in the household. Everything we plan for dinner is healthy. I buy cereal for myself and oatmeal for him (his request) along with fruit. I asked him what he wanted for lunch (he is a full-time student as well) and he said soup. So I bought him the cans of low sodium hearty soups, but he tends to "forget" them and ends up buying fast food. *headdesk*

The biggest problems are him remembering the lunches I buy for him AND to curb his snacking. These snacks tend to be popcorn with loads of melted butter (I bought an air popper so I could have popcorn without oil popping or tons of butter) or cheese sandwiches (two slices of buttered bread and three slices of cheese!!!). That's just at home. I don't know if those choices are worse or better when he's not home.

I'd take him grocery shopping with me so he can pick out healthy food for himself, but he detests the crowds at the stores and ends up being a PITA while I'm looking at food (making sure I get the right ingredients for the best price).

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NJORDGAL's Photo NJORDGAL Posts: 1,484
2/17/11 1:31 P

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When you figure it out, let me know :) Telling my husband that we need to eat better resulted in "But we do eat well! Look at this meal, 10 oz steaks for everyone, 1/2 cup broccoli, and 1/2 cup rice! What is wrong with it?"

emoticon

It's harder because he does most of the cooking, so I can't even sneak more veggies in on him (I work full time, he's a full time student)

Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese Proverb


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SUMMERWITCH's Photo SUMMERWITCH SparkPoints: (1,552)
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2/17/11 1:27 P

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It does sound like you have reason to worry. Unfortunately, as all of us on here know, you have to want to do it. Your wanting it (good health) for him isn't enough. He needs to want it for himself.

Maybe print out this thread and just leave it for him to read. Maybe he needs to know how worried you're becoming.

I am in my happy place.
My happy place is in my magical circle.
ANYONE trying to enter my happy place uninvited will be turned into a toad.


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FYREDANCER13's Photo FYREDANCER13 Posts: 39
2/17/11 1:21 P

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The only time that "looks" have come into play, was just recently when we were purging clothes to donate. He had a few dress shirts that I loved on him that were too small. I let him know that I *really* liked those shirts on him and suggested we put them in storage instead of donating them.
I probably should have put a different title on this thread - I am concerned with his health. He snores so loud that a lot of nights I have to sleep on the couch (even with earplugs in). Since its something that has gotten worse with his weight gain I'm worried he'll develop heart problems if he doesn't lose the extra weight.
I am worried that he doesn't recognize that his health is at stake. Since he hasn't eluded to being self-conscious about his weight, it seems that the only real reason he has to lose the weight is because I've asked him to. Which, as most of us know, you have to want it for yourself if its going to work.
So, it really should be - how do I encourage a loved one to live a healthy lifestyle?

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NJORDGAL's Photo NJORDGAL Posts: 1,484
2/17/11 12:38 P

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Have you taken the approach that you don't care how he looks, you're worried about his health?

I know my husband was way more open to that. Not that he's done a whole lot (he's better about walking around campus, and has toned down his Mt. Dew habit by about 1/3...)

Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese Proverb


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SUMMERWITCH's Photo SUMMERWITCH SparkPoints: (1,552)
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2/17/11 12:24 P

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I don't know that telling someone they're obese is the way to go. Telling them that you are worried about their health (if that's what is is) is getting to the important topic. You've raised some of it with him already. Now maybe show him a healthier life. I don't "remind" myself to exercise. I take a walk with my daughter as my plan to attachment parent her. I park further away from any place I am going into. Little things add up. As for the snacks, try and figure out what texture or taste he is searching for and find healthier alternatives. Then as you both get healthy and he loses a little weight, you can readdress the obese (fat) part of it.

Best wishes for your future plans.

I am in my happy place.
My happy place is in my magical circle.
ANYONE trying to enter my happy place uninvited will be turned into a toad.


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FYREDANCER13's Photo FYREDANCER13 Posts: 39
2/17/11 10:53 A

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After doing the calculations I learned my fiance is in the obese range for his BMI (taking his frame size as a factor as well). I have been trying to work with him to cut sodium, fat and overall reduce his food intake to a healthy level (he likes to snack) and to add exercise.

Every time I bring it up he gets defensive (mostly with the line "I'm not uncomfortable with the way I look") even though I am only looking out for his health.

We want to start a family in the next few years and I am worried that if this continues there will be serious health issues down the road. A friend of his died a little over a year ago from diabetes that was left untreated. I have expressed my concerns in the most genuine way I can, but it still doesn't seem to have gotten through.

He will exercise when I remind him to and will eat healthy meals that I prepare, but I can't constantly be reminding him and making choices for him. I'm really at a loss for how to encourage him to live a healthier life.

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