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SHANIMCK's Photo SHANIMCK Posts: 11,621
3/3/07 10:09 A

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ROFL Kit. I know what you mean. When a child came up (snottily I might add) and asked, with Sandra standing there, "So, what? Did her mom just not *want* her anymore?" I wanted to smack her silly! That ugly preteen stage... It took me awhile to think anything positive about her. And my answer? "Of course not! She loved her very much but she wasn't able to take care of her." *sigh* My daughter had a shocked look on her face but gratitude over how I reframed it. Ugh... I'm sure it won't be the last ugly comment we get. It sure is teaching us patience and understanding. ;) I'm guessing the same is true of you. And, yes, very little control over chocolate her too. LOL

Shani

I've backslidden... I reached my goal and was now maintaining, but now I need to lose 10 pounds and firm up.

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KMPARKER's Photo KMPARKER Posts: 386
3/3/07 9:01 A

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Shani,

I'm coming late to this one, but I hear you about the insensitive questions people ask about adoption. Since our kiddo has autism, the one we get - sometimes in FRONT of him - is, "Did you know he was autistic when you adopted him?"

Even though I'm a psychologist and have a good sense of why good people who mean well can do and say stupid things, this one makes me want to reach out and smack someone.

It's a good thing I have lots of self-control. Over smacking people, anyway. Not over chocolate. emoticon

Kit

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." Anonymous



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MCGRATH2 Posts: 2,487
3/3/07 8:28 A

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Letting myself go. Thanks for posting that - and it is exactly what happens to us.

For some reason, we let go of caring what we look and feel like and jump in the pile of being consumed with guilt because we are fat now. I remember my moment clearly - I was sitting in my chair reading and noticed that I had rolls of fat at my chin.

Yep, I had let myself go and had to get up off my butt and go find me again.

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3/2/07 1:47 P

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ANOTHER GOOD WAY OF PUTTING IT IS THAT YOUR DR SAYS THAT YOU LOST JUST ENOUGH. MOST PEOPLE ARE HAPPY WITH THAT IF I DONT FEEL LIKE GIVING A TOTAL.

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU SAY YOU DONT LIKE HOW YOU LET YOUR SELF GO. I FEEL THE SAME WAY. THAT IS ONE REASON I TRY TO GET PEOPLE TO SEE THE BENIFITS OF EATING RIGHT.

BESSIE

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GO TEAM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SARBAH77's Photo SARBAH77 SparkPoints: (126,528)
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3/2/07 11:39 A

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Serendipity, I agree with Shani - if nothing else, the amount of weight you lost (you lost a youn!) is incredible and it's SO much work. Is there a way you can sound proud without giving them figures? "Thanks for noticing, it did take a lot of time and will power. How much? Oh, enough to make sure I'm healthy, thanks for asking!"

-Sarah

SHANIMCK's Photo SHANIMCK Posts: 11,621
3/2/07 11:27 A

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Thanks BB-Wolfe. :)

Serendipity- I can understand your feelings. The only thing though is that you were able to change that situation... Not many people do, and that says loads about your perserverance and commitment to change. :)

Shani

I've backslidden... I reached my goal and was now maintaining, but now I need to lose 10 pounds and firm up.

Orig SW 150, GW 134, CW 134, new goal weight 123


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SERENDIPITY_725's Photo SERENDIPITY_725 Posts: 40
3/2/07 7:54 A

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I guess the reason I don't like to tell people how much I lost is because they can do the math and figure out how much I weighed! I still don't like to admit to myself that I was near 300 pounds....in fact this is the first time I've written that number. I was ONLY 276! Well, let's face it, that is also a really big number. In a way, when they ask, I'm more shameful than proud. I know what you're all gonna say about that, but that is truly how I feel. I will always be a little ashamed of how I let myself go. That's why I feel so uncomfortable and want people to forget my past. ~sigh~

"Grandma, how did you make yourself so little?" My grandson, Jake


 
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3/2/07 12:43 A

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SHANIHIB THERE REALLY IS NO OFF TOPIC HERE JUST THINGS WE ARE TIRED OF AND YOURS FIT IN HERE AS WELL AS ANY.

BESSIE

BESSIE
GO TEAM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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SHANIMCK's Photo SHANIMCK Posts: 11,621
3/1/07 12:33 P

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Yep, you got it... (pretty personal question that is pretty painful to people who have been through infertility and that is assuming you get past the REAL word) and also "Where is her REAL mom?" (to which I respond, "why I'm right here, but if you mean her birthmom, ...")

The term "real" is so mean and yet most people just don't have the vocabulary to say things in a way that isn't offensive (so I choose not to be offended). I do choose to help them with the terminology though... It is hard for my daughter who hasn't processed everything yet though (she won't have the cognative abilities for years yet!). I loved her response when she was 8 though... When asked why people would have objections to our being a family, she responded "Why would they think we can't be a family???? We LOVE each other!" Made my heart warm. ;)

A bit off topic (sorry guys!). LOL

Shani

I've backslidden... I reached my goal and was now maintaining, but now I need to lose 10 pounds and firm up.

Orig SW 150, GW 134, CW 134, new goal weight 123


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SARBAH77's Photo SARBAH77 SparkPoints: (126,528)
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3/1/07 10:37 A

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Shanihib - let me guess, they also ask why you don't have "real children of your own"? As if your daughter is somehow a figment of imagination?

I do wish people engaged brain before engaging mouth more often, in every social situation (children, weight loss, religion... hair color and so on).

-Sarah, amused by the thunderstorm following the freezing rain/sleet storm from earlier today.

SHMILYUK's Photo SHMILYUK SparkPoints: (0)
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3/1/07 4:00 A

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Hi Bessie...

it made me chuckle that you mentioned that bit... I went back and re-read it and it made me laugh too - even though I wrote it! LOLOLOLOLOL

Paula

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2/28/07 11:58 P

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SORRY A REPEAT

BESSIE

Edited by: BB_WOLFE at: 3/1/2007 (00:11)
BESSIE
GO TEAM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2/28/07 11:56 P

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I LIKE THIS ONE BEST ... LOL

"But - what gives them the right to think they can even ask me? They weren't questioning my health when I was overweight and unhealthy and snacking on rubbish all day."

BESSIE

BESSIE
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RNY WLS SEPT 20, 2005

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2/28/07 11:54 P

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WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME I TELL THEM I HAD GASTRIC BYPASS. MOST PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE ME BUT! I ALSO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT SP. I HAVE HAD 2 FRIENDS TO JOIN. IM GOING TO TRY TO GET MY SISTER STARTED ON SP SINCE SHE IS MOVING IN WITH ME SINCE HER HOUSE BURNT DOWN. BUT SHE USES THE EXCUSE THAT SHE CANT USE ARTIFICAL SUGAR. AND SHE THINKS MC DONALDS FISH SANDWICH IS HEALTHY. SHE EATS THERE EVERYDAY. BOY WILL THAT STOP REALLY FAST.

BESSIE

BESSIE
GO TEAM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

RNY WLS SEPT 20, 2005

SW - 222/CW - 120/ GW - 120




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SHANIMCK's Photo SHANIMCK Posts: 11,621
2/28/07 1:50 P

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You know, I think people ask without realizing they are being rude. It is more curiosity and amazement... I get similar questions about our adopting our daughter and some real doozies, like couldn't you have your OWN? (in front our our daughter... I mean, what is she, chopped liver????). I had one person ask me in front of her if "What, didn't her birthmom WANT her?" I was just about floored...

Anyhow, with the weight loss, I don't think it is to mean or to make you uncomfortable, but it is more that they see such a change and they want to know more. I know that I've motived at least 4-6 people in the office to start losing weight. And yeah, they asked me, and they asked me how I did it and one even asked me the dreaded, "Don't you think you are getting TOO thin?" I got the "Are you sick?" both of which, yes, ticked me off. LOL... But the funny thing is that both those people are now trying to drop some weight. hehe...

I guess, I'd try to remember that people say the darnedest things, before their brains engage and they realize, "oh wow, that was rude! I didn't mean to be rude..."

I always try to look at things positively and spin it for them so that maybe they'll think about it for themselves (if needed). I am trying to teach my daughter that too because since we are an transracial family we are confronted with it on a daily basis and it is hard to cope at times when you are only 12. ;) The biggest lesson we've learned is that people stare because we are conspicuous and people are naturally curious. In this case, we have to educate people so that they can process it and hopefully have positive feelings about it. We can advocate. ;)

I think that the same thing applies to the weight loss... when someone knows you from the past and sees a radical change you your appearance, they are likely to fixate, and want to know more about it. Make sense?

Shani

I've backslidden... I reached my goal and was now maintaining, but now I need to lose 10 pounds and firm up.

Orig SW 150, GW 134, CW 134, new goal weight 123


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RABBITOLM's Photo RABBITOLM SparkPoints: (77,388)
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2/28/07 9:29 A

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It's funny how people react to the questions they ask. I find people get annoyed when I say that I track what I eat and get more exercise. It's as if they want me to say that I waved a magic wand that I can now pass to them. I eat the way my body wants me to, and take care of it. End of story!

Working to get into the pre-baby jeans before she asks for the car keys.

Canadian (EST)

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
~ Marcel Proust


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SHMILYUK's Photo SHMILYUK SparkPoints: (0)
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2/28/07 8:11 A

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Hi Robin

I agree - if people ask me in a complimentary and positive way I love to tell them how much because it's just like opening minds to being empowered to make positive changes. It's like saying "yes - and you can do this too if you want! - it's not magic and it's not out of your reach - it's real!"

So many times it's not what you say but the way that you say it... and I feel each time I'm asked... "be careful how I respond" - this is one of those times.

Paula

Edited by: SHMILYUK at: 3/1/2007 (03:59)
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ROLOHA's Photo ROLOHA Posts: 3,540
2/28/07 7:06 A

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I LOVE your husband's response!

I sometimes just respond with "how much is not important" but usually I do give the amount, especially to people who need to lose weight. I feel like people need to know what I overcame with some effort. When someone asks how much I weigh (so they can do the math I suppose?) I do respond with "I can't believe you asked that!" but even then I will usually say how much..it's good for me to hear..

"If you keep on doing what you've always done you'll keep on going where you've always gone"

"The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where?"


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MCGRATH2 Posts: 2,487
2/28/07 6:41 A

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Serendipity - I am thrilled to tell people who ask how much weight I have lost. The bottom line, and a sad commentary on our world, is that people really don't care - they are just making conversation. So enjoy your weight loss and either tell them the truth or answer like you are.

Trish

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SERENDIPITY_725's Photo SERENDIPITY_725 Posts: 40
2/28/07 6:02 A

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Along those lines: I think it's really rude for people to ask me HOW MUCH I've lost. I mean, do I ask you how much you NEED to lose? I know people mean well, but they just don't think before they speak.

I usually just answer that question with "alot" or "I don't like to say how much because it was alot".

Someone told me that when it happens to them, they say "Why would you ask such a question?".

I've had people ask me if I have cancer. Even happened twice with the same person! sheeeez. Believe me when I say, I don't look like I have cancer, but people just like to think the worst. I've had many people ask if I had the bypass surgery. That offends me.....as if I couldn't do it on my own.

My hubby is funny, though. When we're out and about he tells people I'm his new wife. emoticon

"Grandma, how did you make yourself so little?" My grandson, Jake


 
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SHMILYUK's Photo SHMILYUK SparkPoints: (0)
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2/28/07 3:05 A

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Hi,

There is one thing that really can make me fume... and that's when people who are mere acquaintances (work colleagues and not close friends) look at me with a concerened expression and say "How much weight have you lostve you lost - are you sure you're not getting too thin?"

Am I too thin???

More like - look around you and you'll see the reason you think I'm looking thin to you is because it's so long since there was a fit, healthy person around here that you've forgotten what one looks like"

But - what gives them the right to think they can even ask me? They weren't questioning my health when I was overweight and unhealthy and snacking on rubbish all day.

I bet they wouldn't go up to any of my overweight colleagues and say "don't you think you ought to sort yourself out and lose some weight?" so why do they assume the right to question my ability to make sensible choices and take care of myself.

Rant over

Paula


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2/28/07 1:31 A

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SERENDIPITY_725 emoticon ON WEIGHT LOSE.

I TOO HAVE PEOPLE ASK STUPID QUESTIONS. I GET A LOT OF ARE YOU SICK. THAT ONE MAKES ME REALLY MAD. OR THEY MAKE THE COMMENT THAT I LOST TOO MUCH WEIGHT. I JUST TELL THEM THAT IM UNDER DR'S CARE AND HE THINKS IM DOING GREAT. I HAVE BEEN MAINTAINING SINCE JUNE.

BESSIE


BESSIE
GO TEAM GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

RNY WLS SEPT 20, 2005

SW - 222/CW - 120/ GW - 120




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SHMILYUK's Photo SHMILYUK SparkPoints: (0)
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2/27/07 5:26 P

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Hi, one reply I often use when people ask how I did it is this...

"How did I do it? ... I faced up to the fact that in 36 yrs I've never got good at managing my food and a sustaining a healthy lifestyle by myself, so I quit beating myself up pretending I'm ever going to get good and I've discovered the most amazing website. It has the most incredible resources, tools, support, personal coaches, nutritionist, personal trainer, food and fitness planners, articles and online friends and with the support of all of them, I've made it. Having discovered what works - I'm not stopping now. It's permanent, I love it and it's FREE!"

And they take another look at me, think it's too good to be true, then I look at them like "I'm not kidding - it's true!" and walk off with the biggest grin and the tallest and most proud gait I can possibly muster and leave them standing with their mouth open.

They always come back to ask me for some info or the web address.

Paula



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JHTATROE's Photo JHTATROE SparkPoints: (27,249)
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2/27/07 5:13 P

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What I've found tiring is people asking how I did it. "Eating right and exercising" doesn't seem to cut it for most people, even if that's exactly what I did. People don't seem to want to hear that I lost forty pounds over nine months by tracking calories and adding exercise to my routine. They want to hear that I went through an overnight metamorphosis by taking green tea pills or following the South Beach plan.

Jenn

My goal is to get back to 168 (within my healthy weight range) after a stressful relocation.


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SHMILYUK's Photo SHMILYUK SparkPoints: (0)
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2/27/07 3:05 P

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Hi, Same here. I work for an organisation where we have a lot of associates who often don't come to the premises for months at a time, sometimes a year... hence months on, I'm still having people not recognise me.

One hugely funny moment was when I was in a conversation with someone I'd worked with, on and off, for 3 yrs and as I was talking to her she held out her hand to me (inviting me to shake her hand) and introduced herself.

I must have looked a combination of confused and stunned and wondering if she was winding me up... as I said ... "sorry?" and she repeated introducing herself.

When I said "It's Paula... from Client Services" well her face was a picture. It was amazing.

I've had a lot of that so although it can get a bit wearing, I know it will carry on for another 6 months or so just because of the irregularity that people visit the building.

I think it would wind me up if it was away from work though.

Paula

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SARBAH77's Photo SARBAH77 SparkPoints: (126,528)
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2/27/07 1:42 P

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I agree with Deby, especially as it is hard for a lot of us to accept complements and people can be, er, less than tactfull on a good idea.

I work for two small departments and while I lost 30 pounds, I still have people walking up to me saying "Whoa, you look great, did you lose weight?" even though they see me daily/weekly and have since I started here! I just thank them for noticing and that's it.

(Of course, to be honest, many of them aren't Americans by birth and thus, when I thank them for noticing, they say you're welcome and move on)

SHANIMCK's Photo SHANIMCK Posts: 11,621
2/27/07 1:34 P

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It is a good thing you live in a small town... you'll eventually meet everyone and stop having to explain! LOL...

I've backslidden... I reached my goal and was now maintaining, but now I need to lose 10 pounds and firm up.

Orig SW 150, GW 134, CW 134, new goal weight 123


 current weight: 132.8 
 
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DEVILISHONE's Photo DEVILISHONE Posts: 1,256
2/27/07 1:27 P

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What a terrific 'problem' to have. Be patient and be proud. You've worked hard and you've done well. Don't worry about what others say - what's important is how you feel about yourself and your new look. Eventually everyone will get used to the 'new' you and they won't even remember the old one. I think sometimes it hard to receive compliments with grace, but you did something really good for yourself, and these are compliments you definitely deserve.

emoticon

Happiness is within us all, it's up to us to find our joy - we can't expect others to find it or provide it for us.

The only 'real' thing in our lives thats an absolute constant is CHANGE...and somehow, someway, me must be willing to except and adapt.


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SERENDIPITY_725's Photo SERENDIPITY_725 Posts: 40
2/27/07 12:53 P

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I lost ALOT of weight and I live in a fairly small town, so I know most everyone. Well, I don't SEE everyone every day. I've changed my looks so much that many people don't recognize me....one person didn't even believe me after I told her who I was. Daily, I see people who either a)don't recognize me, b)have to tell me how good I look, c)ask me how I did it.

At first, this was a novelty and kind of amused me. But now, months later, I get uncomfortable when I see someone who I know is going to react to my change. How many times do I have to explain myself before it's over? I'm just wanting to be a normal person. I know the time will come when I'm old news, I'm just a bit impatient.

Edited by: SERENDIPITY_725 at: 2/27/2007 (12:54)
"Grandma, how did you make yourself so little?" My grandson, Jake


 
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