I, I fear, even after 40 years at goal, am still a fat person in a thin body. My sister just automatically wants things that are good for her. She'll eat an egg and just half her toast at breakfast, and tell me she's full. She never has to force herself away from the pie, she really doesn't want it most of the time. One time my brother came back from college in San Diego and went to the Deli to get a real submarine sandwich. He loves them, but said they just don't make them right out there. He cut it in half, and ate one half over the kitchen sink, moaning in ecstasy. Then wrapped up the other half for later saying he couldn't eat anymore just then. I was astonished! They can both just listen to their food desires and appetite, follow them, and stay thin. I needed to have someone give me a plan. I still need to measure it out and write it down. I still need to force my hand away from snack bowls and candy bowls. My sister and brother never even WANTED that stuff. They never have to decide what they can eat, they just decide what they want. No tracking, no plan, it's just intuitive for them.
What to me is a choice that I have to consider, they don't. But then I don't think about having to accommodate my shortness, I just grab a stepstool and keep the things I use most on lower shelves. I don't agonize over it, I just do it. I don't agonize over Cheetos anymore, but I do have to hustle past them. And Reeses...aahh Reeses! They still call to me after all these years. Funny, I don't miss my high school loves anymore but I DO miss Reeses. I can't have even one or it will be all over.
I was the only fat person in my family. My parents, grandparents, both siblings and all my cousins have always been blithely thin. I know how normal people eat and think about food. It has never been that way for me. But I CAN stay at goal if I follow my program every day. People seeing me in the grocery store just see a thin, older woman checking off a list and putting stuff in the cart. They never notice that I assiduously avoid certain aisles and hustle past the Reeses. It is invisible. They probably think I am like my family because I look like them now. I think that is what Jean Nidetch was talking about.
No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.
Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.