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DAWNRENEE1's Photo DAWNRENEE1 Posts: 1,934
9/7/07 10:31 A

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I think you will do the right thing and just remember you are a strong person!
Good luck!!
Dawn

God only gives the hardest tasks to the one''s he loves the most...



To Dream of the Person you would like to be is to Waste the Person you are.


 
QUERIAN's Photo QUERIAN Posts: 8,103
9/7/07 8:54 A

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Thanks again everyone. I agree he is really doing this as a sort of manipulation, throwing his crap on me, and usually I'm too nice to get angry. It's been going on like this for over a year and I think I just need to continue to limit my interaction with him as much as possible while resisting the impulse to get caught up in his crap. The next time he starts in on how stupid he is I think I'll say "if you say so" or "you're the expert on you" and try to move on. I have spoken with him about how disrespectful (to me) his behavior is and told him it's both unbecoming and inappropriate in the office, but he is busy playing his role as the stupid jerk, and tells me things like his father was never wrong and so that's how he is because that's what his father (long deceased) told him long ago (this guy is in his mid-40s). It's really frustrating because he is a successful businessman who owned his own company and built high-end custom homes before he came to our company to head our construction department. I'm an accountant, not a therapist, and I have a real job to do here!

I guess the whole impetus for this thread was the idea that if you believe something about yourself people will treat you that way, except in this case I am the one treating the person according to their limiting belief. It's like a subconscious brainwashing that I'm trying to fight. Being aware of the problem is the first step. Maintaining my distance is probably the best solution. Thanks again.

- Nikki -

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but an habit." - Aristotle

Weight as of October 7, 2010: 185
1st goal of 175 by Nov 23, 2010
Weekly Weigh-Ins:
10/7/10 - 185
10/14/10 - 184.7
10/21/10 - 185.5
10/29/10 - 184.2
11/4/10 - 183.4


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LMODESTINO's Photo LMODESTINO SparkPoints: (17,218)
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9/6/07 11:08 P

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Hey Nicole, Only one additional piece of advise. While his actions are annoying, anger on your part won't do anything except upset you further. It's too bad he doesn't realize how concerned you are for him. emoticon

My Quote for stage 3
"See it done, hear it done, feel it done and it will be."
Lin Modestino 2/15/07
Long term Goal-135
Mid Term Goal-150 3/15/08
Short Term Goal-EXERCISE!


 current weight: 167.0 
 
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LISASAYERS Posts: 3,836
9/6/07 8:54 P

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Hey Nicole
You have gotten some good advice here. It sounds to me like he has very low self esteem...so he says those things so people will say, "No you aren't stupid." He is looking for validation, in my opionion . You may want to pick up a copy of Dr. Shad Helmstetter's book, What to Say When You Talk to Yourself and leave it with him.

I think he is just looking for support! Who knows what his home life is like!

You are a good person, you will know what to do!
Make it a great day!
Lisa


DAWNRENEE1's Photo DAWNRENEE1 Posts: 1,934
9/6/07 4:03 P

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Your Kindness comes from deep inside and not everyone has that. I am proud of how you are reacting to the situation. Just remember to use your consicious as a guide to how you treat others.
emoticon

God only gives the hardest tasks to the one''s he loves the most...



To Dream of the Person you would like to be is to Waste the Person you are.


 
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QUERIAN's Photo QUERIAN Posts: 8,103
9/6/07 3:44 P

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Thanks for the input. He is not my boss but he is my superior and while I don't work for him often have to work with him cooperatively. I cannot refuse to speak with him or work with him, it's my job to be available to him. He is actually a very nice and funny guy. I have a lot of compassion for him because I once had a lot of those same issues of negative self-talk that I see in him now. I guess I should just be grateful for the progress I have made personally, and use my run-ins with him on this issue as a reminder to treat the world with kindness, whether they want to be treated that way or not.

I just feel horrible sometimes for treating him like he's stupid. It makes me feel like a bad person myself. I need to remember I choose my own role, my own words, and my own actions. I should be just as vigilant about how I treat others as with how I treat myself. Just because someone tells you they are stupid doesn't mean you should treat them that way, even if it's subconsciously.

- Nikki -

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but an habit." - Aristotle

Weight as of October 7, 2010: 185
1st goal of 175 by Nov 23, 2010
Weekly Weigh-Ins:
10/7/10 - 185
10/14/10 - 184.7
10/21/10 - 185.5
10/29/10 - 184.2
11/4/10 - 183.4


 Pounds lost: 2.3 
 
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LYNN4LIFE's Photo LYNN4LIFE Posts: 1,311
9/6/07 2:51 P

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What a hard place to be put in! You've gotten some good advice, so I won't add to it as I'd just be repeating.

But I know something here will work for you, even if you have to try all of them!

Lynn

Lynn4Life--because at the end of the day I'm always ME.


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9/6/07 12:49 P

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Maybe gently but firmly tell him you have a new rule - the old saying "if you can't say something nice to me say nothing at all" even about himself.....

This is a sensitive situation. Thinking of you :)


Never Give Up!


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NITAINMN's Photo NITAINMN Posts: 7,583
9/6/07 10:47 A

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I agree with Dawn completely on everything she mentions. Again, you are a good person. It must definitely be frustating to be around this person 8 hours a day!

For me, I'd try to separate the person (spirit/soul) from thier wrongful deeds. I would look for something to compliment him once a day to help boost his self confidence & image, Consider that as service to humanity!

emoticon

Hope this helps.

emoticon

Nita

Samasta Loka Sukhino Bhavantu" - Sanskrit translates to "Let all the worlds be happy!"

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NOTBLUSHING's Photo NOTBLUSHING Posts: 19,405
9/6/07 10:47 A

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I'd tell him, angrily, that saying those things to ME in my workplace is personally demeaning to ME (it is!) and you will not tolerate his hostility.
He is undermining morale, productivity, and the work team. Quite frankly, I'd only warn him ONCE.

EVERYONE knows EXACTLY what they NEED to do to be fit, healthy, and slim.
The problem is, nobody does it.


 current weight: 182.0 
 
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DAWNRENEE1's Photo DAWNRENEE1 Posts: 1,934
9/6/07 10:12 A

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I am sorry that you have to deal with that type of person! And I feel sorry for him that he really must think badley of himself. I am glad however that you don't fell that way about yourself or him for that matter! You seem to be a strong person for not giving into that type of attack.
I wish I could give you some kind of answer and maybe someone else will be able to!
But I wanted to tell you that you are a good person for dealing with it the way you do!
emoticon
Dawn

God only gives the hardest tasks to the one''s he loves the most...



To Dream of the Person you would like to be is to Waste the Person you are.


 
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QUERIAN's Photo QUERIAN Posts: 8,103
9/6/07 10:02 A

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I work with this guy named Richard who is constantly demeaning himself, which drives me crazy. But yesterday he said to me "Richard's stupid, and Richard's a dick! Go tell everyone behind my back what a stupid dick I am!" I responded by saying "I didn't say either of those things and I'm right here talking to you, not talking behind your back." The thing is, it's like he has implanted this idea in my and I find myself wanting to go tell people what a stupid dick he is. This is his thought, not mine, and I'm resisting the best I can, but how do other people deal with this? Do you even notice it? I've noticed it with this guy a lot, because I work with him almost daily, and sometimes I find myself treating him like he is stupid, not because I think he is but because he has repeatedly told me he is. I have worked a lot on my own self-talk, but how do you avoid playing into the negative self-talk of others? I feel like a karmic pawn, playing out the script he has written for himself. I treat others with respect and courtesy, but have a much harder time with him and with others like him, who tell me all their limitations. I have pointed out this talk to him, asked him not to talk that way about himself, I have even told him not to talk that way about my friend, but I still feel stuck in the script he has written when dealing with him, which I dislike. Any advice would be appreciated.

- Nikki -

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but an habit." - Aristotle

Weight as of October 7, 2010: 185
1st goal of 175 by Nov 23, 2010
Weekly Weigh-Ins:
10/7/10 - 185
10/14/10 - 184.7
10/21/10 - 185.5
10/29/10 - 184.2
11/4/10 - 183.4


 Pounds lost: 2.3 
 
0
7.1
14.2
21.3
28.4
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