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FOLEYARTIST1's Photo FOLEYARTIST1 SparkPoints: (4,619)
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3/29/08 10:52 P

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One strategy I use in group settings of all types is, I reframe "You should change" as "I need some help." So for example, if I'm in a musical ensemble and another member is doing something I consider "unhealthy" (i.e. detrimental to the overall musicality of what we're doing), but I'm afraid that person will react badly if I say "Hey, you're doing it wrong and I think you should do it this way instead"--I try to think of a way to make it a personal request due to MY problem. Example:

Situation: Bob and I are supposed to be crescendoing (getting louder), but Bob is barely audible! Come on, Bob, put some effort into this! Grr!

I say: "I'm having a hard time matching your dynamic level because it's hard for the flute to play that note very softly and stay in tune. Do you think you could play your part a little louder, so that I sound more smooth when I come in?"

If I give Bob the opportunity to do me a favor, rather than telling him I think he's got a problem, it makes Bob feel better and sometimes gets me better results too.

So maybe in your case, after giving her a few months to cool off and ease the tension between you about this, you could try saying, "I'm having a hard time getting motivated to walk lately; do you think you could take a walk with me?"? Or something that fits you and your relationship?

Pre-South Beach Weight (August 2006): 160-165
Maintenance range: 130-135


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AMISPERSON's Photo AMISPERSON Posts: 252
3/28/08 1:05 P

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Thanks for all the words of support. I've tried sharing recipes with her, suggesting small ways she can cut calories and all the other suggestions. But like you've all said... SHE has to be ready to do it. I can talk and share and make suggestions, but in the end she has to do it for herself. I can't do it for her.

Thanks again!
amy


Fuel your body. Don't feed your tastebuds!


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LISSV33's Photo LISSV33 SparkPoints: (0)
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3/27/08 8:35 P

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I like to mention, kind of out of the blue, something interesting I've read lately to see if anyone is interested in hearing more.
For instance, on Spark I came across a thread about high fructose corn syrup and how it is POISON. We had a great discussion and several people are going to take a closer look at their pantry.

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SARAHANN32's Photo SARAHANN32 Posts: 1,023
3/26/08 7:44 P

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I agree with everyone here. Lead by example; I sometimes make an extra point to serve healthy things, or if friends and I go out to eat i say...well I think I'm going to ask for a half of and order...or i wonder if they can make this with no butter to cut some calories, dressing on the side...
and if they come over to visit I'll go out of my way to cook as healthy as possible and as tasty too, so they'll want the recipe and hopefully try it on their own :)

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OUTOFCONTROL's Photo OUTOFCONTROL SparkPoints: (83,341)
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3/25/08 12:23 P

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I think the best way is to lead by example and be honest with her about how great you feel with your healthy lifestyle, and that she can do it too when she's ready. People around me have slowly changed their habits because they see what a difference it's made in my life.

Michelle
Be as you wish to seem.


KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 12,542
3/23/08 1:58 P

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I pretty much agree with all the points raised here, a person has to self motivate, and maybe we can be examples of good healthy living, without being in anyones face. I like the idea of encouraging healthy habits by suggesting a walk with your sister if that is a option for you. I guess it depends on how close you are physically (if she lives 3000 miles away this obviously isn't an option) and how often you see her.

Good luck, and I hope the best for her and you!

highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

New goal: more practical new goal, 129, update ticker to reflect that goal.

H: 5''4" 50 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 7,491
3/23/08 7:04 A

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I just re-read that article, and it has some really good points. I think I can put some of that information to good use with my granddaughter!

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ROLOHA's Photo ROLOHA Posts: 3,540
3/23/08 5:54 A

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Have you read the SP article related to this subject....it says much of the same and maybe some additional wisdom?

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=931


"If you keep on doing what you've always done you'll keep on going where you've always gone"

"The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where?"


SW 193 October 2004

GW 132 with Weight Watchers achieved Oct 2005


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ZELLAZM's Photo ZELLAZM SparkPoints: (92,388)
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3/22/08 4:37 P

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It's so sad and sometimes frustrating when our loved ones do things, or live livestyles that aren't in their best interests. I could write a book about it. We want to be supporting and not judgemental, but it's not always easy. Like the others have said, the DESIRE to change has to come from within and it has to be stronger than the FEAR of change.

I'll pray for your sister, too, and for you as you continue to show your love and concern for her.

Aren't y'all glad that we have SP to help us with keeping the motivation going once it gets started!!??
emoticon

Edited by: ZELLAZM at: 3/23/2008 (08:48)
Blessings, Michelle

Firecrackers - Summer 5% Challenge Team

Rom 8:37 "...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us."

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ZUCCHINIQUEEN's Photo ZUCCHINIQUEEN Posts: 7,491
3/22/08 1:05 P

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Most of us made several "stabs" at loosing weight, only to go back to old habits. Who knows what finally triggers that "aha" moment? Do you remember what finally made you want to eat healthy and lose the extra weight? It took me until I was 70 years old to lose it and keep it off...not that I hadn't had brief spells of keeping it off before. I had to finally understand that it was a new lifestyle; that I couldn't lose the weight and then go back to old habits.
Maybe if you could just get your sister to eat fruit instead of candy or cake and cookies, for instance...start with ONE healthy habit...and work from there (slowly!). If she could understand that it could be done in baby steps, maybe she would start on the healthy road.

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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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3/22/08 12:40 P

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I'm in total agreement with everyone here. All you can do is lead by example. Your sister has to want to change. We cannot change anyone else. We can only change ourselves. I'll keep her in my prayers that someday she will want to change for herself. emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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LINDAANNE2's Photo LINDAANNE2 Posts: 18,687
3/22/08 12:35 P

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I agree with BSMOMMY. They have to want to do it. You can make suggestions, try a recipe that's healthy when they come over, be a great example, but it's all up to them at the end.

I started 3/6/07 at 149. I have lost almost 22 pounds.

Co-leader of: 10-25 Pounds to Lose and Spark Fitness and Goal Buddies.


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BSMOMMY's Photo BSMOMMY SparkPoints: (0)
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3/22/08 12:16 P

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They have to want to do it for them!

It is kind of like trying to get someone to go for rehab. They won't do it unless they want to do it. I feel for you and I hope that one day it will click with your sister and she will want to get healthy.

Lianne (Brandon's Mommy)

*Mini goal - 149 by October 31st (met this on 10/29/07! *Met goal weight of 140 on 1/22/08! ********************* Now maintaining...

C25K Running program. 1st 5K on June 28,2008!!

1st 5K race accomplished on June 28th, 2008. Finished in 33 minutes!!


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AMISPERSON's Photo AMISPERSON Posts: 252
3/22/08 11:35 A

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You guys are all right. It needs to be her decision. I know that from experience.

amy


Fuel your body. Don't feed your tastebuds!


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FELINA's Photo FELINA SparkPoints: (119,105)
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3/22/08 11:23 A

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I agree, there's not much you can do unless she's ready and really wants to lose the weight. All you can do is continue to be a good example. I have a sister-in-law who's the same way. Very overweight, talks about needing to lose it, but lacks the motivation. Sometimes she'll ask me what I did to lose the weight and I tell her what I've done, and about Spark. So far that's as far as it's gone. I don't offer any unsolicited advice but I let her know how good it feels to have lost the weight.

 
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SARAH_VW's Photo SARAH_VW Posts: 7,111
3/22/08 10:50 A

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Unfortunately there's not much you can do if the person doesn't want to get healthy. Until your sister wants to do it for herself you won't be able to encourage her to do so and in fact you might make her angry. My husband gained some weight while I was pregnant and it frustrated me that while I worked hard to shed the baby weight he did nothing to get rid of his. I tried encouraging him nicely and when that didn't work it eventually turned to nagging and we'd argue about it. I finally gave up and decided there was no point in constantly arguing about it. Then he applied for a job that he needed to be in top shape for and that motivated him to get off the couch and start exercising. He had to want it for himself which I totally understand now. If someone had told me to lose weight I would have taken a defensive attitude and probably done nothing about it.

You can lead by example, which you're already doing. Unless your sister asks you for information on getting healthy I wouldn't bring it up since it might hurt her feelings. Have you asked her to join you while you exercise? You could suggest going for walks together or something like that. That way it's not such an in your face approach and more about spending time together. It's such a difficult situation when you want to help, but the person is unwilling.

Sarah

Co-Leader of SparkPeople's Official January Jumpstart Workout Challenge

"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." Joshua J Marine

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THEHEALTHY3's Photo THEHEALTHY3 Posts: 5,721
3/22/08 10:45 A

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I wish I had words of wisdom for this topic. I hate to say it but I think Nancy is right, she has to be READY to make the changes. And a lot of the time there is so much emotional baggage that comes with weight, and that makes it so much harder to be ready. Maybe sharing some success stories from SP members that are in the same position will help. I wish I had more to offer.

~Amanda

It's, not, how you start, it's how you finish,
And it's, not, where you're from, it's where you're at.

One must eat to live,
Not live to eat.






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NANCYVV's Photo NANCYVV Posts: 5,997
3/22/08 10:27 A

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Hi Amy. Wow, that is such a tough one. It's a really fine line because I think sometimes it's instinct to reject something that you feel someone is trying to 'force' on you, even if it is something done in the spirit of helping and love.

Some people can get defensive about it and will do the opposite or ignore you completely. Does you sister seem to want to lose the weight? If not, then she is not ready to face it and if it doesn't come from inside her, she won't have a good chance.

I have been trying to get my husband on board to do this with me and he has been resistant. I try not to 'nag' him about it - it has to be his choice.

I wish I had better advice for you. I'm sure others will be along with some words of wisdom for both of us!

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"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my
heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my
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AMISPERSON's Photo AMISPERSON Posts: 252
3/22/08 10:11 A

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I have a sister who is 300+ lbs and I'm really worried about her health. I've tried giving her healthy recipes, encouraging emails, etc. Nothing is working though. How do you motivate the ones you love to get healthy?

amy


Fuel your body. Don't feed your tastebuds!


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