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TOPIC:   March and April Support and Chat 


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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
5/1/12 11:49 A

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emoticon Move to May and June so we can attract new members to the thread.



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GRAMMACATHY
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4/30/12 1:54 A

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For me it was certain hymns in Church that were meaningful to my parents that set off the tears. It makes it hard to go to church. It is a blessing your husband is so understanding.



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TRESA7
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4/29/12 12:33 P

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Hello, everybody. I watched a movie last night in which someone's father died suddenly. It reminded me of my mom's death and I felt sad. I told DH and he reminded me that grief takes longer for some people than others. He also said that I'd always see things like that and be reminded of my loss.

DH is so understanding and helpful. I thank God for him.



It's not how many times you fall that matters; it's how many times you get up. - Anonymous

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers


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JIACOLO
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4/29/12 10:46 A

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Cathy...thanks for the info! It sounds easier than planting a garden for sure. I will have to look at it more and see if it is something that will work for me. Good luck going to see your husband tomorrow.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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TOTHEFUTURE1
TOTHEFUTURE1's Photo Posts: 5,036
4/29/12 7:57 A

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Hope you can find some help in the reports

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/29/12 3:17 A

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A workshop would be wonderful. My neighbors have four bales planted.

GD is running 102 temp. DD stayed home from work to care for her. It seems respiratory.

DH called and said the lab results were back and he has congestive heart failure along with the copd and that his kidney function is not improving with the new medicine. He is not suppose to take any more ibuprofen. I am going to go to the city to visit him tomorrow and read the reports myself.



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TOTHEFUTURE1
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4/28/12 2:28 A

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Love blueberries but I haven't had any success myself. I went to a workshop on strawbale gardening. I have my place for sale so I plan to do it in my new place.

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/27/12 11:29 A

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strawbalegardens.com/

It has been very simple. Cheaper than hiring someone to rototill and also gets my food plants higher than the dogs like to pee. The first 2 bales, I dug into the straw, set my plants and mounded up potting soil around them. The second 2 I sprinkled a packet of seeds across the top and layered on two inches of potting soil. The theory is that the seeds can take root in the potting soil and as the straw bales decompose they also provide a nice growing medium. At the end of the season, just rake the remaining straw around the garden area and you have a nice winter mulch to hold the weeds down. This is my first year. So far it has been very kind to my older back. I want more bales too. I want a bale for tomatoes, one for cukes, and one for pumpkins. I also want to grow beans and sunflowers. I want to plant nasturtiums around the outer edges, but haven't found nasturtium seeds yet. Need to go to a different store this morning before work. When I get the plants going, I will post some pictures.

www.compassionfatigue.org/pages/compassion
fatigue.html
This link describes so many of us that are caregivers. Especially, those in the special ed field. See if it doesn't hit home with you.



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JIACOLO
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4/27/12 7:08 A

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Okay...how do you grow plants in bales of hay? I am curious!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/27/12 1:52 A

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Janine, Congrats on your Relay for Life job. It is a nice way to connect with Jan.

Future, I have four bales so far. I have kale in one, I planted plants in that one. I put lettuce seeds with soil in another. I have zuchinni seeds and soil in another and the last I planted two blueberry bushes in. One of the bushes has berries too.

Did I tell you we got more mail for Dad. This was from AARP. He has been gone ten years and would be 103 in May. I love that we are getting these. It is like a message from Heaven from him.



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TOTHEFUTURE1
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4/25/12 5:26 A

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Thanks for letting us know about Anie's Dad
I can only use one arm to mow and it sure makes it harder What are you growing? I have some tomato plants.

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/24/12 8:06 P

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Annie's father has passed away.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=ANNIESAD
VENTURE


I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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JIACOLO
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4/24/12 2:40 P

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I have become chairperson for our Relay For Life. My brother, Jan, was a survivor speaker and ambassador for Relay 10 years ago. Every time I speak about supporting the American Cancer Society, I feel like I am continuing his vision and his work. It feels good to be involved and to provide support for the community in such a big way. It certainly keeps me going day to day.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/23/12 11:54 A

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The good memories do sustain us and help us move forward. I imagine Dad is just shaking his head over my straw bale gardening, but at least grinning because I am trying.

Between the two of us DD and I got the lawn mowed last night. I can't start the machine and she hates mowing, so every time the lawn mower quit, she came out and started it for me and I mowed. The yard looks so much nicer.



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TOTHEFUTURE1
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4/23/12 5:08 A

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My good memories by far outweight any sadness.

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/22/12 6:34 P

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Kat posted on another thread. Thank goodness. She helped to bring me through one of my rougher years. I hope we can all think warm positives for her during this coming anniversary month for her.



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GRAMMACATHY
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4/22/12 1:06 P

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Thanks. She is still active on FB. I checked. So I guess she is okay, just focused on her FB games.

Here is the link to the best straw bale website strawbalegardens.com/ It is so easy. I want more bales.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/22/12 12:56 P

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I can't link to her page either. I've missed her. I hope everything is okay. Let us know if you hear from her.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/22/12 12:54 P

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Thank you for the link. I posted on Annie's blog.

Comfort. I love that word. It reminds me of Grandma, the rocking chair, a good book and her chocolate chip cookies in the oven. I find comfort in writing, in Sparking and in walking the dog.

I always shoot for serenity and peace. It is there that I find happiness. I think I will add comfort to that repertoire.

I hope you found peace and serenity at the reunion.

All, I seem to have lost Kat. I can't link to her Spark Page. Can any of you link to her page? Think I will try her on Facebook.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/22/12 9:43 A

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I understand about the family reunion. I hope the good memories outweigh the bad.

Here is a link to a friend's page who has been living in anticipatory grief for some time and her Dad is deteriorating rapidly.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.
asp?id=ANNIESADVENTURE


Edited by: WARMSPRINGDAY at: 4/22/2012 (10:02)
I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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TOTHEFUTURE1
TOTHEFUTURE1's Photo Posts: 5,036
4/22/12 7:37 A

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Family reunion today always brings memories both good and bad but a nice time

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/22/12 1:21 A

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Cathy, tell me more about your straw bale garden. Or did you talk about it and I missed it?

Linda, contentment - well said. And I find the more grateful I become, the more content I am. It's not a delirious loud happiness, but a deep settled satisfaction and peace. You certainly are a blessing on this team. I constantly look forward to your comments and posts, because you are always so refreshing. I'm thankful for this place of rest in your brother's condition. God gives us places of rest in our life situations just when we need them.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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LINDAF49
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4/21/12 9:58 P

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My devotional reading this morning was in Luke 3 and I always try to find a short phrase or series of words to carry through my day. This morning it was " Bear fruit...Share...Be content". Several of the most recent posts have mentioned happiness and as I get older I find that I would rather feel contentment - that gentle cross between happiness and peace.
I pray that my presence on this team has helped others and I thank you especially Cathy for the help you have been to me ...so I continue to try to bear fruit of blessing each one here with my sharing of healing and learning through the valley of grief and to encourage the contentment I am finding in most of my areas of grief - my preparatory stages continue to be part of my daily walk but am being blessed with a quiet time of improvement in my brothers' health issues for a time.

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/21/12 8:28 P

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I am so happy for you. Happiness can be found on line with our friend's joy at sharing time with their loved one.

Sun is shining and I am too hot. We went from the 40s and 50s to mid 70s. I will adapt and be thrilled. The ball park has been busy all day. I spent most of the day cleaning house. DD watched the shop. She had lot's of relatives visit her, so I am glad she was there. I also got my kale planted in my straw bale garden. I am really excited about this style of gardening. Can't wait to see how it works out.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/21/12 11:06 A

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"So when will you feel happiness again? Is it possible that happiness may be about acceptance rather than about having fun? Happiness can be found all around. If you start with the beauty all around you like the trees, flowers, lakes and oceans. You can find happiness in that moment of beauty and serenity." ~JoAnne Fuchs - Heartache to Healing

My Dad took us out to dinner last night for our anniversary. My heart leaped and sang when I heard his voice on the answering machine suggesting it. The empty chair was gaping, but not quite as in your face as it has been. It was a magical evening to store away in my memory bank.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/15/12 1:45 A

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Thelma, I hope that you get your wish. I really think you will soon. You may have had some dreams already, that you just don't remember.

I have had some very pleasant dreams. I even dreamed about my uncle after he died and felt (in the dream) that mom had something to do with the resolution her baby brother and I arrived at. What is it with mom's? Dad and I were best friends and I spent more time with him as a child, yet, I am sure he is farming in his heaven and sometimes checking on me, but mom is always there when I need her and sometimes when I am not looking for her.

The dreams I have had about my sister, she is usually angry at me that I found her. I am not sure what a psychologist would do with that one. I loved her so much, but was pretty mad she had not taken better care of herself.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/14/12 9:02 P

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I can't say that I've ever felt that; although my sister says she has. I would just like to dream about my Mom. A good dream, not one where she is dying or talking about me, but talking to me. It's been a really tough week!

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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JIACOLO
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4/14/12 7:26 P

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Cathy....at times I am certain my mom is with me. I can feel her and smell her very distinct scent that cannot be duplicated. She is brought me comfort and reassurance at times that I really needed it. I wish I felt the same about my brother, Jan. I long to feel that same reassurance that he is with me. It makes me feel abandoned when I really long to feel him near.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/14/12 11:25 A

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amazing isn't it. Also, just knowing that you are all here when I am having troubles coping. I know I am not alone.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/14/12 11:17 A

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I believe reaching out to others has helped me more than any other one single thing
emoticon

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


 Pounds lost: 53.0 
 
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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/14/12 12:19 A

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Thank you Linda. It is the reaching out to others in this team that helped me find my peace.



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LINDAF49
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4/13/12 11:10 P

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Cathy, I rejoice with you! It is so blessed to have hours then days then finally a good comfort zone of healing in our lives - and I am so thankful for your good report. and out reach to others too. Gentle hugs and many smiles.

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/13/12 10:51 P

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Sending hugs. emoticon


It took a few years, but I finally feel Mom is around me when I need her and I don't feel that longing and sadness that I used to feel. I pray that you will eventually find that peace too.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/13/12 8:43 P

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Feel like I'm having a grief setback this week. I really miss my Mom.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
GRAMMACATHY's Photo Posts: 18,969
4/8/12 2:29 A

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For most of you it is Easter already. Even if this is not a day you celebrate, I am wishing each of you a blessed Sunday.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/7/12 9:35 P

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Janine, that is sad that they are missing the blessings that they still have. Hopefully with time and healing they will open up to the family more. I trust you will have a good day with your other family members on Easter.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


 Pounds lost: 53.0 
 
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JIACOLO
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4/7/12 7:07 P

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We will be going to my SIL's again for Easter dinner, just like Christmas. Sadly my in-laws are still not able to hold family dinners after my BIL's passing a year ago. It's really sad because it has fragmented the family even more than it was. I know it is hard to move forward after losing a child, but they are losing the rest of the family because they have closed themselves off to all of us. Hopefully they will find themselves in a place to be back with the rest of the family again soon.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/7/12 10:14 A

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My, we are a quiet group right now.

I'll be having Easter dinner at my Dad's. Sister and I will be preparing the meal together. We'll have a mid day meal. Then my sister and her husband from out of town will be joining us in the evening. My Dad was so excited about them coming. I rejoice in every moment of joy that I see him experience. Should be a blessed day. Just a little bit easier the second Easter without Mom. So many memories of good times over the past with Mom over the Easter holiday. I can remember times when I had a job that treated Good Friday as a holiday. Just for fun, my husband and I would sleep over at Mom and Dad's on Friday night and Mom and I would make a special breakfast together. I am blessed to have these memories.

A friend of mine is approaching the 1st anniversary of her husband's death. If you would like to stop by, here is a link to her blog where she mentions it:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.
asp?id=JFROGDIVA


Blessed Easter to each of you.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/1/12 1:20 P

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She is incredible. If you look at the pictures of her Dad you will see serene grace. I am sure she got her strength from her parents.

I also stopped by Rosie's page. I truly enjoy her too. She misses her husband still.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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4/1/12 1:11 P

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Thank you. I stopped by her page. What courage in the face of pain.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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4/1/12 1:04 P

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I too have a link to share to a dear friend's page. Her father is on hospice. He was an incredible man and lived a good life. www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=4811705




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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/31/12 2:36 P

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One of our team members, ROSIEJ1942, is at the four-year anniversary of her husband's passing if you care to stop by.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=4808025


I have beef thawed to can today, but am fighting a terrible headache. If I knew it would help and I wouldn't sleep all day, I'd take a nap then can my beef. But . . .

Was hoping to go with my Dad to a local Lion fundraiser pancake dinner today, but it didn't work out.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/31/12 11:36 A

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I wish we could post the grief credo on the team description area. I wonder if it is too long.



So trying to do the math. I think it has been 11 years today since Dad passed away. He would want me to get up, get productive and think positive thoughts about him. I never realized he died the day before April Fools. Kind of wish I had a better sense of humor.

Still cold and rainy, but we might get thunderstorms this afternoon. That is always fun and energizing. At least for me.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/31/12 5:40 A

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Thank you, Linda. I stopped over and read it - love it.

Strange how grief takes twists and turns that we never expected. It has been much harder than I ever expected. But all in all, I feel that through it all, I've become stronger and more compassionate. If nothing good would come from the experience, then it would be wasted would it not.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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LINDAF49
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3/30/12 10:14 P

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I just posted a precious writing from Facebook's "Writing through your Grief" in the resources section.
It has been precious for me in grief of years past and a more recent one and also shared it with my brother this week as we talked about the death of our mama 6.5 years ago and her birthday this past week.

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/27/12 5:29 A

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So thankful for even small bits of healing in each of our lives.
emoticon

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/27/12 12:02 A

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Janine, I am glad you were able to do something to honor your Mom and help your healing and coping. My Mom's bday was the 17th. I always grieved this time of year because we moved Mom and Dad to assisted living, she had her birthday and he died all in a span of three weeks. I was able to recognize the grief and have a St. Patrick's dinner at the grange in their memories last year and finally enjoyed March for the first time in years.

My uncle passed away at age 90 recently. Before he died, he informed me my aunt's funeral was for family only, then more recently when I inquired about my grandpa's farm, he accused me of wanting to plagiarize his writings. I never contacted him again after the last shut down. I always felt a little bad about that. But, I had a dream about him Saturday that had us walking on a beach near a river. He kept getting younger and healthier and just before I woke he was starting to get his vision back. He was funny and kind. I remember wondering if Mom had a good talk with him and pointed out to him that I really was family and could be trusted. Whatever this vision was, it was healing. Mom raised him too, so it makes since she would have been working to help us.



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JIACOLO
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3/26/12 7:32 P

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Thank you ladies. It is funny when I reflect on the weekend. I was in a horribly foul mood on Saturday. There was little that got my out of it. Yet Sunday I did pretty good. I am sure Saturday was in response to my mom.

Linda.....hope you had a good day as well!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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LINDAF49
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3/26/12 7:10 P

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Janine, My Moms birthday is the 25th also - I felt a longing to talk with her this year - not so much sadness, just wished to sit and talk to her about DH health, daughter's recovery from the fire and the terrible pain of no word from son in six and a half years - sometimes, I just need to hear her voice assuring me to " laugh, love and lift" ... her saying. I finally found comfort by getting out her Bible and reading passages she had underlined. I am blessed with the wonderful Christian heritage she left me.

((HUGS)) for you and for each on this team that has their own losses and learning to ♫walk on throught storm♫ God Bless you = = = EVERYone!!!

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/25/12 3:29 P

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Hugs, Janine. I know how difficult those birthdays can be. I had coffee with my Dad yesterday, too; and I treasure those moments. I hope your day is blessed.

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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JIACOLO
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3/25/12 11:36 A

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Today would have been my mom's 69th birthday. I plan to pass the day keeping myself busy so that I am not tempted to eat and I don't dwell on the sadness. Had coffee with my dad and will go out with my brother later. That will help.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/23/12 12:18 P

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December, January and February were pretty mild for that time of year. It is March that has been unseasonably cold. We do have forsythia, daffodils and camellia blooming and freezing their toes. The trees have not got brave enough to send out buds yet.

Heading to shop. Better get a move on.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/23/12 5:37 A

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Spring seems to be here in the mid-Atlantic

Daffodils
Pink and White trees in bloom
Forsythia
Spirea
Trees greening

A profusion of color - lifts my heart in awe to the Creator.

Supposed to get a cold snap this weekend, I'm a bit concerned for fruit trees. I feel like we've barely had winter this year.

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I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/22/12 12:24 P

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Just checking in. Still rain/snow mixed for several weeks. It is so wet and cold here. I just know Spring is around the corner. I will think positive. The shop is coming along well. We were actually open yesterday and I am sure I should get down there right now and open despite the weather. Think I will go in at 11:30. I have another collage of it posted on my Spark Page. You can see the progress.



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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/20/12 4:58 A

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Rachel, welcome and thank you for sharing so freely from your heart. Please know that what you are experiencing is not unusual in the grief process. I gained weight as well after losing my Mom and some other stressful situations and am struggling to get back on track. I can identify very well with the feelings you have expressed. Taking care of yourself is important, because you still have others in your life that love and need you. I am proud of your desire to get back on track. I know it's difficult, but we can do it together. Praying for peace and healing in your heart as you move forward in your journey of grief.
emoticonemoticon

I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17111


I am doing a virtual walk across America
exercise.lbl.gov


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/20/12 1:51 A

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Hi Rachael, I am so sorry for your loss. I have written a lengthy response on the Welcome Thread. I do think for as young as you are you have shown some real maturity in wanting to be able to grieve and move forward so you can be there for your husband and family. Know that the grief will come in waves and cycles. Did the hospital hook you up with grief resources? Are you familiar with the stages of grieving? If not, I can post some links to some good online resources for you. Please let me know. I found it helpful to understand the stages and that what I was feeling was normal for other people. I lost my sister about 25 years ago. I was afraid I was losing my mind, but was able to shed the fear and the guilt after reading about the stages and just focus on the process of grieving and healing. You will find balance in your life eventually, even though you will always miss your girls. Praying for peace and serenity for you.



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JIACOLO
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3/19/12 5:19 P

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Rachel....my heart goes out to you for you loss! I pray that you find the support and strength you need to get through this. Your previous success in getting healthy is encouraging. I pray you find your way back there to a healthy place again.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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RJC246
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3/19/12 1:49 P

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Hello Everyone...
My name is Rachel, I am 24 years old from Upstate NY and I am trying to get back into sparkpeople after a pretty rough start to 2012. Last year, I had successfully lost 80lbs and joined the "20 Somethings with under 20lbs" to lose team (or something like that). I was so proud of myself! It took me almost 2 years but I did it. Everything changed in August 2011. I found out I was pregnant, and, a day before my wedding in September 2011 I found out I was not only pregnant, I was pregnant with twins. I looked fantastic for my wedding and felt great knowing we were going to have two new additions to our family (my husband already has two children!). In November we found out we would be having identical twin girls :-) We chose the names Gwendolyn Joan Ruth and Genevieve Jolene Emerson (middle names are family names) and we were counting down the days until April 15th! Naturally, I was gaining weight but I felt that it was okay because I was pregnant with twins, and there wasnt much I could eat besides carbs in the first few months that didn't make me sick! I will admit, I might have overindulged a bit!
Then our world came crashing down around us. On December 21st, 2011, we lost our daughters Gwen and Evie. I went into pre-term labor and there was nothing they could do to stop it. At 21 weeks, my beautiful angels were just too small to be saved. I have never in my life had to experience something as painful as this. The world is not supposed to work this way. Parents should never have to bury their children. I left the hospital almost 20lbs lighter than when I went in, and with two pieces of my heart forever missing.
While I have said to myself many times since then that I am going to re-dedicate myself to a healthy lifestyle, I haven't been able to do it. I have eaten so much fast food in the last 3 months, I am sick of it. I rarely have the energy to cook at home and I have no interest in healthy foods. Part of me says this is the one thing I can control in my life right now and the other part says why bother, it isn't worth it. I lost the thing most important to me and nothing matters now. But, I want to try again and I am turning to all of you for support. It is not going to be easy. I really would just rather give up and stay in bed the rest of my life. But I'm still going to try. I can't do it without help though, and when I say help, I will really need a ton. I hate the way I look now, I hate the way I feel. I am embarassed. I have gained back over 40lbs that I had lost and I just feel disgusting. We are considering trying to get pregnant again at the end of the year and I know this weight will only make it more difficult and potentially dangerous given my history.
So...there it is. I'm asking for help. I have 61 pounds to lose to get to where I want to be.





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GRAMMACATHY
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3/18/12 4:50 P

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Thanks for the sympathy. The hanging happened in the 1930s before I was born. I just wanted to write about it, because it was part of the story of Dad's move from Kansas to Oregon during the dust bowl. I know it impacted him, just from my memories of him talking about it. Some of the difficulty is the not knowing. People assumed my uncle committed suicide, but there was no evidence of that either or foul play. I had a friend almost lose her son. She had adopted several special needs children and when he did not come up the stairs, she asked one of the adopted boys where her son was and he replied. We were downstairs playing hangman. She raced down to find her 8 year old hanging and turning blue. When she got him down, she asked what happened. He had accidentally kicked the chair out from under himself and the other kids had already gone upstairs. So you can be sure that was the last time they played hangman. As I wrote in my story for the event, I pray that Uncle Kenneth was playing and just had an accident, the he was not so miserable to want to end his life.


I too am okay with people using this website as needed. Sometimes we just need a break from some of the sadness and reminders and it is a good idea to step away. For me it is like a 12 step program and this is my 12th step of giving back to all the kind people who supported me during times of sadness and grief. I have been pretty blessed in my life. I just want enough of us watching for posts from new people to help as needed and I think most of our leaders are willing to do that. It is a good team. It has served it's purpose well.

Regarding before and after, I think there will always be time references with your Mom. Mom and Dad have been gone 8 and 11 years and the kids and I are always trying to remember if something occurred when Mom was still alive or both her and Dad. Also, the moves and new jobs are time markers too, you just aren't so aware of them as being a focal point.

Yesterday we wore some of Mom's green pins to honor her St. Patrick's Day birthday. It was a nice gesture and it was my DDs idea.

Have a blessed day.




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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/18/12 8:46 A

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Dear me, I've been absent from this thread, and have read all your posts to catch up on news.

Cathy, I'm so sorry for your loss and the additional hurt that surrounds it. Praying that you will find God's healing and comfort. Don't be so hard on yourself. This sounds like it has surfaced old wounds and healing takes time.
emoticon

You may want to stop by this team member's great blog. She took a difficult step since her boyfriend's passing in reaching out to one of his sons that was somewhat alienated. I pray God may use her courage to bring more healing in her life and the son's.
www.sparkpeople.com/blogsub.asp?id=370788

And some support for this team member who lost her mother in December and just passed her Mother's first birthday since her loss.
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.
asp?id=WILDLOTUS16


I think about the people on this team that were active when I started, but no longer post. I miss them and their contributions. But, on the other hand, I think this is a good thing, when individuals experience healing to the point that they don't need this support anymore. So I think that I should be thankful for that. I do keep touch with some of them through their blogs and friend feeds.

I had a really emotional day yesterday. Seemed like all of my grief from so many things just welled up inside me and kept spilling out. I visited my Dad and had a cup of coffee with him and he was emotional too. But we had such a special visit.

It seems like I've gotten into a rut of measuring time with before and after my Mom's death. Like I'm segmenting things - this happened before Mom died, this happened after she died. Has anyone else experienced this? I don't like it. Feeling like I'd just like life to be normal again, but realizing this is the new normal. I went through a period where I felt like healing was going well, but right now, I feel like I've fallen back through time.

Praying a blessed week for each of you.



Edited by: WARMSPRINGDAY at: 3/18/2012 (09:26)
I am a finisher!

WHATEVER IT TAKES!

I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

I have a choice!

Co-Leader of Team "Lost a Loved One"
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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I am doing a virtual walk across America
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GRAMMACATHY
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3/13/12 11:54 P

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It was tough writing about it. I have struggled with how to do it for six months.

Today was pleasant. Trying to print something right now for GD.



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TOTHEFUTURE1
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3/13/12 11:40 P

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Iron suplement? Your writting course sounds great. Suicide is too emotive

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


GRAMMACATHY
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3/12/12 1:36 A

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Enjoyed writers guild yesterday. I finally got a handle on writing about the accident/suicide? hanging that occurred in the early 1930s. I could not write directly about it, but about how two women responded to it. My family will never know what really happened and it sure impacted the two generations ahead of me, enough that both my cousin and I often talk about it. One more generation and the incident will be lost except for our journals and the death certificate.

Now I can move on to more pleasant subjects such as a three year old with wet and wild curls licking a chain link fence post during a ball game.



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TOTHEFUTURE1
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3/12/12 12:30 A

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Enjoy your new greenhouse

To my Sp friends
"How can life be true without friends" Enius
Thanks for extending your friendship to me


GRAMMACATHY
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3/10/12 1:36 A

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Just realizing what was going on helped me.

We have had several sunny days in a row. If I had known, I would have swamped out the garage. Rain has been predicted for the last two days.

The new greenhouse is all assembled. It took me two hours this morning and is just perfect. I can stand in it when it rains when I let the dogs out in the back yard. The veggies can be started early and last longer for my juicing and I can nurture some house plants in there. It may be compact, but it has several shelves.

I bought a mirror and a ledger and a filing case for my DDs new business. I am getting in the mood for it. Tomorrow morning I am going down there again and try to finish painting one wall for her.



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CINDERRELIC
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3/8/12 8:09 A

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I am sorry for your loss, Cathy. Sending hugs. Letting things go is a good thing, sometimes it can be done quickly and sometimes it takes time. You will find what is right for you.

Strength Training:
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands -- and then eat just one of the pieces." - Judith Viorst

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Astronomy Club Team
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Team co-leader of Spark Musicians. Come join us!
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COGS: Christian Oha


JIACOLO
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3/8/12 7:30 A

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Cathy....I am sorry to hear about your uncle. My prayers are with you and your family.
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If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/8/12 1:49 A

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Thank you Ladies for the encouragement with the writing. Janine, one of these days you will retire before you know it and then you can start writing for fun too.

My uncle passed away yesterday morning. He was my Sis's favorite uncle. So she is pretty teary eyed about this. I don't know what I think. He was 90 and in poor health and totally blind. He adored my mom since she raised him and he adored my oldest Sis who was smart, funny and pretty, and he was good friends with my Dad. They went to all the Senior dances together. My uncle was a very good dancer. My cousin gave me a dvd to copy of both our dad's dancing at a senior dance class. Most of the video was of Uncle as he was the great dancer, but my Dad rotates by the camera a few times. It was so sweet to see him doing something fun again.

Guess I am feeling a little agitated, and maybe low today. I snapped at my girls and regret it. However, GD was very nice to me this evening when I got back from Portland. My problem is that I don't know how I should behave or what I should do. This uncle was also my favorite at one time too, but in recent years, he informed me that only family could come to my aunts funeral service. I was not invited. And when I inquired about his writings so that I could get a better feel of Grandpa's farm for a story I was writing based on my six year old memories, he accused me of wanting to read it so I could plaigerize his writing. No, he was not senile. He just was not happy with me for some reason and yes that rejection hurts. Again his funeral is only for the family although my cousin who is my age and was one of my best childhood friends said that I could come if I really wanted to, but she and her brother had plenty of family around them so I didn't need to come to support them.

Gack, I am really unloading here. I did not realize how hurt and selfish I have been feeling. Guess I need to grow up. People are human and make mistakes and I need to get over both my own and others too. I do love my extended family, and it is better and healthier to forgive all parties including myself.

Thanks for listening.



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JIACOLO
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3/7/12 9:40 P

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Cathy...I used to write many years ago. I often think about getting back into it, but time doesn't allow much for that now. Keep up the great work!

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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LINDAF49
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Cathy, glad you are doing this writing ... yes it is cathartic and creative or renewing at the same time . What a blessing for you at this stage in your life and the stories you are writing will be treasures for you family for years to come.

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
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GRAMMACATHY
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Linda, Thank you. Generativity (sp?) is the million dollar word for this stage of development when we have a need to give back all the wonderful love and help that has come our way. You just gave back to me.

I have been struggling with writing a portion of the Kansas to Oregon trip my Dad's family made in 1932. I wanted to write about my uncle's suicide, and have tackled it several times head on, with no success because I can't identify, but maybe I need to write it from the point of view of someone trying to comfort a loved one. No one knows if it was an accident from a teen goofing off or if it was on purpose, and I think that is why it haunts me and I need to include it in my story. I know my dad felt responsible for his younger brother as he was the oldest living male at home at the time. I know I have written about him before on this thread. I feel like it is a necessary component for the story. .......So I wrote a couple paragraphs for Writers Guild. We will see how it flies at the next meeting. Think I will rewrite a couple other pages to share too. Writing is sure cathartic. (I looked up cathartic to make sure I was using it right. I means purging of emotions through art.) Perfect word for the day.



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LINDAF49
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Cathy I love what you wrote...."Healing and coping is a cycle. It is good to give ourselves permission to ride through the waves of grief and then do like Thelma's dad and look for the positive. Balance and love is what we strive for not perfection."

Healing and coping
permission to grieve
Look for positive
Balance and Love ...not perfection
Wow ... that is so good - tucking it into my journal!

Linda F in WA state
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an abundant life!


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GRAMMACATHY
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Thanks. I think Dad's problems started when they built the two newer houses above this one. It probably never occurred to him that this house basement was dry at one time. This is the second oldest house on the block. The five houses higher are all newer. I would like to reclaim the basement, but probably too much work and expense. Although I do think some drains might help. Well when the city brings in the equipment to start excavating I will call and check to see what their plan is for the drainage. I am hoping they will put in a cute little dry pond that can fill up as needed. Then we might get some ducks too. LOL. Just kidding, but that system has worked well at the local Assisted Living facility. A marsh would look lovely with water irises and cattails. It would be a haven for mosquitoes, bats and birds. Of course it is a mosquito haven now. So that won't be a change. Fun things to look forward to. I do mean that. I am very fond of our little brown bats and will do my best to encourage them around here, but since the lot is city owned, I guess they will probably just spray. Oh well. If they do a really good job with the drainage, I will see about reclaiming the basement.



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CINDERRELIC
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Cathy, check to see if you have any laws about water drainage. Here we have laws that state that if a person does anything on their property they have to make sure that it does not change the water runoff to drain on someone else's property. We found that out when a guy was leveling a neighbors lawn and fixed it where it would drain off on my mom's property which was lower. I called the city and pretty soon a guy was out there telling the man that he could level the property but he had to fix it so that no water from their property drained on to the neighbor's property. He got really mad because he thought he was a big shot and shouldn't have to follow the rules but he had to do what was required to prevent run off water. The neighbors themselves had the decency to apologize for their employees poor behavior.
If the laws are on the books the city will have to comply, too.


Edited by: CINDERRELIC at: 3/5/2012 (13:20)
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GRAMMACATHY
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Water moccasins?????? emoticon Yep, I would take my chances with the tornado. Dad filled in the basement here with sand because the water level rose and the sump pump quit working. The sand seems to be doing the job. My fear is that the city will fill the drain field in the empty lot next to us when they start building their children's playground to go with the ball park. Then we will be the lowest point. I am happy about the playground though. It will be so fun to listen to children playing and laughing next door. Beats high density apartments all to pieces.

I could hardly go to church after mom passed. Every time one of hers or dads favorite songs was sung, I burst into tears. It is better now, but I still have troubles with "Amazing Grace".

Healing and coping is a cycle. It is good to give ourselves permission to ride through the waves of grief and then do like Thelma's dad and look for the positive. Balance and love is what we strive for not perfection.



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CINDERRELIC
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Thanks JIACOLO for sharing your experience. Yes tornados are very scary indeed, but I am afraid that we will see a lot of violent weather with the warm air and cold fronts colliding.
I did get in touch with a former student of mine and he is going to come over and give me an estimate on attaching a carport to the workshop across from my house. Hopefully, I can give him some work and he can get my car in a safer place.

Cathy, really, my cellar is useless. It is cracked and should be filled in. I would also be afraid of the possibility of water moccasins in there.

I have had to recharge myself. I have been very tired from spreading myself too thin. Saturday I finally laid down and napped and it really did help.

As for dealing with grief, it does catch you off guard at times. I have been managing fairly well and so has my friend who lost her husband at the same time as I lost mine, but something will happen and you just find yourself with a gaping wound again. To top it off in church today we sang one of the songs sung at my husbands funeral and I just broke down and sobbed. Didn't even see that one coming, but I am doing okay again for now.

Thelma, I am glad your Dad found comfort in remembering the years he had with your mom. It is definitely I sign of some healing taking place. I am so fortunate that the Lord gave me what I needed to get through what were the hardest times. I would not trade for the challenges I was faced with and had to overcome. They strengthened me and kept me looking outward and forward rather than dwelling on my loss. Otherwise, I may have done just that.

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WARMSPRINGDAY
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3/4/12 9:18 A

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Char, glad you have been carried safely through the storms. Hugs as you process your grief in missing your husband.

Cathy, it made me happy to hear you describe your life as you were writing, you sounded content and grateful, and was so delighted you were going to get a luxurious bath. I love it when I hear people are taking time to do something for themselves.

And same to you, Linda. I'm glad you recognized that you needed some time to re-charge. Ministering to others can be draining.

You ladies inspire and challenge me.

Today when I look out I see snow, but we've certainly had a mild winter and springlike weather. I've loved hearing the birds the last few mornings. The robins have been here for a few weeks, but I'm afraid they may get their little tootsies cold yet. I haven't checked to see if my daffodils are up or not.

I'm feeling a bit under the weather; had a big weekend planned with canning some beef I have in the freezer, catching up on laundry, some major cleaning . . . but when I didn't feel well, I scaled it way back. I took a 4 hour nap yesterday.

My Dad went to a fundraiser dinner this week, and said how difficult it was to sit and watch other couples and families enjoying each other and he sat there eating alone. Then he said, he sat up straight, and thought instead of how blessed he was to have shared that time with Mom for 62 years. That blessed my heart! I was so proud of him. That is the first that I have seen that attitude change in him and it blesses me.

God is certainly taking me on a journey towards gratitude in spite of pain. I find it challenging, but liberating that I don't have to be a slave to negativity, self pity and whining!

Blessings to each of you for a good week.

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I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. - Joyce Myers

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JIACOLO
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We had a tornado that hit us last year. It was very scary. It passed by my house and touched down about a quarter mile. I remember standing in the front door and yelling to my daughter to look at the strange clouds swirling. We didn't even know it was a tornado. We were out of work for 7 days, no power at our house for 6. We are not use to tornadoes here in New England, so you can imagine how difficult a time it was. Many homes are still unlivable. Thankfully only 2 people died. It was sad about those 2. One mother covered her children in a bathtub. She died while the children were saved. The other, a man who died in his car.

My thoughts go out to all of you who are suffering from the storm damage. I pray the death toll does not continue to rise.

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.

- It's Janine!


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GRAMMACATHY
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3/3/12 3:42 P

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At least you have a cellar. I think I could stand in water for a couple hours while a tornado passed overhead.

Linda, Both us are surrounded by active volcanoes and earthquake fault lines. Weren't you in the path of all the ash fallout when Mt. St. Helen's erupted? I do agree with you, I much rather deal with our weather than to be stressing over tornadoes. Although we did have a tornado kill three people in Vancouver, Wa. in the 70s. So I guess we aren't immune. I also went through Hurricane Frieda when I was 9 years old. Trees went down all around us. Our principals wife was killed and many houses, barns and livestock were lost.

Geez, I am in doom and gloom scenario today. Maybe I should watch the movie 2012 or the news to make it worse. LOL. Like Char I choose to hand my life over to God and refuse to get too afraid, just cautious and thoughtful is good.

Char, Hugs. Warm thoughts to you as your struggle with missing your husband.





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CINDERRELIC
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3/3/12 1:35 P

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Thanks for the prayers. I have a cellar but it leaks and is half full of water so it is of no use.
I just trust in the good Lord here.

Today is a bad day. I am regressing today thinking about my husband a lot. I can't say that things are really bad but not really feeling very up either. Just one of those days. I am just getting over some kind of bug and am taking some time to rest and pray for some friends, One friend had their house to burn down a couple of days ago and lost everything except the clothes on their backs. Another friend is going the 12th to Barnes Hospital in St Louis to see if they are a candidate for a new kind of procedure that is an alternative to open heart surgery and if not will have to come back here for open heart surgery very soon.

Hope you girls have a good weekend.


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LINDAF49
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I hear of the tornadoes, thank the Lord i live in the Pacific Northwest and then pray for friends and relatives in that area. So I pray for safety and wisdom in how to deal with all the aspects of the storms. God bless you everyone!!

I am finally thawing out after another funeral - and finding myself just tired, tired, tired. Dear husband would like me to go to political caucus with him tomorrow but I think Ii am just going to curl up with a hot mocha and read a book in the morning and try to progress to the office in the afternoon. I feel emotionally and physically totally spent and need to refuel and heal a bit.
Thankfully a friend called this evening and asked him to stop and get him on the way so I don't feel guilty anymore!!! God takes care of even those kind of details!!!

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
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GRAMMACATHY
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Prayers for safety for you and your loved ones. I also have a friend in Kansas. These off season tornadoes are not good. When I was a kid, everyone in Kansas had a storm shelter, but with speedy cars, people quit building them. Do you have a storm shelter?


So I need to get ready to take the Basset Hound to the groomers and then I am going into Portland after he comes home to help kids with moving. Right at this moment other than the ringing in my ears, all is perfect in my world. I have shelter food and two dogs gently snoring on either side of me. The house is relatively clean and toasty warm. I have a few moments to myself to take a luxurious bath.



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CINDERRELIC
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Hi Cathy and everyone. Dodging tornadoes and stormy weather here and it is still very warm. I was snowed in this time last year until about the middle or mid/end of March. This year it is 40s through 60s. Nice....but the storms are not.

When the tornadoes hit Buffalo, Branson, and Lebanon here in MO I was out trying to put my car cover on my car in case it hailed. I will testify to the fact that putting a car cover on for the first time is not really the thing you want to be doing when you can hear tornado warning sirens going off in 2 towns, the lightning is flashing, the wind howling, and thunder rolling in the near distance, and it being past midnight and dark except for the lightening, which was a help. Never a dull moment here.

The car cover turned out to be too small and didn't cover all of my car, so I called the people I ordered it from the next day and they told me to ship it back and they would exchange it for a larger one. They have actually already shipped my larger one but it will take 5-7 days to get here and meanwhile I have storms threatening. So now I need more prayer.

Our prayers were answered for protection and help. I had a lot of people helping me pray on that and I want to thank everyone I asked to pray for doing that for me and with me. As a widow I have learned to trust God for my needs and even when it seems like he may be delaying he has provided my needs and I give him thanks in all things.

Got to run now. Have a great week.



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GRAMMACATHY
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3/2/12 11:31 A

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Hi All,
Time to look out our windows and start looking for signs of spring. What is out your front door?
I have some tulips breaking ground and some hardy birds are twittering outside. Find a moment of joy in nature.



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