So for the holiday we got my son a watch that has 8 alarm functions so you can set it to vibrate at 8 times throughout the day. Used for people who need to take meds, or potty training toddlers....he took it to school yesterdy and he knows when the vibrating alarm goes off he needs to say to himself, "pay attention! what's going on, noises off!" and said his teacher liked it, and he liked hving hte reminder go off.....
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VERY insightful post, THANK YOU so much for offering up your perspective!!! It's comments like these that really help me think outside the box and improve relations with my kids, with our household and hopefully stick with my kids as they grow up. My son doesn'tt ake any drugs for his ADHD, I've always equated the humming as a tic, and then read up on tics present in school age kids (more boys than girls) and how they tend to grow out of it. My son is an amazing mimic, and his best friend at school has down's syndrome, so a lot of my son's physical charactersitics are blending with his best friends'.
The noises are typical behavior--may even be a tic developing if he is on stimulants for his ADHD. Could be a sign of high funtioning autism (it was in our case). Not to alarm anyone here...some neurologists are begining to think that ADHD may be a part of the autism spectrum. Be sure to advise your doctor.
In regards to the defiant 12 yr old, based only on what you are saying in this post (which is not much, really), you first need to find out what is really bothering your son. When my son (who is ADD and Aspergers) has problems with talking back and being defiant, it is often because he is chaffing against his boundries or when we haven't been clear as to our expectations of him. His defiance caused rifts between my husband and I, too, mostly due to the added stress.
ADHD kids (at least mine) thrive on clear boundries and expectations. My suggestion would be first to talk to your DH and make sure you are both on the same page as to what you expect of your son. Then, get a babysitter for the young ones and the 3 of you get out of the house and come up with a plan. Odds are pretty likely your 12 yr old doesn't feel listened to...but asking a child "what's the problem?!" never works. Write down your expectations of him. Write down what he wants (more control, perhaps?). Figure out a way to get there that everyone can live with. Write down clear consequences for his inability to meeting your expectations. Have everyone sign it. We still have small episodes in our house, but this has stopped the worse behavior by about 90%. When an episode happens, we point to the plan and that he agreed to it. It works very well.
Night before last, I had a meeting that took me away for just a couple of hours, and left my daughter and her children home together. For other reasons, that doesn't happy too often.
My grandson called me in the middle of the meeting, crying and asking me to come home because his mother was "being a jerk."
When I got home, it turns out he'd been sent to his room because he accidently shot his younger sister in the eye w/ a nerf gun he'd bought a few days before. When his mother tried to make sure she was OK, he went into a rage and started screaming at the gun, throwing things, hitting walls, etc. My phone call came when she sent him to his room to calm down.
By the time I got home, everybody was fine and they were making ornaments for the Christmas tree. Always fun at my house! Grandson is ADHD, daughter is Mixed Bipolar (and probably has always been ADHD but undiagnosed.)
Linda C Oklahoma (CST)
"Food is essential to life; Therefore, make it good." --S. Truett Cathy (Chick-Fil-A)
Have you tried help outside the home, like a family counselor? That's how we got our son's ADHD under control, when we lived in Los Angeles we went to this place called the Village family services and met with a counselor all together and it was hard to change habits at first but eventually everyone comes around, makes compromises and is ultimately happier. My suggestion is to get help from an outside source, someone who can see the issues without the emotions attached. Make it your holiday gift to your family to have everyone meet with a family therapist. If you like send me a private message with your location, maybe I can help you find some resources, and if budget is an issue, we can work with those also. Good luck!
I wish I could offer something. As I type this, my son is making noises and talking even though he has be asked more than 20 times to stop. He is doing his chore of packing the dishwasher after dinner, which he doesn't want to do. It doesn't matter how many times he is asked or what the consequences are he can't stop or is it he won't stop? I wouldn't mind at all if his noise making didn't include making mean remarks about his siblings or back talking me. Last night he called me an *sshole because he was told to do something he didn't want. He smart mouths/ talks back at every single thing that is said to him! Honestly, this is not an exaggeration. Is this his AD/HD or is this a 12 year old? Frankly I am at my whits end. One huge problem is he teaching the wrong things to his younger siblings. He is becoming so defiant that my DH is considering leaving because I won't let him discipline the way he wants. This family is slowly becoming a wreck because of one person and I don't know how much longer I can keep it all together. I can't be alone in this can I? Someone out there... speak to me.
There's such a fine line between trying to make your child aware without making them feel ashamed... yesterday he came home from school early and I asked him to make a quiet choice while I was in the office working, and he did it, no problem. That leads to believe that a) it was later in the day and he'd had his energy used up or b) he knows that I can't have ANY noise while I'm at work, so he's hyper aware of how quiet he needs to be. A lot more will be discovered in our parent/teacher confrence next week I'm sure.
One of the things my son did in kindergarten (he's a 3rd grader now) that tipped off his teacher to his ADHD was his constant humming, clicking, making noises. He gets a song in his head and it's in there, not coming out for a few days. he picks up facial ticks and body movements, a lot ike autistic kids who stim, but when asked to stop, he can actually stop himself. but once he starts to focus on other work, he unconsciously does it. he is distracting to others in class. his teacher is sending home notes weekly letting us know how well he did with controlling his noises, and it's been getting steadily worse in the last couple of weeks. Anyone else with ADHD kids have this type of issue? At home all we have to say is "noises off" and it works, and I can't observe him in class so I'm not sure what to do about it.
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