Those are some really good suggestion of how to saying no and so odd that you posted those today... I know for a long time I had problems saying no to one friend. Yesterday I finally did it, she wanted me to come pick her up and take her someplace right away and it was not a life or deaths situation she just wanted to go pick up something that she could have taken the bus for but didn't want to. She lives about 20 min away and I know she doesn't have a whole lot of money but neither do I and well I don't have to tell any of you what gas prices are. So I told her I would, but would need some gas money if I was going to do it. Knowing she didn't have the money for gas and taking the bus would be cheaper she all of a sudden decided that taking the bus would be a better idea. Conclusion I said no without actually saying no and she didn't get angry because I couldn't pick her up.
I was just so proud of myself for standing up to her. It almost made me feel giddy. B.
Edited by: BFITTS at: 7/17/2008 (16:21)
Definition of life: It is a sexually transmitted disease that afflix some people more then others. (Unknown)
The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~Benjamin Franklin
Anita, On a more personal level, some of us equate food with love. I grew up in a household where this felt true. Later in life, when my son was staying with my parents, I'd stop by and pick him up and my mom would always have dinner for me. When I got home, I would eat the dinner that my wife had prepared for me. Needless to say, two dinners a night added the pounds on quickly. I didn't have the tools to say "no". This may not me unique with me. Any thoughts?
"If you are not busy being born, you are busy dying." --Bob Dylan "Obstacles are those things we see when we take our eyes off our goals." "If we don't like where we are, change it! We are not trees." "Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity." -- Louis Pasteur, Chemist and Microbiologist
Here are some helpful tips on how to say 'NO', first of all so that you don't have to feel bad with yourself once you say yes, and wonder why you did that, especially in those situations when you didn't want to or couldn't and at the same time not feel like we are letting people down. I hope it helps.
Hugs xoxo Anita
How to say 'no' and still be liked? by Arina Nikitina
We've all been in this situation. Somebody asks us to do him or her a favor and, though there are a gazillion other things we should do first, we find it difficult to turn the other person down because he or she has done us a favor in the past, or is a close friend or a family member.
The concept of gratitude prevails and we find ourselves trapped in something we really didn't know why we committed to. We can sometimes be so worried at causing disappointment in other people, often at the expense of our own activities and interests.
Frankly, knowing how to say 'no' requires SKILL.
Others might say that it shouldn't be hard to do.
But, let's face it. We live as social beings and acceptance often occupies the number one spot in the list of virtues we want to achieve. Despite this, there are actually ways we can circumvent this difficulty. Subliminal persuasion is one way. Here are five more friendly, pain-free and reasonable ways to say 'no'.
1. Say 'no'; then show what the other person has to do to get a 'yes'
For example: An employee is asking you for a raise but you hesitate to do so because lately he's been skipping work and picking arguments with co-workers. Yet, he looks like he really needs it and has been working for your company for three years now. You want to give him a raise, but his recent behavior is a little disappointing. How do you say 'no'?
Tell him that you can't approve a raise right now, but will do so once you see an improvement in his work ethic. You can say, "I understand your need for a salary increase, but in order for me to implement that, we'll have to work on strengthening your work habits. Now, let's see how we can make that happen..."
2. Make it impersonal.
Make it sound like saying 'no' was a matter of circumstance, not of choice. An example of this is: "We've just paid our mortgage and my daughter is going off to college in two weeks. I won't be able to lend you money."
3. Say 'no' in a way that will make the other person say 'no' to himself or herself
Instead of saying 'no', teach the other person to say 'yes' to what you want. Do this subtly, of course. For instance, your fashion conscious sister wants to get a pink iPod while you want a blue one. You can tell her that while pink is a cute color, it's more difficult to match with her clothes. Once you level with her and link what you want with what interests her, she'll give in and agree with you.
4. Say you want to say 'yes', but...
Like tip number two, make it sound like you had no choice but to turn the other person down. This way, the relationship remains intact and no one gets hurt. Just don't involve other people, like blame your saying 'no' to somebody else, as this could result in conflict and ill feelings.
5. Say it nicely.
You're giving negative news, so you might as well do it nicely. Let the other person down easy to avoid misunderstandings. It's the least you can for the disappointed. People tend to be more accepting of bad news if it's brought in a polite and sympathetic manner.
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