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TIGERLADYINWI's Photo TIGERLADYINWI Posts: 18
6/5/08 10:29 P

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I agree .. my husband doesn't help as he says .. I love you the way you are .. He's thin.. but won't go do any exercising... I signed him up for the recreation center too .. was either single or family .. so did family .. I have one of my daughters go there with me a couple times a week .. and I go by myself otherwise .. I just started so maybe will pick up a friend .. who knows but I am not there for very long ..hehe .... just need to keep plugging away at it .. and I know I will feel better for what I am doing .. *smile*

Be kind whenever possible.

It is always possible."
— Dalai Lama


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THENEWHOLLY's Photo THENEWHOLLY Posts: 611
4/22/08 9:43 A

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My husband works 12 hr shifts and the last thing he wants to do is take a walk with me when he gets home. Our solution was to buy him an electric scooter which he rides while I push my son in his stroller. It worked out great and now he loves talking walks. Just thought I'd add my 2 cents

HC


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4/19/08 5:04 A

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Focus on what you can change and manage (your food and exercise choices) and let the rest take care of itself. I learnt from my father (and my husband's the same, although they would both argue that they're nothing alike) that it really is better if they think that it's their idea.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle


.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•It's not how fast you get there•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸.•´(¸ ;.•it's that you're getting there.•*¨)♥
.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) ♥.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨)-:¦:-


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MYTHICALANGEL's Photo MYTHICALANGEL Posts: 6,691
4/18/08 12:09 P

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My husband is the same as your no help as of lately, my girls and I workout daily. My inspiration is my two girls, my husband, and myself wanting to improve my own self image!
My girls by teaching them to be healthy early and my husband will hopefully, join us soon.
Best of luck to you and remember you need to start with yourself and then you can worry about your husband
I am sure he will come along when you start looking like a little hottie yourself, stay positive and hang in there you can do this.

Co-Team Leader of Parents of Preschoolers!

You can achieve anything you can imagine! You just need to believe in yourself.
Always try to think of others and how you can improve their quailty of life by just taking the time to listen

Trust, Believe and Have Faith in Yourself!
MEL_UNRAU's Photo MEL_UNRAU SparkPoints: (98,337)
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4/16/08 11:27 A

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My hubby doesn't work out with me and I struggle to get him to take a walk with me on the weekends. He is thin, but has high cholesterol and needs to exercise to help lower that. It stinks that I struggle to get him to even take a walk with me.

I stay motivated with my exercise by finding something that I love to do. Once I did that, it was great. Now I don't struggle to work out, I look forward to it. That would be my advice, try and find something that you love to do. Working out doesn't have to be going to the gym or taking a walk. It can be playing soccer with the kids or playing softball!

Hang in there!



Imperfection is important. If we were all perfect, then there would be no such thing as growth, and everyone would be extremely boring, which is, paradoxically, not that perfect.-- Dr. Matt

Baltimore Running Festival Marathon Finisher. 5:55:33


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4/16/08 9:01 A

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Just a thought. Some spouses struggle with their partner losing weight. We expect them to be happy for us but sometimes they have mixed feelings.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle


.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•It's not how fast you get there•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸.•´(¸ ;.•it's that you're getting there.•*¨)♥
.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) ♥.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨)-:¦:-


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MRS*MAC Posts: 485
4/16/08 8:22 A

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He should help around the house and do has part of picking up and tending to dinner ect. Why don't you just work out at the gym and forget about what's going on at home. He can either support your health physically or financially by paying for a gym membership.

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4/16/08 5:54 A

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I can honestly say that I rarely exercise with my husband and without meaning to, he hinders my exercise opportunities.

I grew up in a family of walkers. If I felt like a walk after dinner, there would be someone willing to go with me. My husband has an all or nothing approach to exercise so running was exercise, but walking was a waste of time. It used to take a lot of effort to convince him to come with me if I felt like a walk at night time. I eventually bought a step machine (less space and cheaper than a treadmill) and my boss like walking and moved near us so I walked with her.

My favourite form of exercise is swimming. Now we have children, the only time I could swim was 5:30am - 6:30. I bought a swim pass last year and used it most mornings. This year, he got a new job and needs to leave for work at 6 so I can't swim any more.

We both play touch football. When we only had 2 children, I played Tuesdays and he played Thursdays. Then he decided that he needed more exercise so he'd play Tuesdays too (it's only on Tuesdays and Thursdays). He picked a team that was supposed to be at a different time to me, but it frequently is on the same time. Now I play with the kids sitting on the sideline and have to stop for toilet breaks etc. Rain, cold, night games are all problems. It doesn't take much for me to not play (it's just not fun).

My main exercise at the moment is walking with a 2 year old in the stroller and which ever child / children aren't doing activities with me. If hubby is home he sometimes comes too (he came tonight).

Our summer holidays are the worst. He spends most of the holidays sitting watching cricket, having us organise outing around cricket etc and then moaning that he has put on weight (it's not rocket science).

He's starting a weight program Saturday (or maybe Sunday).

I prefer to keep my husband separate from my exercise / food program. When he decides to be helpful by commenting on my poor food choices, I find it more annoying that helpful. Likewise when I have severe asthma and he implies that I'm dogging it by not exercising that day. He's never enquired about how any injuries might be healing.

In a perfect world, he'd exercise the way I want and not tempt me with pepperoni pizza. Being married to a perfect husband would be rather annoying though.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle


.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸ ;.•It's not how fast you get there•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) -:¦:-
(¸.•´(¸.•´(¸ ;.•it's that you're getting there.•*¨)♥
.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨) ♥.•*´¨ )¸.•*¨)-:¦:-


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JCEDIT89's Photo JCEDIT89 SparkPoints: (165,462)
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4/15/08 5:11 P

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I would agree with all the good advice given here and give a special shout-out to Todd for being brave enough to chime in on an emotionally charged subject. He said something that my husband would likely say.

Sometimes, it is safer for the husband to say nothing, than to say anything.

Also, what do you want from him? Encouragement? To police your food? A workout buddy? An occasional compliment? Being specific and communicating your needs are critical.

Also, remember that this must be two-way. What does hubby want or need from you? Again, ask him to be specific and to communicate his needs.

Admittedly, my husband does have difficulty with the latter, but I make sure to ask him what he needs (e.g., What do you need to get done this weekend? Are you ready for work tomorrow?)

It's always nice to be asked, and I have noticed my husband trying very hard to ask what I need and/or be more proactive about doing routine stuff that must be done (dishes, laundry, getting children ready for bed).

This communication of needs has really helped me create time to exercise, be on SP and do some of the other things I need to do to continue this weight loss journey.

Good luck to you.

"You cannot accept another with a hateful heart. You cannot hear the other with a closed mind. You cannot embrace with closed arms. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."
--Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi


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MILLER32807's Photo MILLER32807 Posts: 2,822
4/15/08 4:08 P

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Off with his head... LOL

I agree with the fact that weight is a sensitive subject and some people are afraid to say anything to their spouse or SO for fear of hurting their feelings, or setting them off.

Also, I agree that this needs to be a communication thing. You need to set your hubby down and talk with him about HOW he can help you. Let him know that you don't just need him to remind you about what you are eating, but that you need help with the kids. Set up a time that is for YOU and that is when you do your thing, and he agrees to help around the house then. Take care of the kids, start dinner, etc.

Try to open that line of communication between the two of you. If that doesn't work, I don't know what else to say except if you are doing this for you, then keep going. Having his help would be wonderful, but you need to do this for you regardless. Wish you the best:)

*SARAH*

START 215 lbs
GOAL 135 lbs


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SECTOR_Z's Photo SECTOR_Z Posts: 145
4/15/08 3:46 P

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okay... so let me jump in here, from the husband's point of view.

.. I hope I'm not going to get in trouble for saying this...

Some husbands might be concerned about saying anything for fear that you think they think you need to lose the weight. I feel silly even writing that sentance, but just be cognizant that even the most loving and supportive husband knows that this topic can be a landmine. For example, if you were to ask them if they noticed you had lost a few pounds, what would be the "right" response? My wife has been very supportive, but also knows this has been something that I've struggled with for a while, so has come to not expect it to work very well also.

Just keep in mind that appearance can be such a charged topic, especially as it pertains to weight, that some are nervous about saying anything.

Okay, so fire away! emoticon

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)

"...so does fitness."
Todd; about 10 minutes ago.

245 by March 1st
210 by May 1st
200 by June 1st
Goal by August 1st


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MSTIGGERFAN's Photo MSTIGGERFAN SparkPoints: (59,059)
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4/15/08 3:20 P

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This is hard for me to answer because I do have a supportive hubby but he does not work out with me. I do all my exercise on my own but he is always there to back me up. Hang in there and you can do this.

Cherly
I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me Philippians 4:13



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KHARAHLYN's Photo KHARAHLYN SparkPoints: (0)
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4/15/08 2:18 P

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Wow, Ramona, that was an incredible post!

I have a similar situation and have "solved" it over the last three years by being consistent. Hubby was afraid to say anything, good/bad/supportive/destructive/etc, for fear that it wasn't going to "stick." Another thing? My husband doesn't see the need to be healthy. He just lets me do "my thing" (according to him) and that's that.

One other way I've found to cope is to really find something that I enjoy and ignore the fact that he's not interested. It has really translated into that elusive "me" time.

You're not alone! Hope we're helping.

Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire.

*************

Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, breathe, and just hold on till the ride stops...

*************

Excellence is the result of caring more than others think wise, risking more than others think safe, dreaming more than others think practical, and expecting more than others think possible.


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_RAMONA's Photo _RAMONA Posts: 4,313
4/15/08 1:46 P

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Everybody's journey is so individual... and some people are just more supportive than others. My husband doesn't exercise with me - we are both finding our own way to do this so that it is life-changing for ourselves. And as mentioned below, communication is key. In the end, though, you can't let whether or not you've got the support you want change this journey for YOU! You can do this just for yourself! Good Luck!

{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}
Ramona

Check out the following Spark articles:

Mastering the Mysteries of Motivation
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=630


How to Succeed Without Support
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=579


The following was posted on one of my other team threads, and thought it was appropriate to your questions:

"Isn't a lack of daily motivation one of the biggest problems we face when trying to better ourselves? We often know what to do, or at least the first few steps. But we hesitate, something else catches our attention, or we just don't feel like doing what we need to do.

Want some help? Here are seven ways to get motivated - ways that have worked for others. If you find only one or two here that work for you, you'll be on your way.

Seven Methods For Daily Motivation

1. Create desire. See the rewards of your effort clearly. This motivates many to sign up for get-rich-quick plans. A good salesman can have you living in your imagined dream home in minutes, and you'll feel motivated to do anything to make it real. Learn to be your own salesman.

2. Create pain. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming they teach you to link pain with not acting. An imaginary scene of your wife walking out the door with another man, as you sit there silently - that might motivate you to have that talk you've been avoiding.

3. Talk about your plans. By the time I tell my wife about the newsletter I'm going to write, I'm out of my slump and back at the keyboard.

4. Have a true interest. No interest at all might mean you need to do something else, but if it's just a task you dislike, relate it clearly in your mind to the greater goal. I don't like to drive, but when I remember those mountains I'm going to, I get motivated to drive.

5. Have energy. Caffeine will substitute for health for a while, but one way or another, you need some energy to have daily motivation. Exercise, sleep well, and watch out for sugary foods - the "sugar blues" will kill your motivation.

6. Create the proper mental state. It's hard to be depressed and motivated. Resolve some of your negative feelings, or at least do your important work when you are in a better mood.

7. Take a small step. Commit to raking up one bag of leaves, and soon you'll want to finish the yard. Any small step towards your goals feeds your daily motivation.

Now you have seven ways to self-motivation, but you have to actually use them. How do you get motivated to do that? Oh the irony! You'll have to figure that one out yourself. By the way, here's a bonus motivation method: Humor. Laughter often breaks up the feeling of being overwhelmed that sucks away motivation."

Steve Gillman writes on many self help topics including boosting brainpower, losing weight, meditation, habits of mind, creative problem solving, learning gratitude, generating luck and anything related to self improvement. You'll find more at:
www.SelfImprovementNow.com


I received this in a SparkPeople email. This, too, seems like it belongs here.

******************************

Battle Scars From the Diet War

Like Martha Graham, who said that "The body is a sacred garment. It's your first and last garment; it is what you enter life in and what you depart life with, and it should be treated with honor," Jenny Craig seems to know a thing or two about caring for your body and your self. In the Garden of Eden, eating was modeled as one of life's most pleasurable experiences. But then Eve took a bite out of that apple (so much for the low calorie, low fat, high fiber theory), and women (and men) have been at war with food ever since. Both of these quotes reflect this fact. Are your weight issues really a symptom of something else--boredom, depression, regret, or rejection? At the root of many issues is our self-loathing at worst, our self-indifference at best. Food is not the enemy. We are. Break the cycle of dieting and replace it with loving yourself enough to make good choices about your diet. Examine your eating habits this week. Are you honoring your body with your food choices? How can you love yourself back to a healthy relationship with eating? Take steps towards defeating the natural compulsion or craving that might take you down a path of regretful eating. Remember the sacredness of your own skin.

Self-love is the only weight-loss aid that really works in the long run.




Edited by: _RAMONA at: 4/15/2008 (13:51)

'An Apple A Day' keeps the doctor away...
www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-bluep
rint-101/#axzz28X8ooJ1H



NOTE: My weight tracker is NOT a truthful representation of my weight. Instead, I am using it as a tool to help me visualize my goal as though it's already been achieved!

www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=2108522


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JENIKLOSS's Photo JENIKLOSS Posts: 454
4/15/08 1:36 P

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This is an interesting and valid problem that I am sure a lot of us have. One question. Why are you trying to be healthy? That is your motivation. I know I had problems with my husband at first because I told the kids to talk to him for anything while I am exercising.

We both had to sit down and discuss what it means to help me exercise. I had to say specifically that it means getting them ready for school the next day and ready for bed. If he doesn't do this, it affects me the next morning when I have to chase them and get them ready. It is a lot better after we had our conversation. I think he had a version of what it meant to help me and that was to "keep me in line" when I am eating wrong by pointing it out to me. This, obviously, ends up being a horrible thing for me because I then will eat badly just because he's pointing it out.

I think you just need to decide what you want to do and talk about exactly what you need to make it work for you. If you aren't specific, then he might not know.

Jeni~


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LADYSEDETHA's Photo LADYSEDETHA SparkPoints: (11,178)
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4/15/08 1:18 P

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I was just wondering. How do you keep yourselves motivated. I am sure that a lot of you work out with your significant other.

Actually the question should probably be, how can i stay motivated? My hubby does not do anything with me. He sits and watches T.V. or plays a video game if he is home during my workout. He says he supports me but I always feel like I am irritating him. It might have to do with me stopping mid workout to take care of things around the house. It may be that I ask him to do something for me while I work out and he doesn't do it. It could just be me. I haven't quit figured it out.
Do i just look over him and keep working out? I have already given up on trying to get him to do ANYTHING with me.

I have been having a bad pain in my side and chose to not workout for the week. He has shown little worry about the situation. Does he even care how important this is to me?

I guess I am just looking for some encouragement.

Thanks

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