From my blog today....
I hope that through this process of weight loss, I can be transparent enough so that it's seen that I'm a broken person. I'm a sinful person. My very nature is to do the things that hurt me most. I serve a God's that's bigger than anything I can experience, and I know that, but sometimes that sinful fallen nature wins the mental/emotional/spiritual battle and takes over. Every day I wake up and say... Ok God, today's gotta be your day or it will be infinately worse than I could imagine. Bad thing about me, I'm a control freak. I like things to be how I like them, how I want them, how I think they should be.
You'd think after living in control of my own life for so many years, I'd have it figured out that what I want isn't necessarily best. I really want a huge slice of chocolate cake right now. Is that bad? No, within reason, it's not. But could I eat a small slice? No, probably not. Would I end up eating half the cake in 1 day? Yes, probably. And if I did, I'd feel guilty for days. I'd feel ashamed and ugly. I'd feel unlovable. Man, and the thing is, when God found me, when he chose me, I was guilty, ashamed, ugly, and unlovable. And yet, He still chose me.
So today I want to choose what God has for me. I want to feel wanted and loved by a God who picked me out of the crowd at my lowest point. I want to choose to live the (healthy) lifestyle God wants for me. I want to choose to trust that even though it's not what I want, what God has for me will be so much better. Is that scary? HECK YES! Is it hard? HECK YES!
Some lyrics from one of my favorite songs says...
All I am, I surrender...Give me faith to trust what You say. That You're good and You're love is great. I'm broken inside, I give you my life....
On another note... down 4 lbs today. :-)
| Pounds lost: 42.2