Still retaining fluids. Still waiting for the TOM. I swear, this perimenopause stuff isn't for sissies. I'm not liking the number I'm seeing on the scale, and I've eaten exactly within my designated range the last two days, despite the urge to munch. I'm trying not to freak out about it.
If I weren't seeing a dietitian at the moment, I'd cut my target calories by about 200 right about now, to increase the deficit (from 1950 down to 1750). This is just frustrating. I don't want to BE here at this weight. I don't LIKE it, and I want it BACK OFF. :-/
I have a session scheduled with a trainer this afternoon to look at my weight lifting form and make sure I'm doing it right. (I'm doing the New Rules of Lifting for Women. There's a whole Spark Team about that book, here: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_individ
I'm feeling really tired lately; there's been a lot of driving around for kayaking, especially last weekend. I'm trying to listen to myself and rest and get enough sleep. I decided to stay closer to home this weekend and spend less time in the car. Tomorrow a friend is coming here and we'll take sea kayaks out on Cayuga Lake.
Overall for the past week I've felt kind of frustrated and irritable, and I'm just trying to ride this out without a binge until I start feeling better again. Bah.
This morning I've been watching episodes of Ruby on Netflix to help remind me of where I came from and why I want to stay the course. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruby_(TV_series)
I'm halfway through the first episode, and I feel kind of annoyed by the excuses I think I'm hearing. I'm not sure whether it's wise to keep watching or not, especially as I feel generally irritable at the moment. I want to say to her, "Stop asking people to bring you food. Get up and go prepare it yourself! It's not CUTE to sneak candy bars into the shopping cart. Don't you WANT to get healthier?!" I'm not sure I like that I feel that way - does it mean that I'm becoming less sympathetic to folks in the position where I started out?
I never had anyone to prepare food for me or even to go shopping with me, so I cooked all my meals myself. And if I wanted to buy unhealthy food there wasn't really a need to sneak it into a basket, I'd just buy it. Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecakes and carrot cakes, multiple packages of Skinny Cow ice creams, etc. It was frequent that I did that, but it would happen on occasion. Most of the time I just ate a lot of pasta, and too much of everything, even healthy things like baked chicken or winter squash.
On the other hand, at the beginning of the show she is 477+ lbs (100+ lbs heavier than I was at my highest recorded weight, at a BMI of 70.4 where mine was topped out at a maximum of around 52), so maybe I really don't understand where she's coming from. Regardless, I hope this has a happy ending.
Because I was curious about how this ends up, I did some Googling. According to a news article published last month she's currently 318 lbs, www.greenevillesun.com/Local_News/article/
which is an improvement over the 477+ she was at point that the show started (in 2008). It's not a healthy size, but at 5'9" she's at least no longer super morbidly obese (BMI over 50). And by the loose NWCR definition of successful maintenance, she's kept off more than 10% of the 477 that she started at from the beginning of the show. Apparently at one point she weighed over 700. So it's progress, and I'd definitely take it over the alternative, were I in her shoes.
Edited by: 4A-HEALTHY-BMI at: 8/11/2012 (12:44)
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