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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 133,086
7/27/15 10:46 P

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My Mom's maiden name is a fine Polish name that means "little Mouse". She wanted to get a tattoo and finally decided to get a mouse on her bikini line. (Mind you, Mom is 84.) She tells people all about getting this tattoo. Then she goes to show them and realizes that the pussy ate it.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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7/24/15 11:41 A

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I enjoyed the "smiles"--- Thank you!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/24/15 10:57 A

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Redneck Church

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," four guys stand up.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... on the opening day of deer season the church is closed.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of"

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."

Index

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/23/15 9:39 A

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Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?", the driver asked. The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?"

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

"You don't have one?"

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

The policeman says, "Why not?"

"I stole this car."

The officer says, "Stole it?"

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"

"She's in the trunk if you want to see."

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

"Murdered the owner?"

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"

The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

The man replies, "I bet you the liar told you I was speeding, too!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/22/15 9:35 A

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Pa Won't Like It


It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Awe, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/21/15 11:31 A

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Practical Lesson

On Sunday morning, the preacher brings in 4 covered jars with one live worm in each. In one he poured whiskey, in one he poured liquid chocolate, in the third one he poured cigarette smoke and in the fourth one he threw in dirt. Result was nothing unusual. Worms in first three jars died. He then looked at the congregation and said, "I don't have to tell much. I believe you have learnt a clear lesson". Then he pointed at a little girl and asked,"Sweetheart, can you tell what have you learnt?". Without any hesitation she said,"If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate you'll never have worms".


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/20/15 7:18 A

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Snow in Her Hair


One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks,

"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied,

"Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said,

"So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/19/15 1:55 P

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Ten Dollars


Every year, Smitty and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Smitty would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Smitty, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "

Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.

The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/19/15 1:20 P

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Grandma is Like God


My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

You're both old," he replied.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/18/15 8:24 A

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Shirley & Marcy

A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. he didn't want her to walk with him, and she wanted to give him a feeling of independence. but she also wanted to know that he was safe.
When she expressed her concern to her neighbor, Shirley offered to follow him to school every morning for a while, staying at a distance so he wouldn't notice. Shirley said that since she was up early with her toddler anyways, it will be a good way for them to get some exercise.
All week long, Shirley and her daughter followed Timmy as he walked to school with another neighborhood girl.
As the two children walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's friend said,'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?
Timmy replied, 'Yes, I know who she is. That's my mom's friend Shirley Goodnest and her little girl Marcy'.
Shirley Goodnest? Why is she following us?
Well, Timmy explained, every night my mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all days of my life. I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/16/15 9:16 A

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When I grow up.

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister When I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (5,167)
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7/14/15 10:52 A

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This list of tunes---- just hilarious, Jane !!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/13/15 7:35 P

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Revision of 60s and 70s songs...

They just don't make the songs like they used to any more!!!!!!!

Some of the artists of the 60's and 70's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday. They include:
Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash
Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker
Ringo Starr - I Get By With A Little Help From Depends
The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend A Broken Hip
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now
Paul Simon - Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver
The Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom
Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade Of Hair
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping
The Temptations - Papa's Got A Kidney Stone
Abba - Denture Queen
Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
Helen Reddy - I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To
And Last but NOT least...
Willie Nelson - On the Commode Again

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/12/15 7:41 A

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Where Are You Going


Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/11/15 1:03 P

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Heads Are Tough


Joe and Jim were out cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon.

The surgeon said "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours." So Joe left and when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said "I got done quicker than I expected. Jim is down at the pub." Joe went to he pub and there was Jim, throwing darts.

A few weeks later, Joe and Jim were cutting wood again, and Jim cut his leg off. Joe put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and Jim back to the surgeon.

The surgeon said "No problem, but legs are a little tougher. Come back in 8 hours." Joe left and when he came back in 6 hours the surgeon said "I finished early, Jim's down at the soccer field." Joe went down to the soccer field and there was Jim, kicking goals.

A few weeks later, Jim had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Joe put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of Jim to the surgeon.

The surgeon looked at the situation and said "Gosh, heads are really tough. Come back on 12 hours." So Joe left and when he returned in twelve hours the surgeon said regretfully "I'm sorry, Jim died."

Joe said "I understand - heads are tough."

The surgeon said, "Oh no! The surgery went fine! Jim suffocated in that plastic bag."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/10/15 6:44 A

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The Athiest in the Woods

Hilarious Christian Jokes An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking to himself,

"How beautiful the animals are!"

"How majestic the trees are!"

"How powerful the rivers are!"

As he walked along the river, he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned and saw an 8-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran along the path as fast as he could, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He kept running, but when he looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. Then he tripped and fell on the ground. The bear was right on top of him with his right paw raised to strike him. At that instant, the atheist cried, "God help me!"

Time Stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

A bright light shone upon the man and a voice from the sky said, "You've denied my existence for all these years and have taught others that I don't exist. You've even credited creation to a cosmic accident. Why would you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Are you now a believer?"

The atheist looked into the light and said, "Well, I would be hypocrite to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but could you, maybe, make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

The bear lowered his right paw and brought both paws together. He bowed his head, and said: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from Your bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/9/15 10:30 A

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Army of the Lord

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/8/15 1:34 P

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60th High School Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.
This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles. They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high with the widower throwing admiring glances across the table and the widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage and blurted out, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes ... yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say yes? Or did she say no? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response. So with fear and trepidation, he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say yes or did you say no?"
"Why you silly man, I said Yes. Yes I will! ... And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued, "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/8/15 12:52 P

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You are more than Welcome

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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7/8/15 12:33 P

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I love that senility prayer-- It makes perfect sense to me. Ha.
Thanks for the humor, Jane--

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/8/15 12:29 P

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Prayer of Senility
For those of us who are getting a little older:

God grant me the Senility
to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune
to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight
to tell the difference...

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/7/15 11:23 A

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A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma 'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/6/15 11:52 A

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A Baker was asked to print 1 John 4:18 on a wedding cake. He forgot, and instead printed John 4:18.
1st John 4:18 (ESV) reads “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads “For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.”

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/6/15 11:51 A

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Stealing wood from the lumber yard

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to
confession to repent.

"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the
priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/5/15 2:29 P

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Have you ever had... A Really Bad Day. There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/4/15 12:16 P

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Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of a parochial school in a very advanced state of agitation. “Father!” she cried, “just wait until you hear this!”

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, “Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?”

“Well, Father” the nun began, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!”

“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest.

“But that’s not what has me so shocked, Father,” replied the nun, “it was what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!”

“What an incredible wager!” exclaimed the priest, “What did you do?”

“Well, I hit the ceiling, father.”

To which the priest replied, “How much did you win?”

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/4/15 12:15 P

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On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside Heaven’s gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wonder. “Are we stuck together forever?” St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes,"he informs the couple. "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground! "What’s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take me to find a lawyer!?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/2/15 12:25 P

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Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting...
there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code):

• ATD: At The Doctor's
• BFF: Best Friend Fainted
• BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
• BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
• CBM: Covered By Medicare
• CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
• DWI: Driving While Incontinent
• FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
• FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
• FYI: Found Your Insulin

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/2/15 12:23 P

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.''

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
7/1/15 12:19 P

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The Woman of His Dreams


A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/29/15 11:11 A

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The wish

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.
They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says......
"Make 'em all ugly again"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/28/15 7:07 P

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Ole was so excited to get a new cell phone, he decided to call when he was on his way home from town. He thumbed Lena's number as he turned on to the freeway.

"Lena put supper on, I'm on my vay home.

Lena says, "Be careful because I hear some nut is driving da wrong vay on da freeway."

"It's worse den dat Lena: where I'm at dare are a hundred cars going da wrong vay!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/28/15 11:17 A

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I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my granddaughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.
At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?
“You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly, "All Grandmas know this stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"Oh...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa."
"Exactly," I replied.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/27/15 11:48 A

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A Quarter For Jesus?

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston , Texas . Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change.. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.' Then he thought, 'Oh, forget it, it's only a quarter. Who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from God' and keep quiet.'

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change ..'

The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the new preacher in town?'
'Yes' he replied.

'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave you too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday.'

When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter.'

Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as Christians, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself 'Christian.'

Watch your thoughts ; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits..
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.



Being a Christian is a whole lot like being on Candid Camera. When you least expect it, expect it!

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/26/15 2:32 P

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Senility Prayer:

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
____________________

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/25/15 2:10 P

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Why are shoes the only piece of clothing that can
get into heaven?...

because they have souls

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (5,167)
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6/24/15 12:01 P

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I sure appreciate the humor; it cheers my day!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 133,086
6/23/15 9:39 P

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Jacob, 92, and Rebecca, 89, are excited about getting married. They are out for a stroll and talking about the wedding and pass a drug store. They go in and ask the pharmacist if he sells medications for heart, circulation, rheumatism, and memory problems. Does he sell vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antacids, wheel chairs, walkers, canes and adult diapers? Sure. So they asked if they could use the store for the Bridal Registry.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/23/15 10:42 A

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There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you poop on its head.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/22/15 11:26 P

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Don't Think


A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins. One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."

"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"

"About 20 years, sir"

"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."

"It was, sir."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/22/15 11:31 A

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Bless Her Little Heart..


“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (5,167)
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6/22/15 10:58 A

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Such a funny one, Jane-- Thanks!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


 current weight: 176.0 
 
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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/21/15 7:52 P

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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
PATTYKLAVER's Photo PATTYKLAVER Posts: 133,086
6/9/15 9:29 P

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The police were called to the day care center. A child was resisting rest.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I can, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
6/2/15 10:41 A

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Not Welcome

An impoverished old man applied for membership in a wealthy church. The pastor tried to put him off with all kinds of evasive remarks. The old man became aware that he was not welcome there and finally told the pastor that he would pray about it. After several days he returned. "Well," asked the pastor, "Did the Lord give you a message?" "Yes Sir, He did" was the old man's answer. "He told me it wasn't any use. He said, "I've been trying to get in that same church myself for ten years and they won't let me in either."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/31/15 10:54 A

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it onto the bayou bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts, "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/29/15 10:28 A

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An elderly woman died last month who had never married, she requested that no male pallbearers be used. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive so I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/28/15 11:00 A

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A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Several went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/27/15 6:19 P

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What do they call pastors in Germany?

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
emoticon

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/26/15 9:53 A

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Bedtime Story God to letter

Darlene was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, 'Grandpa, did God make you?'

'Yes, darling,' he answered, 'God made me a long time ago.'

'Oh,' Darlene paused, 'Grandpa, did God make me too?'

'Yes, indeed, poppet,' he said, 'God made you just a little while ago.'

Feeling their respective faces again, Darlene observed, 'God's getting better at it, isn't he?'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/25/15 9:09 A

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Cat and mouse

There was a missionary going to the Philippines and his wife had a cat which she could not part with. There was a hole in the wall of the house that they moved into. A mouse lived there and the cat loved to chase it.
Every day the cat would chase the mouse but he could'nt catch it, and the mouse would laugh at him. One day, the cat almost caught the mouse. On that day the cat waited outside of the mouse hole. The mouse was very scared because he could hear the cat outside of the hole meowing. The cat sat there continuing to meow (meow,meow,meow).
Eventually the meowing stopped and all the mouse could hear was ruff,ruff, ruff. The mouse, full of joy, ran out of his house knowing that he had been saved. As the mouse came out of his hole, the cat pounced on him and gobbled him up, and walked away smiling saying to himself, it pays to be bilingual.
Index

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/22/15 8:58 A

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/20/15 7:23 A

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October 2012

[FROM A CHURCH BULLETIN] Ladies, don’t forget the church rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

[FROM A CHURCH BULLETIN] The Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

Ole and Lena got married, and were driving to San Jose. Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee. She said ”Ole, you can go farther than that” and so Ole drove to Sacramento.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/19/15 8:13 A

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A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art.
It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty', he replied.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/18/15 8:45 A

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faithtap.com/2120/jeanne-robertson-w
hy
-you-dont-send-husband-grocery-shoppR>ing/


Sorry had to post two..

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/18/15 7:42 A

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Pa Won't Like It


It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Awe, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/16/15 9:09 A

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Hymns for People Over 50

Give Me the Old Timers Religion

Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up

Just a Slower Walk with Thee

Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up

Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

Guide Me O Thou Great Lord God, I've Forgotten Where I've Parked The Car

Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One

Blessed Insurance

It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/15/15 3:01 P

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Kiss the Frog


Two old guys are playing tennis. At one point, the ball rolls into some bushes and, when one of the players goes to retrieve it, he is confronted by a frog claiming to be a beautiful princess who has been turned into a frog by a mischievous wizard. If the player will kiss her, the frog assures him, she will revert to her natural princess state and marry him, and they'll both live happily ever after.

The player pockets the frog and returns to the game. After a bit, the frog, inside the player's pocket croaks, "Sir, did you forget about me? I'm this beautiful princess, turned into a frog, if you kiss me . . ." and so forth, to which she receives the reply, "Dear lady frog, I will be completely honest with you. I have reached the age at which I would rather have a talking frog than a new wife."


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/14/15 5:11 P

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Another one that my 8 yr old grandson will laugh about, Jane!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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5/13/15 8:00 A

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Illegal Turn


A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.

"Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/12/15 8:07 A

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The Lovely Wreck


An old man who'd lived all his life back up in the hills came to visit a childhood friend. Now he'd never laid eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run.

Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant whistle... WOOOO--ooo---OOOOO! but didn't have a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger.

Predictably, the old boy is hit -- fortunately it's just a side swipe, and he's thrown, head over heels off the tracks, get's off with minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at a friend's place for dinner one evening. Standing in the kitchen, he hears the rising whistle of the family tea kettle wooOOO....

Springing into action, he grabs a rolling pin and mercilessly bashes and smashes the once merry kettle into a useless, shapeless hunk of copper.

His friend, hearing the fuss, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks his friend, "Why'd you wreck our lovely tea kettle?"

The mountain man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/11/15 3:45 P

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These are sure funny chuckles, Jane----

Loved the mother-in-law one too--- Poor Agnes! LOL

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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5/10/15 8:08 A

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LionheartedLionhearted

Edward, a big-game hunter, goes on safari in Kenya with his wife, Frances and his mother-in-law, Agnes. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, Frances awakes to find her mother, Agnes, has disappeared. Rushing to Edward, she insists on them both trying to find her mother.

Sighing heavily, Edward picks up his rifle and starts to search for Agnes. Soon, in a clearing not far from the camp, they come upon a frightening sight.

Agnes, the mother-in-law is backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion is standing facing her. Frances cries out in panic, Edward, what are we going to do?'

'Nothing,' explains Edward calmly. 'Absolutely nothing, my dearest. The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/10/15 8:07 A

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What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you".

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/9/15 8:27 A

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I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject t o blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/8/15 8:01 A

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Where Are You Going


Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 5,945
5/6/15 7:44 A

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Share and Share Alike


At a local Burger King an elderly couple came in and ordered one burger, one order of fries and one coke with two glasses. When they got to their booth, the man placed a napkin in front of himself and one in front of his wife, then proceeded to divide the fries, cut the burger in half and divided the coke equally.

A gentleman nearby noticed and offered to buy them another burger, fries and Coke.

The woman then said, "No you don't understand. We've been married over 50 years and all our life we agreed to split everything right down the middle."

Her husband then began eating, as she sat with her hands in her lap.

The gentleman nearby noticed and asked the lady why she wasn't eating.

She replied, "As I said before, we split everything right down the middle, and it's his day to use the teeth first."

Edited by: JANEGIBE at: 5/8/2015 (08:03)
He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/5/15 8:11 A

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A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives.
The doctor says, "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people."
St. Peter replies, "That's great. Go ahead into heaven."
"And what about you?" The nurse states, "I have supported the doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult, have taken time to explain things to patients, and have helped them lead healthy lives."
"Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor."
"And what about you?" The HMO executive says, "I was the president of a very large Health Maintenance Organization. I was responsible for the health care of millions of people all over the country."
St. Peter says, "Oh, I see. Please go on in ... but you can only stay two nights!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/3/15 7:48 P

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For Monday but you can read it anyway..
The Computer Swallowed Grandma

The computer swallowed grandma
Yes, honestly its true
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
She must have caught a 'virus'
Or been eaten by a 'worm.'

I've searched through the 'recycle bin'
And files of every kind
I've even used the 'Internet'
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So if inside your 'Inbox'
My Grandma you should see
Please 'Copy,' 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!

- Author Unknown -



He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/3/15 8:09 A

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Out Of The Mouths.... Special Prayer

Just after Christmas Father Michael, was walking along the pavement in front of his church when he heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

Rory, the minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/2/15 8:40 A

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Birth Control Pills


Mrs. Smith, an elderly woman, went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Quite surprised, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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5/1/15 7:26 A

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The Humor Impaired Pastor 1

Category : Pastor and Priest Jokes
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.

One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/30/15 7:27 A

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Son wants to be a minister

Category : Christian Kids Jokes
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/29/15 7:55 A

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Visit to Chicago

A man wrote a letter to one of the Chicago hotels he planned to stay at while on vacation: "I would like to bring my dog with me. He is well behaved and well-groomed. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room?"

The hotel owner replied, saying, "I've been operating hotels for thirty years. I've never had a dog steal bedclothes, towels, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to kick a dog out in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog skip out on a hotel bill. So, yes, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay, too."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/28/15 10:46 A

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Love your jokes, Jane-- and I pass the humor on to others as well---
My husband laughed out loud over the "juggler"--- Thank you!
(btw-- I only like the good clean jokes-) Hugs!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/28/15 8:59 A

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The Driving Test

Good Clean Jokes
A professional juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are you doing with these matches and lighter fluid in your car?" asks the police officer.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah? Let's see you do it," says the officer.

So the juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his
wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/27/15 8:11 A

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Late For Class

A little girl, dresses in her "Sunday best" was late and running to her Sunday school class. As she ran, she prayed, "Dear God, please don't let me be late. Dear God, please don't let me be late." Then she fell.

She got up, dusted her self off and saw that her dress was now dirty and had a little tear. She started running again, still praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late." But this time she added, "But please don't push me, either!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/26/15 8:55 A

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There once was an Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fainted to the floor.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Signed, Your eternally loving husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/25/15 9:04 A

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Creation

In the beginning, which was close to the start, there wasn't anything except God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord, thy God, is one," but I think He has to be much older than that.

Anyway, God made the world and then He said, "Give me some light," and somebody gave it to Him. He split an atom and made Eve. Adam and Eve didn't wear any clothes, but they weren't embarrassed because God hadn't invented mirrors, yet.

Adam and Eve sinned by eating one bad apple and they were driven out of the Garden of Eden. I'm not sure what God drove them in because He hadn't invented cars, either.

Adam and Eve's son, Cain, hated his brother as long as he was Abel. After a while, all of the first people died, except Methuselah, who lived to be, like, a million years old.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (5,167)
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4/24/15 1:46 P

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Jane-- Jonah and the whale-- Gets my vote for the Blue Ribbon winner !!
It is just darling !! Love it-- Thank you!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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