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Four Worms and a Lesson
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive!
So the Minister asked the congregation, 'What can you learn from this demonstration?'
Maxine was setting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'
That pretty much ended the service . . .
I dream of pants that fit me at my waist *and* my hips in an affordable price range.
I found this one in Yahoo!Answers. Good day ladies.
Mrs Abdalla comes to visit her son Samir for 3 days in London where he is studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a female roomate. Mrs Abdalla couldn't help but notice how pretty Samir's roommate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his mom's thoughts, Samir volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Vikki came to Samir saying,"Ever since your mother left, I've been unable to find the silver sugarbowl. You don't suppose she took it do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you left back to Beirut.
Several days later, Samir received an email from his Mother which read:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
One day, a man died and went to heaven. He was told that he would be issued a mode of transportation based on his faithfulness to his wife. After looking through his list, it was determined that he never cheated on his wife and gave him a Rolls Royce.
One day he was driving and came to a four-way stop. At one stop was a man who told the others, "I only cheated on my wife once and I got this nice sedan. The man at the second stop said, "well, I cheated on my wife a couple of times and they gave me this old VW bug." The man at the third stop said "I cheated on my wife many times so that is why I'm driving this piece of junk." Those 3 look over at the fourth stop and say "hey, you've got the nicest car here, why are you crying?" The man in the Rolls paused and then said, "I just drove past my wife, driving a skateboard!"
The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have. -Brian Koslow
Some people are like Slinkys.. not good for much , but fun to watch when you push them down the stairs.
(( ok..so this joke is NOT a true testament of my personality.. however, there is something about this saying that makes me smile.))
Health of Body & Spirit, Chris
Johnny's mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water.
She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
"He should have thought about that before he joined my church."
Hope you guys don't mind me starting this. Humor is a great way to get our minds off of our problems. I found this on one of my support groups. TOOOO FUnny!!!I almost peed myself.
How to Clean a Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. and lift both lids.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat into the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the top so he cannot escape.) CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the cat, as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the back door and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the garden.
7. Stand behind the toilet as much as you can and lift both lids quickly.
8. The freshly cleaned cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog
Originally posted by Discoverlife
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