I suddenly remembered a great book that my dh and I have read together - it is called the "Five Love Languages". And it makes total sense! The author's premise is that we all love, but we all love in a different language. When we 'speak love' to others, we use the language that we understand. That is okay, if our spouse also speaks the same language, but does not work at all if we speak different ones.
The languages are:
* acts of service
* physical affection
* words of affirmation
* quality time
If I am 'gifts' and my husband is quality time, he will want to spend time with me and do special things together. I will not feel loved, though, unless he makes me a card, sends me a love note, or buys me an inexpensive (or expensive!) gift.
In the same way, if I need words of affirmation (positive comments, praise, etc) to feel loved, but dh prefers hugs, kisses, and caresses, neither of us will feel appreciated or loved unless we realize how we must show that love to our spouse.
My dh is totally acts of service. I have come to realize that if he scrapes the ice off my car in the morning so I don't have to, that he is showing me he cares. However, he rarely sends flowers or cards or gifts. Likewise, I need to tell him I love him by doing things for him like picking up the house, washing his shirts for him, cooking a nice meal, etc.
The book is by Gary Chapman. Others may appreciate it as well.
Please note, that Mr. Chapman is a Christian man, and occasionally offers examples with a Christian perspective. If you prefer not to read a book that mentions the Christian faith occasionally, this may not be for you.
“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.” -- Clarence W. Hall
Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song." -- (almost-Saint!) Pope John Paul II
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