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TIGSCHEF1 Posts: 243
2/25/11 1:39 P

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Wish you all the best, but I don't think this is the SparkTeam for me. Bye.

LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/25/11 11:30 A

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I'm trying to change. I've been trying for years. A big part of one of my illnesses is self-sabotage. Any time my life starts to get good, I go and f it up again. It's like my mind won't let me be happy. When I lost 75 pounds in 2007, got a new high-paying job, moved to a new place, felt really happy - within months I crashed into a suicidal depression. Gained all the weight back. Still not back down to that point (I was 169 before I gave up)

I have an appointment on Monday with a new therapist in town. I'm very excited about her, except for one point - she's not on my insurance (and she tried to get on but they wouldn't accept her) - and I'm broke and in debt. But she does have a sliding scale. I'll talk to her Monday and see if it will work. She is the only therapist in my area that does Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I'm a Borderline.

KATWOMAN12839 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/24/11 4:01 P

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wow cd what a postive message you shared with leam mom....

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CDS080853 SparkPoints: (1,336)
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2/23/11 11:29 P

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Lean Mom, In one of your blogs you wrote I'm still not happy and You want something to change. If you want happiness, look inside yourself. No body can make you happy but you.You want something to change, so change it. No body knows what something is except
You.
When the other bloggers made a suggestion to you, you had a negative excuse why the
suggestion would not work. Have you read The spark book or The Solution?
Have you looked at your spark note? I have lost 50lbs. Now rhat is a positive and something
To be proud of.

SASSISPRING's Photo SASSISPRING Posts: 10,693
2/23/11 12:04 A

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LEAN_MOM, in regards to the comments about being easy - nothing is easy. It's not easy that I live with several auto-immune diseases, SAD, depression and generalized anxiety, along with over 3 decades of chronic pain. We do what we have to do to be healthy. It isn't easy or fair but as my late boyfriend told me many times "if you want fair (fare) Cool, drive a cab."

I work with children who are diabetic, they manage and make it work. (Type 1, insulin dependent) Imagine being a child and watching other children gets fun treats, while you sit back with a healthy snack. But they do it. They inspire me.

We all slip from time to time, doesn't mean though we kick it all to the curb and forget about it. I work hard to move through SAD. People have noticed huge changes in me during the winter and I've stopped gaining up to 50lbs in only a couple months. It is work though, it's staying on top of things and that's how it is.

You can do this too. Just set your mind and be stubborn, it'll work out. :)



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I_AM_ME_STILL's Photo I_AM_ME_STILL Posts: 1,120
2/22/11 8:58 P

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Ok, I'm not sure what you thought I was trying to say.
You brought up the medication, not me. I was actually a little in shock that that would even be a comparison to a $99 light, but...
What I was trying to say is if you are doing everything that you can do, then obviously medication is supporting your positive efforts.
If you aren't doing you part, no matter what you have, then the medication can't do it's part in full either. Not for any of us.
No one is telling you to not take care of yourself. BUT we are/were trying to offer alternatives to your potential solutions. That was it.
Yes, for my dad to cut back on carbs, it would have been difficult, but clearly worth it for him to take care of himself. He probably drank his daily carbs before lunch in soda alone. Is being healthy always easy? Not at all. But we do what we can with what we have (sunlight- sit in front of a window on your lunch break, cut back on carbs, deal with a crappy & not as effective therapist as the other one) because we don't always have the choice to use the best options for us. Because of money, availability, or a million other reasons.



SASSISPRING's Photo SASSISPRING Posts: 10,693
2/22/11 4:00 P

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I'm from Canada, the system isn't perfect and I have lived with severe Seasonal Affective Disorder for more years than I'll mention. I have been so affected that I broke with reality - this before it was really known or researched.

If the Vitamin D and the full spectrum lights aren't working, I suspect that it is complicated by the mental health issues and isn't something that can be fixed by a tanning booth or buying an expensive light. I would explore the other issues more fully. Bipolar is cyclic - as you know - and it may be that the cycle falls in the winter season. The difference is immense difference in treatments from bipolar to SAD. SAD is relieved by lights, vitamin supplements and getting sunlight when possible, along with eating healthy and sleeping well. Bipolar, as I'm sure you are familiar, is not easily resolved with those simple techniques. Up here in the north the medical clinics in the small towns and mental health centre in the town I live in have the actual sun lights for SAD and it's open to anyone to use.

Before I invested money I did not have, I would find out where I could try out the light for free and I would really first, investigate the other end of the issue. Because to me, just friendly advice, it really sounds like it is more than SAD.

I have been stable for years since I introduced full spectrum lights in my office and home as my normal lights, and increased Vit B and Vit D. I also stand outside with no sunglasses mid-day to absorb light, as eyes have to absorb the light to make any difference.

Edited by: SASSISPRING at: 2/22/2011 (23:59)

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LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/22/11 2:30 P

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EDIT to add: how about we just let this thread die and stop commenting? I think we've said enough. Thank you for all of your advice.

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Sorry I should have clarified.....since leaving the looney bin in August 2008 I haven't had any serious suicidal thoughts at all. I'm safe now, don't worry about me.

I was just trying to point out that this is a serious illness and it's not entirely under my control. Just like diabetes. Do you have any idea how hard it is to eat like a diabetic? I tried it for a while, because a medication and my weight made my sugars high (but I was never diagnosed as diabetic...yet) and I thought it would help with weight loss. 65 carbs is NOT a lot of carbs. Look at your nutrition tracker - how many carbs does it recommend? Try cutting that in half, and see how it works for you.

I'm not saying every diabetic should have a free pass to eat whatever they want, but just saying that it's not that easy to do what you're supposed to do.

After all, if it were EASY to eat right and exercise - would a site like this even exist?

Edited by: LEAN_MOM at: 2/24/2011 (14:43)
SUGARSMOM2 SparkPoints: (142,225)
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2/22/11 1:25 P

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ok honey . if things are that bad that you do not want to be with the world then it is time to get to the doctor and tell him this fact . three times you did not make it and i am so happy that you did not . we have to deal with life on a dally bases . Someday we are stressed more then others . but no problem is so bad that you should take your own life . please keep fighting this feeling . we want you with us . those dark feeling are passing and they need to be kept at bay . can you talk to anyone about those feeling ? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

sugarsmom2 donna wva


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LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/22/11 12:31 P

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I was trying not to let the comment about a diabetic get to me, but it kind of is.

Everything I can do to get over this illness costs money. Books, therapy, medications, lights, vitamins, etc. I'm broke. So if you really want me to "manage" my mental illnesses, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than sitting in front of a window.

Two years ago I attempted suicide 3 times in 2 months and spent weeks in the looney bin. This stuff is serious.

And sitting in front of a window at 6 AM when it's dark outside isn't going to do me a damn bit of good. That's when I would have looked at the blue lights. It also helps regulate sleep if you do it right. I've been sleeping too much.

LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/22/11 12:21 P

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She tried to become a preferred provider but Blue Cross wouldn't accept any more people of her license type in our area. Funny, we seem to have a SHORTAGE of them! Not too many!

I hate insurance. If it wasn't for the possiblity of something catastrophic, I'd just drop insurance and self-pay and then maybe they'd give me a sliding scale or some amount of sympathy. But when you have insurance, they assume you can pay.

I'm on a crappy high-deductible plan - first $2,500 bucks is out of my pretty pocket. If I go out of network it's $5,000 on a seperate deductible - not combining. Insurance company doesn't pay a dime. What exactly am I paying premiums for? For them to do nothing?

Ok sorry. Let's just say I'd move to Canada if I could. Not that their system is perfect but at least they try to help everyone, not just those with money.

SOPHIEMAE2007's Photo SOPHIEMAE2007 SparkPoints: (51,332)
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2/21/11 8:39 P

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Contact your insurance company to see if they would contact her to became a provider for them. Either that or ask her office if she would consider becoming a provider for your insurance company. I used to work with insurance and that is something that can be consider.

Sometimes it does help to get a new therapist. I know it did for me when I was going through major depression.

Good luck!





Kim

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LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/21/11 7:22 P

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I'm not buying it! Really. I'm not.

I'm just sick and tired of being this way. I've been taking all the meds and going to all the therapy for nearly 3 years and I'm still a nutcase. Maybe I'm not suicidal anymore, and that's great, but I'm still not happy. I want something to change.

Thought about trying a new therapist in town who specializes in DBT (I'm a Borderline, also Bipolar) but she's not on my insurance network so it would be extremely expensive.

I_AM_ME_STILL's Photo I_AM_ME_STILL Posts: 1,120
2/21/11 6:50 P

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I am gonna sound like an ass here, but if you were a diabetic eating whatever you wanted too, I would think you were wasting money on diabetic medicine. Yes, really. My dad was a diabetic & he ate crap he shouldn't have. He was very lucky for a long time, but it doesn't make it right. I'm not saying you, but I don't know what the heck you even brought it up for, really. Unless a lamp is going to replace something you are already on, then that is clearly irrelevant.
You have to do what you can with what you can.
No, I would not say tan for the full 20 minutes, but 2 minutes? Yes, you can "tan" for that. You can tan in front of your living room or kitchen window. For free. You can sit in front of a window to do a better job than the "light" machine. Plus, if Vitamin D does nothing for you, light therapy won't either. Light therapy is for... vitamin D. So unless you live in Alaska where you literally are in the dark for months at a time, then do what you can with what you have. Sit in front of the free window.

Honestly, if everything else you had posted before this had said, we work really hard & are paying all the bills off quickly and we never splurge except the one time where we bought a deck of cards for our only entertainment at all because we don't even have a TV, then I would say "Hey, splurge a little IF you really think this is gonna rock your world." But the light machines don't really work & you CAN sit in front of the window & you DO have a spending problem that doesn't include this recent idea.

I swear that I'm not trying to attack you. But you don't need to spend money on something you can get for free and from your own other posts YOU have admitted your problems with self control. Save your money, save your marriage, and maybe invite your husband to sit in front of the window to eat breakfast with you.


LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/21/11 4:52 P

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Vitamin D does nothing for me (I'm taking a ton of it) and it's too *&%( cold to go outside and walk. It was nice a little while ago but it started snowing again.

A friend also suggested tanning. I guess I could give it a try. Problem is I have very fair skin and a family history of skin cancer. So....probably not.

If I tell you that my medications cost over $350 a month on my stupid insurance, you would never tell me not to buy them. But I guess since I don't know if it will actually work, why waste the money.

ELLE1611's Photo ELLE1611 SparkPoints: (7,510)
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2/21/11 4:42 P

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No way!

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BILLIEB1120's Photo BILLIEB1120 Posts: 205
2/20/11 3:06 P

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I have been manic depressant since I was 14. It is always worse in the winter. One thing I have found that helps on bad days is to go to the tannng booth. Not great for the skin but for $10 it would be cheaper to get you through till spring. its an idea anyway . and no dont buy the light if you cant afford it

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LEFTOVERS4LUNCH's Photo LEFTOVERS4LUNCH SparkPoints: (11,834)
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2/15/11 12:41 P

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Do you take Vit D Supplements?


~*~ LEAH ~*~

My personal food blog: leftoversforlunch.com


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CHICKYMOMMAOF2's Photo CHICKYMOMMAOF2 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/15/11 7:49 A

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No way!

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KATWOMAN12839 SparkPoints: (0)
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2/14/11 5:50 P

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i agree save your money

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MACKANDME's Photo MACKANDME Posts: 6,103
2/14/11 5:31 P

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My doctors want me to get more sunlight as it is a huge contributor to my issues. But true sun rays beats all. And saves your pocket book. I agree with everyone here....save your money.

~Michelle Macari in St George UT~ Lifestyles of the fit and meatless!
What is it that should trace the insuperable line?… The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? —Jeremy Bentham (1748–1832)
A dead cow or sheep lying in the pasture is recognized as carrion. The same sort of carcass dressed and hung up in a butcher’s stall passes as food. —J. H.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUMUvYLC5iM
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I_AM_ME_STILL's Photo I_AM_ME_STILL Posts: 1,120
2/14/11 5:22 P

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At one point years ago, I needed "light therapy" too.
Of it's still cold where you live then sit next to a sunny window in the morning to eat your breakfast. If it's a little warmer, go eat outside. Get up 20 minutes earlier to make the time for it.
The lamps don't fix anything, they don't even help that much. I am glad I never spent the money on anything like that. Get some sun.

On the money side of it, you don't have any money, so no point in even looking at the lamps.

LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/14/11 4:46 P

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I've had over 15 sick days at work in the past year because of my illnesses. Unpaid.

I need something to turn things around.

SOPHIEMAE2007's Photo SOPHIEMAE2007 SparkPoints: (51,332)
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2/14/11 4:42 P

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Again, Wants vs Needs. You have to decide what is right for you. Days are getting longer, so it maybe something you can save up for.

Kim

Birdwatchers Team Leader,
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=21845


Love All Dogs, but partial to Cocker Spaniels...! Spaniel Lovers Team
Co-Leader,
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=14356





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TIGSCHEF1 Posts: 243
2/14/11 3:06 P

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NO...not if you are broke.
PS Didn't you just post how you really wanted to go see your ailing dad & how much that was going to cost??

Edited by: TIGSCHEF1 at: 2/14/2011 (15:08)
LEAN_MOM's Photo LEAN_MOM Posts: 356
2/14/11 1:39 P

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EDIT to add: can we please let this thread die and not comment? I think we've all said enough. Thank you for all of your input.

________________________________________
______________________________

I have....."issues".....and they're very seasonal so it's been suggested that I try light therapy. But one of my major issues was waking up on time in the morning, so I thought the light wouldn't work because you have to look at it for 15-30 minutes first thing in the morning.

They now sell these lights at the store my husband works at - for $99 bucks minus his 15% discount and a possible store discount if they're running one, usually 10%.

But spring is coming, so do I still need it? Should I wait until next fall and buy one? Or not buy one at all, because it's so expensive?

I've already been told that it won't replace my medications, only help more. So there would be no cost savings in reduced prescription costs.

I already have a full-spectrum desk lamp I bought for $30 at work. It's on for 8 hours a day but I don't think it's doing anything for me. The blue lights are what really help.

Edited by: LEAN_MOM at: 2/24/2011 (14:44)
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