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You are not alone! This will get better!
I struggled with bulimia as well, and while I will never consider myself fully "recovered," I do feel like I am in "remission."
First of all, are you getting help? Are you seeing a therapist or a doctor or a nutritionist? That is so crucial for getting better. Seeing a doctor is really scary and very humbling, but it's so important and it will help you so much. Do you have a primary care physician? Go seen him or her PRONTO. They will guide you from there.
Secondly, for me, bulimia is all about control. When you feel like your life is out of control, you look for one thing to control, and a lot of the time, that's what you eat. If that feels like it has gotten out of control, you feel a suddent urge to binge and then "regain control" by purging. At least that's how it was for me.
To get better, I focused on planning my meals and exercise-- gaining "control" over my eating. Having a daily calorie range really helps, because if you eat a big breakfast, you don't necessarily feel like you've blown it for the day and need to give up. I also focused on gaining "control" over my life. I put a lot of effort into my job and developing my friendships, which took my mind off of food. When I started to relapse, I went to my doc and he helped me control the stress that was causing it.
Most of all, surviving an ED is about having support. I am so lucky and blessed to have a husband who is incredibly patient, kind, and nonjudgemental about my patchy history of bulimia. It sounds cheesy, but his love and support help me get through when I'm having a difficult time.
Just know that you are not alone, and things will get better. Acknowledging the issue is the first step to success! In the meantime, feel free to message me whenever. SP is here to be your support system and help you get better!
I am a "recovered" anorexic. I am 28 years old and went through my eating disorder when I was 15. A little background so you know the severity of my condition; I was never fat, I weighed 140 at 5-6 and was pure muscle from all the sports I was in. I lost 70 lbs of that with in 6 months due to sever calorie restriction and over exercising. I weighed a mere 70 pounds at my lowest. I couldn't tell you why I did what I did, the best I can word it is that I really just wanted to get SOMETHIng right in my life. I felt like a complete failure at everything else. Which was far from the truth.
Since I regained my health, I have struggled with my weight bouncing all over the place and finding it hard to have the motivation to exercise consistently. I had twins when I was 23 and had very little time for myself. Little time to care what I looked like let alone do anything about it. There were many days where I would eat everything in sight just to stay awake. My highest weight was 183. I felt awful and had no energy.
I am a nurse and one night at work I was yelled at by a doctor mercilessly,, wrecked my husbands truck and was not doing well with by BSN classes. Something clicked after I had a nervous breakdown and I decided I was done being unhappy with myself. I joined the gym, and really started paying attention to what I was eating. I felt so much better instantly. Saw results immediately and thought, finally I e regained my willpower. I have lost about 6 lbs since I started 3 weka ago, which is great to me because of anorexia I have slow metabolism from before.
I guess I liked the feeling too much though. I have been restricting my calories too much, and working out every time I get a chance. Not that working out is bad, but it's an addiction and when you can't go without it then you have a problem. I get so agitated when I can't workout. I have to literally stop and force my self to think its not the end if the world.
The calorie restriction is t as bad as before (300 cal per day) but it could very easily get out if hand. I am burning 500 at gym and only eating 900-1100 per day. I have to remind myself if everything I went through and that I don't want to go down that road again. That I want to lose the right way this time so that it lasts.
I have to look at why I am doing what I am doing. I go stressed and doing this made me feel alive and adequate. Then I have to deal with hose feelings. Slow and steady is the key. If I only lose 1 lb a week, that is good. It will stay off and I won't screw up my metabolism. I have to remind myself this at meal time. Right now I plan out my meals ahead of time so that I can make sure I don't subconsciously restrict calories. I am at 165 right now and feel better than 183, but still would like to get to 145-150 which would b perfec for my build. It s a daily struggle to not let my eating disirder control me. Even at losing 1-2 lbs per week, I am seeing changes in the mirror which is what I am after. Keep your head up and stay strong. Maybe instead of binging, try with all your strength to get to the gym and take a nice walk on the treadmill. Try and read a book, go window shopping. Haha sounds cheesy, but with myself, I just have to talk myself out of it and keep my mind busy. Remind myself it is irrational to do what I'm doing and move on. It is a daily struggle. You are NOT alone!
I'm going to be completely honest because that's the only way I'll be able to get the help I need & want! I am a recovering bulimic and lately I've relapsed....bad. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this to myself, and believe me I've asked myself countless times. My urges to binge get so bad that there is absolutely NOTHING anyone can say or do to change my mind. I was wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing and what are somethings you do to help you cope and get through the struggle ? Please & thank you!