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8/22/08 12:24 P

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*Road To Easy Street*

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 PM for 20 cents.

I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $3.50.

Then my wife's father died and left us ten million dollars."

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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8/20/08 12:13 P

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YARD WORK - AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN

(Overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):

God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green.

St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's no t colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.

God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out an d buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about...

God: Never mind -I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis! emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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8/19/08 10:06 A

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Can't Hurt to Ask

My granddaughter, Hannah, begged me long-distance to come help her celebrate her sixth birthday. Unable to resist, I made my plans to join the family.

When we sat down for the birthday dinner, my son asked Hannah if she would like to bless the food on her birthday. "Oh, yes, Daddy," she said.

She closed her eyes and began, "Dear Lord, thank you for Mommy and this good food she fixed. Thank you for letting Grandma come here today."

Pausing momentarily, Hannah opened her eyes to peek at me before she continued. "And please Lord, let us have a good time at Toys 'R' Us this afternoon." emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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8/18/08 10:27 A

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An 80 year old man was sitting in his boat fishing when he heard a
voice say, 'pick me up." He looked around and could not see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again, "pick me
up". He looked down into the water and saw a frog. He asked, "Are you
talking to me"?
The frog said, "Yes, pick me up and kiss me and I'll turn into the
most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll marry you, your friends
will all be jealous and will make you incredibly happy."
He thought for a moment then reached over and picked the frog up
carefully, placing it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "Are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I
said kiss me and I'll love you for eternity."
He looked at the frog and said, "At my age I'd rather have a talking
frog."


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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8/16/08 1:45 A

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Catholic Wisdom

98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. 'Mother,' the nuns asked with earnest, 'please give us some wisdom before you die.' She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't sell that cow."

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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2/9/08 3:46 P

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A Sip of Vodka

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,
Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.




Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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2/6/08 12:36 P

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MY FIVE NEW BOYFRIENDS!

I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed.

Then I go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse comes along,
and when he is here
he takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis shows up
and stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay
in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint.

After such a busy day,
I'm really tired and glad
to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a life!

Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

P.S.
The preacher came to call the other day.
He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter.

I told him: "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlour, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself: "Now, what am I here after?"
emoticon emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/28/08 12:52 P

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*The Hokey Pokey*

*The Hokey Pokey*
Original Lyrics

Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around
That's what it's all about.

*The Hokey Pokey*
Shakespearean Style

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/26/08 11:42 A

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NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3! ) If yo u dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee invol! vement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.



Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open,and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more,so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a ba! lanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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1/26/08 10:35 A

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The History of the "Apron"

I don't think our kids even know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.

REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.

Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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1/26/08 10:01 A

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Subject: Life

1.Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2.Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3.I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4.How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?

5.I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

6.When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

7.Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

8.Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

9.Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Wouldn't you know it.....

10.Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

11. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

12.Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

13.And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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1/24/08 3:46 P

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Inner Strength


If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct her/him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,



.. Then You Are Probably The Family Dog or Cat!







Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/19/08 10:18 A

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"R" Troubles

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied," Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."



Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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FRAN3ORD's Photo FRAN3ORD Posts: 958
1/19/08 9:42 A

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Hehe...that was funny!

Belle- 5ft 3 in.

Pace e Bene!

Personal goal - Go From 162 to 145

6/13/10...153.2

6/20/10....152.4

7/5/10....151.00

7/11/10.....148.4

7/18/10.....149.00

1/12/11....oops...162.00









Walking for a Healthier You administrator

MAINTAINING !!


 current weight: 162.0 
 
164
159.25
154.5
149.75
145
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1/18/08 12:52 P

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What Religion is Your Bra?


A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's
and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. "
" What type of bra?"
asked the clerk.
" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

" Look around,"
said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color
and material imaginable.

"Actually,
even with all of this variety,
there are really only
four types of bras to choose from ."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled,
the man asked about
the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded,

"It is all really quite simple. ...
The Catholic type
supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
he Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why,
but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time
you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!...

They forgot the German Bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen!
emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/10/08 12:12 P

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*Understanding Law*

During a Law course class, the 'Audi Alteram Partem' rule was explained. Translated it means "To hear the other party."

After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.

Responded one woman, "My husband."



Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


 current weight: 122.0 
 
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1/8/08 3:30 P

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TODAY'S CLEAN LAUGH

*Haircut Request*

When a customer slid into the barber chair, the barber asked him how he wanted his hair cut.

"Make it short," the customer replied, "with a bare patch above my left ear, but longer on the right side so that it covers my right ear. I also want my left sideburn above my left ear and the right sideburn below my right ear."

The barber looked puzzled and said, "I don't think I can do that."

The customer replied, "I don't know why not--that's the way you cut it the last time I was here!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/5/08 4:47 P

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My Mom sent me these Tips for 2008. Enjoy!

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Life is too short for drama & petty things! So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/5/08 12:26 A

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/3/08 9:20 P

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I'm Fine. How Are You?

There's nothing the matter with me,
I'm just as healthy as can be,
I have arthritis in both knees,
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

All my teeth have had to come out,
And my diet I hate to think about.
I'm overweight and I can't get thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

And arch supports I need for my feet.
Or I wouldn't be able to go out in the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right.
My memory's failing, my head's in a spin.
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.

Old age is golden I've heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.
And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,
Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?

The reason I know my Youth has been spent,
Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!
But really I don't mind, when I think with a grin,
Of all the places my get-up has been.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the obits.
If my name is missing, I'm therefore not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.

The moral of this as the tale unfolds,
Is that for you and me, who are growing old.
It is better to say "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to let people know the shape we are in.

I'M FINE!! HOW ARE YOU?
emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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1/3/08 11:02 A

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Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann,
listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and
wives know the things that are important to each other.

He addressed the men.

'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered,
'Pillsbury-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/29/07 2:34 P

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"Exercise"

- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

- The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where on earth she is.

- The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

- And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

- You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!




Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/29/07 2:31 P

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That was wonderful...LOL Thanks so much.

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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TJANDJESS's Photo TJANDJESS Posts: 651
12/28/07 12:20 P

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The 12 Days of Christmas
December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always, Agnes

December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love, Agnes

December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Agnes

December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the heck am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their dumb cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

December 22, 1972

Hey S***head:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours! Agnes

December 23, 1972

You rotten prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those girls ladies. They've been with those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of crap. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you! Agnes

December 24, 1972

Listen F***head:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been doing things with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy, Agnes

December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole



Active Duty Army mom


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12/28/07 10:26 A

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*Exercise*

- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

- The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

- Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where on earth she is.

- The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

- And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

- You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/27/07 10:18 A

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A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Brother Martin's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!"

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/26/07 4:39 P

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Wednesday, Dec. 26

*'Twas The Day After Christmas*

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans, Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand; The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came. Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penney's and Sears Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's--all here!!

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall, Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work. He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road, Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer, "ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT ... YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"

Author Unknown


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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FRAN3ORD's Photo FRAN3ORD Posts: 958
12/20/07 7:27 P

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They're all cute!!

Belle- 5ft 3 in.

Pace e Bene!

Personal goal - Go From 162 to 145

6/13/10...153.2

6/20/10....152.4

7/5/10....151.00

7/11/10.....148.4

7/18/10.....149.00

1/12/11....oops...162.00









Walking for a Healthier You administrator

MAINTAINING !!


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BREE-420-77's Photo BREE-420-77 Posts: 1,869
12/20/07 3:28 P

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LOL!
As long as you know who Paul Newman is, and you're aware of the heartthrob status he once had, you can get that joke!
:D

These are great, I think the Red wagon one is ESPECIALLY cute!

-Bree
5'11" :)
April 2006 Starting Weight - 185-190
May 18, 2007 Reached Goal 150

"What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that's another matter." Peter F. Drucker

Ticker is set to a maintenance range.


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12/20/07 12:14 A

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Paul Newman

Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story.
if you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it)
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.

One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a
long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.

She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.

There was only one other patron in the store.
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The women's heart skipped a beat as her
eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.

The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.

Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, your 45 years old, not a teenager!

The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.

When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.

Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the store shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter, or something. No ice cream cone was seen.

With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman,

"You put it into your purse!"

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/14/07 2:14 P

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The Red Wagon

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor
of the church was looking over the lawn when he noticed that the baby
Jesus was missing from among the figures.

He hurried outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the
wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get your
passenger, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got Him at church."

"And why did you take Him?"

The boy explained, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the
little Lord Jesus and I told Him if He would bring me a red wagon for
Christmas I would give Him a ride around the block in it."

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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12/12/07 12:34 P

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*Christmas Tree Search*

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at: http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/whatsa
goober.htm

There were two goobers who went deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one goober turned to the other and said,

"I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh
EYE LAUGH

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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SARBAH77's Photo SARBAH77 SparkPoints: (125,016)
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12/12/07 10:06 A

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*stolen and posted to my LJ*

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12/11/07 9:32 P

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*Christmas Operation Order*

Operation Order 12-2004 For: Official Visit of LT jg Santa Clause

1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S- Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "T" ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "T" ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1SG's will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All leaders will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.

e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-01 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SDO and all CQs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in Bldg 9828 prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The SDNCO will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign on each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight reindeer, tiny, for use by LT jg Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Dancer, On Prancer, etc."

2. LT JG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the dayroom. All offices without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn- in at the conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each section NCOIC.

FOR THE COMMANDER GOODE, U. B., LTC, OD Executive Officer


Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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FRAN3ORD's Photo FRAN3ORD Posts: 958
12/10/07 3:27 P

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Here's a funny video:

crackle.com/c/High_Wire/Mrs_hughes_s
ke
wed_views/2041059#vt=1


Edited by: FRAN3ORD at: 12/16/2007 (10:32)
Belle- 5ft 3 in.

Pace e Bene!

Personal goal - Go From 162 to 145

6/13/10...153.2

6/20/10....152.4

7/5/10....151.00

7/11/10.....148.4

7/18/10.....149.00

1/12/11....oops...162.00









Walking for a Healthier You administrator

MAINTAINING !!


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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12/10/07 3:16 P

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*Elf Pet Peeves*

7. Toil for 364 days a year just to make children smile and no one gives a rip. Meanwhile, frolic around one day in some stupid outfit in February with a lousy bow and arrow and all of a sudden you're a hero.

6. Company health plan doesn't cover tattoo removal.

5. The EPA's new relaxed reindeer-emissions standards.

4. Icy cold North Pole temperature makes it hard to produce quality workmanship.

3. Reindeer game #12: Elf lacrosse.

2. Constantly ridiculed for that 0-854 record in the North Pole basketball league.

1. Jolly Ole Santa has never yet brought back a single cookie to share.

*Thanks to Pastor Tim for this joke!*
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaug



Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


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FRAN3ORD's Photo FRAN3ORD Posts: 958
11/15/07 9:41 A

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LOL!!

Belle- 5ft 3 in.

Pace e Bene!

Personal goal - Go From 162 to 145

6/13/10...153.2

6/20/10....152.4

7/5/10....151.00

7/11/10.....148.4

7/18/10.....149.00

1/12/11....oops...162.00









Walking for a Healthier You administrator

MAINTAINING !!


 current weight: 162.0 
 
164
159.25
154.5
149.75
145
LADY_DONKEY's Photo LADY_DONKEY SparkPoints: (63,429)
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11/15/07 8:48 A

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ROFL!! Sounds good to me!! :-)

Lady Donkey (you can call me LD) is 5'3"

Hope is not a plan. --- Oprah Winfrey

What people say about you is more a reflection of what is in their hearts than what is in yours. --- Lady Donkey

Success is the best revenge. --- Lady Donkey

Unhappy women do dangerous things. --- Desperate Housewives


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JUSTLOCKET Posts: 856
11/15/07 7:09 A

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tooo funny!!!!



BFITNHAPPY's Photo BFITNHAPPY Posts: 6,355
11/15/07 6:57 A

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too funny..thanks for sharing..

~ Denise ~

"What doesn't kill me will make me stronger"

Marathons in IL, OH, MI, WI, IN and TX 44 states to go

2011 goal - 1500 miles (2010 actual was 1300)

UPCOMING RACES:
2/13/11 - Frosty 5 Miler - 46:53 (9:23 pace) - PR!
3/20/11 - March Madness - 2:10:59
5/11 - Half (goal 2:05)
Fall marathon (goal 4:30)

PERSONAL RECORDS (50-54 age group):
5K (5/22/10) - 28:15
10K (9/8/07) - 59:46
Half Marathon (3/16/08) - 2:09:44


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ANGELBELIEVER's Photo ANGELBELIEVER SparkPoints: (55,330)
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11/14/07 10:43 P

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Mom's Lazy Thanksgiving

'Tis the night before Thanksgiving
And all through our house
No turkey is baking; I feel like a louse,
For I am all nestled so snug in my bed;
I'm not gettin' up and I'm not bakin' bread.
No pies in my oven, no cranberry sauce
Cuz I give the orders, and I am the boss.

When out in the kitchen, there arose such a clatter
I almost got up to see what was the matter.
As I drew in my head and was tossing around
To the bed came my husband; he grimaced, he frowned.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He scared me to death and I thought, "Here he goes!"

He spoke not a word as he threw back my quilt
And the look that he gave was intended to wilt.
So up to the ceiling my pillows he threw
I knew I had had it, his face had turned blue.
"You prancer, you dodger, you're lazy, you vixen
Out yonder in kitchen, Thanksgiving you're fixin."

But he heard me explain, with my face in a pout:

"I'm JUST PLAIN TOO TIRED

and we're EATING OUT."
emoticon

Elayne from
Florida Eastern Time Zone

" My goal is to live the truly religious life, and express it in my music. If you live it, when you play, there's no problem because the music is part of the whole thing. To be a musician is really something. It goes very,very deep. My music is the spiritual expression of what I am--my faith, my knowledge, my being." by John Coltrane

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life!.-Annonymous

Music is a moral l


 current weight: 122.0 
 
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