Thank you Jen! I never thought to stand in his shoes and view what I have been doing the last two months.
I have tried, over and over and over again to get him to join the gym; he NEEDS to; he is 66, a diabetic and has a heart condition; exercise is a must for him.
He just doesn't want to I guess. He lost his first wife to cancer, and I was diagnosed with stage 1a lung cancer 2 1/2 years ago. Because it was caught so early, they removed my upper left lobe but I didnt require any chemo or radiation; still, I have to have CT's every 4 months. The last one came back with a blip.
I see my oncologist on Wednesday, and I'm trying not to be scared, but I am, and I know he is concerned as well. I'm sure it is nothing; I received the radiologist report 3 weeks ago, and if he had thought it was important he would have had me in earlier. Still, with cancer, you are always afraid.
That is one of the reasons I need to spin and work out, becauseit provides an hour where I am totally focused on something else and dont have time to get scared.
I think once I get past Wednesday, everything will be fine. Just a little anxious right now..
Can I take a look at this in a different angle? I took a look at your sparkpage for some reference as to what you wrote. I will agree that the exercise is a wonderful thing, healthy and helpful. But can we look at this in a different way? Your husband must know of the anorexia and is only witnessing what you tell him. Maybe he is worried that you have gotten so into the exercise considering your size and weight. With your weight being between 93 and 95 pounds and you not ever wanting to get below 90, maybe he is worried about that? When you come home and not feeling like eating, he could be concerned that you are going from one extreme to another and sees that you aren't eating enough to exercise so much? I was just thinking in terms that a man may be and may not be expressing. He can't see that you are eating large lunches and how many calories you are taking in, he only sees that you are exercising all of the time and not eating. He could just be worried more about your health.
Just another aspect to consider. Men sometimes don't always have the best ways of expressing their concern. Talk to him about it this way, maybe you'll be surprised.
I am so pleased for you that you have found exercise that you enjoy and are reaping the benefits from it. That is a wonderful step and as you say, critical for your mental and physical health.
I'm sorry that you are sensing resentment from your husband about your time spent exercising. It is hard to know what may be causing it, but it can be anything from guilt over not exercising himself, hurt that you are spending less time with him, or any number of other reasons. The fact remains, though, that he does seem like he is feeling put out by your gym time.
While exercise is important to you and your health, I assume your marriage is also important. My suggestions would be two-fold:
(1) speak to your husband about what you are sensing and get his take on it. Most people find it easiest to broach a topic that may be sensitive when they and their spouse are relaxed and happy, not just when one of you is doing the chequebook or taxes! lol! Let him know how important exercise is to you and that you envision yourself continuing your routine. Do ask him if there is something bothering him about your exercise time. Does he miss eating dinner with you? Wish you had more time together in the late afternoon? Whatever his concern is, you cannot help to alleviate it or talk it through until you know what it is.
(2) Mae some concessions, depending on what his concerns are (if any). If he prefers to watch a movie with you on Saturday afternoons, perhaps you can schedule your exercise around that, or if he would rather you eat dinner together at a certain time, see if there are spin classes at a different time or whatever. Most happily-married couples find that a little give-and-take does wonders for their marriage. And most times, the concessions do not have to be that huge, just heart-felt.
I am a breastfeeding counsellor and many women ask me how they can manage to care for their children (especially when they are younger and need so much attention and time) and keep house without going insane or getting only 2 hours of sleep a day! I tell them, no one says you have to clean the whole house - only do that which is most important to themselves and their spouse. (for example, if their husband really hates to see dirty dishes piled up in the kitchen, but could care less about dirty laundry or the state of the bathroom, then she should concentrate any housework time she can squeeze into a day on the dishes. Likewise, if baby's father can't stand dirty smudges on the windows or glass tables, spare moments should be spent cleaning those instead of dishes or what have you). The same goes for exercise and time. Concentrate on that which is important to you both, and leave the rest.
Edited by: CJBAGGINS at: 5/1/2009 (22:03)
What if we woke up tomorrow with only those things that we thanked God for today?
I joined a gym two months ago and love it! I always loved cardio, back in my 20's I used to run 5-6 miles a day.
I NEVER thought I would enjoy strength training, but I am hooked to the point where I am constantly wishing and looking to see if it is REALLY necessary to wait 48 hours before training again.
I also take one yoga class and 3 spin classes; I go every day after work for my classes and training and spend about an hour there on Saturdays and Sundays.
I am 5 feet tall and thin. Because of a lifetime of anorexia I developed osteoporosis when I was 40 and I know how important it is for me to weight train.
I also was diagnosed with stage 1a lung cancer 2 1/2 years ago and had my upper left lobe removed.
Hubby is 66, diabetic and has a defibrillator implant (He had a severe heart attack about 15 years ago). I invited him to join with me, because exercise is SO important for both of his conditions and he declined.
Instead of getting home at five, I now get home closer to 6:30. After spinning, I have no appetite and usually just sit and try to eat a little something when we eat dinner.
I've told him I NEED the gym, that it is not just for physical health, but for my mental health as well. I'm high strung and a worrier by nature, and am so much more relaxed since I began exercising; I look forward to going to the gym every day.
He SAYS he doesn't mind, but sometimes he makes remarks like tonight, when I said I decided to take one day off from working out and he replied "Well I guess home is the place you go to when there is nowhere else to go." and will just eat a sandwich when he knows I already have dinner prepared with, "well, I knew you wouldnt really eat".
I wont stop the workouts; it is a necessity at this juncture in my life. I just dont know how to deal with his resentment. He is retired, and seems to forget that every hour of my day is packed.
Any and all suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance!! (I cant be the only one who is or has gone thru this)
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