Thanks for the responses. I don't want to nag him, but he is also the one who brings up his weight on a daily basis and comes up with all these crazy diet plans. I try to be hands-off about it all, and instead I just leave an open invitation to him if I'm going for a walk or to workout. I feel frustrated because I worry about his health so much and I also worry about the example he sets for our kids. Jane, how do you deal with it all without getting frustrated?!
This is the same situation at my house. You'd think I gave DH my 40 lost pounds. It's sad and frustrating, and at my house---old. Thanks for the posting the resources, CJ. I'll be sure to re-read them.
"You cannot accept another with a hateful heart. You cannot hear the other with a closed mind. You cannot embrace with closed arms. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." --Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi
Oh wow. What a difficult situation. I'm not sure where to start in suggesting some ideas.
You are cooking healthier meals - it is he who is choosing not to eat them.
Hmmm...I just thought of a book that I read years ago. It was called the Dance of Anger and talked about relationships and especially when one person in a relationship changes, the other person consciously, or subconsciously wants them to 'change back'. It had some great ways to talk about your choices, without getting defensive.
If you follow the link, you get to an article called "Is weight-loss hurting your relationship?". The whole article may be useful to you, and in particular the #4 they list about your partner gaining when you are losing.
There are also other links along the right-hand side of this article.
All the best to you!
Edited by: CJBAGGINS at: 12/6/2010 (18:34)
God is closer to us than water is to a fish. - St. Catherine of Sienna
Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain. - Psalm 127:1
When I joined SP my hubby would eat @ home what was healthy & then @ work he eats what he wants & I don't say or criticize what he does. He never did any exercise @ all either. I prayed a lot & that he would want to workout w/ me. I got him to take a couple of walks w/ me & I told him how much I enjoyed walking w/ him. I prayed a lot to have him workout w/ me. He walks w/ me & bikes also w/ me. He still has some bad habits but not as much as he used to have. We also went through a marriage class based on Fireproof the movie. I revealed on a non threatening view in a lot different words how I felt about him drinking too much coffee & not working out w/ me.
He does take walks & bikes w/ me now but it has taken me along time. Don't nag him but really tell him how much better you feel now that you're eat better & workout. I used our daughter also.
Every time I rely on Jesus He never lets me down. Faith + grace = salvation
I've been losing weight and changing to a healthier lifestyle for the past two years. At first my husband was very resistant, but now he's mostly OK with my new lifestyle. Over the past two years, I've lost more than 50 pounds (yay!) but I'm very concerned because during that time, my husband has gained about 40 pounds. Obviously, I can't make him be healthier. I have made suggestions, and the meals I cook at home are healthy. Instead of eating what I cook, he eats fast food, drinks beer each night and refuses to work out. Every few weeks, he comes up with some new fad diet plan to lose weight. In the end, he always blames me -- that I didn't support his new plan enough or I don't cook what he likes, etc.
How can I support him without nagging him, and help him without allowing myself to be blamed if he fails? How can I
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