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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/26/08 12:02 A

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EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/25/08 7:09 P

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Kathy from Oregon

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It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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7/25/08 3:34 P

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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/25/08 2:37 P

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Waking Up for Church

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked."I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"


My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/22/08 3:18 A

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Kathy from Oregon

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It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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7/18/08 12:02 A

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That was a good one.
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WANTS2CRUISE's Photo WANTS2CRUISE SparkPoints: (18,851)
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7/17/08 11:36 P

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Very funny and I loved the chainsaw joke too! Here's one I got in e-mail today:

If this doesn't make you laugh just go ahead and close your casket!!!

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had
serious doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, 'Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?'

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, 'Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of the church.'

'Fine job, Jack!' The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. 'You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you.'

Turning to Paul, 'And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the Church last week?'

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, 'I am a professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's $280 I collected.'

The minister responded, 'That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.'

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, 'And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?' Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. 'What is this?' the minister exclaimed. 'Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you
suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?'

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!' both Jack and Paul said in unison. 'We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could.'

'Yes, this does seem unlikely,' the minister agreed. 'I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.'

Louie shrugged. 'I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure,' he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. 'For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!'

'A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,' Louis replied, 'W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you
j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-he re and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??'

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?
They still are!



Count your blessings!
Vicky



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7/16/08 7:15 P

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Really liked that one Kathy.
Karen

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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/16/08 8:07 A

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Good one Kathy! I can see me doing that when I get to be a little old lady! LOL

My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/16/08 2:08 A

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One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would
be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited
that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him
and him."



Kathy from Oregon

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60+LQQKing to Lose 50+




It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/16/08 1:32 A

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LOL CHAIN SAW

EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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BULLFROGLOVER's Photo BULLFROGLOVER Posts: 894
7/15/08 7:41 P

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Keep them coming Pam! Love ya

Positive thinking rules!


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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/14/08 11:47 P

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Just left you guys speechless, didn't it?

My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/14/08 10:06 P

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Kathy from Oregon

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It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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BULLFROGLOVER's Photo BULLFROGLOVER Posts: 894
7/14/08 7:37 P

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Positive thinking rules!


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7/14/08 1:01 P

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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/14/08 12:53 P

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Chainsaw Issue:

This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."

So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself. So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself.

The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, "What's that noise?




My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/14/08 1:51 A

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Thanks Pam...I need that and I'm glad to see your face.

Kathy from Oregon

Co-Leader

60+LQQKing to Lose 50+




It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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BULLFROGLOVER's Photo BULLFROGLOVER Posts: 894
7/13/08 7:46 P

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Oh that was just tooo funny! Thanks Ineeded a good chuckle. Marcie

Positive thinking rules!


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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/13/08 1:06 P

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Sorry, triple post. At least I know now how that is happening.

Edited by: HUMORPAM at: 7/13/2008 (13:05)
My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

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Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/13/08 1:06 P

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Sorry, double post

Edited by: HUMORPAM at: 7/13/2008 (13:04)
My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/13/08 1:06 P

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Fred's Note :

Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"




My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/12/08 4:50 A

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LOL FUNNY

EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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7/11/08 12:57 P

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Thanks everyone for the smiles and giggles.
Karen

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SWEETIEROO's Photo SWEETIEROO Posts: 129
7/11/08 11:55 A

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hehehehe I like that one!

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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/11/08 1:57 A

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Problem Name

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced
Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete. She is now a
nurse currently working at the Intensive Care
Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not
permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It
caused too much confusion when she would answer the
phone and say,

Picabo, ICU.

(A good clean joke is hard to find these days

Kathy from Oregon

Co-Leader

60+LQQKing to Lose 50+




It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/9/08 7:37 P

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EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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SWEETIEROO's Photo SWEETIEROO Posts: 129
7/9/08 9:03 A

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TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Collect Call*

My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.

During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Betty on the line. Will you accept the charges?"

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/9/08 12:20 A

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EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/8/08 4:54 P

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Kathy from Oregon

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60+LQQKing to Lose 50+




It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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SWEETIEROO's Photo SWEETIEROO Posts: 129
7/8/08 9:04 A

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Here's a cute one!
TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*What Don't You Have?*

An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..."

"Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?"

The man answers, "Teeth."

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

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BKP4166's Photo BKP4166 Posts: 16,278
7/8/08 3:04 A

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That was a great one Pam. Keep 'em coming!

Kathy from Oregon

Co-Leader

60+LQQKing to Lose 50+




It's foolish to ask God to direct your steps, if you aren't willing to move your feet.


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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/8/08 12:05 A

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Vicky, thanks for sharing that with me. I am so glad that it helped cheer your Dad up!

My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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WANTS2CRUISE's Photo WANTS2CRUISE SparkPoints: (18,851)
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7/7/08 11:40 P

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Pam, Just wanted to tell you about this story. I talked to my daddy on the phone tonight. He's so sad being home by himself while mom is in the hospital. Anyhow, in the course of our conversation, I read this story to him over the phone. He laughed and laughed. So thank you for helping me to cheer my dad up a little.

Count your blessings!
Vicky



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MINDYHHH Posts: 10
7/7/08 11:27 P

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GOTTA LOVE IT! emoticon

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EVAJO24D's Photo EVAJO24D Posts: 495
7/7/08 5:43 P

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GREAT STORY emoticon

EVA JO


JOHN 3:16


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SWEETIEROO's Photo SWEETIEROO Posts: 129
7/7/08 5:02 P

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I had read that story before but it is cute! Thanks for the s.m.i.l.e. emoticon

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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/7/08 4:42 P

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A cynic once told me the same thing about the Red Sea, and now I have a comeback!

My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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7/7/08 2:42 P

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Thanks Pam! I enjoyed that story! And which one was truely enlightened?!!

Count your blessings!
Vicky



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HUMORPAM's Photo HUMORPAM Posts: 7,887
7/7/08 2:17 P

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The Wonders of God

A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not.

Along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the boy about the source of his joy.

The boy replied with a bright laugh, "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle."The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to the boy, and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" behind the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across."

The boy was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible lying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the boy began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation.

"Wow!" Exclaimed the boy happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in 10 inches of water!"


My God Shall Supply All My Needs!

A winner doesn't always finish first.
Sometimes a winner just finishes!


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