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COOKIEBAKERCAT's Photo COOKIEBAKERCAT Posts: 3,839
7/25/09 3:13 P

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (07:43)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
ANGORA4's Photo ANGORA4 SparkPoints: (28,057)
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7/25/09 1:38 P

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If you had a toddler that insisted on putting beans in their ears, would you feel guilty for taking away the beans? Or would it simply be the proper thing to do, despite their temper tantrum?

What if they insisted on making you stop doing the dishes and cooking dinner, so you could look at their dolly? Would you finally need to say, I will be happy to look at it after I am done cooking dinner, I don't want it to burn. Do they want to be told no, or wait, or not now? Of course not!! And we don't feel guilty, because they need to know this.

When they are with you in the grocery store aisle, tugging on your pants leg, saying 'mommy, candy!!' And drive you crazy for the next 20 minutes. Do you feel guilty and give in? Or do you teach them that is not appropriate behavior, so they stop trying that technique?

If you give in, you are going to have a real nightmare of caregiving. Because our parents are in their second childhood. They behave like toddlers. And just like toddlers, they really know how to push your buttons. If they know the temper tantrum will work, they'll do it. If they know the constant wheedling will make you give in, they will wheedle. If they know they can lay a guilt trip on you, they will do so with glee! It's entertainment for them, they are bored after all! And in any case, they learn what works.

YOU get to choose. It's only a guilt trip if you accept the ticket. Quit taking the ride. Remember, this is no longer your in-control, make-everything-better parent that you knew. This is a losing-control-and-gotta-hang-onto-every-l
ast-shred-of-power parent, in many cases. They go down fighting, every step of the way. And yes, going down is 'normal'.

They can't lay a guilt trip on you if you don't choose to accept it. I know it's a hard change if you're used to giving in. If you're used to playing the 'doormat', where everyone walks on you.

I had to learn to get up off the floor, and decide when and where I would lay down my life. We do lay down our lives, but we do it as a gift.

You can do this, takes a major mental shift. But you can do this!

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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FRANANN3's Photo FRANANN3 Posts: 1,317
7/25/09 11:45 A

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lADY WZ... i TOTALLY CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARAE SAYING.... i'M FEELING THE EXACT SAME WAY. dIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT TILL i SAW IT WRITTEN BY YOU. tHANKS FOR OPENING MY EYES....added you as a friend... thanks for the support!! hugs... emoticon

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LADYWEZ's Photo LADYWEZ SparkPoints: (34,054)
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7/25/09 7:00 A

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I think my greatest challenge is I am not in control at all. I am at their beckon call. I feel so guilty if I don't do what they ask the minute they ask. Guilt is a horrible thing. I realize that I need to care for me so I can care for them but I just feel sometimes that if I just give a little more all will be well. Even though I know mentally that isn't right if I give more they will take more.

I am suppose to be "off duty" all weekend. I am sure that will not occur. But in theory it is helping me mentally.

Figuring out guidelines and not crossing them is very hard.

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LAKOTALADY's Photo LAKOTALADY Posts: 10,097
7/24/09 11:32 P

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Victim mentality...ah, it has a name. Finding which side of the thin line works is my next thing to conquer. I'm trying, but for right now, it seems to be getting harder, not easier. Of course, both are getting worse, so that is "normal"?!.

I'm looking forward to getting to the point that all of you are. It's just that most of the time that seems impossible.

But I will overcome! I have to.

"We will be known forever by the tracks we leave."

"When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

"Wolves, like the Indian, choose their mates wisely and do not part till death--making the two spiritually entwined."

-:¦:-
´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ¸¸.·´*
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Vicki-:¦:--:¦:-
-


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ANGORA4's Photo ANGORA4 SparkPoints: (28,057)
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7/24/09 10:06 P

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NANNIESCHICKEN, Cat, sounds like you've both found a way to deal with the situation. While you are both using patience, and self-control, you are also gently taking control as needed. Such a key point.

When I first started this job, I had a terrible victim mentality. "This isn't fair. . . This isn't fun. . . I'm doing the best I can." I was letting mom call all the shots, and she wasn't capable of running the house herself. She couldn't make all the necessary decisions, that's why I needed to come in the first place. It was like having a toddler in charge, it just didn't work!

And of course, they need to feel in control, so you walk a fine line.

So proud of you for finding what works for you.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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COOKIEBAKERCAT's Photo COOKIEBAKERCAT Posts: 3,839
7/24/09 6:43 P

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (07:45)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
NANNIESCHICKEN's Photo NANNIESCHICKEN Posts: 592
7/24/09 4:51 P

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Maintaining patience requires a lot of effort. You have to have self-control, as well as control over the person you are caring for. I find that I have a certain chemistry with my mom, that even when she is difficult (mostly cranky or disagreeable) I work around her particular resistance. I'm in control, and she seems to acquiesce to my way of doing things. When she gets understandably depressed because of her limitations, I am sympathetic. She senses that, knows it, and appreciates it. Heck, I cry with her sometimes. But I never really let her see the toll it takes on me -- that is where self-discipline comes in. She simply does not need another thing to worry about -- so I don't put any unnecessary pressure on her, by allowing her to see my angst or frustration. I work that part of it out with vigorous exercise.

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.
Maya Angelou
COOKIEBAKERCAT's Photo COOKIEBAKERCAT Posts: 3,839
7/22/09 2:27 P

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (07:45)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
ANGORA4's Photo ANGORA4 SparkPoints: (28,057)
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7/22/09 1:35 P

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Janice, glad things are going along okay. Sorry there wasn't more the drs could do, but good to know they aren't getting worse. Also glad you were able to work things out with uncle, woo hoo!

Sorry your mom isn't happy. We have the same thing here. I've discovered that there isn't 'enough' entertainment. They are bored, and they want to be constantly entertained. Five minutes without it, and they're upset. And lets face it, we can't begin to do a fraction of what they demand.

We have meals, and cleaning, and laundry, shopping, other errands, and other family members that need tended to. General upkeep, both personal and for the family and house, not to mention tending to pets if you have them. Then there are other people and family members that need our time as well. Other events we attend, church, other groups. . .Perhaps we have other jobs, are tending small children, or taking classes. And sometimes, we just desperately need to take a bubble bath or read a book or do something to unwind. Not to mention exercise!

They usually live in the minute, the fact that you spent all morning doing things with them is gone, they only care about NOW. And what THEY want. And will gripe vehemently, or pout, sulk, etc. Funny almost.

My husband says he finally truly understands why they call old age a 'second childhood'. They truly behave like small children, with short attention spans and a very me-centered way of thinking.

Sorry that mom isn't happy, but glad she's feeling good enough to be picky! And hope you'll have a wonderful time with this little break! You'll still be doing a lot of caregiving things, but not in your house for a while! Woo hoo, private space! A silver lining in the cloud!

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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JGMK55's Photo JGMK55 SparkPoints: (62,986)
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7/22/09 1:04 P

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Last week was busy!!!! My uncle had a dr. appt. on Monday and a heart catherization on Wednesday. It went well but the dr. determined they couldn't do anything for the blockage - too risky. They did check out his kidneys (he has a stent there) and an aneurysm in his stomach. There is no change so we will just keep watching them. He stayed overnight because his blood pressure was way too high. I took him back to the assisted living facility on Thursday, but on Friday he was readmitted to the hospital due to fluid retention and high blood pressure. They kept him two nights and on Sunday I brought him back home for the day. He felt wonderful and was very happy to come home for a visit (although he did try to get me to take him to the casino for the day instead - LOL). This week there have been no problems and I am just enjoying not going anywhere. Of course, my mom who is staying with us wants to go shopping every day and keeps hinting at how bored she is. I am choosing to ignore her complaining and keep reminding her of all the things we can do and enjoy while staying at home. She is going back to my sister's on Sunday. My sister was hoping she would stay here longer as she really needs a break, but once my mom makes up her mind there is no changing it. Sigh.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
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7/13/09 9:56 A

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Janice, so glad your uncle is doing better. It's so exciting when something works, even if it doesn't last forever. Gotta enjoy the good stuff while it lasts!

Mom is in an awful mood today. As soon as someone talks she talks over them, "Everybody go home, go home, go home. . ." chanted until we give up. "Who cares? Goodbye!"

This would be so annoying. . .if I didn't realize this, too, will pass. When I see her curled up in a ball, unable to care about anything, it makes times like this when she has preferences and a will--a treat. And this mood will pass. (Even if it takes a while!)

Good thing I have errands to do today, got to get the fair entries to the fair office now. And if she's had a nap, she usually wakes up in a different mood, so the peace and quiet will probably be a good thing for her.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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JGMK55's Photo JGMK55 SparkPoints: (62,986)
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7/12/09 6:41 P

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It is so easy to try to change everything. I do that - I try so hard, and when I can't succeed I get so frustrated. Right now my uncle is doing well but I know that could change at any moment. Judy, your reminder about how little time could be left was so powerful. As upset as I get and as hurt as I sometimes feel, those glimpses of how it used to be (who he used to be) really help to remind me that he is someone I have loved dearly and will miss dearly. He is not a perfect man. But then, I am not a perfect woman - however, he is my uncle and I am so lucky to be sharing this time of his life with him (although I do admit it is so much easier now that he is in the assisted living facility). Anyhow, it is important to keep things in perspective and it becomes easier with wise friends sharing that wisdom - thank you Judy!

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
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7/5/09 6:19 P

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That is what I have found to be the secret. I can't change the good and the bad, but I can change what I choose to concentrate on. When I concentrate on the good stuff, it makes the bad easier to bear.

When I concentrate on the bad stuff, even the good stuff seems to be lost in the shuffle. I NEED to keep looking for the good.

And you're right, this time is precious, and it will never be again. It is a fleeting moment that is here and gone. What mom could do a year ago, a month ago, is gone forever. That time will never be again.



Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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LADYWEZ's Photo LADYWEZ SparkPoints: (34,054)
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7/5/09 6:05 P

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I sometimes think I have special times that they will never have. When I sit at church with them I have this time that none of the other ones have. How special is that? I bowl with my dad twice a week...I hate it but how special is that? I have one on one time with him. WOW. I am blessed. Yes I complained too but I am blessed.

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7/5/09 5:58 P

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I love your attitude. We can't change what others think, we can only do what we can. So wise of you to realize that in the long run, all that really matters is that we gave the best care we could.

Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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LADYWEZ's Photo LADYWEZ SparkPoints: (34,054)
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7/5/09 5:35 A

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The complaining really gets to me too. I also think that is why my siblings think I as doing a horrible job caring for my parents. Mom complains all the time. So when one of them calls I am the person that mom sees everyday so I am the person that mom complains about. Then my siblings think that I am doing some things wrong.

It is a very hard job. But years from now we will not regret the time we have spent with our parents.

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7/1/09 1:09 P

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FRANANN, the constant complaining is actually a 'normal' part of this progression. While blissfully not everyone goes through this, is it still extremely common. It usually does not matter what I say or do, when mom is in a complaining mood, there is no end to it. If she complains that the tv is annoying her and wants it off, she'll complain I turned off her program when I do what she asked!

If she is complaining the food is cold, and I serve her something hot, she'll complain it is too hot and she wanted something cold! Nothing we do will please her when she's in that mood. So I can totally relate.

I used to really resent having to go down to mom's everyday. After a number of years it just got rather old and tiresome. Every day, all the time. Then I had to move in with her. And deal with her being up and down all night, worrying about her wandering, falling. Bathroom issues.

It's amazing what a little perspective will do! Now, I realize how wonderful it was to sleep in my own bed, live in my own house, be home. I just didn't appreciate it at the time.

I start my sixth year away from home in a few months. And yet, I realize that some of you have parents that must be monitored 24 hours a day. They're on oxygen or have other tubes inserted, need injections, are unable to swallow, have a variety of other issues that must be constantly monitored.

Which leaves me being able to get away to go to church or to run to the store to be a huge blessing. I find that focusing on what I CAN do, instead of what I can't helps me a lot. To try to appreciate what I have while I still have it.

Let's face it, there's just a lot of junk in this job that just isn't going to go away. Frustration, irrational behavior, complaining, lack of co-operation, family issues, exhaustion, money difficulties, health issues. . .no end of problems.

This job requires a very inventive mind. As Cat said, sometimes HOW you word things makes all the difference! My mother would NEVER eat yogurt, we've tried repeatedly. But she HATES yogurt, even though it's good for her. But I found a brand that doesn't advertise that it's yogurt on the cup, just its brand name. And I call it pudding. She LOVES pudding, and eats it all up! Same thing, different name. Makes a huge difference.

I find as they get older, they become less and less able to make choices. So, instead of asking mom if she wants to do something, I just take her and we do it. Like Cat does with the appointments.

She wouldn't like adult care, or a senior citizen's center, but as Cat said, she might like to have lunch at the club. Does she go out to eat? Could you take her there for a meal? Maybe as a 'treat'?



Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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ZELLAZM's Photo ZELLAZM SparkPoints: (92,191)
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7/1/09 12:35 P

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Yes, especially good insights here - and I'm also glad to have found this team, even though I'm a long-distance caregiver and not dealing with my parents on a daily basis right now. I have a feeling that time may come sooner than later.

Thanks for being here!

Blessings, Michelle

Firecrackers - Summer 5% Challenge Team

Rom 8:37 "...in all these things we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us."

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COOKIEBAKERCAT's Photo COOKIEBAKERCAT Posts: 3,839
7/1/09 10:46 A

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (07:46)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
FRANANN3's Photo FRANANN3 Posts: 1,317
7/1/09 10:07 A

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Thank you ALL for your caring words. I should have made myself a bit more clear. My mom is 80 and dad is 86. Mom is completely coherent!!! Dad is about 80% coherent!!! Mom is completelycapable of making her own decisions. Dad depends more on me and is fine with that. Mom is the one who does NOT do the things she needs to do, walk, stay active, keep active. She sits on her chair and walks back and forth to the bathroom and back. She does do the laundry about 2-3 x a week. Makes her own cereal in the morning, puts her bowl on the sink for my dad to wash. My dad cooks as much and and often as possible, she complains about it and usually won't eat it. Her stubborness and complaining gets me the most. She loved the attention she got while in the hospital in the past. When I ask her to allow me to take her to our Salvation Army Day Care, she refuses! I feel stuck. She won't go out with my sister, she comnplains about her often. She calls me 2 times a day at least. Plus I go there daily to check in. Do their groceries, take them to appts. YOu all know what I mean.
Again,Thank syou all for being here and listening to me. Sometimes that'all I need... YOU GREAT FRIENDS!

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LAKOTALADY's Photo LAKOTALADY Posts: 10,097
7/1/09 12:20 A

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Judy and Cat,

Thank you so very much for giving us hope, ideas, and a sense of "it's ok", along with laughter at ourselves!

Psalm 55 will be my morning meditation from now on. How perfectly it fits my situation now.

I, and others that are here, I'm sure, really hit the jackpot when we found this team.

Again, wado (thank you)!!!

"We will be known forever by the tracks we leave."

"When you were born you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

"Wolves, like the Indian, choose their mates wisely and do not part till death--making the two spiritually entwined."

-:¦:-
´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨)) ¸¸.·´*
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Vicki-:¦:--:¦:-
-


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ANGORA4's Photo ANGORA4 SparkPoints: (28,057)
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6/30/09 11:11 P

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Okay, first thing, this IS a stressful job. And you do have all those feelings, and it is normal. The real question is what do you do with those feelings, because they can eat you alive!

The first thing I had to do was change my paradigms. I had to quit REACTING and start making decisions and being PROACTIVE. That means that I am no longer the bad little girl that feels guilty when I don't keep my mommy happy. Yes, I still get frustrated, but it is a very different level of frustration.

One of the most useful things I learned the very first week I was at Spark. One of the team members of a different team reminded me that my mother is NO LONGER IN CHARGE, even if she still thinks she is. When you step into the caregiving role, you need the authority to actually take the reins. That means you will be making decisions as to what you can do, and when you can do it.

They won't like this. They've been in charge for the last lots of years. They like it that way. We know that, because when we step back into the caregiving role, we immediately feel like bad little children again. And we really resent the loss of power. A lot! So we understand what they are going through. But it doesn't change the facts. We can't both be in charge.

This means that no matter how much they try to lay a guilt trip on you, how much they accuse you of never helping them (even as you are doing so!), no matter how much they don't recognize your help--you just let it fall on off of you, and do what you can. They used to call President Reagan the 'teflon president', because the bad stuff that the opposition would hurl at him, he would simply let it slide off of him, it wouldn't stick. We need to do that.

They can accuse, wheedle, whine, complain, etc. But it only really hurts us if we accept it into our beings. I know this is hard, but you have to learn to just not give in to it. It is so much easier if you can separate them from their bad behavior. We love them, we don't always love what they do.

They are becoming like children. Big children used to getting their own way. Only now, there's a new nanny in the house, and this nanny does what is good for them, not everything they want. And they whine and fuss. But the good nanny does not give in. The good nanny does do some fun things for them, for sure. BUT, she also has schedules, and keeps them, regardless of the wishes of the children. BECAUSE THE CHILDREN ARE NOT IN CHARGE!!! The nanny does not feel guilty when the children whine. She knows they are being cared for, whether they like it or not.

YOU are the new nanny. And they won't like it. So what? It would be lovely if they made a big fuss over your help, and appreciated it. But for most of us, that's about as likely as the children thanking us for serving stewed spinach! It may be good for them, and you may have worked hard to prepare it, but they aren't amused.

You have to toughen your skin, and not take this job personally. Especially for dementia patients, because they truly don't know you've helped them, even when you're in the middle of doing it!

So set your schedule, and do what you can, and let the rest flow off of you like water on a duck's back. It may get wet when it jumps in the puddle, but when it gets out, the water just rolls off them. That needs to be us. It only hurts if you let it.

Now, to be honest, it is still frustrating, but it isn't the same level of gut wrenching feel like you're living in a hell-hole kind of frustration. It's the kind you can walk away from and forget.

My son and I just smile at each other when mom gets weird on us. Tells us to go away forever, tells us how awful we are. Tells us to shut up and be quiet. Sends us to bed in the middle of the day. It used to hurt me terribly. "I'm giving up my life as I knew it to do this, and this is the thanks I get?" And I'd rumble and grumble and get knots in my stomach.

Now, my son and I just look at each other and smile. What's the difference? I decided that mom was not in charge, and while I do take her feelings into account, and will sometimes do as she asks as a favor, it is because I CHOSE the action, not because I slank away as a bad girl. Which is what I did in the beginning, and resented it like crazy!

The other really huge thing, was to find something that was the old 'me'. The pre-caregiver 'me'. And hang onto it. Otherwise, you end up giving more and more of yourself until there is nothing left. No matter how much you give, they will always want a little more. So you can't base your giving on their wants, but on your ability to give. You can only do so much. Accept it. Change the 'stinkin' thinkin'" that says you have to do everything they want they way they want it when they want it. It'll wear you out.

The other huge thing in my life was realizing that while they were drawing on my strength, I needed to draw on strength as well, something bigger and stronger than me.

I think of Psalm 55. This is the psalm that tells of the pain of being betrayed by one close to you. That is part of this pain, that the one that should be praising us for helping, is instead heaping insult upon us.

Psalm 55
1 Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
2 hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

3 at the voice of the enemy,
at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
and revile me in their anger.

4 My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

6 I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

7 I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
. . .8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm." . . .

12 If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

13 But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

14 with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God. . . . 16 But I call to God, and the LORD saves me.

17 Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.

18 He ransoms me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me. . . .
20 My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant. . .
22 Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you. . .

Notice that the person that wrote this knew about how hard this is. And he calls out often for help. This isn't a new problem! But there is help, and peace. The situation didn't change for me, I CHANGED INSTEAD. And it has been an incredible blessing. To be in the same place, with the same old problems and a bunch of new ones, and have it not hurt! Woo hoo!

You can do this! There is peace in this job, despite the turmoil swirling around you. I have learned so much, I have grown so much. I would not have changed this experience. I have a long, long way to go, but I've come a long way as well.

I have peace. You can have it as well. But it means you have to quit looking for acceptance, and accolades, and a pat on the back for this job. You will be blessed, but it will come from elsewhere. You may need to search diligently for help. You may have to stand up for yourself. You may have to change how you do things. You may have to just shut your ears and hum, and ignore the tirade. Or walk away and come back later.

This is a Humpty Dumpty moment. You cannot put your parents back together again. You can't make the family life go back in time, and make it functional and supportive and sweet. They are declining, they are dying before our eyes, and they're mad as hell about it! And we are frustrated, and sad, and hurt by it.

And all we can really do is get out the super glue, and hold things together as well as we can, for as long as we can, knowing it won't last forever. In the meantime, take a little time to have a life of your own, even if it only turns out to be for 5 minutes at a time. Do something for yourself each day. You deserve it.

No more martyr complex. No more. You won't survive that way, and you won't get any extra respect that way, either. You've got to be strong to be the caregiver, and that means you have to do what you can to renew and refresh yourself.

Imagine an experienced lifeguard. He gives advice from his chair. He may get down and help someone on the beach that needs assistance. He goes back to his chair. If he spends all of his time out in the water, just swimming around dealing with little unimportant details, he will wear out, and will not be strong enough to actually help in an emergency. He has to use his time and strength and attention wisely.

YOU are the lifeguard. You must use your time and strength wisely. Like a long distance runner, that paces themselves, so they can stay in the race to the end. You cannot be sprinting around here and there and everywhere, wearing yourself out, and still win the race. Pace yourself. Rest when you need to. You do NOT get extra points for wearing yourself out! This does NOT make you a good daughter or son.

I liked the one example I heard this week. We have to pay taxes. We send in the necessary forms. We do not also send in copies of our checkbook register to prove we are good citizens! You are caring for your parents, good for you! Wearing yourself out doing it does not make you a better child or a better caregiver!

Have fun, learn to laugh again (took me years to do this!) Let the insults slide off. They aren't worth keeping! Look for good things, and think about them instead. Try to redirect them when they get difficult. If one method doesn't work, try something totally different. Love and hug them, let the rest of the aging junk be forgotten. It isn't worth holding on to.

And come here and download what you need to, to get it out of your life so you can get reoriented!



Judy
"You can make clothes from the wool of your sheep. . .the goats will provide milk for you and your family" (Proverbs 27: 26, 27)


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JGMK55's Photo JGMK55 SparkPoints: (62,986)
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6/30/09 10:10 P

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The more difficult my uncle has become the harder it has become to maintain my patience. I used to be very patient with him and his needs, but I haven't been too successful recently. I'm sorry I can't help, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I thought I was, but the wonderful folks on this team have reached out to me and showed me that this can be typical. It doesn't erase the guilt, but it does help me.

“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
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6/30/09 10:06 P

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Edited by: COOKIEBAKERCAT at: 9/10/2012 (07:47)
“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

"See You "Lighter"........Cat =^..^=
LADYWEZ's Photo LADYWEZ SparkPoints: (34,054)
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6/30/09 8:05 P

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welcome to my every day. I either feel guilty or pissed off that they are asking too much. I spent all morning running errands with my dad. Then took him to the gym then mom asked why I never help them. I wanted to scream but I smile and nod and smile and nod.

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FRANANN3's Photo FRANANN3 Posts: 1,317
6/30/09 7:29 P

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How do you keep yourself from loosing patience during caregiving? I find myself more and more frustrated, anxcious,and short tempered. If my mom askes me to take her someplace and I am not able to do it that day, I feel TOTALLY GUILTY. Today I have felt ALL of these above feelings. Please offer some suggestions. Thanks, emoticon emoticon

Edited by: FRANANN3 at: 6/30/2009 (19:30)
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