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5/17/12 11:45 P

I am glad things are going well right now. It's good that you are sharing each other's faith.

cj

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5/17/12 7:35 P

woo hoo

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5/17/12 3:10 P

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5/17/12 11:28 A

Update. Thank you for all of the prayers.
We are doing well now- as far as I know. We are taking it day by day. We are going to Mass and then his Lutheran service on Sunday mornings. We both feel good not being alone in church.

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3/22/12 11:08 P

praying and glad he is home

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3/22/12 2:11 P

Thank you for all of your prayers. They are working. At least he's home and is talking some. I bought both of us copies of "The Love Dare" book. It is wonderful. He "doesn't have time" to read a day, but when we are sitting together or he's getting ready for work, I will read a day. At least it's reaching his ear.
We went on a weekend together out of town. I'm walking on eggshells, but if that's what it takes, I will take each egg shell at a time. I'm trying to improve myself with the what I've learned from "Love Dare" and I'm placing it in God's hands. (The book is based on Bible scriptures) I'm trying to remember how to date. We played Scrabble a little while ago and we have been eating meals at the table (when we're both home).
Dinner in front of the TV was a bad thing. The "Love Dare" books were a great investment. Check it out.

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3/12/12 6:07 P

praying

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3/12/12 1:11 A

He could be having some other problems. Possibly midlife crisis. His soul could be lost and that is why he needed some time away.
Try to still be a friend, talk to him and encourage him to fulfill some dreams he has. My husband is not into organized religion, but he is very encouraging of my beliefs and my lent practices. i can often even share themes of sermons with him.

There is a book called "The Love Dare". it may also help guide you in how to deal with issue. i read part of it for fun. I got it from the library and did not get to fully commit to it, but it was a neat learning experience. i find that i still practice some of its lessons.

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3/12/12 12:31 A

praying hugs

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3/11/12 1:31 P

I agree! Well said! You are in my prayers, lilput!

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3/7/12 12:08 A

Well said, Father Bob and Dee!

cj

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3/6/12 10:09 P

praying for you and your hubby and letting GOD handle some of this .. hoping all goes well just remember one day at a time

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3/6/12 9:59 P

As to whether or not it is fair, that he gets to make the decision alone - I'll not take a position on that right here and now. Your situation is more complicated than that. Such situations always are. Please let me encourage you once more to follow some of the links and phone numbers people have posted here. See especially Barrister's suggestion of seeking personal counselling now. Don't wait! Do it this week.

No matter what your husband decides, you will need support. Our prayers are with you. May they guide you in finding a good counsellor as soon as possible. Please don't wait.

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3/6/12 6:29 P

He is taking a week away from me this week. When I was leaving for Mass Sunday night, I kissed and hugged me good-bye and told me "See you next Sunday." He is staying in the trailer he bought and put on his parents property for when he left me.
Is it fair to me to let him to choose whether or not to be married? Have I failed my religion? No abuse or cheating on either side, just him being unhappy. I kept him from having many things he wanted, but I gave up so much, too. Our home isn't worth much because he didn't repair, paint, etc. Him following Glen Beck has hurt us, too. I personally see Beck as portraying himself as a prophet who is a bad actor.
I have to find someone local to talk to. I have been working and I taught CCD last night. I'm off Thursday and he will be home Sunday .
Thank you for your continued prayers. I am also praying for all of you!

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3/4/12 9:09 P

hugs

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3/4/12 3:15 P

God bless, you are in my prayers.

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3/4/12 1:24 P

Thank you for your advice and prayers. After talking a lot yesterday (mostly me talking) we came to some points of taking responsibility for problems. I am as much at fault as him. He still saw me as the person I was before I was treated for depression years ago. I am not the same person I used to be. The book "Love Dare" is fantastic. It is affecting me for the better with work as well as at home- in a good way. I highly recommend it. I am on day 4, but I did day 1 on Thursday and it made a difference with how I act with my coworkers and customers.
Things are not perfect, but better. I am going to find someone to talk to. Thank you all for the prayers. They made a difference.

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3/4/12 7:47 A

Remembering everyone in my Morning Prayer this morning!
Our God is a God of hope! He has plans for our good, and has our future in Eternity in mind when He challenges us!
Peace be with you all!

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3/4/12 12:37 A

beach girl praying for your family tooo

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3/4/12 12:17 A

My sister has been having issues in her marriage and luckily for her the parish she belongs to is a more progressive church and they have had healing masses as well as some healing classes (??) and i can tell you the results have been amazing. My B-I-L was raised in the faith but has become almost an agnostic at this point but she prays and goes to the healing masses and followed the program and he is making surprising changes in his life. He still has issues with his faith but he is becoming more loving and patient in their marriage and my sister grows more hopeful every day.
As with everyone else i have to say you need to talk to someone surely there are counselors available by either contacting Catholic charities or call your archdiocese to see if they can recommend someone but if you have a friendship or feel comfortable speaking with a priest i would turn to them first just simply for comfort after i lost my mom our parish priest was amazing and i was very happy to have had him there for me.

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3/3/12 8:00 P

Prayers for you and your husband.
Don't under estimate the power of prayer, post your intention everywhere, catholic answers, camelite monastaries, lourdes france has a place to put intentions and they will take them to the grotto daily, novenas(54 day rosary novena, I love it. 27 days for the petition, 27 for thanksgiving), your church, your husbands church, ask other family and friends to put it on their list and at their churches, even if your don't want to say why, just say for a personal intention. I will add your intention at a Shrine near my home on my next visit. There are two miracle priests that you can do a search for and add it on their websites. Don't forget dear St. Jude, and St. Anthony, saints of miracles. I am sure there are others.

A prayer for you and your marriage:
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

chris138




Edited by: CHRIS138 at: 3/3/2012 (20:17)

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3/3/12 4:21 P

Will keep you and your family in prayer.....do not lose heart.....keep your faith and give it to God. This has to be a really hard time, so again, I will be praying for you!

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3/2/12 11:22 P

prayers

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3/2/12 10:49 P

Thank you all so much. You are giving me such wonderful advice. I don't want to add my problems to those of my family unless I know it is serious. Thank you God, for leading me to these wonderful people. I pray for all of you as you pray for me. I always say at least once a day, "God puts the right people in the right places at the right time." We just have to respond.
I cry tears of comfort of love when I read your posts. Thank you!

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3/2/12 12:53 P

Liliput1964, you've already received such good advice from the others, I just wanted to offer a virtual hug and prayers for you.

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3/2/12 3:58 A

Father had good advice. Is there a support group at your church you can attend? I practice Family Law and I always advice my clients to go to therapy. You need individual therapy if he refuses to go to couple therapy. My parish provides me with a list of Catholic Counselors to send my clients to.

I don't want to jump the gun but if he insists that the marriage is over for him and files the paperwork, then please research the Collaborative Divorce Process and try to find a collaboratively trained attorney. In Collaborative Law you agree not go to court and you have a Communications Coach who facilitate the process. It is quite different then Mediation.

I try to conduct my divorces as amicably as possible. Believe it or not there are Attorneys out there who allow their Christianity to be their moral compass in their profession.

You can SparkMail me if you need info on finding an attorney but I will pray that it does not go that far.

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3/1/12 11:48 P

LILPUT1964 - what an upsetting situation, to say the least! My heart goes out to you. Everything I would have said has already been said, and probably much better than I could have said as well!

I am praying for you both, and for a peaceful, loving resolution to all of this.

cj

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3/1/12 10:53 P

thanks Father Bob

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3/1/12 10:49 P

Thank you. I think I might check that out, at least for myself. We will HOPEFULLY try the "Love Dare" book. I ordered them and they should arrive tomorrow. Being a non-Catholic I figure he might be more willing to try that one. It is the one in the movie "Fireproof"

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3/1/12 9:11 P

I agree with Fr. Bob and others. This is too big to try to manage on your own. Get some support for yourself and your husbnnd, if he's willing. I understand this program is very helpful retrouvaille.org/ Or call toll free in the United States: 1-800-470-2230. There is also a link to it in the reference Fr. Bob gave you. There are Retrovaille communities worldwide. Good luck to you and God Bless You and Yours.

Edited by: JCEDIT89 at: 3/1/2012 (21:14)

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3/1/12 9:06 P

Dear LILPUT,

Such a terrible experience! You must be in shock. Please be assured of many prayers from everybody here.

Who knows? Your husband might be going through some weird "thing" right now. He may or may not be willing to talk about it, or go to counseling. He may or may not be willing in the future. It's all so new. It makes a person's head reel.

You shouldn't have to deal with this alone. Are there other people you can talk to? Are you still in the Archdiocese of New Orleans? You might want to talk to someone from the Archdiocesan Family Life Apostolate. For example, Deacon David Farinelli coordinates a ministry called "Hurting Marriages". He might know who you can talk to.

You can get his contact info from familylife@archdiocese-no.org
or write to him by way of the web page: fla.arch-no.org/Contact.php

May the Lord be with you.

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3/1/12 8:47 P

I am so sorry! I will offer prayers for you at Mass in the morning. You are wise to allow God to work. He has it all under control. and will guide you.
We will be here for you!
The only person you can change and "handle" is yourself...
May God give you wisdom and discernment!
I will especially be remembering you in my prayers on Saturday!

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3/1/12 8:26 P

So sorry to hear this. You are in our prayers.

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3/1/12 8:11 P

I am praying for you and your hubby and hoping things will resolve hugs

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3/1/12 5:35 P

LILPUT1964,

You're awesome. I am impressed with your resolve. God has his arms around you. Hang on tight!

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3/1/12 4:37 P

Oh wow - I am so sorry to hear this - you are definitely in my prayers!!!

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3/1/12 4:26 P

I am so sorry. I guess counselling is out if he's just not interested in making an effort to keep your marriage together.
I will certainly pray for you!

Leslie

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3/1/12 4:23 P

Thank you all! I will be returning for support. We are supposed to spend Saturday together talking. Please pray that he does talk.

I just got back from the gym. I did 4 miles in 70 minutes which is very good for me. I lost 4 lbs this week. I'm happy but don't worry, I am eating correctly again. I'm coming to accept it more since I've talked a little with the 5 coworkers who know and yall (Yes, I'm from the south ;)
I am hoping that time will change things, but last night he said he wanted to do it on and off over the years. Oh, well. I'm trying to give it to God.

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3/1/12 3:27 P

I am so sorry for this. I can imagine the sick feeling you have. I will definitely keep you in my prayers.

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3/1/12 1:51 P

I'm so sorry.

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3/1/12 1:44 P

You are welcome, be assured of my prayers. It is not easy for men to speak about emotionally charged issues. I think that is something we can all relate to. We definitely make ourselves vulnerable when we love another, don't we? It is risky business. However, your decision to continue to love is the best one of all. That is the road that will bring you peace. I also think, that perhaps time can change things too, eh? Perhaps, he needs time to think a bit, and may want to talk at some point. Does he feel you are his best friend as you do to him? I one knew someone who is divorced from a man who was drinking. Her husband lied to her for years. She never knew he had a drinking problem, she thought he was sick, and he let her think he was having seizures. She would find him delirious and run him to the doctor (who thought he was sick as well) -had no idea he was drinking because he hid it so well. He put her through a lot. She decided to remain his friend and continue to always build him up especially in front of the kids. She is truly heroic. Her former husband is doing well and not drinking anymore. I know in these instances, God is calling us to heroic love. Oh how painful that is! God be with you! Take heart that we are in the season of Lent and offer all your pain for your husband and take advantage of the abundant grace in this season of penance and sacrifice. You certainly will not have to work hard it finding it.

On a practical level, please lean on us if you want to keep going with the diet. I think eating well and exercise will be valuable friends to you now. However, and this is a big however, don't flagellate yourself if you are feeling not up to it. Take care of yourself and seek counseling if at all possible.

Edited by: HEZAHONKER at: 3/1/2012 (13:47)

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3/1/12 1:17 P

Thank you.
He has been my best friend. I don't have any other close friends. I am 'friends' with lots of people, but none close to talk to. On of my coworkers is my next closest one. Our schedules work where one or both is usually working. She also has grown kids with problems now. At work we get in trouble if we are talking- even about work sometimes. I know God is there, but I feel so alone. There is still so much we haven't talked about which is much of the problem with our marriage. He won't talk to me about our problems. I tend to cry so much, too. It felt like someone told me he died. I hate to tell my family especially since they are dealing with my divorced alcoholic sister with 2 kids who live with my parents. I think having people here to support me will help so much.

I found the only diet that stops me from eating- but it hurts so bad. I was weak for the first day when I only ate about 600 calories in 24 hours.

Thank you again for your prayers and support

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3/1/12 12:57 P

My prayers go out to you. I don't have any good advice other than to pray and try to find God's will in all of this. God gives everyone a free will and sometimes there is little we can do. If your husband does not want to seek counseling, not sure there is much left other than prayer.

Posts: 90
3/1/12 12:33 P

I found out a few days ago that my husband is leaving me. I love him so much. We have had our hard times, but we've come out of them. He says he's wanted to leave for years, but it just wasn't the right time because of the kids, etc. Now the kids are gone and he bought a trailer to live on his parents' property.
This is something that happens to everyone else, not me! There has been no abuse, only differences of opinion. He says he doesn't know if he ever loved me. I still love him even though we disagree. He is Lutheran and I am Catholic. He is not a weekly church goer. I feel that that has something to do with it. God is missing. I don't see how he can leave me when the Bible says it is wrong.
He was not baptized when we got married (he is now) so it wasn't a sacrament for me because of it. The wedding was in a Catholic church. What does this mean for me as a Catholic. There has been NO abuse or cheating.
Any advice, questions and especially prayers are welcome.