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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,294
12/19/11 6:14 P

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I agree that I was waylaid years ago by the recommendation that I keep binge foods around. The idea was that if the forbidden food was made available, it would lose its appeal. That has been disproved many times over! But I can have many foods around now that I couldn't before. It can be an advantage not to have access for a period of time, at least. However, I don't have them around any more on purpose, as I used to. I guess I'm just as glad I don't live with anyone who might not be supportive, but I think you can beat this one. We don't live in a world free of proximity to these foods; we have to believe at some point, we can live with them peacefully. emoticon emoticon

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
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MEDDYPEDDY's Photo MEDDYPEDDY Posts: 7,782
12/19/11 3:03 A

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I am also in a twelve step program and have admitted that I am powerless over food - that means that I (for eample) used to steal candy from my daughter (telling myself that I had bought it for her...) and then blamed the dog emoticon .

The next time I admitted that it was me and told her that she has to keep those things away from me, so my daughter has learned that she has to hide left over candy if she wants to be sure it will still be there... really embarrassing but a fact.

I am writing this because if you are like me you have a very hard time to have those things around. I would tell my roommates that if they really wanted to keep typical "binge" things (nuts, candy, cookies etc.) they would have to keep it out of miy sight.I am not reliable with that stuff and my life has become easier once I admitted it.

It is embarrassing and if I ever get a long time of abstinence I might be able to keep "dangerous" food in the house again. Right now I have candy that we made for christmas gifts - I might handle it for some days but know that in the end I will inevitable eat it if I don΄t give it away. I have been adviced from spark friends to keep it out of sight and make it hard to get at so I will move it out into the garage - that will hopefully keep me from suddenly getting up from the teve or my bed and go bingeing - I will at least have to put shoes on and get a flashligt to get them...

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GOOSIEMOON's Photo GOOSIEMOON SparkPoints: (163,205)
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12/18/11 8:12 A

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DEER-HEART -

Your honesty is inspiring, and I'm glad things all turned out for the best.
I have done things like this in my past too, and know exactly how you feel. Posting your feelings here was a great idea, not only to help clarify the situation for yourself, but to remind us all that we are not alone.

Peace to you,
GOOSIEMOON

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."

~ Earl Nightingale


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TATTOO127's Photo TATTOO127 Posts: 91
12/17/11 6:54 A

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Deer-Heart

Thanks so much for your honesty. I have done the same kind of things in the past. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I do a 12 step program and step 1 is that I am powerless over food. Your story reminded me of my story and that reminded me of some great examples of how I am powerless of food and that my life is unmanageable because of it.

Now for me that doesnt mean I am in a hopeless situation it means that I have to believe that there is something much bigger than me that can restore me to sanity. I am asking today that my obsession with food be removed and that I can be restored to some sanity. That is my prayer for today.

Namaste,
Liz

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12/16/11 4:40 P

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nice outcome for all emoticon



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DEER-HEART Posts: 112
12/15/11 11:37 P

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Thanks everyone for the support... made me feel better.
And it turned out for the best, really... my roommate approached me about it very politely, and it led to an honest conversation where I own up to what I did as well as let her know WHY - my problems with eating disorders (not as an excuse, just the fact of what my behaviours are). I'm going to make her a batch of candied/spiced nuts for her birthday.

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12/14/11 10:12 P

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yes never never give up



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KITTYKATGIRL7's Photo KITTYKATGIRL7 SparkPoints: (4,370)
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12/14/11 8:20 P

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Deer-Heart,
Oh my.....I relate to you SO much. Just this week I have been fighting with myself at work (I'm a nanny) and binging on Chex mix. I have consumed large amounts of it, and I'm so humiliated about how much. I know that the parents know it's me, because the little girl has allergies and can't eat specific things. I'm so embarrassed, yet apparently not enough to stop myself. Of course, they haven't said anything, which is almost worse than if they did. I wish that they would just HIDE it. We are totally in this together!!! The trick is to never give up!!

No matter where I go, I take 'me' with me....

Love me, or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!


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EMLCORRIGAN's Photo EMLCORRIGAN Posts: 143
12/14/11 7:29 P

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We all make mistakes! Please don't beat your self up to much over this?
Maybe just talk to your roommate! Just say you were so sorry, and didn't think it was that big of deal.. Or maybe buy some almonds and add a note saying "Sorry " On a note?
I wouldn't worry to much... I'm sure it's one of those things we make up to be a bigger deal then it is!
Feel better! emoticon

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12/14/11 3:12 P

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better a rant than another binge i say. i think if we are honest we have all taken other peoples food at times.
congratulations on not having a binge,do something nice for yourself and i think when the moment is right to talk about it you will know and remember the rest of the world isnt perfect we just have distorted vision and see it that way.
emoticon



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OOLALA53's Photo OOLALA53 Posts: 8,294
12/14/11 3:04 P

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I think you've done a very good job of doling out punishing behavior.I don't mean to excuse what you did at all, but I think you're being rather hard on yourself. Asking what kind of wahtever you said you were would do a thing like that is pretty harsh! I know you want to be sure you don't let yourself think that taking things is okay, but it is a pretty small infraction. That rather excessive shame is part of the problem in our stress levels that can be part of the reason we reach for food. I'm only now realizing how much of it I feel over some other areas of my life, and I don't yet understand what to do about it because it affects a lot fo hours of my day. but that's another post.


If you want advice, I'd say to let things lie for awhile before saying anything. And absolutely remember these feelings because you really do not want to take other people's stuff without their permission. Just imagine it's in a supermarket and you have to pay before you eat. After a period of totally trustworthy time, you may get brave enough to come clean with your roommate and admit that it was a problem you used to have and you were terribly embarrassed about it. It might even become a source of humor. Hard to see that now.

Resolve not to do it again, and forgive yourself! Be thankful it's as easy a fix as it is.

*"The goal of weight loss is incompatible with recovering from disordered eating." Center for Clinical Interventions
*The No S Diet saved my emotional life! Four years and counting. nosdiet.com/ *Be happy with this moment. This moment is your life.
*Get to the next meal hungry!
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp


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SPROUTLET's Photo SPROUTLET Posts: 136
12/14/11 10:49 A

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Dear DEER-HEART,
I know this doesn't excuse the behaviour but please know you're not alone. Just last week I stole biscuits that a co-worker keeps in her desk drawer, reasoning that a few out of a whole packet wouldn't be missed. The next day I felt so guilty and ashamed that I bought biscuits for the whole office to compensate for my behaviour (in my mind). Except, after everyone else had gone home I ended up binging on them myself, which made me feel even worse.
I wish I could give you some words to take away your anguish. Please try to forgive yourself and know that these feelings will subside in time. BED is like addiction, in that it drives us to do the unimaginable.
Sending you a very big hug.


“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” [Elisabeth Kόbler-Ross, M.D.]
DEBIBLUE72's Photo DEBIBLUE72 Posts: 469
12/14/11 10:19 A

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i understand how you feel you can't admit what you did because you feel your roommate won't understand. there is a possibility that she won't. maybe coming here and posting what you did is your first step to maybe someday being honest with her. just a thought. hope today goes better for you, take care, debi emoticon

Edited by: DEBIBLUE72 at: 12/14/2011 (10:21)
INSANITY:
REPEATING THE SAME BEHAVIOR AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS!!!

THE SERENITY PRAYER


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DEER-HEART Posts: 112
12/14/11 8:08 A

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I literally feel like CRAP. there's just no excuse for how I act :(
I've been struggling with BED/bulimia for YEARS...while I usually have it under control (aka no enormous binges), the way I handle it is by constantly grazing, little nibbles here and there.. but the problem is that lately, it hasn't always been on *my* food.
I live in an apartment with two roommates, who are good friends and wonderful people and..I don't even know how to put it into words, I feel so ashamed. Sometimes when I've been in the midst of "I'm hungry and don't want to binge but it's not mealtime so I'm going to just nibble on something so I feel like I'm eating but not" I've taken something of theirs. Like a couple of almonds or a spoonful of nutella or something - -things that my awful disordered brain reasons they'd never notice were gone. And I've been totally fooling myself into thinking this was OKAY by using this mentality of "it's only a little -x-, they won't notice".
Except today I noticed one of my roommates had totally reordered her fridge... whatever, she's always reordering her stuff. Except that the almonds are way at the back...with a note that read "-my name-, please don't take my almonds".
Cue enormous reality hit. Then huge waves of guilt. Then more guilt. And guilt.
It's so WRONG that I don't even feel like I'm myself. What kind of person am I that I'm so sick and so self-absorbed that I could think it's okay to take someone else's food? My eating disorder's not an excuse. I feel really, really horrible and angry and upset and guilty and ashamed. I should have stopped myself. I should never have even done it in the first place.
I know some of you are going to say to just come clean with my roommate, except that where she put the container was in the back, underneath some other things, so the only way I could have even seen the note is if I was looking for the almonds (...yeah). So to address it, I'd be admitting I was looking for them again and I don't think I can do that.
Basically, I'm a steaming puddle of shame. Please don't think too badly of me for my actions... I know it's wrong. I knew it was wrong even when I was doing it, but I was ignoring it. Don't think I don't know how horrible that is.

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