Hi, LILBIRD. Maybe I should try the ice cream cone thing, too. I loved ice cream as a child and was never fat til age 26. My parents would take me out for an ice cream cone, it was cold and sweet and good and I savored it SLOWLY by licking it, not gobbling a big pile of it down fast with a spoon, like I do now. The satisfaction of eating the ice cream had a chance to reach my brain before I ate more. I got the treat feeling, but there's not that many calories in a scoop of ice cream on a cone, so I couldn't get into trouble. Same with Popsickles from the ice cream trucks that used to come around to the neighborhoods. Actually, Icie carts come around this neighborhood now, though I wouldn't want to trample any little shortstacks hurrying to get to one at my age! Sounds like a good idea. Thanks.
I sleep 8 hours, drink 8 glasses of water, eat 4+ servings of fruits and vegetables, log in 1+ miles of walking per day, climb my stairs 10+ times a day, do about an hour of daily physical work, eat whole grains, eat enough fiber, but I am unable to comply consistently with the calorie restriction part of Spark. As a result, I am not losing weight; in fact, I have gained 7 pounds in the more than a month I've been struggling. My pattern is that I can eat few enough calories 1 day, but then the next day I am so hungry I eat ravenously. The following day I'm not so hungry (because I ate my fill the day before), so I can eat close to the recommended number of calories again. And on and on. My body must be fighting to stay the same size, but I'm losing the battle against that powerful force.
With sweets, I buy the ice cream, cake or pie I want because THIS TIME I plan to eat only 1 serving of it in 1 day. If it's good, I eat a lot of it (remembering to wake up, if the sweet item is especially good, to have at it unobserved in the middle of the night). Then the next day I resolve again not to buy it any more, finishing it off--to remove further temptation and to ensure a good night's sleep: if it's gone, my subconscious mind remembers and doesn't wake me up to eat more of it, and I sleep peacefully til morning. A week or more or less later, I again start to believe I can handle it and deserve a treat as balm for my sorrows of the moment, and the cycle repeats.
I have at least found 2 things that help in the ice cream department: I am lactose intolerant, and if I eat more than 1/2 cup I have problems, so if I get the regular ice cream (instead of the lactose-free one I had been buying), fear of hours of stomach distress does stop even me. Also, Klondike Skinny ice cream sandwiches not only aren't lactose-free but there's not enough in the 100 calorie serving packages to get into serious trouble with even if I do lose control, so they provide the treat feeling but feel safer to me, and so far I have eaten only the 1 serving I WANT to eat, and haven't awakened at 4 am with visions of Klondikes dancing before my eyes.
Yes, I know it's no wonder I don't lose weight if that's my pattern of behavior, but does anyone here recognize just what it IS that I'm doing? Is this considered binge eating, or something else? And why has my night eating come back now as I'm struggling to control the number of calories I eat? Is it just that before Spark I ate whatever I wanted while I was awake, so there was no need to go into eating overtime during the night? And why should I be gaining weight instead of losing it now that I'm at least trying (however ineffectually) to reign in my food consumption and am much more physically active than before I started Spark?! I feel much better, I'm moving faster, I'm tightening up my muscles so that my clothing fits looser, but I'm just as fat.
Added note: I thought about this last night. It's just like a drunk who periodically wishfully thinks maybe he can handle alcohol in moderation after all and the next thing he knows wakes up from a lost weekend wondering what happened. I think I should print this and put a copy on the fridge so if I'm going to self-sabotage like this I at least won't be able to hide from myself awareness of the fact that I want to have my cake and be normal weight, too, and how well that has worked out for me over and over in the past. If I sneak eat while pretending to virtuously diet, no one else can see me do it at the time but everyone will know what I've done anyway from the fact that I stay fat.
On July 6 my doctor's office weight was 267--7 pounds more than it was when I started Spark. This morning, July 16, my bathroom scale suddenly showed 258. I don't know why, and I don't care: I'm just glad to FINALLY have a moment of success to encourage me to keep trying.
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