I just realized when I deleted the Affirmations post from the wrong Forum, that I had it saved in my office, I will post it on Monday, but in the meantime I am posting this one instead.
Even though we are told over and over again how we need to focus on the positive and not the negative, I believe it is very important to find out what our weaknesses are so that we can strengthen them and turn them into positive.
I'm sure we all recognize behaviors here that at times, sometimes many times, keep us stuck, so see if you can recognize these on yourself so you can start making the necessary changes to get Unstuck!
Enjoy your weekend!
7 behaviors of self defeating behaviors
that keep you stuck!
by John Seeley
Disorganization is where someone tries to put roadblock on moving forward in their life. Their sub-conscious mind is keeping them safe from what they fear. It thinks itís helping you, but in reality itís preventing you from moving forward, which on some level is what you want.
Cheating on diets and workouts is again is related to fear. Itís not fear of the outcome of being in shape, but of what that means. For example it might mean youíre attractive to the opposite sex, and since you were hurt by them, you donít want that. It also means commitment to keeping in shape, or else you will have done something worse than failed. You succeeded, and then failed. In your sub-conscious mind, that is worse than never achieving success. If you didnít achieve success, you can blame it on other people or other things. Once you succeed, you own it. Now itís yours to lose.
Overspending is usually where you are using it as a numbing effect. You feel bad about some part of your life, which you feel is out of your control, and you want to reward yourself in hopes that it will compensate you for not having the other thing. However it usually only has a temporary effect. Like any ďaddictionĒ it needs more each time to achieve the same desired effect due to a tolerance build up.
Picking unnecessary fights and burning bridges is usually due to a fear of loss. Often you fear the other person is going to ďbreak-upĒ with you, or reject you in some way. So you do it first to maintain the illusion of control, and not being rejected. Unfortunately your sub-conscious mind knows whatís going on, so the comforted feeling only lasts till your state of denial exists. Sooner or later, after enough fights, youíre alone. You might keep denying it, but youíll be miserable deep down.
Constant lateness might appear only to be inconsideration. It sometimes is related to not being able to say no. But chronic lateness usually is a passive-aggressive way to say you donít want to be where you have to be. You donít like that someone else is controlling your time. Itís a way of saying Iím more important than you.
Procrastination often has to due with issues of perfectionism. You feel you have to do everything perfectly, and to that end you put off something till you can do it just right. Being human, by definition imperfect beings, this can be quite a trap. The trap is because you donít accept that because you believe you can do it perfectly, so until you have everything right, you donít complete it. Procrastination also has to due with not wanting to look bad. If you feel you will look bad from doing something again that isnít perfect, you wonít do it. You feel itís better to be thought of as late, than bad.
Addictions are probably the worst, but as I said before, some of the previous behaviors are addictions. Addictions are used as self-medication. The person addicted wants to numb their bad feelings, either physical or mental/emotional. People are addicted to different things, some better than others, but these coping mechanisms usually only work temporarily if at all. Itís better to address the pain, as with all these self-defeating behaviors as soon as you can. Get help if you donít feel you can do it alone. It will save you pain and suffering in the long run.
The way to deal with being with disorganization, is through getting organized. I know it sounds simple, and in theory it is. The psychological, whether mental or emotional blocks, that have held you from doing that can be staggering. So you have two simple ways to deal with it. One way is to choose one thing each day that you can organize. Bit by bit you will accomplish the organization you desire. Itís like eating and elephant. You do it one bite at a time. The second way is to do one great big reorganization. It can be quite a task, but it can be done. They even have TV reality shows that do it for you. For those that choose this method, if you find it overwhelming, hire someone to help you with it.
When we cheat on diets or workouts, we tell our subconscious not to believe what we say we want. This can be reversed by renegotiating your commitments. Begin with small ones that you absolutely know you will keep! Then keep them! This begins retraining your subconscious mind to begin to support your desires.
Overspending needs to be treated like an addiction. Stop Cold Turkey. You need to create a budget that meets your needs. You can build in some ďmad moneyĒ, but that is the only money you spend. When you feel the need to be a spendthrift, you need to stop, and feel you feelings. Feel what is the real need you need fulfilled. Then find something healthy that meets it. If you need professional help, get some to deal with it.. Overspending can cause multiple problems if you donít.
Picking unnecessary fights or burning bridges is usually the kind of problem that needs some professional support. Find a coach or therapist that can help you face your fears and heal the old wound causing this.
The motivation for constant lateness needs to be addressed for each person individually. If itís something that the person doesnít like to do, that issue needs to be addressed. The person needs to find inner strength to face the resentments openly, and directly. This usually needs professional support. Once they learn to face the things they donít like, and work solutions out, they will likely be more prompt.
Dealing with procrastination canít be put off! Itís the very thing that a procrastinator would want to do. So you must start now. First make a new agreement with yourself, that you are not perfect, and donít need to be. This may feel very challenging, and again sometimes a professional can help you to address why you have felt the need to be perfect. Once you come to terms with that you can begin to begin creating excellence. One caution, donít overanalyze this, just accept that the best you can do is all you can expect.
Addictions can be the most challenging problems to deal with. They have their own defense systems. Each addiction requires different ways to address it. Some need the Cold Turkey quitting. Some need to be weaned slowly to ease the withdrawal symptoms. No matter what the addiction, the underlying problem is the one that really needs addressing. The problem is that addictions themselves usually create their own problems, and therefore the originating problem isnít addressed, therefore the motivation to slip back into the addictive behavior is great. You need to find some way to address the core issue, and that usually involves a professional. The fear around the core issue is usually what drove the person to the addiction, so itís best that you find someone that knows how to assist you with both the physical part of the addiction, and the mental/emotional element of the addiction. Itís worth dealing with these problems. Chances are that everything you really desire that you donít have is on the other side of these issues. Make a decision that you desire that more than you fear the challenges, and take the first step.
You cannot get what youíve never had unless youíre willing to do what youíve never done.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin. www.youneedanita.blogspot.com/