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MJREIMERS's Photo MJREIMERS Posts: 4,690
8/11/11 11:22 P

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Thanks again, everyone. My husband and I did talk and he explained his jealousy. He did admit that he over reacted, but still feels strongly about it. He also admitted that he doesn't tell me how much he loves me enough. I told him that I respected his feelings and even though I don't think it was a big deal, I love him and will honor his feelings. I assured him that there won't be a repeat dance in the future.

I agree on what many of you said. I think he was feeling insecure and somewhat threatened. It's true that "conflicts" can make you stronger. He is my soul mate and the best husband and dad that I could ask for.

I really appreciate all the support that I've received here. You all are emoticon .

emoticon and remember that you all are beautiful.

~Mako~


ROSEWAND's Photo ROSEWAND SparkPoints: (106,032)
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8/11/11 12:42 P

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This could offer an opportunity for you and your husband to become
closer. Give him an opening to discuss his feelings and fears about
the changes you have made.


Any time we change in any way, it threatens the equilibrium of
our relationships. It is even normal for others to feel concerned as
in how will this change affect them.

I think this incident was a symptom of the fear he that
he may not have even consciously allowed himself to feel.

Giving him the chance to air these feelings and really listening
to his concerns will build trust for both of you and strengthen
your relationship.


Lost sixty pounds.
Have been in maintenance
for four years.
Goal weight 126


 current weight: 1.6  over
 
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SINCITYLULU1 Posts: 799
8/11/11 8:45 A

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I have danced with others but nothing disrespectful. My husband doesn't mind that one bit. However my husband was jealous of my weight loss because in the beginning because I did something about it and he didn't. Now he is at peace with it as he likes my increase in self confidence.

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DENISEFULLER's Photo DENISEFULLER SparkPoints: (22,682)
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8/10/11 1:43 A

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In a way, it could be a compliment from your husband, that he thinks you look good enough to attract other men. In my first marriage, my husband was emotionally abusive and used jealousy to blame me for his insecurities. I hope that isn't the situation in your marriage.

I started SP at 138 lbs in October 2010. My goal weight was supposed to be 125, which I reached in January 2011. I have stayed at 125 (give or take a few pounds) ever since.


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ELECTRALYTE's Photo ELECTRALYTE Posts: 10,207
8/10/11 12:43 A

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I think it's very sweet of you to say you'll decline next time. If it bothers him it's not worth it. Just reassure him you love him and have eyes only for him. emoticon

“it's been up to me to inspire me.”
~ Eric Clapton ~

"Atheism is a non-prophet
organization"
~George Carlin~

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
~Jimi Hendrix~

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."
~John Lennon~

70 lbs. done!


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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 7,640
8/9/11 11:33 A

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Jealousy is just one of the things we have to deal with when we lose weight. We just have to reasure people that we are the same person underneath our new bodies.

 current weight: 127.0 
 
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MJREIMERS's Photo MJREIMERS Posts: 4,690
8/9/11 8:34 A

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Thanks everyone. I can assure you I do not flirt with others and I have been happily married for almost 18 years. If the situation ever comes up again, I will guarantee that I will politely decline.

Thanks again and best wishes for continued maintenance!

~Mako~


SLENDERELLA61's Photo SLENDERELLA61 SparkPoints: (165,548)
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8/8/11 7:30 P
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I tore a page out of the phone book and left it on the counter. The page I tore out was for "Assisted Living" facilities for my mother who was considering relocating. My hubby thought I had looked up "Attorneys", like for a divorce. It took just a little talking to reassure him that I didn't lose the weight because I wanted someone else. That's been a year ago. Hasn't been an issue since. Good luck.

Marsha's Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!


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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (233,993)
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8/8/11 7:24 P

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MJ, I don't think it's about dancing with another person exactly. Sometimes when a spouse loses weight and looks better, the other spouse thinks it must be because she is looking for something else. I know that a lot of women get concerned if an overweight husband suddenly manages to lose weight, goes to the gym and starts looking really good, that there is another woman he is trying to impress. Men can think that way, too. Just reassure him that you lost the weight for yourself, to be the best person you can be for yourself, and that he and your family will be the other beneficiaries of the new you.

Family relationships always find an equilibrium among the members. When one person changes, everyone else will change somehow, but it takes time. We are all thrilled to lose weight and may not see that the change may be unnerving to another in the family. Be patient, assure him, he'll get there, and be as thrilled with the "new you" as you are.

Nell
Reston, Virginia

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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SKIRNIR's Photo SKIRNIR Posts: 5,247
8/8/11 5:03 P

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Personally I don't see anything wrong with you dancing with the other person, but now that you know it bothers your husband, you could say no next time. Hopefully you don't tend to flirt with other people and it was just a harmless dance. If so, I think maybe your hubby is a bit insecure with your new better looking body. And I guess I could understand that, as I have not come to terms with my weight loss and would be surprised if other men treated me differently and would not be prepared for that. I do know that my husband would not object to my doing so. One time someone asked me out to a concert, a single man at my church. I said no, as I was uncomfortable with the idea, and suggested he ask my single twin sister. My husband upon being asked, said no, that wouldn't bother him at all.

3/31/12 Trailbreaker half marathon 13.1 miles in 3 hours 13 minutes
4/20/13 Neighborhood Watch 5K 39:17.6
10/5/13 5K Grace Pet Fest 38:47.6
12/1/13 Secret City Half Marathon around 3 hours and 4 minutes
4/19/14 Butterflies for Hope 5K for Lupus 39:23.8 (I hurt my back a few days before, and though it was my first official 5K with some jogging, my back hurt, so was very slow.)


 current weight: 7.6  over
 
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MJREIMERS's Photo MJREIMERS Posts: 4,690
8/8/11 3:32 P

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Has any of you had to deal with a jealous spouse? I went to the local rodeo with a friend, my 13 year old daughter and her friend. A young cowboy, 21 or 22 years old, asked the women to dance. (I'm almost 44.) So I did and I learned a new step. (My husband doesn't like to dance at all.)

Well, I mentioned it to my husband and he was upset. I personally didn't think it was a big deal, but he did. Then, he mentioned my weight loss and my increased self esteem. I explained it was one dance.

First, was I wrong to dance one dance? Secondly, has anyone else dealt with similar situations?

Thanks.

Edited by: MJREIMERS at: 8/8/2011 (15:33)
~Mako~


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