Author: Sorting Last Post on Top ↓ Message:
ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (56,455)
Fitness Minutes: (16,564)
Posts: 39,152
2/29/08 9:43 A

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Hymn #365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,

" If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, " And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, " And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced�
With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song,

Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
Keep spreading the Cheer...See you at the river.




Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


 current weight: 125.0 
 
135
132.5
130
127.5
125
JENNA2007CANADA's Photo JENNA2007CANADA Posts: 4,710
2/26/08 10:30 A

Reply
Men Are Just Happier People

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress, $5000. Tux rental, $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.




July 4th, 1948 - May 13th, 2008


The most important story we will ever write in life is our own - not with ink, but with our daily choices!
ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (56,455)
Fitness Minutes: (16,564)
Posts: 39,152
2/22/08 4:18 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon emoticon Jenna..esp. since I was just at the gynocologist yesterday!

Here's my contribution for today.


*True Calls to the IRS*

True Calls to the IRS

Caller: I want to know if I should file married or single. IRS: Are you married?
Caller: Well, sort of ....
IRS: What?
Caller: Well, we did get married, but we're not counting on it.

Caller: I got a letter from you guys and I want to know what you want.
IRS: What does it say?
Caller: Just a minute, I'll open it.

Caller: I'm a bookkeeper and I need to know if ten $100 bills make a thousand dollars or only ten hundred dollars.
IRS: Both. It's the same amount.
Caller: So why do I get a different answer every time I move the decimal point?

Caller: What does the law say about people who are renting to relatives and taking a loss on the property?
IRS: You are required to charge them fair market value.
Caller: It's very fair. If we rented to someone else we could get a lot more.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh



Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


 current weight: 125.0 
 
135
132.5
130
127.5
125
JENNA2007CANADA's Photo JENNA2007CANADA Posts: 4,710
2/22/08 11:58 A

Reply
SIGNS

**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************
On another Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2 business"

**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

*************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming"

**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************
At the Electric Company :
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However , if you don't, you will be."

**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait. "

*****************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
" Best place in town to take a leak."




July 4th, 1948 - May 13th, 2008


The most important story we will ever write in life is our own - not with ink, but with our daily choices!
RHYNIC's Photo RHYNIC Posts: 19,646
2/21/08 10:30 A

Send Private Message
Reply
That is cute Jenna, thanks I needed the smile today.

gail

"Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMGatR8SNns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQq
bOoU


 Pounds lost: 4.4 
 
0
3.85
7.7
11.55
15.4
JENNA2007CANADA's Photo JENNA2007CANADA Posts: 4,710
2/21/08 10:27 A

Reply
I'VE been a serious jogger for about a year, and as I was warming up for a race I saw a man doing a stretching exercise. He was sitting in his parked car with one leg inside and his other foot on the ground outside the car. I watched as he bent his head down until it almost touched the ground. I walked over to my car and try the same thing. As I bent downward, I could feel new muscles stretching and complimented myself on this discovery. Then I heard the man yell to his wife, "Hey, Honey, I found the keys! They were under the car after all."

Jenna


July 4th, 1948 - May 13th, 2008


The most important story we will ever write in life is our own - not with ink, but with our daily choices!
LINDAANNE2's Photo LINDAANNE2 Posts: 18,687
2/15/08 2:42 P

Send Private Message
Reply
I liked that!

I started 3/6/07 at 149. I have lost almost 22 pounds.

Co-leader of: 10-25 Pounds to Lose and Spark Fitness and Goal Buddies.


 current weight: 121.2 
 
126
124.8
123.6
122.4
121.2
KAYOTIC's Photo KAYOTIC Posts: 12,692
2/15/08 1:50 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

thanks for the chuckle Jenna!

highest weight ever:202, SP starting weight: 143

New goal: more practical new goal, 129, update ticker to reflect that goal.

H: 5''4" 50 y.o.

"Don''t let yesterday use up too much of today." Will Rogers

"Eat Food, Not Too Much, Mostly Plants" Michael Pollan



 current weight: 3.6  over
 
5
2.5
0
-2.5
-5
ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (56,455)
Fitness Minutes: (16,564)
Posts: 39,152
2/13/08 4:43 P

Community Team Member

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon Jenna. Thanks so much, and I really appreciate it because I am a senior...over 55. emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


 current weight: 125.0 
 
135
132.5
130
127.5
125
JENNA2007CANADA's Photo JENNA2007CANADA Posts: 4,710
2/13/08 1:43 P

Reply
Exercises for Seniors

The Doctor told me, I should start an exercise program. Not wanting to harm this old body, I've devised the following:

MONDAY

Beat around the bush
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper

TUESDAY

Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head

WEDNESDAY

Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles

THURSDAY

Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire

FRIDAY

Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge

SATURDAY

Pick up the pieces!!!

SUNDAY

Hug someone and encourage them.

Whew! What a workout! It's enough to tire one out for a long time!!



July 4th, 1948 - May 13th, 2008


The most important story we will ever write in life is our own - not with ink, but with our daily choices!
JAZZYJ7's Photo JAZZYJ7 SparkPoints: (63,034)
Fitness Minutes: (38,010)
Posts: 3,479
2/13/08 1:26 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Funny!

JazzyJ7


 Pounds lost: 12.8 
 
0
3.5
7
10.5
14
DEERBA1 Posts: 1,469
2/12/08 12:24 P

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
emoticon

August 2007 - 177.4 lbs
January 3, 2008 - Began Maintenance
November 2010


 Pounds lost: 1.0 
 
0
3.25
6.5
9.75
13
RHYNIC's Photo RHYNIC Posts: 19,646
2/12/08 11:07 A

Send Private Message
Reply
cute :-)

"Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish which greatly trumps Did Not Start."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMGatR8SNns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQq
bOoU


 Pounds lost: 4.4 
 
0
3.85
7.7
11.55
15.4
KATMIC3's Photo KATMIC3 SparkPoints: (53,043)
Fitness Minutes: (32,209)
Posts: 6,202
2/12/08 11:03 A

My SparkPage
Send Private Message
Reply
Thats hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison




 current weight: 126.0 
 
146
141
136
131
126
JENNA2007CANADA's Photo JENNA2007CANADA Posts: 4,710
2/12/08 10:52 A

Reply
We all need to start the day with a smile on our face.

I WAS talking to a new acquaintance at a dinner party, and the conversation got around to unemployment. "You know, it's really sad," she said, "when so many people are out of work, and here I am living off the fat of the land." "How do you manage that?" I asked. She lowered her voice to a confidential whisper and replied, "I'm an aerobics instructor."




July 4th, 1948 - May 13th, 2008


The most important story we will ever write in life is our own - not with ink, but with our daily choices!
Page: 1 of (1)  

Report Innappropriate Post

Other At Goal & Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance General Team Discussion Forum Posts

Topics: Last Post:
IMAFIT1 has maintained for TWENTY NINE YEARS!!! 8/17/2014 4:22:46 PM
Daily Check In 8-11 8/12/2013 8:41:18 AM
Daily check in 2\19 2/19/2014 10:12:44 PM
POOKASLUAGH has maintained for ONE YEAR! 3/2/2014 11:11:33 PM
LESLIESENIOR has maintained for EIGHT YEARS! 6/3/2014 11:43:46 AM

Thread URL: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_messageboard_thread.asp?board=0x1111x12207816

Review our Community Guidelines