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WALKINGANNIE's Photo WALKINGANNIE Posts: 1,815
5/9/10 4:13 P

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I looked at your page Jacob - and it seems that your own last blog might answer your question!

Your weight loss is very impressive and you have a lot to be proud of. Once you learn to love yourself and gain confidence in the 'new you' you will give off the right vibes to other people.

There are all sorts of things you can do to boost your self confidence. Some people opt for positive affirmations. Others write daily observations about what they like about themselves. You could always just do some Google research on self-confidence?

Good luck!



Start weight - over 166 lb

Reached goal weight in September 2009

Current maintenance range - 120-123 lb


 current weight: 120.0 
 
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JACOBJCOON's Photo JACOBJCOON Posts: 13
5/7/10 9:29 A

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Thank you everyone for your responses and ALLELUIA525
thank you for the compliment. emoticon

 current weight: 245.0 
 
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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (233,584)
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5/6/10 11:41 A

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One of the promises of the 12-step programs is that "no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will find that our experiences can benefit others."

You are walking, living, breathing Hope. If there is an Overeaters Anonymous group, or some other group of people who live in the despair of overweight, they need to hear your experience, strength and hope.

Nell
Reston, Virginia

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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UTAHWI Posts: 77
5/6/10 11:35 A

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Time and experience. meeting new people, who don't like to sit and remind of how you "were"...I mean, my family is supportive and doesn't do that, but coworkers still have their own issues. Meeting new people who only know me as I am now- helps me adjust to this "new" person just being me. Time too, just to adjust to yourself. For me, picking clothes to take to the fitting room took a long time- so did trying to figure out how much room I take up in space. Been in maintenance for 7-8 months, still working on it. Sometimes you will get a comment when you need it, that makes you go, "hmmmm" for me, a big self esteem boost came one night when I was out, and some very attractive youngster informed me I was "way smoking hot"..(from the mouths of babes!)..he probably wondered why he didn't get belted, but for me it was the start of believing what other people were seeing. I will have some trouble believing it for a long time- recovering self esteem- but make yourself take steps at a time, til you become more comfortable. And place yourself in places where you can meet people where you feel comfortable. I watched that movie- "the bucket list"- and I'm not a big John Mayer fan, but that "Say What You Need to Say" song resonated with me. Take chances.

"If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape."

"Be who you are and say what you feel, 'cause those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss


 current weight: 165.0 
 
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NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (233,584)
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5/5/10 10:22 P

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I have always said that the biggest advantage of marriage is that you don't have to date.

Nell
Reston, Virginia

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


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LOLA_98CHIC's Photo LOLA_98CHIC Posts: 861
5/5/10 9:36 P

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I know I've had issues with my new self too. I lost 35 lbs in 2009 (50lbs overall). I still get compliments and shocked faces when people see me, and they always throw me off, I think because the change was so gradual for me. It's like watching your hair grow (maybe not the best example for guys, but gals can relate I'm sure) - you don't see your hair grow each day, but over time you can tell it's getting longer.

My situation is interesting too, because when I was at my heaviest, I was engaged. Long (and crazy unbelievable) story short, I used to be fat and engaged, now I'm skinny and single. I still have some esteem & body issues, I think because I'm just now realizing what I actually looked like vs. what I thought I looked like; however, the steady stream of compliments and glances from guys is definitely helping me feel good about where I'm at now, both physically and emotionally.

I can't share a lot of great dating advice, but in my limited experience (2 relationships, 6 mos & 5 yrs), it's best to just smile and be yourself. The relationships I have with guys - both as 'boyfriends' and 'guy friends' - have developed through mutual interests and good conversation. As you get used to your new self, that confidence will show in your personality!

Edited by: LOLA_98CHIC at: 5/5/2010 (23:16)
Emily from Iowa

"Ironman by 30"


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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 SparkPoints: (126,743)
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5/5/10 5:27 P

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Well done!!!

I highly recommend looking for a social singles group. Not sure where you are, but I know Chicago has one that they advertise on the radio quite a bit.

makes a lot of sense, as there are 3-5 different things going on during the weekend and you show up and meet singles w/ similiar likes as you. I think that is a great way to break the ice.

What are you doing health wise? Bike, jog, run?? If so, look for a local club to join.

I believe the more you are out and about doing things you enjoy, you will be happy. You will naturally exude confidence in what you are doing and people will be attracted to that. Not necessarily in a dating term, but people want to be with people who are enjoying themselves. With this, more confidence and before you know it...





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ALLELUIA525's Photo ALLELUIA525 Posts: 18,467
5/5/10 3:46 P

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I'm probably a little out of your age-range and most likely too far away, but I'd say yes to a date. emoticon

~ Tanya ~

"Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward..."

"All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them."

(quotes: Walter Elias Disney)


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SLENDERELLA61's Photo SLENDERELLA61 SparkPoints: (165,281)
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5/5/10 2:13 P

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Jacob, I think you can use Spark principles to build confidence. I have. Start small on things you are likely to succeed with. Keep track of your streaks.

Perhaps you should smile at a woman each day for a week or two. Then say something to a woman each day for a couple weeks. Then go to some place you are likely to meet women you might want to date (church, park, grocery store, laundramat, bar, Social Singles). Then talk to someone you might want to date. Then ask someone out. Plan to have to ask out 10 people before you get a date. Each rejection gets you closer to the accept. Plan to have to date 10 women before you find one that really clicks. Each one that doesn't work brings you closer to the one that does.

I've been building confidence on Spark, but my need was to believe I could maintain my weight loss. For me it is one week, one day, one meal, one exercise, sometimes one minute at a time.

Good luck. I'm sure once you find your confidence your life will fall into place. Congrats on the awesome weight loss.

Marsha's Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!


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MARIEFUNFIT Posts: 102
5/5/10 1:29 P

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I used to be 170 lbs and now I am down to 117 lbs. People refer to me as skinny. I know this may sound strange but I think the flabby skin that I do have is fat. In a way I want to have no flabby skin, but I don't think that is realistic because I am 57 years old. I wish I could give you tips, but I am struggling with confidence myself.

EL_KATO's Photo EL_KATO Posts: 128
5/5/10 12:53 P

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Yeah, I don't know how sometimes, either. I can tell when women are checking me out - usually I also receive a helpful arm poke from a friend - and yet I have no idea what to do about it.

I guess I'll figure it out in time.

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RISSASPIECES's Photo RISSASPIECES SparkPoints: (93,031)
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5/5/10 12:15 P

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It just takes time. I watch myself dance several times a week and yet, sometimes, I still have trouble reconciling the image in the mirror with the image in my head.

Reached my goal November 2009!

Weight Watchers worked for me and now I work for Weight Watchers.

It is a life style, not a life sentence.
NELLJONES's Photo NELLJONES SparkPoints: (233,584)
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5/5/10 11:50 A

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I married a fat person when I was fat because he was fat, then I lost the weight when he was in Vietnam (I'm dating myself), so he came back to the new me. That was how I handled the dating while fat.

Experience and faith in that experience is the only thing that really helps. And accept the experience of others that it really does change. If you keep the weight off, the "new" you becomes the "regular" you. Only my family and the people at my high school reunions remember me as fat, and even their memories have softened with age.

Nell
Reston, Virginia

No one ever got up in the morning wishing she'd eaten more the night before.

Original Goal: 114. Current old lady goal: 106.


Total SparkPoints: 233,584
 
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JACOBJCOON's Photo JACOBJCOON Posts: 13
5/5/10 11:36 A

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So, I know I am not alone here, but is anyone else having trouble adapting to their new self. What I mean is when I was bigger I never had any confidence to ask girls out because of my size. I knew I had a good personality, but I always doubted that that was enough. Combine that with the fact that I have been rejected pretty horribly as well and my confidence was shot. I was wondering if anyone has any tips on how I can adapt to my new body (I've lost over 150 lbs.) and have confidence to be bold.

 current weight: 245.0 
 
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