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6/11/13 1:37 P

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wondered where you were iv been so busy good and bad but things are on the up hope you fill me in lol got to go and do the washing up just finished stripping the wall for treatment in our room talk about it when we both catch up more.

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6/7/13 6:38 A

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OMG 2 months!!! So sorry. Will catch up soon ful time job kicking my ass. filed for divorce. more later

Laura
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3/21/13 5:24 A

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Hows it going sorry been busy with last minute stuff for party. Will drop by either sun or mon and fill you in for now im going to dye my hair and do the ironing lol. Hope everything went ok with you this week.

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3/15/13 10:06 P

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Hi There. Off for a little getaway with the kids tomorrow. hopefully it goes well. Monday will be very hectic. I am very nervous about the commute. I hope I can find a babysitter. I think I am going to have to pay more money. It is ridiculous how much money people want for babysitting. Well I may not check in for a while, but I know your party will be awesome and I look forward to the pictures!!!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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3/14/13 5:43 A

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Good luck with the job hope you can find some sort of closure soon sorry you feel so helpless in all this but soon it will be for the best. Divorce is never nice but you'v tried for so long that maybe its for the best. I hope you can check in more often but i am always here for the times you get chance.

My party is on the 23rd March but my birthday is not until 13th April so im not 30 yet lol. I will post pics if i get the chance hubby says i can even post one of him lol. I feel very strange at the moment but maybe thats not a bad thing like alots gonna change for the good so hopefully i'll be moving forwards for a change.

I'v not been 100% for ages now sinuses keep acting up so sometimes im really well others i feel ill but try to get on with it anyway. Have a great week i need to go do some challenge stuff then housework oh the joys of being a SAHM!

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3/13/13 7:34 A

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Hi! I agree, who cares what size the dress is! What matters is how you look and feel in it. I hate sizes in clothes. I am bad. I won't buy things if it isn't the right "number". I am actually between sizes. Sometimes a 4 sometimes a 6. Tops are 6 or 8 depending on the shoulders, not the bust unfortunately!

new job starts monday and it will be very challenging with a horrible commute. I am still looking though but it all seems rather pointless. We had our first divorce mediation session. My husband has been living in a fantasy that once the house was built we would come down and be this happy family. I have been moving towards divorce the entire time. I had to agree to move to North Carolina so he would agree on a quick divorce and not hold up paperwork.

I am very torn up about moving, but need to go with the flow and accept what is in front of me. I will do my best to keep checking in. I enjoy our correspondence so much and it has helped me so much on this journey.

I am doing great with the challenge. I have made 120 everyday, but when work starts I am not sue if that will continue. Have a great day. Your DVDs sound really awesome!

When is your party? When is your birthday?

hugs!!
Laura

Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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FLUFFYSUE1's Photo FLUFFYSUE1 Posts: 1,245
3/10/13 5:26 P

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Woohoo! i wondered where you was i just hoped it was doing just what you have been doing. Funny i nearly invited you to my party then thought it was a silly and expensive idea would love to meet up some day.

Im at a very happy peaceful place in my life at the moment and my life is finally under control so im winning the battle. Im not upset im still over weight 4 years after having my son im happy im finally living everyday and thats what counts.

I can do my dress up but hubby says it makes me look fatter and my bust is squashed which upset me (nothing to do with hi really TOM is due always more tearful lol). I was upset then i decided whats more important looking good in my dress or saying im a size. Iv order the next size up and the next size up from that to make sure one of them fits who cares what size it is?

Now according to my measurements im a size 6, 10 and 14 so what size do i order grr dam womens clothes why can't they be sold in measurements instead of sizes. Im happy to have fun at my party and keep going not for an occasion but for the rest of my life i am doing it.

Glad you have a job and focus on where you are in your life. I too feel im where i need to be so 2013 is already looking good for both of. Let me know about your running my dvds are working even though my pictures are brilliant i am happy with how i look i just want to shrink which i am so im going to keep going. Im going to start running again soon for a race in June. My dvds are really good it starts with a warm up then i do dance aerobics, then boxing, then energetic aerobics then toning then a cool down all takes about 75mins and im loving it!

Keep going and stay in touch we'v got this now!

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3/8/13 10:12 A

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Hi Sue!

Sorry to be out of touch. Working on my minutes. I have a perfect record so far. I am hoping to post some good pics by the end of the challenge. Need to buy a new bikini! I ahve been doing core and stregth for two weeks solid. Just started running again. Did two miles on Wednesday and 5 miles today. Pain free!! WOO HOO!!!!!! Need to go slow and ease back into it!

Your daughters sound amazing! That is so awesome!!! They are your focus now. don't get on your self so! You are an awesome mother and an awesome wife and you look great! I know we hold these impossible standards for our bodies. Just keep holding the image in your mind of how you want to look and you will get there! You absolutely will. The journey is the goal, not the end result. You are learning a lot about yourself and at your age it really is about self acceptance. Hell, at my age it is too! I can say I fainally got to that place, but it took until I was 44 years old!

I feel good now and that is what counts. I asked my husband for a divorce. I feel at peace. I am worried about the children. We are meeting with a legal mediator on Sunday to discuss custody issues. Not sure where my life will be 3 months from now. I finally got a full time job. Not the money or prestige I was looking for, but enough to scrape buy and provide for the kids. I will keep looking and keep holding in my minds eye all my dreams and aspirations. They will materialize as long as I keep working for them. And so will yours.

I so wish I could fly to England for your party! I will come see you some day. I have been wanting to do a trip to England and Ireland. It would be more affordable to just do England. Don't be surprised if I am there for a visit within a few years. Airfare and hostels would be manageable and it would only be for a few days or so. haven't really thought about it, but I would love to see the country side. How long of a bus ride or train ride from Heathrow?

Have a nice weekend and please put your self up not down. You are an amazing woman and don't ever doubt it. We can always do better, but you are doing great as it is now!!!!

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 3/8/2013 (10:13)
Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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2/26/13 4:01 P

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poor you emoticon good idea to just rest. Funny how your not the first person to suddenly have a hip complaint funny maybe its the bitter weather or just coincidence.

So busy this week my daughter has extra lessons for her sats (school exams) and both my girls are in a show at the local theatre doing ballet, tap, modern jazz and eldest does gymnastics aswell. Dress rehearsal Thurs then show Friday night Saturday afternoon and evening not looking forward to the rush of it all but it wonderful to see.

Everything is going ok here im at 50% most of the time instead of 100% occasionally and not even 10% the rest of the time so at least im meeting my consistency goal. All i need is to give it time now what im doing is good i just need to learn the p word (patience) and feel like im failing because im not a bikini bod yet just keep remembering this is my lifestyle so everything will take longer.

Hope you get well soon but the stretches sound like a good plan keep you supply and help the hip heal. Hows everything else going? anything fun going on this year? my diaries almost full mostly the kids though lol.

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2/22/13 7:12 P

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hi There!
I pulled my hip. will just be doing toning and stretching until I can run again. don't even want to aggravate it with walking. hopefully it will be better by monday!
emoticon

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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2/22/13 2:09 P

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Hi sorry iv ot replied iv been so busy getting my house finished and my kids have been off school this week. I'm going to finish getting everything ready for the challenge tomorrow i really want to give it my all this time round, my eating has been awful but im keeping it down no major binges.

I feel we haven't connected in ages and i hope although we'r not on the same team this challenge we can keep in touch a little more. Gotta go or i'll never finish ironing lol hope things are going well your end.

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2/6/13 7:23 A

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Hi,
Read your post. Will check out blog . outta time, more later. Things good.
much better.
Laura

Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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2/3/13 5:34 P

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Hi just posted ablog with photos check them out if you dare im really ashamed of how i look. This week iv wore a pedometer its made me realise i don't move enough although im busy all the time im not moving near enough. This month is all about meeting my steps goal everyday and getting those dvds in.

Had my uncles funeral on friday very stressful. Then we spent all day Sat ice skaing the girls loved it and did well seems it was their first time. My scale said i had put on 15lbs in one day needless to say my mom was pleased she had lost 140lbs lol. I going to get a new scale so my numbers may be a little different but can't be helped.

Just pick up your exercise slowly thats what im having to do. Its not the falling off that counts its getting back up! I got the spirited under dogs thing sorted would of joined you otherwise.

I'm really tired so i'll keep this post short plus most of its in the blog anyway. This year my mom will be 70 and i'll be 30 so we are throwing ourselves a party inbetween our birthdays. My mom was told she couldn't have children and after she had my brother she had a miscarriage finally after 6.5 yrs she got pregnant with me but by 6 weeks she bled alot and thought she lost me. She had an emergency scan i was waving at her so she considers me her special 40th birthday present as my birthday is just over a month after hers. We are having the party on the 23rd of March and for once we are getting someone else to do the work a real treat because both me and my mom had to do our own food on our wedding days so iv made my mom get someone else to do it for a change.

Let me know how your funks going i hate feeling like that. Gotta go chill i have mount washmore to tackle tomorrow ironing at least 8ft high. night

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2/1/13 6:25 A

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Hi,
I need to change my picture. I don't like the one I have now. lol
Sorry haven't exercised or been on Spark all week. Did the 16 miler in 4 degrees! It was AWESOME. I did fair, not spectacular, but it was awesome to have done it.

I think you should be a cloverleaf! We don't win or anything but at least I can see your posts and we can be more connected! I know, it is hard to switch teams once you start. I will send you the link to the cloverleafs in case the dogs don't get back to you...which I am sure they will. People are busy. I volunteered to be an "extra leader" I need motivation. I have not worked out since Sunday :( My skinny pants no longer fit and my eating is really bad. NOT GOOD. NEED TO FIND SOME MOTIVATION AND BREAK OUT OF THIS FUNK!!!!!!!!!

Have a good day!!!!!

PS WHAT PARTY?? Are you throwing yourself a party for your 30th????? Let me know about the dress!!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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1/26/13 2:23 P

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Good luck with the race tomorrow be safe and enjoy it cold an all. Hopefully we'v had the last of the snow now most was washed away yesterday as we had a snow storm, then a sleet storm turning to heavy rain. I have a new strategy im wearing my pedometer again and its an eye opener at how little i do on a weekend compared to in the week i need to get those numbers up.

Finally got a dj for my party now all i need is an outfit grr wish i was slim never mind i can get a new dress which is bigger. Im doing the challenge again but i haven't got a link to the page for our team i feel like im going mad iv emailed 2 different people and no one has replied. They said i needed to do assignments by sunday but i can't if i don't know what they are, a little stressed lol.

Had dryer fixed today so i have a lovely evening of washing, drying and ironing lol oh the joys of being a mother and wife. Have fun tomorrow and if its cancelled i hope you find something else fun to do.

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1/25/13 7:00 A

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Hi there. It was 2 degrees yesterday. with the windchill it was -11! That is -16 and -23 in Celsius. brrrrrrrrrrrr We love to complain about how cold it is. I did sign up for the race on Sunday. 16 miles. It is going to be cold out there. It is supposed to snow on Saturday, so I hope they don't cancel the race. It is going to totally suck. There will be ice and tons of hills.Total safety hazard, but I am not sure if they will cancel.

Need to get in the shower. haven't done much exercising this week :( Looking forward to the challenge starting.

Do your own thing. You are the only one who can figure out what works for you.



Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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1/22/13 3:02 P

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My weight is a bit of an issue I'm fed up of getting dressed and finding that nothing fits. I'm so annoyed at myself because i can do it but i just keep sabotaging myself. I feel i'm on the right path so no matter what anyone thinks im doing this my way. This week i'm doing the slim fast shakes (were on offer) maybe next week i'll do the cereal diet the thing i'v found is i'll probably do things like this for life as i enjoy having something to stick to and eating that way. People often say things about my "diets" then it puts me off but i do well like this and when i feel it's ok to do these "diets" i tend to stick with healthy eating maybe im programmed to eat a certain way certain times i don't know all i know is this way thinking is working so i'm doing it.

The race sounds fun! If you want to run it then go for it how can you fail if you can't run it all then walk no one said you had to come in first you just want to do it so go for it. Fear can be a good thing if you use it to your advantage if you do it and complete it running great but getting up and going for a passion is just as great in the grand scheme of things.

It's cold here too we have had snow since Thursday night and we have more on the way the kids have been off school and they went back today so slippy! I fell when i was on my own and slammed the side of my knee on the floor with all my weight on top. I managed to get up and my knee was ok but i hope i don't suffer tomorrow.

I hope you have fun tonight. I'm going to relax and then get my butt into gear tomorrow i need to make appointments and things which i seem to be putting off so i'll have to arrange them. Next week is busy girls birthdays Mon and Thur and a funeral Fri always this time of year. Have a good think about the race if not this one the maybe one in a few weeks when the weathers a little less cold.

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1/19/13 12:22 P

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You are making such good progress on your weight! and I love your outlook. If 3 times a week weighing helps you then it sounds like a good thing. I have a real fear of the scale. That is the only part of the challenges I struggle with, since I guess my weight.

Babysitting for my friend tonight, her twins are 11. Sweet girls and totally easy compared to my wild boys. I am taking everyone out for pizza and then we will rent a movie and have snacks. I will probably drink some beers in my room watching TV, lol, since I wont eat pizza and will opt for a grilled chicken salad. Gotta get my carbs somewhere!

Exercise was good this week. I am thinking about signing up for a 16 mile race next sunday. I am not properly prepared. I am scared. I want to do it though. I ran 12 miles yesterday. I think I can do 4 more. I just won'g go fast. It is a course known for HILLS!!!!! I am petrified of failing! I want to do it though. I need a challenge. I need something to work for...yikes not sure I should. My plan is to run 14 on Monday and see how I do. If I can complete 14 then I will sign up for the race. Plus it is going to be COLD! We are headed for a very cold week. I am not sure. I just checked the weather it is supposed to snow the night before! I think I will skip it. ugh...I'll let you know if I sign up

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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1/19/13 10:01 A

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im at 134lbs at the moment but weighing in is getting stressful because i'll weigh less on a wednesday then shoot 5lbs heavier the next day (when i weigh for a challenge) then be down again maybe if less so i think it's what im eating on a Wednesday that makes me weigh more maybe because i have a free evening and i tend to make more of a meal and although i'm not over cals it is heavier than on a Tuesday evening when im really busy. Im weighing 3 times a week which is alot but its helping me stay focussed and not get upset when its up because its always down again the next day!

My walk were going great but now its snowed and really cold so its been tough. The plus side is i have to walk more because the car can't get up the hill. We live at the bottom so its hard to get a grip lol. If im really stuck my mil will come and wait at the top then i just walk up and meet her and her partner. I like to make sure my moms safe because she can't get out in this weather but she won't let me lol she can be stubborn you know she say things like you have 3 kids to lookafter and an husband or i'll have to make do you can't walk to mine in this but i ignore her and do anyway lol.

Today was messy church and the kids had loads of fun. I was a badger during the story and i had to make the noises at the right time it was noah's ark but i didn't know what noise a badger makes lol. All good fun and the kids do really well at the crafts and getting the stories.

My husbands cousin has just ended his marriage and i think its hard but sometimes these things just happen or people grow apart. The thing i find hard is telling my kids because they worry we will split but we are different as most things happened to us before we wed and it made us stronger not grow apart i mean before we got married my father died, my husband had a nervous breakdown, he was attacked and had his jaw broke, he fell out with his family, plus we had issues with each other (mainly due to his illness) but we still pulled together. Thats just a few things but ultimately we just love being together we rub off nicely total opposites but the same if that makes sense.

Sorry the job situation is getting you down never give up though because the perfect job could be just around the corner. Maybe it's for the best your feeling this way now before you move with your husband at least you can move forward from now. There's no point to having a house you need a home where you can relax from the world not a war zone or however the situation makes you feel. I really do hope you can find contentment in your like soon but sometimes we have to ride the waves and storms to find our meaning or just our true journey.

Better go and do some housework i had a letter telling me not to use my dryer till they had been out because it could start a fire so i need to hang dry their uniforms by monday in this weather lol, well if they have school Monday. When its this could i can't seem to get going i want to hide under the covers until spring lol but a womens work is never done especially with kids lol.

Chin up somethings got to give soon.

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1/17/13 7:08 A

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135! I think that is your lowest I have seen! the bloat can be carbs or gas or water retention. It is good you don't get overly focused on it. Glad your walking is good. My minutes are good this week. I have been off the last 5 weeks. I am trying to get back on track before the next challenge starts. Did you sign up again?

I am still looking for work. I have pretty much decided I don't want to be married anymore. Husband is getting stressed out building the new house as he has a gut feeling me and the kids are not coming and he is really angry at me. He is always angry at me so I am used to it. I am done with it actually. It is his dream house. He is so negative. HE doesn't like living where we are anyhow. And he can sell in a couple of years after capital gains tax passes so it is fine. Chances are I won't score the "big job" here anyway. I have been turned down 5 times for GREAT positions. I don't even care anymore. the last rejection was devastating and I was about to throw in the towel. But, just like fitness...you got get right back up and try again.

The worse that will happen is I will move to a georgeous new home in a far away land and start my life over in a mild climate with nice friendly people. The "south" is know for it civility and genteel nature..."southern hospitality'". The people are super nice.

gosh I need to get in the shower!!!

Sorry it took so long to get back! I didn't log on for 5 days!! Because I didn't work out for 5 days!!! Feel liek the weight is going to creep on. I am between sizes and need to loose 1/2 size to be where I want :(

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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1/9/13 5:53 A

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Hi sorry i thought i had posted then when i came on to check in there was no post hmmm our computers are all playing up and my silly comp either replies 10 times or not at all so frustrating.

So my walking is ok but my weight is all over the shop i think my bodies adjusting because my trousers were lose yesterday and are tight today and i have stuck with it my main concern is night eating not how much just stopping that and learning to go to bed and sleep.

Our holidays are 1 week half term and 2 week every term and six weeks in summer. This year it was nice that the children were off until the 8th of january so they got to do alot more stuff. Its my girls birthdays the end of the month and they want to go skating so an active party is great!

It is really cold here today and my walk was great but i walked a different way and thought i was lost lol but i got home ok. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make your marriage work or wanting a better job. It sounds like your still living your life while you hold out so its healthy to want more. I want to keep my momentum going and succeed at the everyday stuff i think that will be a huge boost for me. Flylady does work my youngest daughter took my son upstairs and they were playing for ages. When i went upstairs they had tidied his room and she had even made him a loo in his room its en suite at jakie's place lol (potty behind door in corner when the bedroom door is open its as if he has a private loo behind it lol) my kids make me laugh.

I hope this week is going well for you and the job is keeping you busy even if its not what you want.

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1/4/13 6:53 A

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You are down 20 pounds from where you started, so that is hardly "letting yourself go"! Yes we can all do better and will do better in the coming months. Walking is a great goal. It is something you can do no matter the weather if you are committed to.

How long are the kids off school? We only got one week, then another week in February and another week in April then 10 weeks in the summer. Some areas have "year round" school with a short summer break and more frequent breaks during the school year.

Started the job yesterday. Still getting orientated. Still interviewing for better opportunities. Need to see if I can get a really great job and provide for my kids on my own otherwise I am relocating this summer to the new house that is being built. After all the bickering and arguing while my husband was here for 10 days it is really making me think that staying together may not be such a great idea. On the other hand I feel like we should try to go to counseling and see if we can work things out, which I am not sure we can. I am so glad I am a spiritual person and can give it to God to deal with. All I have to do is suit up and show up and God will take care of the rest!

Not that I sit on my ass and do nothing. I have to keep actively pursuing a great job and thinking about what is in the best interest of my children as well as all the daily tasks of living. Fitness and good nutrition help me keep a clear head and I decided to stop drinking for a while and "dry" out a bit. I always drink more than usual during the holidays. Glad they are over and life is back to business.

The weather is FREEZING here!!! There is so much snow on the ground and it was 5 degrees (-15c) yesterday morning when I drove the kids to school. It warms up to about 28 (-2.2 c) during the day. My hands are so dry and my nose is constantly dripping! Jan and Feb are the coldest snowiest months so it is just starting. But the good news is that Spring comes and is followed by Summer and the seasons are beautiful.

Looking forward to the next challenge and getting my minutes back up. I also want to work on my running and may enter a marathon if I can get my miles up by May. Yikes. Not sure I can do a Marathon, but want to try!!

Take care and have a good week ahead and walk, walk, walk, as much as you can!


Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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1/2/13 4:45 P

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Woohoo! 2013 is our years seems we are both ready for a change this year. My house is mess but im trying to focus on what i can do not what i cant. Hubby doesnt want to take the stuff to the tip yet until weekend but oh well at least he helps so i cant complain.

I have really let myself go i think mainly because i could feel the change and im ok with that 2013 is my new start iv even blogged photos are really bad but the only way is up! i feel so tired and fat hopefully it will be a different story in a few weeks.

Going to just walk as much as i can this month to slowly get myself back into it and hopefully boost my weightloss. I seem to lose alot walking and not much doing other activities so for a boost this month i think its best. Can't wait for school to start again so i can have a routie its so hard when i don't have a few hours to myself for exercise and cleaning but at the moment im floating hopefully after next tue i will be swimming again lol.

You should never give up on your dreams or yourself maybe when the time is right who knows? Maybe its best for you and your boys if the split was permanant after all im a strong believer that you can make yourself miserable why let someone else do it and you should never stay together for the kids it back fires and makes them sad.

Good luck with the job let me know how it goes.

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1/1/13 8:58 A

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HAPPY 2013!!!! This is our year...I can feel it!

Wishing you all the best in the year ahead! Starting new part time job on 1/3/13. got the kids signed up for afterschool care one day a week and their grandfather will watch them one day. That will give me some extra time. Still interviewing for my dream job. Not giving up on my dream. Husband was home for 10 days. Realizing I really don't want to be married and may be better off on my own. too much arguing in front of the kids. I am thinking about signing the three of us up for family counseling. I have some really good CDs on a parenting program called Total Child Transformation. I am trying to not yell so much and get more cooperation and less anger outbursts...and it starts with me.

Got a lot of decluttering done! I have two hotspots left. Unfortunately the kids room is a wreck again and the living room is still littered with Christmas Loot that needs to be put away. Now that I will be working 20 hours a week I feel more motivated to be organized. It was so hard being motivated when I was so depressed. I feel like it has all lifted and it is time to roll up my sleeves and make things happen!

Really looking forward to the year ahead!

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 1/1/2013 (09:01)
Laura
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12/27/12 11:57 A

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Hi hope you'v had a great holiday and santa brought you lots of goodies. Will be way more active after the new year hugs lets make 2013 great!

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12/14/12 7:07 A

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Sorry about your dog. That is never easy to loose a family pet. Especially around the holidays. Well the weather here has been fairly mild. Only one snow storm and it wasn't much. The weather hasn't been bitter cold so that is a good thing. A few really cold days, but mostly not too bad.

My birthday is on Monday. I think we are just going to a local Italian restaurant. Me and some friends are going dancing tomorrow night at a local bar. A really good local band is playing. Oh! I just saw the time. Need to get in shower. more later!!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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12/12/12 4:56 A

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wow you even made me in a better mood lol. Tough week for me im still not 100%but i am feeling energised again for everyday things (and christmas) just not for exercise but im ok with that.On the 10th it was a year since i lost my dog so was a little uneasy all day then i couldn't sleep with everything that needs to be done 3 hrs sleep is not good. Then i spoke to my mom and her wedding anniversary was the 11th but we try not to get upset we remember and enjoy thats all.

I am that busy i had to schedule time to visit my friends before christmas lol a little bit at a time. I have nearly finished clearing my home and i hope to be completly flying by January so i can concentrate more on my personal goals.

I think part time would be good for yo right now kind of best of both worlds.You get to work and feel independent and your at home more for the kids and your training. 2013 is your year! I'm going to be 30 soon and i feel like i need to get things sorted so i can make my 30 even better. Hopefully this year is the start of a better me (lose weight but most importantly mould myself into the person i want to be eg wash upo every night sounds silly but so true) and maybe my finances will improve too not by much but i did all the big expenses this year apart from my big party of course emoticon .

Will have to go still got so much to do and my mom has asked me to help do the carrots and sprouts for her big pensioners meal tomorrow, thanks mom lol.

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12/10/12 7:35 A

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I love that prayer. It is said at EVERY 12 step meeting. It is called the "Serenity Prayer"!!

I had a horrible week last week. I have been tri training (Triathlon) for 3 weeks. Several times a week running 10 miles getting kids off to school heading to YMCA taking spin class (21 miles on the bike), then swimming 10-20 laps (with stopping). My body REBELLED against me and would not get out of bed!!! It was really upsetting. I thought I had lost my mojo. After praying a lot today, finally, I woke up and got out of bed straight away and ran 12 miles!! After I get the kids out the door I am headed to the YMCA for my class and swim. Ahhhh. All is right with the world again!

I have a second interview for a part time Clinical Director position at mental health hospital in Boston. I wasn't looking for part time, but now that I think about this potential opportunity the more I think part time might be just right for where I am in my life. I am only in Boston for 7 more months then my whole life will be changing. I am moving from the north east to the south. From a cold climate to a warm climate. From cold and distant people to warm and friendly people. My whole life will be different.

2012 has been one of the most challenging years of my life even though I got to goal weight and achieved a very nice body. I also have been off the chart with my running winning one race and placing third in another. My times are great, my energy and stamina are fantastic and I am training for triathlons. Career and my personal life have sucked royally, but that is life. Lessons and more lessons. I can't believe how young you are sometimes! you are so wise for your years.

My 45th birthday is next Monday 12/17. I was getting quite depressed about it. I think I am coming to terms with it. I look really good for my age (ha ha) and I am fit and have a good outlook on life (at this particular moment in time at least!) and women in their 50s are the best runners! They statistically have the best running times. That has to be something to look forward too.

I always have asked women what their favorite decade of life has been. No one says 20s, lol. Or even 30s. Some say 40s. A lot say 50s. And someone once said 60s!

All I can say is that each decade gets better. 30s was better than 20s and 40s has been overall the best yet. I think that was why i was freaking out about 45...my 40s are half over and I love my 40s! A lot has to do with my body. Something happens when you hit 40, your body doesn't need the "baby making layer of fat" anymore. If you look at really sculpted women in real life (no models) most of them are over 40. I worked out with weighs in my 30s and even though I got a tight body from working out, I didn't get the muscle definition that I now enjoy so much.

I am not sure why I am in such a positive good mood today. It is a little scary. I was sooooo depressed last week. Maybe it was PMS. I had an oblation 18 months ago for heavy bleeding. Instead of a hysterectomy they electrocuted the walls of my vagina and killed off the lining so I don't menstruate. I LOVE IT!!!! I still ovulate and have a cycle, I just don't know what it is anymore. The only thing I can do is track symptoms, but who has time for that???

I am going to enjoy my day and focus on all the things that are right with the world today. I hope this feeling lasts. Maybe it is just left over runner's high? Hope not! Have a good one! And don't let those people get to you. You my friend are a force of nature.


Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 12/10/2012 (07:38)
Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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12/6/12 5:39 A

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Sorry still not right im tired and feel weak but much better other than that. No exercise still but at least im keeping on top of things so when i am well again i don't have to play catch up. It is cold here and thats half my problem don't work well when im cold. I have lost 2lbs this week so im back on track now all i need is to lose 2 more lbs then keep them off over christmas to meet my inbetween challenge goal which will be a first.

I have learnt alot about me, my life and the power baby steps make. I think sometimes its hard to be content because the world we live in is so superficial and always greedy with everything even relationships. I had a hard time letting go of everything and not worrying about how everyone was going to cope with whatever they were faced with etc etc i just worried and felt guilty about everything which is not my personality to worry. One day my mom asked me why i feel so out of control and i didn't have an answer now i know its because my life is great but i wasn't who i wanted to be ( dressed well everyday, clean home, everything ready for the kids straight away etc) i was miserable not my family so with flylady and spark i started making sure i did something everyday no matter how small. By the time i m 30 i want to feel free because im haqppy with who i am.

This prayer has been my rock and life saver this year and im going to keep it close next year

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

2013 i think will be a great year for both of us to focus on whats really important to us like you said you can build your life anywhere just as i can change my bad habits into the good ones iv longed for for 30yrs i will finally get there. Oh and i will meet my goal next year too!

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12/3/12 8:34 A

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I am not one to ever give up. 2012 has been a very hard year and I am looking forward to 2013 being even better. I am very excited about my new house that is being build and am looking forward to moving. the marriage will take a lot of work to put back together, but I am willing to do the work. the kids need to be in the same location as their father and their father loves where he lives. I can be happy anywhere. I am going to be happy where I am right now because all we have is today.

I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and chasing after things I think will make me happy. I need to take a lesson out of your book and just sit back and stop fretting. I am always trying to make things happen and when things don't go my way I get stressed. I also need to focus on my house and get the clutter cleared away. I spend so much time looking for jobs and running errands that it is absolutely impossible for me to just sit still and be patient. It is like I rather be battling against the current, not moving forward, but expending all my energy battling something that can not be conquered. To sit still is to die!!

So 2013 will be a fantastic year for us. I don't have adequate coverage for my races which makes me sad. That is a great outlet for me. I need to find a reliable babysitter that the kids will like. It is so hard. It will be so much better when I am back with my husband in that respect. The winters are very hard here in New England (Boston). Very cold and snowy. Planning some fun trips with the kids up north to do some snowmobiling or ice climbing or something awesome.

Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/30/12 4:37 A

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We had the sickness bug then we got a virus/ cold type thing where you seem to have a different symptom everyday its so tiring just doing everyday stuuf and no exercise for 2 weeks is hard too. I need to get well so i can get on with my goals, ill try to get exercise in monday but with the holidays and feeling ill it seems an up hill battle.

What are you doing for your birthday? I think sometimes because you'v always been independent you find it hard just to sit around waiting on other people thats why i get so wound up by other people you always seem to be just waiting.

My goal for December is just to keep exercising (unless ill) so that when the new year comes im not starting over im ready for the next goal. Not sure i could train for anything at the moment with how i feel and the kids/ hubby its alot already. My main goal is to get my house flying by the new year! Our room is the hardest and i still haven't finished it so this week although i feel so weak (my arms are really aching just typing this i feel useless lol) i have been doing some in our room everyday.

I dont set resolutions because they never happen but me and hubby decide whats important for the following year so as an example we wanted a new car and the bathroom done check that was done this year!

Hope your life takes a swing around soon it sucks when things seem out of control keep going you'll get the life you deserve eventually!

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11/27/12 7:20 A

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Hi, I hope you are feeling better. It is no fun to feel sick and uncomfortable. Hope the kids aren't sick. Kids seem to get over their bugs way faster.

Husband was home for 4 days for the holiday (thanksgiving). We took the kids to a kid place called Santa's Village. Need to make Christmas Cards. Got a nice picture of the 4 of us which seems ironic to use for the card. Will probably use one of just the two children together.

My birthday is in three weeks. I am going to be 45. Very depressed. Still no job. Interview tomorrow. I wish things would turn around for me soon. I don't know how much more I can take.

Triathlon training is going well. Yesterday I ran 10 , rode 18 and swam 16 laps. I need to stop after each lap. My goal is to swim 10 laps with out stopping by Aoril so I can enter my first "Sprint Triathlon" . A sprint is basically a baby triathlon!

May snow today. Mostly wet snow I think. May snow overnight as well. A small storm they say. My youngest still wants to wear sandals to school and kicks up a big fuss. Not looking forward to it. Need to get breakfast and lunches made. Hope you are up and feeling better!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/27/12 5:31 A

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Sorry iv not been on iv been ill for 2 weeks before it was a sickness bug and now my throat, ears and all over my body aches so bad. I think its the weather here still not cold enough to kill any bugs but cold enough to get sick sigh roll on the holidays!

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11/20/12 4:02 P

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You can do it!!! I think not eating as much junk food is more important than getting in all your exercise. I am so proud of you!! That is so fantastic.

Started triathlon training yesterday. I am only doing what they call a sprint, which is a baby triathlon.

Yesterday I ran 10, biked 19 and swam 10 laps. I did have to stop after every lap. And was out of breath, so I have a long way to go on my swim program I also cramped up on the last lap. not surprising. I am going to attempt the same thing tomorrow!

Today I walked 4 miles and did ST for an hour. I don't want to get an injury. I just have all this energy and no other outlet at the moment because I am not working. Had a phone interview today and am waiting on a couple of interviews to come through but it is a holiday week and everyone is in la la land.



Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/19/12 5:15 P

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Well funny start to the week, some of the people i mentioned have complimented me on how slim i look lol. I went home and tried a very small satin skirt on which only weeks ago i couldn't pull up over my knees and guess what? the skirt pulled up and i could do the hook and eye ok so not the zip but wow just weeks ago that skirt looked so tiny i thought i had to give it my daughter.

Iv taken photos today and i plan to take more in 4 weeks and hopefully do some if not all of that zip up. I would love to wear it to the ladies church meal out next month that really would be a boost!

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11/15/12 4:44 A

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Unfortunately they are hubbys family/ friends and i can't just make them disappear thats why im going to show them up instead. No my week keeps getting worse check out my blog and to top it all off im so tired i can't even muster the energy to cook or clean.

I can't imagine how it must feel to go for all these jobs but still have nothing i just hope for you that when you do get a job its worth waiting for. Im going to go and feel sorry for my self then kick my butt back into gear!

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11/14/12 3:37 P

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That is a good attitude to turn that anger to your advantage. Who are all these people around you? Are they neighbors or parents at your kids' schools? It seems like they aren't friends of yours because friends would not act that way to you. I hope you can surround yourself with good people and sever ties with people who make you feel badly or angry.

Anyone who would say your bum looks big is crazy. i know you are not exactly how you want to be but you are in no way fat. Best thing is to surround yourself with people should make you feel good about yourself.

I hope your week gets better. I am so sorry your mom has had a run of bad luck with things. She sounds like a super special person.

Hubby was home this past weekend and it was a rough go. He has too high of expectations and I am not where he is now. He is pressuring me to be how he wants me to be and not accepting how I am. He will be home next week for 4 days for Thanksgiving Holiday and 8 days around Christmas. I hope I get some time to myself to get away.

Our house will be ready in March. I am not sure if I am moving in March or in June. Time will tell. I am getting very frustrated about not being able to get a job. I am sick of all these interviews leading no where.

Have a good rest of the week!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/14/12 11:00 A

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Hi I'm that fed up with everyone moaning, being bums etc the worst is when they ask my husband how he got on the sick er by actually being ill so annoying my hubby wants to work so bad but its just not right for him at the moment. The bitch inside me has had enough and I'm using it to fuel my workouts and push forward in my life I'm good at making the most out of nothing so I'm doing really well.

I agree you have to change your appearance for yourself no one else i always tell my kids that you have to live with yourself for ever you can't run away from yourself. Do whats right for you and concentrate on how you behave because everything has consequences and your responsible for your decisions. Im surrounded by haters and im gonna love rubbing it all in their faces im not that sort of person but im sick of being held back by their jealousy so iv decided that's their problem not mine!

Talking about looks i think kids are funny and truthful but not in a cruel way like adults. My husband hates his ears he says their big and stick out and all his family make fun of him. I think they are cute and not big at all my youngest daughter and son has his ears and they both love them and are so proud to have daddys ears. I agree these airbrushed pictures are really bad even celebrities are getting sick of it. Do you know who Khloe Kardashian is? Well she had photos taken and when she saw the end photos she was really upset. They airbrushed that much she didn't even recognise herself but the worst was they airbrushed her mole out her reply was " when people see me they gonna be like whats that on your face i feel like my whole identity has been changed" i think she has a point.

Im having a really bad week so far i just hope it gets better. We still haven't got our car back so my mom has been taking me everywhere or iv had to walk. She is disabled and has a car so i told her she needs to start going out more even if she only gets half way round the shop. On monday we went shopping and she brought me some shopping then as we came out she bumped into another car gutted then she lost her purse with all her money in. I feel for her so much because she's never had anything but when she does she shares it with me then its like a slap in the face all the time.

Gotta go kids are screwing they starving lol will type soon.

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11/12/12 9:06 A

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Hi Sue! I am not sure what is going on with this message board. I kept checking back to see if you responded and never saw your post until now. I feel the same way. When more than a couple days goes by I miss you!!!

You keep that inner fighter girl strong. All the nay-sayers out here, we call them "haters", are just jealous. I am learning as I approach (gulp) 45 next month that I need to create my own vision of myself and be content with what I think about myself and not seek outside confirmation of who or what I am. I have the power to create myself into whoever and whatever I want to be. With all the freaking tabloid celebrity crap and media images of anorexic women etc., I am finally at a place of almost 100% peace with my body and looks.

I have a very big nose (Italian) and always go back and forth about getting it fixed. My oldest son is so sweet he gets so upset when I say I am going to make it smaller. He is afraid I won't look like his mom anymore. And my little one, who is very out spoken, commented that all the mommies look alike but he can spot me out because of my nose so I shouldn't change it. As for my body, I have never been this athletic or fit in my life. My body isn't perfect but I don't feel like I have to get surgery to fix it. I don't feel like I have to be perfect. I love my low body fat and muscles and my ability to run half marathons.

I will blog later about the 5k I WON as the FIRST FEMALE FINISHER later. It was a pub run so I had to run a mile drink a pint, ruin a mile, drink a pint, run a mile drink a pint and finish with the last little bit to the end. My time was 26:31. I then went dancing with girlfriends because hubby was in town for youngest sons 6th birthday. I wore heels and danced my a** off...so now I have a groin pull that I am icing and not running on until tomorrow or Wednesday.

My house is being built and we just picked everything out. A consolation prize actually since I am so luke-warm about the whole marriage thing. The kids need both parents in the same local area so I am willing to relocate and start my life over for the 15th time. I make friends easily and can plug into a new community so it will be fine. The weather is much nicer there (barely and snow or cold temps, short winter) and the people are know for their nice and friendly manners. People in boston can be cold and harsh, just like the weather and the winter is very long and the people COMPLAIN about everything here...

So life is good. Have an interview today. Whatever. So sick of rejection. Talk soon!!

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 11/12/2012 (09:07)
Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/6/12 3:30 P

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Hi i can totally relate to what you are saying yes we both live very different lives but reading this message makes me think about whats been happening in my world. My problem is i don't do a little everyday or i feel guilty and do nothing. I hope you can find your drive again because exercise will help with how you are feeling. Not being at home is something me and my husband have done for about 3 years because the house was in such a bad condition we didn't want to face it.

I can't begin to imagine how things are for you but know i do care and i miss not interacting with you on a regular basis it actually saddens me. To be honest i felt a little lonely when you wasn't writing and it made me realise that although we are very different people we are good for each other in the sense we talk and encourage each other. You have made me realise how lucky i am to have my life and want to just be who i have always been. I hope we can remain in regular contact and i am finally getting into my fierce fighter spirit everyone around me is totally ping me off all they do is take, whine and try to make me feel bad for having a loving family and heart, for going for my goals and for just getting on with it. Wish people would just concentrate on themselves maybe they could wake up happy for the little things in life to.

After saying all that i feel torn between the healthy me and the me everyone wishes i was. I love who i am and now i realise the comments of oh your ugly mean you have youth on your side, your arse is so big really means your losing weight and the questions over how i bring my kids up means your making me look bad/ or how i have brought my kids up looks bad. Wow thats alot of power right there so now im fighting back no more feeling guilty for the past im here to stay now and im doing it that scale can say what it wants because i am termmind to build a life for me and my family and the rest can all cry in a corner and wish they were me.

Together we can do anything and now its my time to shine!

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11/3/12 8:02 A

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Hi There! I run all year. i actually run inside all year! I have no one to watch the kids in the morning since being on my own so I have to get up around 4:30 and do my work outs from 4:30 to 6:30 each morning. I have totally slacked off on weights and even my running was a little off this past month when I was down about 5 days due to a shin splint that hurt so bad! It completely healed so that is good, but it messed me up.

That is good your food and routines are going well. My food is not good and my routines are still in flux. I am not working and am interviewing for jobs but nothing good has come my way yet. I have so much time and I am so unmotivated to get things done. I really need to work on getting things organized, but I spend all of my free time running around meeting with friends for coffee or lunches and shopping and I don't want to stay put in the house and do the things in the home that need to be done like cleaning and straightening up. It is very bad actually and I need to put more effort into this in the coming weeks.

I have been not doing great with my food and have been drinking way to much beer. I have to focus on having a really good week this week and not drinking so much because the calories add up and I can already see I am gaining a little weight back. I have also been no so motivated to do my workouts and I am blowing off getting up early to stay in bed and basically pull the covers up over my head. Not a good think to wallow in fear and self pity.

So my goals for this week are to exercise 120 minutes every day, not drink beer and eat healthy...


Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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11/2/12 11:33 A

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11/2/12 6:04 A

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sorry i haven't been on for a while iv been so busy. Our halloween is also on the 31st and this year i took the kids out trick or treating and we got so wet because it suddenly rained but it was like having buckets of water chucked at you lol.

As far as weight loss goes im just getting to the point where im fed up and don't care about my weight no more.It's hard to get up everyday work your butt off to not be any slimmer after a few months. Iv been stuck at this weight now for ages and that scale won't move. I need to see some benefit from doing all this work and justifying all my me time when (like this week i haven't worked out half term for kids) i could be doing fun stuff with the kids.

I need to forget the scale and tape measure because that keeps going up to and just pick some nearly fitting trousers and work my butt off to fit in them by christmas.The good news is the only thing iv let slip is the exercise my foods been good and my routines are still going strong so im not doing to bad just a bit fed up of not fitting into anything lol its getting cold here and even my jeans still won't go on.

How are you doing? Do you run all year or do you change your workout to suit the weather?

Have a great weekend.

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10/26/12 7:16 A

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Hi, When is your Halloween? Ours is on 10/31. Busy weekend ahead. Just noticed time. More later need to get kids ready for school...

Yes leave the scale ALONE. It will just make you feel like crap!

Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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10/24/12 4:25 A

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Hi I'm so glad to hear from you i was beginning to think you'd disappeared lol. The future sounds both exciting and scary but I'm sure it will be worth it. Your new home sounds wonderful wish we could move to better accommodation but I'm sure that's not on the cards for now or ever lol just too much money we haven't got.

Well this week i feel really ill (sore throat, sore mouth, ear ache and TOM augh!) and it also happens to be a really busy week. Yesterday my girls went to a party with their own design of bright carrier bag dresses my youngest daughter had a long ball gown type and my eldest had like a jump suit shorts and top together they looked really good.

Tonight we are going to see disney on ice im taking all 3 kids my son is going to be blown away lol i didn't take him last year then regretted it so tonight should be fun! Tomorrow is their halloween parties at their schools and because we have no car im having to walk everywhere not good when your so busy.

Next week the kids are off so i need to make sure i keep doing my taebo because normally my needs go out the window. My son is great if he's at home he just joins in where my girls decide to run wild or chase my son so annoying not this time though or they'll all be on the naughty step lol.

I feel like crap but im still going to try to do my taebo dvd it's only 30 mins and i really am seeing my body firm up if nothing else. I have lost weight and iv cut down went to weigh myself and gained like 4lbs why don't i learn to leave the scale alone when its TOM and just put a maintain? One day i'll get the message. Hope you have a great week i know i will hehe im the biggest kid of all.

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10/22/12 8:39 A

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I cannot believe I haven't check in here in sooooo long!!!! My last post was 2 weeks ago. Things are getting a little better I guess.

1. I have made the decision to move the kids down to North Carolina
2. Feel ok about my decision to try to make the marriage work one last time
3. Still no job :(
4. Working on me at the moment from the inside out now that the outside is at Maintenance

So by Friday I have to decide for certain that I want the house my husband has picked out. It has not been built yet and will take 4 months to build. It is less expensive than the last one and only has 3 bathrooms as opposed to 5. My ideal is 4 bathroom (don't vomit) 2 upstairs and two down stairs. Our old house had 3 and 2 upstairs and one downstairs. I felt like I couldn't always keep it clean for when people came over because the boys pee every where. My youngest is the worst. I HATE cleaning up their pee. It is so frustrating. But Flylady reminds me to swish and wipe each day and if I can get in the habit of that one bathroom down stairs should be just fine. Compared to what I have now, I will be in heaven and won't complain, that is for sure.

The community is very nice with lots of kids and bike and running trails close by. We need to sign the paper work by 10/31 to get extra money for upgrades on the homes. Still not happy about the school situation down there. Still don't want to leave my current community and the friends I have made here over the past two years. Still no looking forward to starting my life over AGAIN for the 20th time in my life. Still not looking forward to moving my kids away from their extended family. Still not looking forward to trying to make a difficult marriage work. But I don't feel like I have a choice. I have to try one last time for the kids sake.

So I decided to train for a triathlon! I am very excited. I bought a suit, bathing cap and goggles. I am on a waiting list for swim coaching to make sure my strokes are proper so I don't mess up my shoulders. I have also started to add in spin classes on my non-run days so I can build up. MWF will be run days and T/th will be spin swim days and dance class days (if I ever make it to a class!!). Saturday/Sunday will have to be weights and maybe a little on T/th as well since I like to get up early. Anyhow, need to develop a consistent schedule which I will work on solidifying over the next couple of weeks. Also need to sign up for a triathlon. Need to also sign up for some 5k races and another half marathon in February.

So the plan for moving will be in June so I will be in Boston for the current school year. Since the house wont be ready until March, and Jason makes first communion on April, and school ends in June anyhow...just makes sense to stay put. the kids are doing so much better now that school has started and my oldest (7.5) is learning to talk more about his anger which helps us work it through a bit. I am hopeful about my kids being okay. They are doing a great job coping with their father not living with them.

how are your DVDs going? Looking forward to hearing more about your plans for your future!

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 10/22/2012 (08:42)
Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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10/11/12 4:29 A

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Hi

Well im back in full swing and i'll be posting everywhere again lol. Im so behind with my challenges and just generally life but im ok with that. My husband has been ill again so that has taken all my focus then my little boy was sick at the school tea afternoon lol all over the table. Starting today i feel egar to crack on with my challenges and get a good platform for next year because i have so much i want to do and im going to spend the fall/ winter planning it all.

I think you are making the right decision to have cancelling because there's no point moving if its going to make things worse or make either of you feel guilty. you seem to have alot of holidays in america im lucky if they have the odd day off. Will be going to see disney on ice soon and then they break up for a week can't wait to catch up on some sleep lol. The weekend away was just what i needed but im sooo tiredlol.

Way to go with the race was it really fun? I'm glad iv gone back to my dvds because my feet are feeling much better and so does my overall performance which has proved to me i need work on my stretches after a run when i start training again in the new year. Have a great weekend and i hope its not to long before i hear from you again.

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10/8/12 10:04 A

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I am so glad to hear you had so much fun! you deserve it! I ran a 1:48:35. Way better than I had thought. I will be signing up for some 5k races next. no job yet. Looking ferociously. Hub wants me to make a decision to move down to where he is. He will move up if I don't move down. We will need to go to counseling and deal with our marriage. Found some dance classes I might want to try. Kids off school today for a Holiday (Columbus Day). Not sure what to do with them. The 5 year old is bouncing off the walls!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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10/4/12 1:48 P

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Hi mate im so tired after my weekend away we had a really good time don't think iv laughed so much in a long time. Will write a blog about it though lol save doing it twice. How was your race?I'm so tired i haven't even caught up on my spark or emails yet will get my act together over the weekend hope everything is good with you.

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9/29/12 10:51 A

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Can't wait to hear all about it. I am doing okay today. Might go dancing tonight, not sure. So excited about my race tomorrow!!!



Laura
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9/27/12 4:38 A

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Im so excited its tomorrow we go camping but as usual everyone else is mucking us around but i wont let anything spoil it for us. My dvds are fun and really tough on my body my arms feeling really long and heavy lol but it is working as i finally lost a lb this week. I just hope i don't gain it again if i drink while away lol never mind it will be so worth it to me to just chill and be a big kid again!

Rock climbing is awesome i love it, haven't been in years but one of our friends is getting into it and we may go with him sometime or just get directions lol we have to plan these things because of money but i love it! Real good for your figure too!

wow your runnings going good i wish we had a race like that im sure some people i know would run just to get the beer at the end lol. Not a beer drinking it makes me ill but i do prefer beer/ bitter to larger and sometimes hubby buys me a stout lol. Mainly i drink wine, tia maria or a spirit im very fussy lol.

I'll write after the weekend and tell you weather i am still able to move lol from the cold and all the walking have to walk alot when on holiday i love just looking at everything shops, cliff faces, the beach etc hopefully the damage to my eating won't be too bad lol.

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9/26/12 11:01 A

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Did you go camping yet or is that this weekend? I hope you have a super spectacular time!!

Maintenance is always a good thing. I know it is hard when you are loosing, but as long as you are not gaining it is a positive thing. It takes what it takes. I think it is has a lot to do with other things as well. It is harder than people realize to be fit. People are always looking at you and judging you; looking for your flaws. At least that is how I was when I saw fit women and I wasn't where I wanted to be. The other hard thing is that you are basically naked. People can see you because there is no fat to hide behind. one the up side, confidence and self esteem go way up. So it is definitely worth it, but the body sometimes won't release the weight because the mind isn't ready to deal with the new issues. Old is comfy, new is scary.

Running is awesome. I am up to 12 mile runs. I still run 3 times a week averaging 10-12 miles for each run depending on time I have. Harder to wake up when I drink the night before :) It is amazing to me though that I can drink 4 beers and still run 10 miles the next morning.

I started therapy on Friday with a good therapist. Husband is still in another state. He will be home in November 2 times: once for son's bday and for 4 days for Thanksgiving holiday. he will also be home a week in December. I need to make a decision about the separation and if we are going to try again or get divorced. Neither option is appealing so that is why I am in counseling to sort things out. The kids are doing much better now that school is back in session. I am still not working and have them signed up for different classes. Yesterday we went to a place and did the rock climbing wall. I always wanted to do that and did great. It was super fun. We are going again on Thursday.

I am running in a half marathon (13.1 miles) on Sunday. I am running with a cousin and some of her friends. I am so excited. It is part of the "I run for beer" series and at the end is a huge party with all the beer you want to drink...and it is a really good craft beer (we call them "microbrew" meaning they are specially concocted by brewmasters and they taste heavenly as they are so DELICIOUS). This one is called "smuttynose" and the mascot is a harbor seal. Very yummy end to a fun race!

Have a good week!!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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9/21/12 6:17 P

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Hi there,

It's been hectic here trying to get everything into a day i forgot how little time i seem to have when term time begins.I'm doing well with my dvd's but i ache so hopefully i'll get more toned. Haven't got a clue what i'm going to take to wear camping so far the weather doesn't look good typical but we'll make the most of it anyway.

My weight is at a stand still again i just need to eat healthier i think but that's not always possible here because of a money and b i like junk way to much still but i have cut down by about 80% compared to how it was so i'm doing better. On the plus side i have maintained for 3 weeks even though i'v changed my exercise which i normally gain when i change it up and TOM is due so i think i am doing better.

How's your running going? Are those pants getting lose again? Whats it like at home at the moment? I hope your doing well it seems ages since we last spoke the time is just flying by. Oh well better go to bed i have to be up and take the kids to messy church tomorrow not sure how thats going to go.

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9/16/12 11:03 A

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Scorpio men are supposed to be very passionate and possessive. They are also emotional and moody (water sign) Both my boys are water signs. Jason is 7 and a Pisces (totally emotional, hypersensitive and a deep thinker) and Kyle, 5, is a Scorpio and very demanding, creative and smart. I am, like you, a fire sign. So if you imagine a fire-like mother with two adorable (they are both really good looking) water (emotionally charged) boys with out a strong male figure and you can pretty much understand the dynamics. Fire mother extinguished by two water sons who feed off each other and gang up against her.


My boys are the most loving and sweet people until they get tired or angry. Since as parents we have not controlled our own anger in front of them it has rubbed off on the children. We have huge blow ups and then we are very loving. Not a good thing to teach the boys since I don't want them to have those kinds of relationships with women when they are older (intense fighting and intense making up). It is just healthier to be more even and respectful, obviously.

Went dancing last night to live music with some girlfriends from the gym I used to work out at. there used to be a group of us who worked out in the morning and got ready for work together. We got there at 5 am and hit the locker room around 6:30 am. It was so fun, like high school. We started chatting and started having girls nights out. I haven't seen them in 6 months. So we went out last night and I have lost about 12 pounds and got very fit in the last 6 months. Plus now I have longer straighter hair (flat iron) and it is blonde. They were so complimentary of me.

Then we danced and I am a maniac. I dance with them, but they get tired and leave the floor a lot and I stay out and dance by myself. I have a lot of confidence in my dancing because I was a dancer as a child and teen and I can dance a lot of different styles. I love internalizing the music, especially live music, and using dance as a form of self expression.

I feel so free and amazing on the dance floor and while sexy I am not putting energy out to attract anyone. Sometimes men will try to dance in with me, I acknowledge them and move my self away to create my own "sacred" space. People are usually very impressed with my high energy and stamina and come up to me and compliment me or make comments like "how do you have so much energy?" or "I really enjoy watching you dance, you look like you are having so much fun!" I usually say I run 25 miles a week or I used to be a dancer or something like that.

Anyhow, my friends said that they have never seen me looks so happy. Even though my life is in total crisis right now, I feel like a huge weight is off my spirit. I am a free spirit and my husband is a spirit crusher. He doesn't mean to be, I just am a free spirit and need to be accepted and not criticized 50 times a day by someone's chronic negativity. He says he has changed, but he talks with out thinking and says hurtful things. I just cant be a with a spirit crusher. I need to be happy so my kids can be happy. I know this will all sort out.

I didn't get the second high paying job I interviewed for. Just realized I am going to need to take less pay which is very depressing. I have turned down 4 interviews for lesser paying jobs. It kills me that I am going to have to work for less money, but I am just going to have to deal with it.

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 9/16/2012 (11:11)
Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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9/13/12 12:54 P

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wow do i feel rough today. I got up and i felt well got on with my day then after lunch i felt really rough.Itchy aching ears, sore throat and really tired. I haven't done alot today so i decided to check a few things out and i blogged about my next steps. Then i just went over my page and checked out my photos one they haven't changed since 2010/2011 and my house still looks almost the same lol good job im changing things no wonder i feel like im still stuck a few years ago my life is lol.

I want to take pics after the next 10 weeks but on the pus side alot of tops fit really nice now even a tiny boob tube type top looks really good now i need to get those bottoms to fit. Im getting there because some of my stuff are way to big. Ran the other day and my top nearly came off its a vest and the strap kept sliding all the way down luckily my sports bra is really modest otherwise someone might of done me for flashing lol.

How are things your end hope they are getting better if not i hope your rocking your new lifestyle!

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9/10/12 9:51 A

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My run wasn't nearly as bad as i thought but my feet kill me i still have problems with them. My son loved his first day back and its cheered him up even though he is rough bless him. After school activities are great i had a very busy life as a kid with dancing and brownies and my girls follow in my foot steps.

My husband is a scorpion and yes he does have a sting in his tail but he is also called Richard which means great ruler and loyal which is also true. My childrens names are Chloe May Ann (10.8 yrs), Sophie Jayne (8.8yrs) and Jake Geoffrey ( 3.5 yrs) and they are very different. Chloe is very loving a bit of a mother hen and most like my mom, Sophie is determind and very clever definately the brains of the family but also the spit of her dad (looks and attitude lol) then Jake is most like me very well behaved but can throw his dummy out of the pram over something he wants mostly (i can be a bit spoilt sometimes like going for a meal with hubby i have to have a pudding lol but then again it is once a year usually my birthday lol). Its a little early yet to say how he'll be but he's absolutely lovely.

Gotta go just realised im late to pick youngest daughter up chat more tomorrow.

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9/10/12 9:08 A

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I am a Sadge, also a fire sign. I am always drawn to other fire signs. that is awesome your children are so well behaved. Mine are definitely in the horrid category. Sorry you had a bad day but you seem to always find the positive.

I got the kids off to school and need to hit the shower and some meetings. Need to grocery shop and tidy up a bit. Also need to keep looking for jobs and sign the kids up for some activities. fall sports is in full swing and we have soccer practice tonight.

Well what ever you decide for you future I am sure you will be successful. Good luck on your run. I signed up for a half marathon at the end of the month (13.1 miles). A cousin is running as well so it should be really fun.

My husband isn't visiting again until my youngest son's 6th bday (Kyle) in November. Jason is my oldest. I love your girls names! Super cute.

Have a fantastic day!

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
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9/9/12 4:44 P

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My birthday is 13th April 1983 and I'm an Aries. My best friend is a fellow Aries as much as we are alike we are different not just because there is such an age gap (she's 50). She is all into the star but she believes some areas she is different because her birthday is late march but she should have been born earlier.When is birthday?

I think part of my personality comes from having an older mom who had a rough up bringing and part because i've always been very mature for my age maybe a little to so sometimes. I thank god everyday for my parents and i tell my children the same because that gives you a good ground to start from. The only downside is i'm worried the real world is a little too much for them and me!

You look really good and I'm not just saying it you've worked hard and it shows! I know what you mean about the barrier now I'm in the real world again (not avoiding it) things are a little different our lives aren't shielded from everyone else. We have had the worst day ever today but i kept going with my routines etc and it didn't turn out so bad after all. I was awoken by my eldest daughter screaming and running upstairs in floods of tears. We heard a smash and thought she was injured but thankfully she was just really upset she broke my bowl. Bless her she has a heart of gold really. When i first had my younger daughter Chloe (the eldest) used to cry when her sister got injured (Sophie) the younger one just looked at her and didn't cry lol.

As far as the career goes i'm not interested no more! I wanted to work with children and even more so when my husband said he never wanted kids ( the biggest decision of my life was do i stay with the man i love and never have kids or do i leave him and be miserable forever looking for someone who doesn't exist?) thankfully he changed his mind after speaking to one of our friends to this day he doesn't know what she said only it changed his mind.

Then we had our daughter and my world changed my children are polite, well behaved and really good company i think most other kids are horrid so that's why i don't want to work with them no more. When i get a job it will be for the money not the career.

It sounds to me like you hurt so much but feel no one really cares. I hope you can find the balance to bring joy back into your (married) life. Children are resilient but they also learn more from what they see rather than what you tell them to do. My daughters are doing really well they don't even moan half as much why because i'm happy, content and getting off my butt and showing them how to enjoy life.

We have squirrels we used to have red squirrels but when the grey squirrels were brought over the red ones are extinct. Some grey squirrels have bright red bums so obviously they are some sort of half breeds.

Tomorrow is my first run in 7 weeks so wish me luck. My little boy goes back to nursery too and we are supposed to be getting rid of the old bathroom out of the garden can't wait I'm sick of it stuck there reminding me of how disgusting it is!

Chin up your right there's a lot going on but you are strong you can do anything you put your mind to even with those unforeseen things that crop up.

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9/9/12 10:20 A

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When is your birthday? Specifically what sign are you? Just curious. I love how different we are and how young and wise you are. I wouldn't count out the career just yet. you had your babes so young and will still be young when they are independent. That is when they won't need you so much and you can get training or do whatever for you. You are an amazing woman and so much is ahead of you.

I am not sure what I want. I had everything, except a loving marriage. Now my husband wants to give me that but I am not in love with him any more. I don't know.

I got notified on Friday that I did not get the job. I had a long talk with CEO and he said it was really close but the other candidate had more industry experience in the direction they wanted to head. I am mostly angry that he kept me on the line for 7 weeks. I am glad it is over one way or another because now I can regroup and move forward.

I have another interview on Thursday for a position but the company isn't sure what direction they are headed and I just have a sense I am not what they are looking for so I am not too excited about the interview.

I think I will start looking for jobs in North Carolina and see if I find something there. If I do I would reunite my family. My heart isn't in it though. I am old enough to know that I have no real influence over my life. I can do the actions in a certain direction, but ultimately there are so many factors out of my control that what ever ultimately happens is what is meant to happen regardless of what I want.

I am grateful that money is not a problem for me today. I have plenty of other problems to keep me busy, lol. the kids are in school and I have the days to myself to work on tidying the house, looking for a job and going to my support group meetings. now is a time for me to regroup. Do you have squirrels where you live? We have a ton of them and they are about to come out in droves to scurry about for nuts which they need to store for winter. They are little maniacs. So that is me. It is fall. I am gathering my nuts for winter and that is where God wants me. I know when I get through this all will be right with the world.

Losing the weight and getting fit has a price. I do believe the extra padding is like a buffer against the world. When that gets stripped away it is both good and bad. I feel amazing, I love how I look now. But I have to look in the mirror and be the person I want to be on the inside. My children are my priority and I need to be more emotionally available to them. I am too distracted and irritable and that has to change. That will improve their behavior. I can already see some small positive changes in the kids now that I am home with them full time.

Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 9/9/2012 (10:42)
Laura
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"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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9/5/12 1:37 P

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It's a shame about the job it's hard to do the right thing as getting your own way is so called self fish then if you put your life on hold for everyone else your being self fish because you should be a good example or the healthiest you to look after them? As my mom always says you can't please everyone and no matter what someone is going to be left out. I think your doing the right thing take your time and be sure it's what you want.

I went through a similar thing when i didn't know what i wanted. I wanted my own life, i wanted to be a good mom, a good wife and really successful. I made myself so miserable the truth was i already had everything i wanted (apart from a career but now thats gone because i chose kids over career) but because i was so sad i can been moody to live with so everyone else just plodded along with me. Now i have gone back to the real me and everything is coming together. Hubby and kids are helping out, decoratings finally getting done and i feel really happy and content.

I'm no expert but maybe the way your husband went away has made you angry and confused about your life and now your not sure what life you want. I know as a women we give up things for the kids and the husband but when they don't even SEEM to care that's the worst thing ever. What sort of life do you really want or are you just lost in your own world. When you asked me what i wanted out of life i couldn't really answer, that made me think all sorts of things, it also made me realise i have everything i ever wanted and it was me who was unhappy which made everyone else unhappy.

I decided i want a nice home (i have no money but i can clean and move things around to make it my own), i was with my husband alot but not actually speaking and being together (now we watch a film in bed at night together), my children were well behaved and tidy (i stopped bothering and so have they). You get the general idea my life has changed so much back to how it has always been.

Your situation is completely different i know and with the issue being your husband that must be tough but i wonder whether he hurt you so much that you don't want to face up to the fact its him that hurt you and go through the pain of sorting it out or if you really don't want him no more. Love and hate are so close sometimes the most important people can be the problem. Instead of realising the cause we surface as fighting for the right to be happy. I wish there was an easier journey for you but unfortunately life is cruel and there's alot of pain along the way.

I don't think wanting to be happy is selfish i pray everynight that myself and family are just happy nothing more or less. The only thing i'd say is we don't always get happiness from the thing we think we want. You when your kid is playing up they don't want to wear a jumper in the snow but you make them anyway and they have fun but if you give them what they think will make them happy no jumper all that happens is they get sick and even more grouchy. We are gods children and although the path seems cruel full of hard lessons he knows best!

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9/5/12 9:56 A

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Hi there! Still no word on the VP position. I actually think I will not be getting it. Weekend was very fun. As you know from my blog I drove 6 hours to meet up with a spark friend and see the City sights of a city I had never been to. Needed the time alone to think and just decompress. Hub flew in Friday and I left early Saturday. Returned Late Sunday and made it through that night. Then Monday had to drive him to the shuttle stop at 5:15 am. He was so angry I wasn't intimate with him. He sent me some emails when he got back to Raleigh. I don't even care how he sees the situation anymore

Is it really so selfish to want to be happy? I like being near his family. He told them he was filing for divorce in January, after the tax year ends. He doesn't want a divorce but he is completely fed up with me now that this is the second separation I have asked for. i really see what a vacant father he is. He doesn't even call his kids daily and I have to initiate Skype. Both his sisters have let me know that I am not kicked out of their family after a divorce, but of course no one wants to see that.

I got a call for another position that is similar to the VP position. It is so hard wading through an ocean of uncertainties without giving into the temptation to be surrounded by fear.

My baby starts kindergarten tomorrow!!!! Even though I am currently unemployed I am so excited to have both kids in school all day and have time to myself to focus on healthy pursuits. I really hope a meaningful position comes through soon for me. I really don't think I am going to get the VP position. He checked references last Thursday and hasn't called me or emailed me for an interview to close the deal. There was one other candidate and it feels like that person is being pursued over me.

I am trying so hard to not stress and focus on decluttering and being more emotionally available to my kids who are going thru a hard time right now. I can really see how their father not being emotionally available to them has affected them and I really need to suit up and show up for them to help them thru this.

hope is not lost for reconciliation with my husband. I just don't know if it will be or not be and right now I have other matters that are more concerning to me like getting a job and moving the kids into their own home. Once the kids are in school I am going to try to go to Church during the day. I need strength right now and guidance. But mostly I need to be willing to do the right things instead of what I want to do.

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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9/4/12 3:16 P

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Just about to go for a shower after a tiring first day back. I had an hour walk this morning taking my daughter to school then i did about 2 hrs in our room and that made a huge difference. It's surprising how more i get done doing little bits at a time. After the last 3 years doing housework every minute im up to doing my routines and decluttering a bit at a time my home, happiness and health has never been better.

I have finally found what i think will work for that is sort my home and concentrate on my food intake. From Monday i will start exercising properly by which time i hope to have de-cluttered my home. I have never had so many clothes in my life which i think is due to the fact i could never afford anything new and now i have my own brought clothes (not second hand) i am finding it hard to know what to do with them all.

My main problem is i don't fit in anything i own! My clothes are either too small, too big, old and tatty, or they are in between where i'm at. I need to sort through and put what i can wear in my wardrobe, whats too small in storage and whats too big out the door. This will be a huge task as i feel depressed trying stuff on but depressed that i can't find what im looking for.

Tomorrow more of the same thing only my other daughter goes back to school not sure how my son is going to be not going until Monday. I hope he is fine and i can get on with stuff otherwise i'll be entertaining him til the girls come home. My eldest daughter had a really good first day i just hope this is a sign she'll have a better year than last.

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9/3/12 4:39 P

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Hi there i feel so rude for not posting but i have no excuses any more.

I hope things are going well. how was your weekend? I really hope you get the VP job it sounds like it means a lot to you and working is what suits you best some people are just not meant to be at home. I have a friend who's a workaholic and he gets up early even when not working and does stuff around the house to keep him busy. Personally i have to keep busy i feel guilty if i sit around doing nothing but with 3 kids and a hubby im not often bored don't have time to be.

Wow congratulations with the running i think you should go for the half marathon that would be such a buzz! My exercise has taken a back burner not looking forward to my first run next week. I have kept busy though with house and kids so hopefully it won't be to bad.

My eldest daughter goes back tomorrow and she wants me to walk her to school and back because my other daughter isn't back until the following day. My son goes back to nursery on the 10th. My daughter lost her tie lol and we were really panicking i remembered clipping on to something so annoying when their room is still really sorted and tidy. I checked her uniform and it was on the hanger ready for tomorrow my daughter is useless at looking for stuff kids!

I still haven't done my bedroom there is so much to do in there but i'm going to give it a good go tomorrow i want a nice room for me and hubby because its the one room that is ours but always a mess. Poor hubby has me climbing over him every night because there is so much stuff my side so embarrassing.

Hubby has paid for the camping trip so we are definitely going. i am looking forward to being just me for a few days and not a mom who can't be selfish and have a drink ignoring the world lol i hope the weathers good although living here you get used to the weather. Today it was so cold i was wearing my dressing gown over my clothes then by about 3pm it was so hot i was worried we would get burnt.

My little boy is not right he is so quiet and all he wants is mommy so not like him maybe its the weather. My younger daughter is the same tearful but for no reason really unusual for her as she's a tough cookie. Typical at the start of term but i'm sure they will pick up.

I'll get on here tomorrow and let you know how my day has gone. I'm all up to date with my cleaning and laundry a first for me my routines are coming together well. Hope things are getting easier even if they not sorted yet.

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8/30/12 7:42 A

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No worries, always happy to hear from you whenever. I am okay. Waiting to schedule my 3rd interview and find out if I get the job.. I am so scared I will not get the job and I will be so devastated and heartbroken if I don't get it.

I am so proud of you will all your organizing. I am making very slow progress. I have been in a bit of a depression, but I am hoping things will shift soon. My mind needs to be busy or else it dwells on stuff.

I am up to 12 miles, that is 19 km. I am so excited. I usually run 10 miles 3 times a week. Two times this month I ran 12. I am thinking I need to sign up for a 1/2 marathon because I am not really training for anything I just love running and burning fat!

Hubby coming home for weekend tomorrow and I will be 6 hours a way on a trip by myself to a historic city I have never seen. I need a weekend away by myself to reflect and center myself. I have this need for aloneness and independence that I realize must seem very strange to you. I married and had children late in life and need a certain amount of alone time to recharge my batteries.

Well I wish you a happy weekend if I do not get to hear from you in the mean time. I am sad summer is ending, but the seasons are constantly changing and so is life. I really hate the end of summer becasue I love summer the best. Fall is my least favorite season. Winter is rough too. I love Spring and Summer.

As for the phone thing, I just got an iPhone and my hub got a samsung. I think the best thing to do is go to the store and ask a bunch of questions. Also do some research online. Most smart phones should be able to do what you are seeking.

Counting my blessings and hoping for the best. food has been good and that is a blessing for sure.

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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8/29/12 3:15 P

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How are things going i hope things are better.Sorry i haven't wrote just been so busy trying to organise my life and get ready for school to start next week. I feel lousy its TOM and my dr changed my pill to make it cheaper for them and im suffering haven't felt like this since i was 15 yrs and im going back to complain.It's so disappointing after all my hard work im tired, crouchy and so hungry not good at the moment.

Stayed in all day today for my condenser dryer to turn up then had a phone call about 6pm to say it wasn't coming why can't i just buy something and it gets delivered not a good week so far. Im also trying to find a phone i like which i can download apps and take decent pictures but im having no luck at all my main problem i don't know what phone is right for me and then pick one.

I'm so behind with technology that i don't know what i want, i know what i want it to do but not if the phone will do it. I feel very old today lol need to pock my head back into the world and take a look around i think. How are you with technology can you help me? I want a phone i can use the running apps on while i run and one that i can put picture straight on the computer from my phone.

I really am trying to juggle everything but sp is getting alittle much hopefully by Monday i'll be back to my healthy self, running, cleaning, doing my SP and interacting with my friends on SP. Have a good week glad your keeping yourself in check and i hope you get the VP job.

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8/25/12 9:07 A

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I am doing pretty good despite everything. Keeping up with my workouts helps alot. Hub is coming to town next weekend to be with the kids. He isn't even taling to me now. Which is fine. I feel so bad for my boys. Please say a prayer I get this VP job so I can provide for my kids on my own. I really need it. I need to work. Staying home is hard on me.

Taking the kids on a trip next week for two days then I am driving 6 hours to Philidelphia to visit a spark friend, lol. It is a city I have always wanted to see and it will be nice to meet her. I would fly to England to meet you, but that is a little more expensive. I do want to make it to England some day. I want to bring the kids to Europe and see my cousins in Italy. Haven't been since 1990.

that is all I got today. Have a nice weekend!!! camping sounds awesome.

Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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8/25/12 3:16 A

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My heart really does go out to you sometimes life is just so hard and unfair. I think it's sad your husband is using your children against you but he was the one who first separated the family. i really don't have any suggestions except to keep faith and make sure you keep your held high. I wish you could find the balance but it seems you and your husband are pulling opposite ways.

We had no internet for a week and hubby tried his best to sort it out but i missed weigh in and i had that much mail to catch up on that im feeling a little over whelmed. I have been up for hours don't know why but i woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.

The girls came back from brownie camp yesterday and didn't i know i had 3 kids again lol. The girls needed to good bath but apart from that they had great fun. Both kids rooms are done now my least favorite jobs left the cupboards upstairs and my room or the junk room its becoming. I want to be finished for when they go back to school so i can get into my routines straight off and ramp up that exercise.

Hubby wants to take me camping the end of sept no kids allowed lol so i have something to look forward to the last time we went away together was 7 years ago. We will be going with 2 other couples which will be interesting i love roughing it but im not sure how the others will do lol.

I am so thirsty and i have a strange feeling like weakness in my legs. TOM is due and last month i was really ill my gp changed my pill to a cheaper version (supposedly the same) but if im going to feel like this every month she can change me back i don't care how much it costs them. ok now im cranky i need more sleep but i know thats useless hopefully i'll be well rested tonight.

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8/21/12 6:16 P

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Hi There! I don't know why "my recent posts" link was not updating with your 8/14/12 post? All I would see is my last post on 8/14/12 so I thought you had disappeared! sorry for the confusion.

Well, the saga continues since I last wrote. The loan is not going to close and my husband is still in Raleigh. he misses our family and the kids, and I have asked for a separation for the second time. He got very nasty with me and was threatening to take the kids if I don't stay with him. Turned very ugly. I had to lead him to believe I would try to work on our marriage, but my heart really isn't in it. He has said he will move back to Boston to work things out, but I really would just want him here to be close to his kids.

I do get along extremely well with my in laws and was very saddened by the fact that my husband would turn them and my kids against me if I don't stay with him. I keep praying for the VP position. I still have over a week until I know if I get it or not. I just want to buy my own house and live separately from my husband. I am not really ready for a divorce yet. I don't really know what I want, but I don't think it is to be married. We have been living apart for 9 of the last 13 months and I have no desire to be intimate with him anymore. he of course wants me very badly which is actually a turn off to me and my resistance is a turn on to him so we have quite a dilemma.

He is coming to visit 9/1 to 9/3. he hasn't seen his kids in 2 months. Sad huh. He really is trying to be a good provider and we don't worry about money. It just has eroded our marriage. I really don't care anymore. That is really sad too. I am going out of town for the time he is here so 1) so he can be alone with the kids who actually told me to go on a vacation when daddy comes home (no problem !) and 2) I don't want to sleep with him or really spend anytime with him making me feel guilty for not wanting to be with him.

So that about sums it up. I was drinking like a fish for 3 weeks and eating extra but working out for the challenge 14 hours a week (no lie). I still managed to gain a little as clothes felt less loose. The last 3 days have been good and I hope in a couple weeks I will feel 100% again. Excited to go buy a new outfit for my next interview. I am also sending out a lot of resumes for other jobs but so far no one has contacted me for an interveiw which is discouraging.

Awesome exercise on swimming and walking! Hope you are doing good!!


Edited by: FITFORMYKIDS at: 8/21/2012 (18:17)
Laura
Boston, EST

"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over"
F. Scott Fitzgerald





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8/14/12 5:27 P

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Wow what a situation! Did your husband really say it like that i'd of helped him pack. He sounds selfish especially for an older man (i'm presuming he's about your age) who should know better. Maybe with getting closer to this job it's a sign to stay put! My heart would break if my hubby said that.

Maybe with the boys it's bad timing to ditch their old stuff a lots going on in their little lives already and maybe their things are their comfort for now? Be sure that your decision is based on whats best for you and your boys it sounds like your husband has made HIS decision.

I'm not saying leave him but he seems to think he is right not whats best for everyone i really wish you the best because you could do with some stability. Loans are so scary to me the only one i'v ever had is a special one for people on benefits like us you pay what you borrow but you can only have up to 1,000 for home decoration, clothes or help with debts but it's good even if i go to work now i still only pay what i borrowed.

The sort of life you lead is way out of my league and i find it scary but i'm sure you'll sort it out sometimes things take a sharp turn in the opposite direction. What's your relationship like with your in laws is it good or are they interfering i could stay with mine but i know people who get on really well with theirs. Hope the next few weeks bring you some positive feed back and help you move forward.

Today i swam for 120 mins then walked to my moms and back which is about 60mins in total. I couldn't sleep last night i am so tired i had better sleep well tonight i need the zzzzzzzz to get this house sorted and the girls packed for brownie camp!

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