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9/16/12 5:00 P

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Thank you for sharing with us (JULIAJEAN). I felt akin to your experience as I too suffer from depression. I have been on and off meds for years now, currently on them and it has helped trememdously. But now my son is 10 months old and I have overcome most of the postpartum depression although it rears its ugly head here and then. I am considering going off meds on of these days, but i still need to learn how to think positively. For me my problem is black and white all or nothing thinking. when something bad happens for instance, the whole world comes crashing down on me and i can get out of that sucking darkness. helps to talk to people who understand. thank you for listening.

Edited by: DAISYCA at: 9/16/2012 (17:00)
MISS-OVEREATER's Photo MISS-OVEREATER Posts: 688
7/1/12 10:48 P

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That is an amazing gift to be able to do that, very enlightening.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me


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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
7/1/12 2:05 P

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That was a great article - and it reminded me of the long, catch-up phone call I had yesterday with a good friend. We'd lost touch over the last four or five years, and strangely enough, we both went through parallel nightmarish situations. She went through a bad break-up with a girlfriend who went wacko, and I went through toxic job syndrome! We both made the comment that we would not change a single thing about our respective nightmares because we like who we are today, and who we are today is because who we were and what we lived yesterday.

I think that article and the phone conversation made me realize that no matter what kind of hell I went through, I really WAS optimisitc through it. I knew it would end. I knew I would come out on the other side, and I knew I would be stronger for it. Knowing that then did not make living through it any less painful, but in a strange way I think it made it easier.

I am definitely optimistic about my weight loss and my food issues. It is far more to me than eating right and working out like a maniac - I need to kick the self-awareness and personal growth up to the next level for this stuff! LOL

Thanks again for the link - it was a timely reminder and really uplifting!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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PENNYLOU7's Photo PENNYLOU7 Posts: 5,217
7/1/12 12:57 A

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That is a good one. Thank you for sharing.

I am the creator of my wellness.


MISS-OVEREATER's Photo MISS-OVEREATER Posts: 688
6/30/12 6:56 P

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Came across this SP article on the subject of positive thinking, thought I'd share:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=835


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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/19/12 11:26 A

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Since I have been off of my antidepressants I have tried to pay close attention to my thoughts and emotions. So far I have been able to ward off most of the negative thinking so I haven't been torn down by it. Yesterday was so strange though. I woke up in a bad mood (have been taking meds for upper respiratory infection so haven't felt good) and I could not shake the negative attitude. I oscillated from enraged (politely of course) to uncontrollable crying. I felt unable to stabilize my mood. Later in the day I just got in a grumpy and negative mood and I heard in my head that "I am going to stay grumpy and no one can change that." Well, I don't think I am ready for the funny farm yet... but I was wondering.

I have been talking to my counselor lately about changes in my life and how scary they are for me, but couldn't figure out why the intense fear. As I did some personal work I realized some of it stemmed back to childhood events in which change appeared to be life-threatening and I was forced into major changes without preparation or comforting. My journaling revealed a feeling/thought of "No! and you can't make me!" type of mindset. I believe that was what I was experiencing yesterday.

I wonder if it was that same little hurt/scared hurt child in me was not feeling well or worried and was throwing a hissy fit. After an afternoon of self-care (resting, reading, and art work) my little inner monster was happy again.

This is an interesting concept for me and maybe the key for changing my attitudes and behaviors. I guess it is never too late to nurture and comfort the place in our heart that didn't get that attention when we were wee little ones.

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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
12/10/11 1:21 P

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Kaity, I totally agree with Leslie's reply. I was very impressed with your story and determination to rid negativity from your life. Sometimes I still have those "old tapes" replaying in my head with all the negative stuff from childhood and young adulthood. Your post reminded me, again, that I can pull the plug any time and only allow the positive to be played in my mind. Thank you for sharing your enlightening message.

I also hope that you can find a comfortable place of your own in this team. Welcome.

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
12/9/11 9:12 P

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Oh Kaity, that is SO relevant!! I have come to absolutely believe that wellness and health begins in our minds, not our bodies. We need to look in the direction we want to go, not so much at what we want to avoid. I believe that understanding our histories is important - it is the path that got us to where we are, but when our histories contain a greal of pain and loss it can be too easy to stay there. What you said about a positive mindset is critical. We have to change our minds in order to change our bodies, and it sounds like you are on your way. This was a great example of the CHOICE for personal growth. Way to go!!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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EARTH-ANGEL's Photo EARTH-ANGEL Posts: 305
12/9/11 8:59 P

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I have a perfect and fairly recent example of how positive thinking can change your life! I know I am new to this group, so I hope this isn't TMI upon first glance but I figure I'm ok with it so what the heck! I am a sufferer of chronic anxiety and OCD, I know I know...just like everybody else in this world! I usually have that part of my life under control but little things can often exacerbate the situation or big things too. My mom died when I was very young (10) and I was left orphaned with my older sister. I moved around and was passed around various relatives and friends while growing up (I went to 4 diff. high schools, lived in 4 diff. cities). I eventually ended up with my sister who, having to deal with her own grief from losing our mom and her father and grandmother and the whole pileup was damaged beyond repair and in no condition to be taking care of anybody. She became controlling and manipulative (possible a narcissist) and just this past year I had to make the decision to cut her (my last living blood relative) out of my life because she was bringing me to such a low place I could barely function. Living on my own has been really hard and I have often been plagued by negative thoughts about myself and others...unable to make connections because I never really learned how and unable to love myself because I was always told growing up how disgusting I was basically. Last month all of this accumulated into a giant firestorm and one little thing set me off (one of my brackets from my recently installed braces fell out and I had to rearrange my schedule to have it fixed) and I started screaming...and by screaming I mean...it probably sounded like I was being very seriously injured. My neighbor heard me and called 911' and yes...the police showed up at my door and wanted to take me to mental lockdown, which they can legally do for 72 hours. Thankfully I calmed down enough and lied enough to convince them that I was ok and they didn't need to do that. Right after they left, I realized...obviously...that it was time for a change in my thinking. By fueling the negativity fire that was my life up until that point only 2 things could have happened...what did happen (police involvement) or my eventual demise. Instead of wallowing in self pity over what had happened I took the opportunity to connect with those who have inspired me and helped me in the past. I reached out instead of in and told myself that nothing short of a positive mind set and positive self-talk would be acceptable. For this reason, I was able to overcome probably the lowest point in my life and am now after many months of inactivity finally starting up a new exercise regime/nutrition regime and getting my studies back in order. I can say I have not felt this happy since I was probably 8 years old!! So needless to say, positive is the main ingredient to happiness and ultimate success and I do believe that passion can only take things over the top to the next level from there! Anyways...this was a very unorganized post and I hope it makes sense and is relevant.

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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/25/11 12:48 A

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Something to think about Leslie...

I used to go literally nuts when it got to a certain time of late afternoon or early evening. For years I could not understand what was going on with me. Finally, I figured out it was the time my husband (at the time) would be home, or I expected him home.

There was also the time of day between 6 and 7:30 pm that my dad would get home (when I was a young child) and was usually half-drunk. When he was that way, everyone had to be up and cleaning and could not sit down until he did.

I guess I build up an anxiety for those specific times of the day. In me it would trigger anxieties and I would either eat or on my bad days start with drinking wine. A lot of it may be due to conditioning and what worked to soothe me then.

Don't know if this has anything to do with what you experience, but you may find out some answers by journaling. Good luck with finding your own patterns.

...(In reference to Whiskey falling asleep as soon as you start talking) If Whiskey could go out and earn a living you could be a millionaire and still have a wonderful companion....he may snore, fart, sneeze inappropriately, or whatever, but as a loving companion he still has most men beat. Sorry for the male-bashing there.

Edited by: JULIAJEAN2 at: 1/25/2011 (00:50)
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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
1/24/11 4:47 P

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That is very interesting, Julia, and count me in too!

The pattern I'm seeing in myself is that my body really seems to know what it needs in food during the day. Today I've actually eaten very little - high fiber cereal and 1% milk and my latte for breakfast, and just now I had a Mini Babybel cheese round and a big apple. I can eat another snack and be just fine until dinner. Then I can eat a normal dinner and feel sorta okay, but the mental/emotional drive to eat kicks in shortly after that!

I don't know that it is any single feeling driving the motions that move food into my face, but rather a chaotic jumble of accumulated noise, images, sounds, and feelings from the whole day. Maybe if I try journaling just about the day in general it will cause me to dump that stuff somewhere else. I suspect that if I did not live alone (Whiskey does not count as he falls asleep when I start talking - a compliment from a dog, a BAD trait in a man!) and could bounce the day's events and noise off another responsible human being, the eating would be different.

Alas, I am not scraping a man into my life just to keep my from eating... LOL I need a better reason than that!

emoticon emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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INNERBEWTY's Photo INNERBEWTY SparkPoints: (0)
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1/24/11 12:02 A

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oh wow, this is interesting.

"Maybe as a team we can figure out what we can do to work towards a healthier frame of living."

I'm in :)

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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/23/11 7:22 P

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I agree with you, LUCYSUNFLOWER, totally. When you look at unhealthy eating patterns as ways of filling the "hole in our soul." I cam across that term the other day and it made sense. Individuals with eating, gambling, alcohol, relationship, or any problems have developed from that individual's unique way of dealing (rather not dealing, by escaping) with the wounds from either our past or current situations.

I saw a book in the book store that I had heard about so I bought it. The book is "Love For No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love" by Marci Shimoff, with Carol Kline. On page 113 in her book is a section "What 'Feeling Your Feelings' Feels like" and gave me some great insight how I push my feelings aside and not deal with them. She explains by just doing a simple imagery and body relaxation, it is possible to loosen the hold negative feelings can have on a person.

First she explains that negative emotions are painful because of our tightening against them. It is the constricting we feel that hurts our mind, body and spirit.

She said to imagine standing in a nice hot shower; to just relax and open up to the full experience. Now she says to think of a feeling you resist such as anger, jealousy, fear, sadness, or what ever. Immediately go back to the imagery of standing in the shower. Recreate the experience of the cascading water which warms, soothes, and washes away impurities. (You want to use this felt memory to actually recreate the expansion, relaxation, and openness of that experience in your body.)

Now bring this same sense of bodily relaxation to feeling that negative feeling that you have resisted. Notice how your body relaxes and expands...you might want to breathe in some deep breaths until that feeling gets so light that it just floats away (that was my part added and it worked for me). Anyway, allow this negative feeling to move around in the new expanded space you created in yourself. As it begins to move, wiggle and flow around in you, allow it to just flow from you or float up out of you and disappear forever.

I have been practicing this with some of my scariest emotions (you know the kind that are locked away forever in the dungeon of your darkest spaces, because it seems too hideous to face? Okay, I suppose I am the only one and you guys will think I am weird)...anyway, it seems to have worked for me as I have been lying around feeling sick and sorry for myself. I think the book will be worth investing in.

So to sum this up, people develop unhealthy ways of being or living to escape from "wounds" and the uncomfortable/painful feelings that go along with them. My research indicates that the longer a pattern of behavior is allowed to continue the more established it becomes. Nowhere have I come across anything that stated we cannot change those patterns of behaviors.

So the good news, we don't have to go on diets to change these out-dated behaviors or to even feel better about ourselves. Maybe as a team we can figure out what we can do to work towards a healthier frame of living.



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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
1/23/11 6:31 P

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I think there is a huge impact in adult food habits based on childhood associations with food... Another reason why I don't think dieting works - most of us need to identify and UNlearn something in order to replace it with a healthier belief system. All the self-control and good habits won't heal unidentified wounds.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/23/11 5:25 P

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I remember our family meal times as a war zone. At mealtimes, we because a captive audience to my step-dad as he would begin by telling me everything I was doing wrong and each meal was usually finished with me in tears and trying to swallow disgusting, cold food when my throat was constricted from crying.

Looking back, the only time I could enjoy my food was if I was eating at my grandparents house or snacking on unhealthy foods after school. After school I remember craving real sweet treats. We usually didn't have fruit available unless it was a special occasion so I either had a sandwich or rolls and donuts.

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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1/23/11 4:47 P

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this is interesting. My mom feeding me at meal time seemed to be a way to show love and affection. maybe somehow, I linked that with overeating.

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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
1/12/11 12:36 A

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I think my compulsive/emotional eating is tied to the belief that there was never enough. We were not poor and we ate well, but my mom controlled everything in my young life. She served my plate and made sure I ate everything on it. She indulged us with our own choice for food on our birthdays but only once we hit our teens. As a teenager I think she was burning out on healthy meals because at some point she quit the salad/entree/two veggies theme!

I think not choosing how much I wanted to eat early on made a difference. We also had no junk or sugar in the house. I like sugar now but would much rather pig out on cheese or savory foods! Making my own food decisions now sometimes just feels like too much work - if I could afford one of those diet or chef services that delivered a week's worth of food to me I would SO go for that!

I think that having to think about what to eat has taught me to think about what I WANTED to eat and all the bad decisions started there... I need to learn new wants.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/11/11 1:21 P

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From my past research on trauma and its effects, I came across stories of many who developed coping mechanisms to deal with the aftermath of trauma. At the time these skills kept the individuals alive and feeling safer in dealing with the abuse/traumatic event.

These coping behaviors, however, become problems when they keep a person "stuck" in that area or other areas of that person's life. When these coping behaviors no longer are needed the individual may not even realize that those behaviors have turned into addictions. These addictions have developed a whole life of their own and are the task masters which appear to run an individual's lives.

When I look at my emotional eating in that light, I can see myself as a little, lost girl who found comfort in unhealthy foods such as donuts, cookies, candies, whatever which offered comfort by taking my mind off of my stressors. As I grew so did my ability to obtain other more sophisticated means of seeking comfort. All the same, I have avoided my hurts, my body (which felt the painful beatings) and sat in my mind, oblivious to the pain and loneliness in my heart.

Maybe this is my ah-ha moment where I can begin to ease back into my body, acknowledge my emotions, and begin to deal with them in a healthier fashion. I can also celebrate my body and put my effort into making my body a great place to be...to become healthy and active like I used to be.

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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1/11/11 10:42 A

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RE: I want to stop finding those icky little pockets inside

Yup, it's hard work. I think this is what G roth refers to as not wanting to be in our own bodies, or that want to be in someone else's body. That it's easier to flee from ourselves. I have this theory that this is why some people are addicted to drugs, or alcohol, etc. and me, my addiction to food.

If you have ever watch that show, 'Intervention', it seems that everyone was suffering from some sort of trauma from their past, which I believe led to their addiction. Probably as some coping mechanism or a way to escape the past.

Every now and then I go through this.. 'why me'? syndrome. Why did I have to go through the things I went through in life... a quote PENNYLOU posted awhile back gave me some comfort.

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are for." -Grace Hopper
"Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors." --- African Proverb

Edited by: INNERBEWTY at: 1/11/2011 (10:59)
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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
1/10/11 2:28 P

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Thanks, INNERBEWTY, that was a very good article and I printed it too. I feel like I have been revisiting and relearning things the last couple of weeks too. I think I have a very solidly built belief deep inside that I won't succeed at anything so I believe trying is useless. I guess it's positive to uncover that kind of stuff so you can deal with it, but how long is the uncovering gonna go on??!! Yikes, I want to stop finding those icky little pockets inside! LOL

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/10/11 11:35 A

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Thanks INNERBEWTY for that link. I even copied it off. I never hurts to remind yourself of what you may think you already know. I find that when I review and reread something I learn it at a much deeper level.

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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1/10/11 11:09 A

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Found this article online on the subject of weight loss and positive thinking:

www.prevention.com/health/weight-los
s/
diets-getting-started/weight-loss-anR>d-positive-thinking/article/e52168f2
71
903110VgnVCM10000013281eac____/


My favorite tip: Place Yourself at the Top of Your Priority List



(I have always enjoyed LUCYSUNFLOWER's signature: "Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster)

Edited by: INNERBEWTY at: 1/10/2011 (11:10)
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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/9/11 9:34 P

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Do you ever crack yourself up and then wish there was someone just like you to "get it"? That's what happened when I was posting the other post about ab-normal as being above normal or what ever... it was like, "where are all of my crazy therapist friends now? They would absolutely love this play on words."

Anyway, I got to share that with you. Okay, as you can tell I have a fairly secluded life. But, that is going to change this year. Ab-normal, here I come!

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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LUCYSUNFLOWER's Photo LUCYSUNFLOWER Posts: 7,405
1/9/11 3:54 P

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A therapist told me a long time ago "um, we don't like to use the word normal. We prefer "healthy" because normal is not necessarily a good thing!" Cracked me up...

Here's to being Ab-normal!!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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JULIAJEAN2's Photo JULIAJEAN2 Posts: 2,894
1/8/11 2:03 P

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Here's to striving to exceed NORMAL. Normal is toooooooo boring anyway. So would that be Ab-normal (as in above normal?)

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1/8/11 1:42 P

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Julia, maybe I am truly more positive by nature than I think I am, but the last few years in that job sort of squashed it down inside. It was really defeating to walk in there every day. Maybe the contrast I'm feeling is more with a reversal of that temporarily toxic phase and a return to "normal"! However, now I want to be better than "normal"!!! LOL

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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1/8/11 12:35 A

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emoticon LUCYSUNFLOWER. I think you are right about learning to see the positive. Isn't it fantastic to know you have a choice in how you view situations? You strike me as a fairly positive person and I am glad you are starting to feel that way as well. You have definitely been making huge strides lately. It's even okay if you want to pat yourself on the back for your hard work (you'll have too cause I live too far away emoticon

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1/7/11 10:21 P

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I noticed the other day that when I was dealing with something moderately unpleasant, my mind took a conscious turn to focus on the positives! Whoa. Is something really changing inside??! Wheee! LOL

I think being positive is truly a choice and some of us who got off to rocky, negative, or troubled starts in life have to learn how to see the positive and how to be positive. It has not come naturally to me so making that change mentally in one area was a real happy surprise!

emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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1/2/11 8:45 P

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I find about myself that food tastes better when I have been eating vegetables and fruits for a few days. Not sure what chemicals are in the fast foods (unhealthy kind)and they don't taste good after eating healthier food, but they are so addicting for me.

"Just say no" is my advice to myself, but the other me just doesn't listen to reason. I get stressed out, don't plan very good, and before you know it I am eating fast food again.

I am giving up pop, however. Never drank a lot, but now am giving it up all together. That way when I am feeling like I am not going anywhere with creating a healthy lifestyle I can remind myself that I gave up pop AND McDonald's French fries (that should save me about 20 pounds a year) emoticon

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1/2/11 6:39 P

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I think one of the most surprising things I have learned is how much better some healthy alternatives taste! Time and pressure have sent me to the fast, unhealthy versions recently, but I hope to do a better job of planning and preparing in 2011!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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1/2/11 3:43 P

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I try to envision myself making healthy food choices. Another thing I do is make note of the things I like about a healthier choice of food - for instance, I like the real fruit and lighter taste of eating low-fat yogurt with fruit rather than the heavy sweetness and coated tongue from eating ice cream.

The Golden Rule: Treat others the way you would like to be treated.


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12/31/10 3:13 P

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Loved that video, Julia! I read my Note and totally missed the link... Thanks for posting it.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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12/31/10 11:52 A

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I just read my Note from the Universe (TUT.com) and there was an awe inspiring video I would like to share with you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev2duJejO
3o&hd=1

If this link does not work then go to You Tube and enter "IGNITE YOUR SOUL -- Best/Motivational Positive Quotes Video." It is really worth the effort to see it.

I am truly inspired (in spirit) to face my "demons" this up-coming year with the courage it takes to not only succeed but to thrive.

Happy NEW Year everyone!

Edited by: JULIAJEAN2 at: 12/31/2010 (12:02)
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12/31/10 11:13 A

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There you go INNERBEWTY, this new year we can all lose weight by focusing on fun and adventures. I am so excited about starting a new year will all of you as my friends and fellow journeyers towards a healthy and active US! Let the fun and adventures begin.

Only bad thing is that Iowa doesn't have grass right now

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12/31/10 9:11 A

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Oh I love that Julia --- what a life that would be when you're too busy looking for fun and adventure. (i would bet my waistline would shrink from all the fun and adventure).

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12/30/10 12:37 P

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One of the things about Calvin and Hobbs is that they don't have time to think negatively, they are too busy looking for fun and adventure. Something to strive for.



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12/29/10 2:05 P

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I LOVE Calvin and Hobbes! Someday I'm going to buy one of the books... My former therapist used to have a couple of the books on the table in his waiting room.

I love the quote - I think we all need to find ways to make our knees green...

emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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12/28/10 9:35 P

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As Calvin and Hobbs (cartoon characters) put it, "I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life."

-Bill Watterson, creator and cartoonist

I guess I need to re-examine my life and find a way to include more physical play into my life. Julia

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12/23/10 4:36 P

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Stolen from JULIAJEAN'S post :)

Optimism and the Power of Positive Thinking:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=835


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12/15/10 7:37 P

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Today's thought from the Universe:

"Training your mind, Leslie, is what it all boils down to."

I think it really is that simple. I want to train my mind to see the positive, look for need not want, and to look for opportunity. I also want to train my mind to follow my heart.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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12/15/10 2:45 P

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wings... i need wings

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12/15/10 12:13 A

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I am working on a major career change/expansion after I graduate and I think my anxiety and negativity are my biggest concern. I am so afraid that if I don't learn to see the positive first that I will keep my life small and I will never get wings.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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12/14/10 10:50 A

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Thanks INTERBEWTY for sharing that article...so let's all look for the positive and keep happy thoughts.

This is something I have been working on lately. When I am in a situation I don't particularly like, I tend to lead towards the negative in thinking. Lately, I have been forcing myself to think in neutral terms until I gather more facts. In the last two incidents, I had misread the situation completely and there was no ill-intent in either of these situations.

I couldn't get quite to the positive view, but by remaining neutral I was able to access the situations without getting all bent out of shape and paranoid.

By staying neutral, I was able to keep anger, feeling hurt, and defensive at bay until I gathered more facts. Boy I sure am glad that I did because the situation turned out better than I could even have expected.

My next step (after learning that I can misread situations...that was a hard one to accept) is to go for the positive in each situation first. I hope I live long enough to put this one into practice ( I get so paranoid at times and expect the worse).

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12/13/10 9:59 P

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Wow, that was interesting!

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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12/13/10 4:18 P

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From an old New York times article:

Power of Positive Thinking May Have a Health Benefit, Study Says
www.nytimes.com/2003/09/02/health/po
we
r-of-positive-thinking-may-have-a-heR>alth-benefit-study-says.html?pagewanted=2


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11/15/10 3:18 P

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I love the certification idea!!! LOL

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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11/14/10 5:53 P

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I am for a certification program. 'how to gracefully hit on a woman'

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11/7/10 6:44 P

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Oh, INNERBEWTY, thank you! I just wanted to leave that place behind me and not travel backwards into the old negative, toxic place, but IF (and it's still a huge IF) I get a call from the District's attorney, he would be representing the entity to determine if the general manager needs to be sanctioned for his behavior which includes sexual harrassment, inequitable and illegal discplinary actions against several long-time employees, inaction for another male employee's sexual harrassment, etc. I don't know what I would say at this point. I'll have to think about it IF it becomes a real issue.

I have wondered so many times what it is about me that has drawn that kind of behavior, and I think it is only partially due to what might appear to be a compliant personality. I am NOT compliant - I tend to do my own thing, but I do start out far too nice and far too tolerant. I allowed the employee's behavior to escalate by not telling him upfront that there was no way in h*&& I was going to lunch/dinner/ANYTHING with him. The general manager's behavior was really to test the waters with me and I knew it. Not having a good poker face probably meant my revulsion showed. OOps. Whatever.

Anyway, I was subjected to SH Lite - I am so sorry you've experienced worse. I don't think it is our negativity that attracts that behavior - I think maybe our self-esteem and learning from our youth that we had to be 'nice' keeps us from stopping something right up front. My lack of skill and experience in setting boundaries early in life means that when I do it now I tend to use a club or a shotgun when a twig or a push pin will do... :)

Maybe we need to look at not why we draw that kind of behavior, but at the fact that only we can truly stop it before it escalates. I wish with that employee I'd gone off on him with the second lunch invitation. I mentally justified and reasoned the behavior away until I really couldn't take it anymore. I grew up believing that someone else was supposed to stand up and defend me. My head knows that's not true, but my heart and psyche still wait to be rescued.

You know, it just occurred to me that you have outer beauty along with your innerbewty emoticon so maybe we get this stupid behavior from the morons who are too clumsy, inept, and other messed up to hit on us the right way!!

Now that kinda makes me laugh...

emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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11/5/10 11:53 P

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don't forget to ask who the attorney represents! find out if he is representing the company, or the other victims.

.. and if you are strong enough to carry on with this, you are my HERO. Obviously this man in upper management has some power, and probably abuses it. If he can't be stopped now, he will continue with behavior. Unless he actually gets help for his issues, which I totally doubt. Imagine if this man ended up employed with a female figure you cared for, a neice? a sister? a mom? would you let them endure what you went through? These guys use their power to get away with what they do.

I have been through this many times and I know It's going to require much emotional strength on your end. If you feel you cannot go through with this without 'cracking' then I say take care of yourself first.

sorry long post. touchy subject with me :)

BTW, LUCYSUNFLOWER, you are an attractive woman, I am not surprised he was on the prowl for you.

On the positive... I don't feel alone anymore, thank you.

Edited by: INNERBEWTY at: 11/6/2010 (00:03)
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11/5/10 11:48 P

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OHHHH. LUCYSUNFLOWER, you touched on very sensitive subject for me. I don't know if I have something stamped on my forehead. But I have endured every unwanted advancement from the opposite sex for I don't know how long. I went to a place where I thought I would be safe. A place where I see my psychologist. Employed in their establishment is this man who works their financial aid. He is my first impression of the place, because I am told to see him first upon my initial appointment there. He tells me things that are inappropriate, and continues to do inappropriate things. I'll spare you guys the details. And the nightmare never ended. I eventually had to stop seeing my doctor. I believe a complaint was file (at least that was my assumption), but the man still works there.

I read your blog about your situation with a male at work. I'm not one to rock the boat, and I never really did anything about it. Probably 90% of woman don't. But you know how laws on physical abuse are so much more tougher now, or the AWARENESS is so much better now. I wish it were the same way with SH. because it's emotional abuse. and can really turn your life upside down.

Could my negativity somehow attract these types in the past?

Edited by: INNERBEWTY at: 11/5/2010 (23:50)
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11/5/10 5:50 P

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Julia, my generalized anxiety comes from my upbringing! I was never emotionally safe as a child, and I was always tuned in to my mom and my sister to see what kind of turn my day, my week, or my life would take. I think the only time I was truly free to feel and think like a child was at Disneyland. Even to this day that place has magical powers! LOL Now I see my anxiety showing up in areas in which I fear losing control, getting in over my head, or just so unfamiliar that I am uncomfortable. For me, the only way to fight it down is to keep moving forward and pass through the areas in which it appears - it's an constant undercurrent in my life and has nothing to do with worry for me! The worry is much easier to find and deal with rationally... :)

My current worry is related to my former job. Ran into a former coworker (not one I trust a great deal but he doesn't fabricate) at Fred Meyer and he said that the three elected commissioners are working with the agency's attorney to investigate the manager for general bad behavior - the kind of stuff that could get them sued. Basically the kind of stuff I was subjected to before I left. This coworker asked me if the attorney had called me because "we told him to talk to you"! Swell.

Now I am wondering IF he does call, do I unload everything on him? He would be the opposition IF I chose to file my own legal claim. I do not want to because I do not need more negativity or conflict in my life, but if I tell the agency attorney what that manager did then I lose any future chance of pursuing a claim.

I did payroll and ended up seeing a lot of other problems he caused that could cost huge bucks if the employees filed suit, so I could potentially just spill all the stuff unrelated to me. And then again I wonder how much I really want to care?! I do not want to work there again EVER, so why do I want to consider revisiting that toxicity mentally and emotionally just so they have documented grounds to fire that jerk?

I dunno. I am not dedicated much headspace to the issue because the whole thing could just be a rumor. BUT if it's not a rumor, I want to decide how to respond: keep completely quiet, talk about the other offenses and keep my own quiet, or spill ALL.

This might be the wrong thread, but it just spilled out in connection to Worry! Feel free to comment as you guys see fit even if it includes telling me to go back on the meds! LOL (there are no meds - just wine!)

emoticon

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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11/4/10 10:49 P

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Hello guys,

Thanks for posting that INNERBEWTY, it is sooooo true. I usually try not to worry, but sometimes I think that my anxiety is my worry coming out side-ways. Most of the time it is difficult to understand from where my anxiety is originating. Throughout all of these years, however, I have learned to stay attuned to my thoughts and feelings, but some do get past me. They usually have to do with issues surrounding the abuse I endured years ago. My grandmother always told me that worry is a waste of energy, she said she turned all of worry over to her angels. It seemed to work for her.

LUCYSUNFLOWER, take a moment and breath too.

I'm going to call it an evening early myself tonight. Been feeling out of sorts the last couple of days and can't figure out what is going on with me. I have a super busy day tomorrow with clients and also getting to meet three new clients. I can hardly wait.

Take care my friends and have a peaceful night. Julia



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11/4/10 5:27 P

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That's a good one, INNERBEWTY, and I needed to hear it today! I have been running around all day and am just now sitting down for a few minutes of Spark and email before I'm off and running again. I am hoping tomorrow and the weekend are light enough in duties, errands, and demands that I can stop and think. I really need to de-stress...

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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11/4/10 5:04 P

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I am loving today's SP healthy reflections email!

"Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed." - Church billboard in Colorado


[begin]
Is your worrying holding you back?

Once film negatives are exposed to the light of day, they're ruined. In the same way, once you see your worries for what they are--self-inflicted doubts--their power disappears. If you give your doubts and fears too much development time, they'll take hold and start to color all of your thinking in a negative light. Pessimists have more health problems, are less productive, and are generally unhappier than optimists. People that don't worry as much spend more time coping with the realities of life and less time occupied with would-be problems. To get rid of worry, think more confidently. Know that you can handle anything that comes along. Know that with loss comes opportunity. Know that things generally have a way of working out. Stay out of that dark room and picture something better.
[end]


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10/31/10 9:01 P

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Had lunch with family. We have a large family, I always joke that my family can populate half the county. So it was interesting. The staff at the restaurant wore halloween costumes. Our waiter dressed as Jesus. It was funny how everyone would make statements like, we need Jesus, when we needed refills (or anything)

I was thinking about the subject of happiness on the drive home. I read awhile back.. about doing something that makes you happy. and I also read about how happiness comes from within. so this thing we call happiness... I think it's unique and personal to everyone.

I just prefer to be healthy both mind and spirit, and happiness seems to be a part of that.


on that note... HAPPY halloween everyone (for those that celebrate this day)

Edited by: INNERBEWTY at: 10/31/2010 (21:02)
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10/31/10 12:45 P

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Hello all,

INNERBEWTY, thanks for the link, I copied it off to put in this month of my journal.

I'm not sure we create happiness, I think happiness is a by-product of living our lives to the fullest. Finding the right niche for our self in this world and finding the passion to live life to its fullest. Out of that, I believe anyway, is where happiness will shine through. It is almost like you wake up one morning and wonder if you are happy and you realize that you are happy and you love your life. Or, of course I could be way off here. What do you guys think?

I don't have money right now to buy the books you two are talking about and I dread the library thing, for some reason. I will see what I can do shortly and I would love for us to discuss them if that is something you two were thinking of. Let me know.

LUCYSUNFLOWER, hope you have a great lunch and fun afternoon. You deserve a break.

INNERBEWTY, hope you have a wonderful afternoon and evening. Are you planning anything for Halloween?

Me? I am going to watch my housemate pass out candy, talk to the little scary urchins, and pretend to be scared. That's what this is all about, allowing children to step outside of their normal roles in life. After that I am going to try to find the scariest movie on TV ( I LOVE certain paranormal movies), light my candles and send my love to all of my friends and family who have passed on. According to some, this time of year, the veil between our world and the other is very thin. I really love ghost stories, too. Do I believe all of that? Well, that is for another time..... emoticon

I hope you can enjoy the fun and festivities this day has to offer.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Happy Halloween and have the scariest "eeeek"end.

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Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you. -Fox Mulder, X-Files


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10/30/10 9:51 P

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I hadn't seen it but I love it! Thanks for the link. I'm going to print it out tomorrow.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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10/30/10 8:44 P

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Has anyone seen this? in the motivation section. 30 days to greater happiness. Love it!

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/calenda
r_
2007-11.pdf


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10/29/10 2:17 P

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Now that my mom is more settled (still not going down to dinner in the dining room, but she will once her clothes are unpacked!) I am going to pull Geneen's book out and leave it in the living room. It was in my bedroom because I was seeking comfort by reading in bed! It's definitely easier to read in the recliner with better light... :) I'm going to start it over - I want to use it to gently kick-start a series of positive changes in my life. I have been doing the mechanical things right, but I want my head to be in a happier, more positive place too. I almost think that is more important than checking off glasses of water and chewing up raw veggies...

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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10/29/10 12:32 A

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There was a member on here was overwhelmed by all the books available, on the general subject of weight loss (nutrition, diets, etc.). Just looking at the stuff at the library can be confusing. I always gravitate towards the books that spark an interest, after reading the back cover or so. Geneen's style can be hard to follow. But I've noticed some books are a better read the second time around. I definitely missed a few things during the first round of reading. And Her new book is available for me to read! I will begin reading soon!

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10/28/10 12:14 A

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INNERBEWTY, I'm glad you mentioned her older books. I've wondered if it would be worth it to read them, but I think for now I'll just read this one. In some ways I find her writing style hard to follow, but kept going over various things until something clicked. I think she understands a lot about how we as women think and feel.

Leslie

"Normal is not something to aspire to - it's something to get away from." -- Jodie Foster

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." --Albert Einstein


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