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4/24/15 1:46 P

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Jane-- Jonah and the whale-- Gets my vote for the Blue Ribbon winner !!
It is just darling !! Love it-- Thank you!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/24/15 8:52 A

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Jonah and the Whale

Hmmm.
Clean Religious Jokes
One day, a teacher was talking to her first grade class about whales when a little girl had a question.

Little Girl: "Do whales swallow people?"

Teacher: "No, even though they are much bigger than a person, they have throat pleats that filter their food of krill and plankton.

Little Girl: "But Mrs. Thurston says Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

Teacher getting angry: "Blue whales cannot swallow people."

Little Girl: "Well, when I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah if he was really swallowed by a whale."

Teacher, still red with anger: "What if Jonah went to hell?"

Girl: "Well, then you can ask him."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/23/15 8:59 A

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"Sorry. I didn't recognize you."

Category : Prayer Jokes
As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant.
In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all
dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood
poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning
struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying,
he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?"
From up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't recognize
you."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/22/15 5:49 P

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Ducks

Category : Heaven and Hell Jokes
Three women die in a car accident and arrive at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter greets them and says before they ever enter Heaven, "Whatever you do, don't step on the ducks!"
Well the women thought that this was a very odd thing to say, but when they enter Heaven, they see why he did! Ducks are EVERYWHERE!
The 1st woman was talking to the 2nd and, not paying attention, stepped on a duck. St. Peter appears at her side with a pair of handcuffs and a hideous man. "Now that you have stepped on a duck, you shall be chained to this man for the rest of your days here."
A few weeks later, the 2nd woman suffers the same fate.
Now the 3rd woman is determined to not step on a duck. Weeks, months even years pass, and she's yet to step on a duck. Soon, St. Peter has appeared at her side with the most beautiful man she'd ever laid eyes on and a pair of handcuffs. St. Peter handcuffs them and walks away without a word.
"Whatever have I done to deserve this?" the woman asks.
"I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck." said the man.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/21/15 8:24 A

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Practical Lesson

On Sunday morning, the preacher brings in 4 covered jars with one live worm in each. In one he poured whiskey, in one he poured liquid chocolate, in the third one he poured cigarette smoke and in the fourth one he threw in dirt. Result was nothing unusual. Worms in first three jars died. He then looked at the congregation and said, "I don't have to tell much. I believe you have learnt a clear lesson". Then he pointed at a little girl and asked,"Sweetheart, can you tell what have you learnt?". Without any hesitation she said,"If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate you'll never have worms".


He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/20/15 7:57 A

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Quasimodo's ReplacementShort Christian Jokes

After Quasimodo's death, Bishop Thomas of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day.

Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

Bishop Thomas was incredulous. 'You have no arms.'

''No matter,' said the man, 'observe!' He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, 'Bishop, who was this man?'

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied, 'but his face rings a bell.'

ф

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/19/15 8:06 A

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The Woman of His Dreams


A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/18/15 9:30 A

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What is God's name?

Category : Christian Blonde Jokes
A blonde got into heaven, and when she arrived at the Golden Gates, she was asked one question: "What is God's name?" She replied, "Andy."

"Andy? Why Andy?", she was asked.

She replied, "Oh, you know, 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/17/15 8:38 A

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Day After Christmas

Check Out:

It's All Good, It's All God and

Kids on a Mission for GOoD.

Helping God Fulfill His Mission To Save the Lost, the Lonely and the Hurting
The pastor was looking over the crčche the day after Christmas when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing. He went outside and saw a little boy pulling a new red wagon. In the wagon was Jesus.

We walked up to the boy and said, "Hi, there. Where did you get the baby Jesus?"

The boy answered honestly, "In the church."

"Why did you take him?" the pastor asked.

"Well," said the boy, "I prayed to the Lord Jesus and asked him for a wagon for Christmas. I told Him that if He gave me one, I'd take Him for a ride in it."



He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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4/16/15 2:03 P

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Jane-- This is another one that is too funny not to share it--!!
Thanks!!!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/16/15 10:47 A

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An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her boldness and talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout, "Praise the Lord!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted, "Praise the Lord!! God, I need FOOD!! I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries!!"
The next morning, the lady went out on her porch and saw a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Praise the Lord!!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Ha Ha!! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries. God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and saying, "PRAISE THE LORD!!! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them!!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/15/15 4:05 P

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I thought it was so funny too.. emoticon

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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4/15/15 3:36 P

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sooo funny-- hilarious! Thanks!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/15/15 9:08 A

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What Did He Say


An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/14/15 10:34 A

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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" His mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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4/13/15 11:56 A

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Pretty good reasons here! HA!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/13/15 9:29 A

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Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, since he didn't have metal sheds or greenhouses, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"

And the #1 reason why God created Eve:

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/12/15 8:44 A

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Thru a child's eyes


It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called 911.

Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/11/15 9:47 A

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The Lord is My Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her 2 nd grade class memorize Psalm 23, one of the most quoted passages in the Bible. She gave the children a month to learn the chapter.

One little boy was excited about the task, but he just couldn't memorize the Psalm. Although he practiced and practiced, he could hardly get past the first line. The day came for the children to recite Psalm 23 before the congregation. The little boy was nervous. When his turn came, he stepped up to the microphone and proudly said, "The Lord is my Shepherd and that's all I need to know!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/10/15 11:41 A

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Sympathetic Visitor


A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/9/15 10:00 A

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Three Old Sisters


There were 3 sisters living together 92, 94 and 95 yrs. old. The oldest went upstairs one evening to take a bath. As she was getting in the tub with one foot in and one foot out, she called down to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or am I getting out of the tub?"

The 94 yr. old decided to go upstairs to see if she could help figure out the situation. She got to the 3rd step and stopped - then called out, "Was I going up the stairs or was I coming down the stairs?"

The 92 yr. old, sitting at the kitchen table, thought she better knock on wood and as she knocked on the kitchen table she said, "I hope I never get as bad as my sisters. Now was that the front door or the back door?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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4/8/15 12:23 P

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So CUTE--- Thanks!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/8/15 12:19 P

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In All Things Give Thanks


A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/7/15 9:57 A

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Eenie Meenie


A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, "How many children do you have?"

The woman answered, "Four."

The census taker asked, "May I have their names, please?" The woman replied, "Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George."

Confused, the census taker said, "May I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?"

"Surely, because we didn't want any Moe."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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4/6/15 1:48 P

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Thanks so much for these cute chuckles--

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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4/6/15 8:54 A

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Ten Dollars


Every year, Smitty and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Smitty would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Smitty, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "

Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.

The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/5/15 9:29 A

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One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"
"I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "pantyhose!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
JANEGIBE's Photo JANEGIBE Posts: 4,564
4/4/15 8:51 A

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The Dish of Ice Cream


An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their doctor to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice.

When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem, a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Hey, where's the toast?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
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4/3/15 8:09 A

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Two brothers are terrible trouble makers. They are always breaking things, stealing things, lying, and making all kinds of general trouble. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. The parents drop off the youngest and go home, promising to return to get him soon. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastor’s desk and they just look at each other.

Finally, the Pastor says, “Where is God?”

The boy just sits there and doesn’t answer.

The pastor begins to look stern and loudly says, “Where is God?”

The little boy shifts in his seat, but still doesn’t answer.

The pastor is starting to get angry at the boy’s refusal to converse and practically shouts “Where is God?”

To the pastor’s surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office.

The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brother’s room. He shuts the door and pants, “We’re in BIG TROUBLE. God’s missing and they think we did it!

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/2/15 8:19 A

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Beware of Dog


Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

"Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner.

"Yep, that's him," came the reply.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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4/1/15 8:02 P

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Charity Begins at Church
After the church service, seven year old Brian said to the preacher: 'When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money.'

'Well, thank you, 'the preacher replied, 'but why?'

'Because my daddy says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/30/15 1:06 P

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Such funny bulletin bloopers--- Thanks for the smiles!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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Church Bulletin Bloopers
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy".

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/29/15 7:54 A

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Do You Remember


Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/28/15 7:56 A

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The Highest Power

Carolyn Heap, another Sunday School teacher, said to her children, 'We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power. Who can tell me what it is?'

George blurted out, 'I know, Aces.'

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/27/15 8:03 A

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Cowboy Joe


Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.

"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.

"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.

"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.

"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.

"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.

"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.

"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.

"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.

"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.

"Pew," Charlie retorted.

"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/25/15 7:55 A

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The Pig


This redneck was parked behind a trailer load of pigs near the zoo in Washington, DC. As the truck drove away--one of the pigs fell out. He walked over and picked the pig up and placed it in the front seat of his truck.

He was sitting there looking puzzled when a policeman walked up and asked what was going on. He told the story and the policeman recommended he take the pig to the zoo.

The redneck was sitting in the same spot the next day with the pig sitting up in the front seat. The cop said "didn't I ask you to take this pig to the zoo?"

The redneck replied "I did and he liked it so well--today I'm taking him to the movies!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/24/15 11:25 A

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The Blinking Light


Sixty year old John went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom.

He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done".

The doctor replied, "Really"!!!

About and hour after that the doctor called Johns wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and Goes to the bathroom during the night God turns on and off the light.

She replied, "that old fool he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again".

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/23/15 8:34 A

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The Rabbit and the Blonde:

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.

The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says:

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/22/15 8:17 A

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Forest Gump and St. Peter

Funny Christian Jokes
When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"

2) How many seconds are in a year?

3) What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.

"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/21/15 8:02 A

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The Pastor was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going ask the congregation ...
... to come up with money for the repairs of their church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here’s a copy of the service" he said impatiently, "but you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, ”Brothers & Sisters, we are in great difficulty, the repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need more. Any of you who can pledge $1000 or more, please stand up.

At that moment, the substitute played, “The Star Spangled Banner”

The substitute immediately became became the regular organist!

Submitted by Elaine, Emmitsburg, MD.


Return to: Top of Page, List of Religious Joke, My Little Sister's Jokes

A man walked into the ladies' department of a Dillard's Department Store ...
... and said to the woman behind the counter, "I'd like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Baptist," said the man. "She said get a Baptist bra, and that you'd know what she meant."

"Ah yes, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't sell many of those. Mostly our customers want the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, or the Presbyterian type."

Confused, the man asked, "What's the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple... the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright. Then there's the Baptist type."

"What does that do?" asked the man.

She replied, "It makes mountains out of molehills."

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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3/20/15 12:00 P

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thank you for all the chuckles----
Happy weekend-- Happy Spring!

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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3/20/15 9:30 A

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I Know Them All
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch! "
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/19/15 10:23 A

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The love of

A Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist pastor and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the Methodist. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Fanny.

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/13/15 3:29 P

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The substitute organist

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played the National Anthem ...
... amd that is how the substitute organist became the permanent organist!

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/10/15 12:57 P

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Caught in the acts

Sister Deena had just returned home from Sunday evening service when she was startled by a burglar. With great biblical authority she yelled, " stop! Acts 2: 38, which implies " Turn from your sin"
The theif stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man, he asked the burglar, " Why did you stop you burgling? All the old lady did was yell a Bible verse at you."
" Bible verse?" replied the crook. " She said she had an axe and two .38s!"

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
BAMAJAM2 SparkPoints: (4,049)
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3/10/15 11:36 A

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Love that reunion joke!--- My reunion is coming up in a few months, and I want to spare my husband the "boredom"--- ha.

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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3/9/15 10:06 P

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That was a good one.. Thanks.. I can see it now... LOL Just Me

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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3/9/15 9:43 P

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Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up, and people are beginning to dance.
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people-- the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me, and I turned him down."
Husband says, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"


Behold the turtle, he only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.

Baby Steps will get you to the same place as giant leaps as long as you are going in the right direction!!




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3/1/15 1:35 P

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Adam blamed Eve and Eve Blamed the Snake and the Snake didn't have a leg to stand on..

And the old Church in Shultz Creek still has no plumbing .. I didn't see anyone but they did have a Circuit Preacher so it was Dinner on the grounds when we did go..

He is still working on me,, To Him I give any Glory to all those who have Prayed and helped.. The sweetest thing to receive is Friendship.. a famous man of God Once said.. Faith is taking the first step without seeing the whole stair case.. Anyone..? Know..? MLK
youtu.be/nO4uIyz_d90
I am still standing
Jonh 3:16
Learn to laugh and live cause if the trumpet sounds I am outta here...
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2/24/15 4:25 P

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Alabama-- Yes, we have electricity--also indoor plumbing, and more than cotton fields!
We also have NASA-- and genuine rocket scientists!-- and the greatest food ever!

Thanks for the chuckles!! This proud Alabamian enjoyed the list---lol

God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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