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MBUCKLEY458's Photo MBUCKLEY458 SparkPoints: (15,660)
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2/20/08 12:25 P

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Hi everyone - still catching up on my posts... Great discussion here --

As someone said, God (my higher power) fills the old black hole - still, some days, I'm filling some kind of void when I overeat, I just haven't figured out why! Thankfully, the compulsion to drink was removed as soon as I asked God to remove it 9 years ago! Unfortunately, we still have to eat, so I have more trouble with the carb cravings...

FYI - the 21-day thread is on another team (Living Binge Free) - check it out using the link on Reggie's or my Spark Page...

Have a great day!
Mary


With God, all things are possible!
Knowledge speaks, Wisdom listens.


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ITCHYSUIT's Photo ITCHYSUIT Posts: 276
2/15/08 6:27 P

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FF4N - First, Congrats on 3 months! Making it through those first three months really increases the chance of staying sober. Secondly, 3 months is a short time. Feeling whole and learning who you really are comes with time. I've been sober 4.5 years and while most of the whole is filled now by real life, as opposed to alcohol, we all drank to run away from other things. I know people turn to God, but if that doesn't work for you I recommend talking to a therapist. Therapy has really helped me to be a whole person, or at least when I feel that whole I can understand it and what to do with it. Keep on keepin in. :)

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FERMARI's Photo FERMARI SparkPoints: (7,282)
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2/11/08 7:09 P

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AJ, talk to the doctor about the depression. It can be more than just the getting off alcohol. I take an antidepressant everyday. I don't get high from it. More like it brings me to a place where I can look at things more realistically.

Willingness and courage are essentials in change. Humans tend to fear the unknown and to veiw it as a threat.Today I chose to see the necessary change as an adventure. This will help to accept the fear as something positive and good.
Baby steps are sometimes the only ones that can be taken,


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FATFREE4NOW's Photo FATFREE4NOW Posts: 60
2/11/08 4:35 P

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I am so grateful to AA. I no longer "come to" in the morning I actually wake up. I don't have to worry about getting to the store to get liquor with my hands shaking so bad that I feel like I'm going to fly apart. There are so many things. Activities of daily living- that I was incapable of doing. I am not depressed. I have to believe that if I continue to work the program, I will live happy, joyous and free. It's just that sometimes I feel that hole. Maybe that's just the disease talking to me.

Edited by: FATFREE4NOW at: 2/11/2008 (16:36)
AJDOVER1's Photo AJDOVER1 SparkPoints: (217,814)
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2/11/08 12:32 P

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I appreciate all the responses here.

I find dealing with life on life's terms very difficult. I was recently told that AA isn't meant to cure depression -- it's just to keep me from drinking.

I'm grateful that I'm clean & sober, I'm grateful that I have a place to live today, I'm grateful I have a job for now. If I just focus on those limited areas, it's okay. I have no right to expect anything more in my life.

Let's walk!


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FERMARI's Photo FERMARI SparkPoints: (7,282)
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2/11/08 11:21 A

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Morning gals,

Today I believe that emoticon

pg 3 as bill sees it......

Believe more deeply, hold your face to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.

Fermari

Willingness and courage are essentials in change. Humans tend to fear the unknown and to veiw it as a threat.Today I chose to see the necessary change as an adventure. This will help to accept the fear as something positive and good.
Baby steps are sometimes the only ones that can be taken,


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JAVANUT1's Photo JAVANUT1 Posts: 2,228
2/11/08 6:48 A

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Morning all,

The hole does get filled but that doesn't mean I always feel perfect. When I have crummy days however, I accept that as a part of life. I no longer seek to feel perfect all the time. I just seek to do God's will to the best of my ability. For me, service work is the quickest way out of focusing on myself. There is lots of different kinds of service work. While rarely convenient - it works. Hang in there. You'll get better if you keep working the program and reaching out. Thanks for sharing.

Mary L in Va

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

Mary L. in Virginia


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FERMARI's Photo FERMARI SparkPoints: (7,282)
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2/10/08 7:49 P

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AJDover,
The old timers around here say that you are still a new comer for your first five years. Don't know that I agree or not. I have 6.5 years. The hole is gone and in it's place is a peace of knowing that where ever I go and no matter what is going on in my life, I have a higher power looking out after me. When I look back on the different things I have gone through in the past 6 yrs, I can see again and again how God (higher power) took me through it.
Try closing your eyes and picturing a higher power. Choose whatever you want, now create your higher power's eyes, determine the color. Now the face, and finally the personality. Once you are done, you have created a God that you can go to with everything, I did this and was amazed at how much my relationship with my higher power improved. Now we talk like to individuals. I ask questions and listen for answers. When I don't receive a clear answer, I just continue to do what I believe to be right.

Hope that helps!
Fermari

Willingness and courage are essentials in change. Humans tend to fear the unknown and to veiw it as a threat.Today I chose to see the necessary change as an adventure. This will help to accept the fear as something positive and good.
Baby steps are sometimes the only ones that can be taken,


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AJDOVER1's Photo AJDOVER1 SparkPoints: (217,814)
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2/10/08 7:20 P

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Thanks for your post! After my first year, I thought I was such a failure because I still had such a hole in my world. Someone finally told me that it wasn't until after her fifth year that she felt a little relief.

Now I'm just past two and a half years clean and sober, and I still don't feel I've made any progress. People tell me they can see the difference in me, but I don't feel it.

My addictions were out of control for the better part of 34 years (starting around age 10), so I don't know how long it's going to take to undo the wreckage of my past.

Maybe all I can say for myself right now is that by going to meetings, reading the literature, working the steps, listening to my sponsor, taking commitments and being of service -- at least I'm not continuing to make my life worse.

Happy, joyous and free? Not yet.

Let's walk!


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HENRYSMOM0215's Photo HENRYSMOM0215 Posts: 6,532
2/10/08 6:20 P

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Let me know when you fill that hole. It's been just 16.5 months for me and I KNOW at least the first 6 I was still detoxing. I go to meetings, listen, and do what i'm told. The hole is still there....di

"The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting" Andy Warhol
"Experience is not what happens to a person; it is what a person does with what happens to them."
-- Aldous Huxley
sober since 10/29/09 for the about THIRD TIME...getting sick of new sober dates, the almost 3 years almost destoyed me:-(

WANTTOBESLIM4's Photo WANTTOBESLIM4 Posts: 1,305
2/10/08 4:47 P

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Reggie,
Please tell us where we can find the "21 day" thread.

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FERMARI's Photo FERMARI SparkPoints: (7,282)
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2/10/08 12:56 P

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I'm with everyone else. Three months and believe it or not you are still detoxing. It happens off and on for the first year. Just trust the process.
The hole gets filled for me with God. I have to trust that he is working in my life even when I don't know it. Keep doing the deal!

{{HUGS}}
Fermari

Willingness and courage are essentials in change. Humans tend to fear the unknown and to veiw it as a threat.Today I chose to see the necessary change as an adventure. This will help to accept the fear as something positive and good.
Baby steps are sometimes the only ones that can be taken,


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BECKYI's Photo BECKYI Posts: 2,520
2/10/08 10:59 A

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I agree 3 months only. I have 11 years of sobriety and still have the need to fill the hole. Recovery is life long process. Are you going to any 12-step meetings to help with your recovery? Even after 11 years I need meetings.

Becky

Becky Issa


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Co-leader, The Slowest Loser


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PEPPERPOT97's Photo PEPPERPOT97 Posts: 142
2/10/08 10:54 A

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Nothing fills that hole for me but God. Keeping coming back!

36 years old, mom to three


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KITTY1's Photo KITTY1 SparkPoints: (74,035)
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2/10/08 10:28 A

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Yes, it's too soon. Don't be hard on yourself. I have been sober for 25 years and I am still looking to fill the hole at times. It takes a long time to grow young and free-spirited.

Life still puts its obstacles in front of us. It is all in how we handle them, and what attitude we bring to the process. I follow the 21-day-binge-free thread. It has really helped me to stay focussed around the food and exercise and keep the emotions in check. Have a great day, Ta, Reggie.

November 2011


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FATFREE4NOW's Photo FATFREE4NOW Posts: 60
2/10/08 10:13 A

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What do you do to fill the hole? I used drinking, drugging, food. Now that I'm sober I am working on the steps, meditate, go to meetings, have a sponsor. I still feel that "hole". Is it just to soon?(3 months)

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