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QUALITYKJ's Photo QUALITYKJ Posts: 4,435
2/11/08 2:08 P

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I'm so glad I ran across the essay you posted. A friend of mine just got fired from his job last week. Lord knows he needs to read this material. Thanks for sharing.

“A healthy body is a guest chamber for the soul; a sick body is a prison.” Quote by Francis Bacon
RETRACMJ's Photo RETRACMJ Posts: 2,728
2/9/08 3:32 P

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Thank you Token!
if people would just get away - realize that all of it - all of it - is just noise. Love yourself and others - despite everything. Take responsibility for yourself and do better.
MRSC - the more I know you - the more we have in common!
Love to all of you! You are so worthy of love!

To God be all glory!

Mary


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MTNMAMA~K's Photo MTNMAMA~K Posts: 1,630
2/7/08 3:54 P

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yep we all need to be reminded sometimes the only one responsible for us is looking back at us in the mirror. Thanks for that!!!
Ya all have a great day now.

Katie


one tiny change makes a new pattern

consistancy is the name of the game~consider the tortise & the hare!


The American Mustang:
A Heiritage in Danger


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LANDSMOM's Photo LANDSMOM Posts: 130
2/7/08 8:52 A

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Thanks for this! I've saved the essay and will go back to reading it every time I need a swift kick in the pants!

Progress:
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"Keep steadily before you the fact that all true success depends at last upon yourself."
~Theodore T. Hunger


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MARYSUSAN4's Photo MARYSUSAN4 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/6/08 6:07 P

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what a great essay! thank you.

Ronald is NOT my friend!!

Goals:
169 - buy new shoes
165 - get manicure
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THIN.WITHIN's Photo THIN.WITHIN Posts: 99
2/6/08 3:52 P

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I really needed to read this.

thanks for posting it

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KIRDAY's Photo KIRDAY Posts: 539
2/6/08 12:32 P

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Thanks for that!

Edited by: KIRDAY at: 2/6/2008 (18:20)
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MANDITA210's Photo MANDITA210 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/6/08 9:51 A

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Thanks for the info!

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PATTYSH's Photo PATTYSH SparkPoints: (0)
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2/5/08 10:28 P

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I loved this strain! I am a huge supporter of taking responsiblity for your own thoughts, feelings and actions. I'm a counselor and I like to "trick" the kids and ask them, "Can I make you mad?" They usually say something like, "No, you're too nice." But then I explain that they are the only ones who get to choose how they are going to feel and I can't make you mad if you don't choose to be mad, just like I can't make you happy, etc....if you don't choose to be. So, if you don't like a feeling that you are having, YOU are the only one who can change it. Just my two cents worth to go along with the strain. Thanks for posting!

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SAMTHEDOG's Photo SAMTHEDOG SparkPoints: (0)
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2/5/08 3:45 P

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Very true. I've always been a fan of personal responsibility. What I am is up to me , good or bad. When people do something bad to me its up to me how to react to it. I am in charge and my mistakes are my own as are my triumphs.

Whether you say "I can " or "I can't" you are right.

" I try to avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward."

- Charlotte Bronte

Live your life in such a way that every morning when your feet hit the floor...Satan shudders and says..."Oh No...she's AWAKE!"

- Unknown


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SMKERRTO Posts: 43
2/5/08 10:41 A

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Thanks for posting this - I'm going to send it to my friends!

 
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RBRASHER's Photo RBRASHER Posts: 893
2/3/08 5:11 P

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Thanks for the confirmation that I'm on the right track!

Rebecca

Making the right decisions one decision at a time!


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SHAWNUV's Photo SHAWNUV SparkPoints: (0)
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2/3/08 11:35 A

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Thanks for reminding me, its all noise. The past has no bearing, I can make the difference in my OWN life!

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ANNARUTH2's Photo ANNARUTH2 Posts: 2,563
2/3/08 12:08 A

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Thanks for this post, Token Fat Guy.
There's a lot of good points in the message!

Anna from Defiance, Ohio


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MRSHONEYC's Photo MRSHONEYC SparkPoints: (60,155)
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2/3/08 12:04 A

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Life is what you make of it. I could live a life of nasty because my father couldn't show me how I thought he should that he loved me. Or I could be a b1tch because he would beat me, lecture me, belittle me. BUT I CHOOSE to be POSITIVE. Caring. Optimistic.
Anyway, who would WANT to be a pessimist and negative all the darned time?!?!? It's what YOU choose to learn from and make of it.

* Have you had your water today???*

"Change Nothing, Nothing Changes"




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EMLIGHT60's Photo EMLIGHT60 Posts: 3,284
2/2/08 11:11 P

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We just have to stop blaming others for our problems and take responsibility for ourselves! I have to stop and remind myself of this often and instill it in my daughters and my middle school students. Life is not FAIR and that's one of the best lessons we can learn early in life.

If you don't know where you are going,
you'll end up someplace else.


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BEAR14GSB's Photo BEAR14GSB Posts: 1,068
2/2/08 6:14 P

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I love the principles outlined here. This has been my attitude my whole adult life. I see people blaming their parents, siblings, the mailman...whoever...for their awful life. But what it comes down to is YOUR choices. How will you respond to negative people and events in your life. We all have them. So, will your negatives destroy your life, or will they make you stronger? You have a choice...do you let your parents, your childhood, your "whatever"...who already ruined your childhood or your college years, or whatever, ruin the rest of your life too? My answer...NO! I will be better, happier, more successful. I will make MYSELF happy and if they notice that they did not ruin me...all the better. But I am not living my good life to SHOW them...I am doing it because I DESERVE it! We all deserve to have a good life. So, everyone...GET OVER IT! You will be happier for it. I promise.

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TEAM CO-LEADER - SPClass of January 6-12, 2008

~~ Nothing is impossible with God! ~~

So, you ONLY lost 2 pounds this week? Well, that's 104 pounds in one year. Is that fast enough results for you? :)


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HAVANESEFAN's Photo HAVANESEFAN SparkPoints: (13,105)
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2/2/08 3:58 P

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Great essay! Thank you for sharing it!

W :-)

"In my experience, there is only one motivation and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it." - Jane Smiley


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BARBARA_BOO's Photo BARBARA_BOO Posts: 9,787
2/2/08 2:31 P

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TOKENFATGUY, I love your posting, "Hack Yourself", every single word of it.

I printed it because it contains so much wisdom and I want to reflect on it.

"Don't feed the demon" will pop into my head to motivate me, as will "Is this a question the person I want to be would ask?"

Not to mention, inputs and outputs, or "Garbage in, garbage out!" Or, "Don't remember to breathe, just breathe."

Thank you for sharing!
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Boo, Barb, BSue, Queen Legarathien of Nargothrond

"YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PLAY!"

~Team Leader, Separation of Church and Weight
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=2072

~Team Leader, The Darker Side of SparkPeople www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=89


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CHLIWILLOW's Photo CHLIWILLOW SparkPoints: (6,730)
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2/2/08 1:26 P

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For me it boils down to~ If you don't like who you are, change your mind.
I'm changing my mind.




If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind...



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TOKENFATGUY's Photo TOKENFATGUY Posts: 3,805
2/2/08 12:39 P

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Okay...then I won't post the 'secret to weight loss'.

oh...wait...its in my signature.

It took me years to learn the secret of weight loss. Now I'm going to convey it to you...ready?......

BURN MORE CALORIES THAN YOU CONSUME

The rest is just noise...

TFG: Starting over after a massive 'oops'
www.TokenFatGuy.com


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MRSHONEYC's Photo MRSHONEYC SparkPoints: (60,155)
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2/2/08 12:37 P

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Yep it was. It was worthy of being a 'sticky' for a day!!!! LOL Maybe more if I don't find something to replace it!!!!!

* Have you had your water today???*

"Change Nothing, Nothing Changes"




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TOKENFATGUY's Photo TOKENFATGUY Posts: 3,805
2/2/08 12:22 P

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Hey! I got 'stickied'! First time for me! Was that your doing, Honey?

It took me years to learn the secret of weight loss. Now I'm going to convey it to you...ready?......

BURN MORE CALORIES THAN YOU CONSUME

The rest is just noise...

TFG: Starting over after a massive 'oops'
www.TokenFatGuy.com


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CELESTE5104's Photo CELESTE5104 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/2/08 12:06 P

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This was nice to read...thank you for posting it.

Celeste
Co-Leader of Emotional Eaters



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MRSHONEYC's Photo MRSHONEYC SparkPoints: (60,155)
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2/2/08 11:48 A

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I really like your post, TokenFatGuy!
Synopsis:

- YOU CAN BE HAPPY - STOP WASTING TIME OVER NOT BEING HAPPY
- STOP ASSIGNING BLAME
- SURPRISE YOURSELF - NO. *AMAZE* YOURSELF
- FIND THE DEMON (within yourself) - EXORCISE YOURSELF
- WELCOME YOUR *NEW* SELF

Oh and ESPECIALLY the part about NOT PUTTING OFF UNTIL TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN START/ACCOMPLISH TODAY.

emoticon emoticon

* Have you had your water today???*

"Change Nothing, Nothing Changes"




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CAROLINEPC's Photo CAROLINEPC Posts: 1,840
2/2/08 11:27 A

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Long, but good thoughts@

May you be Blessed as you Bless others.

CaroLINE

Let the words of my mouth,and the meditation of my heart, Be acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord. Ps 19:14

If you have a need to chat, Spark Mail me. I'll even give you my Yahoo IM. I'm here to help others!


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TOKENFATGUY's Photo TOKENFATGUY Posts: 3,805
2/2/08 10:36 A

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I posted this in a couple of my other team forums but I think just about everyone can benefit from it.

This is an essay by Michael Montoure called 'Hack Yourself'. I've been recommending it to people for some time now...especially to those trying to lose weight. You can also see it on his site...

www.hackyourself.org

You can be happy. You can live the life you want to live. You can become the person you want to be.

This is what I've figured out so far.

Stop assigning blame. This is the first step. Stop assigning blame and leave the past behind you.

You know whose fault it is that your life isn't perfect. Your boss. Your teachers Your ex-lovers. The ones who hurt you, the ones who abused you, the ones who left you bleeding. Or even yourself. You know whose fault it is — you've been telling yourself your whole life. Knowing whose fault it is that your life sucks is an excellent way to absolve yourself of any reponsibility for taking your life into your own hands.

Forget about it. Let it go. The past isn't real. "That was in another country, and besides, the wench is dead." If we're not talking about something that is real and present and in your life right now, then it doesn't matter. Nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done about it, then don't spend your energy dwelling on it — you have other things to do.

I may sound cruel, I may sound simplistic, I may sound like I'm saying you should just “get over it,” by suggesting that you should let go of your past. I'm sorry for that. But life won't hold still and wait for you to lick your wounds. The race is still being run. Get up and keep moving. You can't do anything about yesterday.

You can do something about tomorrow. And about the next day. Focus your energies there.

“I don't have time to write.” “I can't dance.” “I can't talk to new people.” “I'm not attractive.”

I hear this all the time. I always hear the people around me sabotaging themselves, drawing lines and borders and boxes around themselves.

To which I say, make the time; dance; just talk to people; be attractive!

Yes, again, it's simplistic of me to say that. But it's simplistic of you to so easily say what you cannot do!

We're excellent pattern-matchers. That's what the human mind does — it's a pattern-matching engine. So we look at ourselves, at our history, at our behaviors, and we draw straight lines between the points — we assume that just because we've done things a certain way in the past, we'll always do them that way in the future. If we've failed before, we'll always fail.

Screw that.

Surprise yourself. No — amaze yourself.

You don't have to keep doing the things you hate. Why go home and beat yourself up for, say, not going over and saying a few words to someone you find really attractive? Can any damage they could do to you by rejecting you possibly be any worse than the damage you're going to do to yourself for missing the chance?

Find the demon.

Do you know what I'm talking about? It's the little voice in the back of your head that's always whispering, “You can't.” You know the demon. You may think you hate the demon, but you don't. You love it. You let it own you. You do everything it says. Everytime there's something you want, you consult the demon first, to see if it will say, “You can't have that.”

What you don't realize is that your demon doesn't know anything. It's an idiot. It's nothing but a parrot, repeating back to you anything negative that it's ever heard, anything that makes you hurt, makes you squirm. If a teacher once told you “You'll never accomplish anything,” it was listening; it hoards words like that and repeats them back to you to watch you jump. It doesn't know what it's saying. It doesn't care.

Exorcise yourself.

You can take me literally or not, as suits you. But do, please, the next time you hear that voice in your head, imagine it, visualize it, as something physical that you can get hold of; tear it out of you, feel its fingers weaken and lose their grip on your spine, and grind it to dust, to nothing, under your boot heel on your way out to dance in the streets.

You can. You think you can't; but it's telling you that. You can.


You don't exist.

You just think you do.

We're nothing but the stories we tell ourselves. We know in our hearts what kind of people we are, what we're capable of, because we've told ourselves what kind of people we are. You're a carefully-rehearsed list of weaknesses and strengths you've told yourself you have.

(Self-confidence, for example, is a particularly nebulous quality you can easily talk yourself out of having.)

You owe no allegiance to that self-image if it harms you. If you don't like the story your life has become — tell yourself a better one.

Think about the person you want to be and do what that person would do. Act the way that person would act.

Amazingly enough, once you start acting like that person, people will start treating you like that person.

And you'll start to believe it. And then it will be true.

Welcome to your new self.

You are a product of your environnent.

Most people realize this — usually, in the form of having something else to blame — but they tend to forget one important fact:

Humans are the masters of changing their environment.

What this means is that if your environment affects you, and you can affect your environment, then obviously, you can affect yourself.


Your environment includes people. Figure out who in your life isn't good for you, whose presence tears you down more than it builds you up, whose nearness is poison to you — and get rid of them. Get them out of your life. I don't care if it's your best friend, your boss, your mother, your lover — if they are harming you, if they are doing nothing but reinforce everything bad you tell yourself about yourself, then your relationship with them needs to radically alter or it needs to end.

Your environment includes goals. Don't set yourself pie-in-the-sky impossible goals and then beat yourself up over not achieving them — set yourself goals that will be good for you, not a source of pain. Attainable goals. Set them and meet them. Don't tell yourself you can't — that's the old story, that story you used to tell yourself about what a poor sad victim you were and how you could never change anything about your life. You can meet your goals. This is the new story.
Trying to clean your house? Good for you — a clean house can really affect your state of mind for the better. But don't say “Today I'm going to clean the entire house from top to bottom,” when you don't have the time and energy to — don't set yourself up for failure; don't feed the demon. Just say, “Today I'm going to wash all the dishes and clean off the kitchen counter.” And do it.

Don't tell yourself, “This month I'm going to write that novel.” Tell yourself, “Today I'm going to write five pages.” And do it. Take your dreams and break them down into small pieces and you'll have them in your hands before you know it.

And you'll find, as you start meeting your goals, that you like it. That it feels good, makes you feel confident and capable. You'll develop a hunger for it.


Your environment includes yourself — your physical presence. Do what you know you need to do — treat yourself better. Sleep, eat right, exercise. This doesn't mean you have to stop staying out late at night now and then, it doesn't mean you can't have a candy bar, it doesn't mean you have to stop sitting around watching television — it just means start doing the things that are good for you as well as the things that are bad for you, every so often. It's not an all-or-nothing proposition; you don't have to devote your life to being a health nut. Just try eating more fruits and vegetables, the occasional vegetarian meal; go for walks in the park on the weekends. You'll feel better and be more alert if you're a little healthier, and once you start feeling a little better, you'll start wanting the things that make you feel better. You'll see.

Your environment includes your appearance. If you're not happy with yourself, if you're angry with the person in the mirror, it can honestly help to literally change who you see when you look in the mirror. Try a different hairstyle, new glasses, new jewelry, new clothes. It doesn't have to be expensive — there's a whole universe full of possible You's waiting to be found in thrift stores, if need be. If you're deciding to become the person you want to be, then decide what that person is going to look like. Dress the part. It's not shallow, it's not about vanity, it's about self-transformation — even the most primitive tribes understand the value of costumes and masks for ritual, for change, for becoming someone else.
You are not an object. You are a system. Like with any system, if you change the inputs — change what goes into it — you'll change what comes out.


Despite everything I've just said:

Self-examination can be paralysis.

Don't “remember to breathe” — just breathe. It's a Tao thing.

It's the paradox at the center of all this — remember that, “Am I living up to being the person I want to be?”, is not a question the person you want to be would ask.

If I can leave you with just one thought, it's this:

Stop wasting your time fretting over not being happy.

Just be happy.


It took me years to learn the secret of weight loss. Now I'm going to convey it to you...ready?......

BURN MORE CALORIES THAN YOU CONSUME

The rest is just noise...

TFG: Starting over after a massive 'oops'
www.TokenFatGuy.com


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