I remember that when I first got to goal, about 7 years ago, I was petrified of food. I was sure that if I strayed from my program that I would instantly gain back all the weight I lost. Over time I slowly lost my fear of food in general, and specific foods in particular. It took me long enough to lose the weight that I had developed habits that made it easy to eat in moderation. I stopped tracking my food and relied on my good food choices and eating habits, but I weighed myself every morning. This continued until a couple of years ago, when my weight started creeping up very gradually Ė maybe about a pound a year. What changed?
Well, we moved to wine country, and my DH became a serious wine snob. We began enjoying a glass of really good wine with dinner, and we discovered the lovely goat cheeses that are made around here. In addition, our move and other disruptions in our life led to erratic eating schedules, and I began snacking. Over the years, Iím moved our family away from processed foods and more into unprocessed and organic foods. So instead of snacking on microwave popcorn, I was snacking on almonds and walnuts and fruit. The fruit was fine, but the almonds and walnuts added calories quickly. And what were good eating habits, like having really good ice cream for dessert, but only a tiny portion, and really good dark chocolate, switched from one tiny portion to a couple of tiny portions, to tiny portions eaten more frequently.
Now Iím back to tracking my food, and I can see where the good habits began to slide. Some things needed to be adjusted Ė if I want a glass of wine with dinner every night, I have to compensate by eating less in some other way. I have foods that Iíd rather not keep in the house Ė cheesecake, for example. On the other hand, I can live with brownies in the freezer that we take out for guests. And once Iím solidly back to my goal weight, I know that I can tolerate occasional serious splurges without any lasting effects. As long as I maintain my regular routines, I donít feel that I have to be vigilant (the word connotes a sense of willpower and strength of purpose and denial that I donít want in my life), but I do have to be aware. Awareness is good, fear is bad. I think over time youíll get over the fear, and youíll find you donít really have any desire to eat the whole jar of peanut butter. I know that these days, when I overeat at a meal and I feel stuffed and uncomfortable afterwards, I remember how much I dislike that feeling, and I can remind myself to stop earlier the next time.
If not now, when?
Highest weight: 179
Reached goal weight of 145 on April 1, 2004
Current weight: 143
| current weight: 149.0