I am so sorry for your loss.
Grief, loss, guilt, fear, anger, depression...you may be experiencing any or all of these feelings.
Their is no "right" or "normal" way to feel when someone who has been part of our lives dies. Each individual experiences this in a different way.
Your feelings are important and need to be honored and processed as they come up for you. Sometimes it is useful to consult a "grief counselor". Perhaps there is a priestess in your spiritual community who can go through this with you.
You may feel the need to talk out your feelings, or express them in another way, as in art, music, movement. This process is important and meaningful.
Suppression of your feelings is not a healthful option, yet uncontrolled catharsis may not be safe for you. This is where your priestess, shamanic healer, or grief counselor can help - being present for you, listening, witnessing, and holding you in safety.
You may know that Hel is the patroness and protectress of those who die in illness, and the comforter to the grieving. There may be Another in your personal belief structure Who plays a similar role. Many women in my community apply to Kwan Yin for Her comfort and help.
This is a natural but difficult process, made even more difficult because our Western culture wants to hide it in a corner after 5 minutes of high drama.
There will be those who will want you to "just get over it". These folks have not faced and processed their own feelings about death.
Perhaps there is someone in your spiritual community who will babysit for you, but, if not, go to your personal sacred space to ritualize this event.
Goddess is with you,
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