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MOOMSHINE's Photo MOOMSHINE Posts: 5,567
2/14/17 4:23 P

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My big stressors are fading away, but they are a big part of my weight-gain history: I believed I had to do it all. When I realised I needed help and asked for it, I was told I was a strong person and could handle this myself--not a thing to say to someone who's melting down. Trying to find professional help turned out to be equally stressful, so I did do it all myself. I had to be both mother and father to my children, and had enough sense to expose my sons to good role-model dads -- all four are successful, as is my daughter. Of course I developed panic attacks (No meds. The book : I am Dancing as Fast as I Can, was enormously helpful for this), high blood pressure (meds), and diabetes (and meds), followed by years of denial. All three are in nearly excellent control, and I am off the Diabetes meds. I worked hard at getting there, and I am working hard at staying there.
I am finding the tips in this book to be very useful -- and I think a good part of that is just timing. 15-20 years ago, I wouldn't have had the time to do this.

Edited by: MOOMSHINE at: 2/14/2017 (16:34)
8-)
Em
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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 11,957
11/9/16 1:45 A

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I do have to review occasionally to not let daily this-and-that get out of perspective, but I feel fortunate that I have no huge stressors such as bad health, crippling debt, difficult spouse etc.


In general I am pretty laid back. It is interesting how much housekeeping expectations play into women's stress. My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy.
The Freaky Friday movie when Jamie Lee Curtis(Tess) and Lindsay Lohan(Anna) trade places has Lindsay at her mom's book selling press conference in which she (with her teenage thinking) tells the audience to stress less.
Anna (in Tess's body): Like cooking: I mean, have you never heard of takeout.
(this one is my favourite) And cleaning: let's don't and say we did.


Getting enough sleep is huge to managing my life. I stress less and do more when I am well-rested (thanks for reminding me Kriszta). Next after sleep is appropriate nutrition, timing and nutrients. And third is exercise. If I take care of those three, I am much less stressed and much more productive.

When you are happy, you are less stressed

5 basic factors for happiness ( Jungian)
1. Good physical and mental health.
2. Good personal and intimate relationships, such as those of marriage, the family, and friendships.
3. The faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature.
4. Reasonable standards of living and satisfactory work.
5. A philosophic or religious point of view capable of coping successfully with the vicissitudes of life.

Solve the problem -- Relax -- Change Your Mindset


Edited by: JUNEPA at: 11/9/2016 (02:45)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
- Improved fitness and nutrition, energy and confidence are my rewards.
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
A PH (personal high) is the main goal, a PB is the sometime icing on the cake.
Never underestimate the inevitability of gradualness.
Sopra le nebbie delle valle e le vicende della vita sorge una promessa di luce e serenita.


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STRONGDAWG's Photo STRONGDAWG Posts: 1,297
11/7/16 8:16 A

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I needed to figure out this stress thing for work. Home life is set. Something happens at work that flips me out and I'm looking for candy or something. I will spend some time on this at the office today.

She believed she could so she did.
- R.S. Grey


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KRISZTA11's Photo KRISZTA11 SparkPoints: (93,268)
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11/7/16 6:13 A

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Great review of changing our mindset, Kathleen!
Actually I can't believe how I was able to forget about this chapter - but apparently I did.
I'll make a response card and read daily for a while.

I wanted to reflect on step 1 Solve the Problem, if one has too many demands and responsibilities, to divide tasks into categories of Essential, Highly Desirable and Desirable.
It helped me immensely during an inspection, just 2 months after I finished my first reading in 2015. I had 5 days of pre-inspection work with client, and then 9 days with the inspectors.
On the Essential list was: give my undivided attention to the inspection, show up well-prepared, well-rested, helpful and polite; eat well, go to bed 8 hours before I have to get up, do my yoga and run or walk every day.
And I let go of everything else - Highly Desirable or Desirable.
Result: indeed I was well rested and calm, both client and inspectors appreciated my help and kindness, and I have happy memories of those days.

Kriszta

Goal weight:
59 +- 1 kg /// 130 +-2 pounds
CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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JEANKNEE's Photo JEANKNEE Posts: 13,918
11/6/16 3:49 P

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Wow, Kathleen! Consider myself a kindred spirit here. Domestic I am not. Having a neat and tidy house is not my priority. There are other things that are far more important to me and there is only so much time in a day. People can judge my choices all they want. Like one of my sisters likes to say, "What others think of me is none of my business."

Letting go of others' expectations of me has been a huge stress reducer in my life. I consider stress the lynch pin for me. I lose the battle here and things unravel for me rather quickly.

And, realistic expectations ... yeah. Love your list of statements. Thanks for sharing them.

Edited by: JEANKNEE at: 11/6/2016 (15:50)
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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 9,666
11/6/16 1:54 P

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Once I let go of the idea that "My house should be as clean and well-kept as my mother-in-law's," my stress level went down significantly. I traded daily vacuuming for playing with my kids in the park. I traded spotless windows for soccer games on Saturdays. I traded meals made from scratch for piano lessons, cross country meets and soccer practice. I appreciate all my mother-in-law's domestic talents, but that's not the life I live.

I have also reduced my stress level since reading BDS by using the "It's realistic to expect ..." statement.

It's realistic to expect that traffic will be terrible when we travel to Chicago.
It's realistic to expect that I will have to stay past quitting time at work sometimes.
It's realistic to expect that we run out of milk once in a while and I have to have toast for breakfast.
It's realistic to expect that the cat will miss the litter box now and then.
It's realistic to expect that I'll have to wait on hold when I call the insurance company.
It's realistic to expect that my brother will call only when there's bad news.
It's realistic to expect that The Guys will enjoy arguing about who is the best QB in the NFL.

I need to accept reality, be preemptive and proactive when possible, and just ride it out when that' s impossible.

I'm getting better at this, and it's realistic to expect that not everyone else is good at this.


**Kathleen
___________
2 Peter 3:9


DEBMO411's Photo DEBMO411 Posts: 85
7/13/16 11:36 A

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This was a great chapter for me. I have so many rules and my husband has twice as many! I'll be working on being more aware of them and making choices instead of going into the Land Of Stress. I have known for a long time that exercise, yoga and being outside are instant destressors for me.

But the best, if life around me is really chaotic, is to clean out my purse. Then clean out the car. And then clean out the fridge. When all three are right, I feel like I can handle anything.

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PURPOSEPOWER95's Photo PURPOSEPOWER95 Posts: 30,708
4/6/12 10:20 A

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updating this getting ready for the summer and summer holidays....

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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JSPEED4's Photo JSPEED4 Posts: 1,695
4/29/11 1:16 P

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I like this, too. We are human beings with various rhythms of life and varied circumstances. emoticon

J. Speed Eastern Standard Time, UTC/GMT -5
www.thebushwhacker.com/the-old-new-n
uclear-fuel-thorium


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SLENDERELLA61's Photo SLENDERELLA61 Posts: 9,753
2/17/11 2:54 A

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Interesting chapter. It reminds me I very much need to get another car key made. I only have one set of keys to my car. It would reduce my stress to get a spare. That is one easy move, not cheap but worth it, to reduce a source of stress and potentially more stress in my life.

Thinking through stressful situations and how to reduce stress makes a whole lot of sense.


My Keys to Success = Tracking! Super Foods! Step Up Cardio! And most important: Quit Quitting!!

www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po
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ANUSCHKA9's Photo ANUSCHKA9 SparkPoints: (214,843)
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10/1/10 11:03 P

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Most of my stress comes from outside sources that I can't control. I have to learn to let go of the fact that I can't control everything in my life, as much as I would like to. This throws a monkey wrench into my plans sometimes--I can't control what I eat because I'm not the one who cooks--and I have to learn to let it be. Beating up on myself doesn't accomplish anything.

Anuschka
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ANNANN63's Photo ANNANN63 Posts: 2,241
2/11/10 3:37 P

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I had this one figured out before I even started my research to find help to lose weight and get healthy. I used to live with a lot of stress and didn't even realize it--it was just my life. Now stress is really not necessary. I have a wonderful life, great husband, am retired and living in a beautiful community, and my life is more than I ever dreamed it could be.

My stress was self imposed. I had a lot of "rules" for myself and if I didn't live up to them, I would get stressed. I also had a lot of activities that "tied me down" and that was stressful. Back in November I started to "just say no". My activities now are nearly all "go if I want to" and I know no one will be inconvenienced if I don't show up. I also started spending time on myself.

One of the great benefits of my weight loss journey is learning things that help me in the rest of my life--like keeping stress out of my life.


Annie
Central Florida-EST


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CINDILP's Photo CINDILP SparkPoints: (151,306)
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11/20/09 1:34 P

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This is a work in progress for me.
Cindi

Cindi
Iowa
Central Time Zone

Team leader:
Funny, I Don't FEEL 50 (or 60 - it's all good)!
The United Methodist Team.
Sonoma Diet
Social Workers, Counselors and Therapists




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NANCY-'s Photo NANCY- Posts: 7,348
10/3/09 9:21 P

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1. Solve the Problem.
Fight stress by revisiting the My Priority Chart to reduce your demands or responsibilities and by using the Seven Question Technique to resolve the issues that cause stress.

2. Relax.
Slow, controlled breathing is the simplest way to release the stress that makes your body tense. Kripalu yoga break helps me destress. Breathing and Relaxation or the Guided Relaxation can be found at www.kripalu.org/article/649
Dr. Beck also mentions relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery. I also like doing some yoga, or taking a slow walk to look at the clouds or even watch a sunset.

3. Change Your Mindset.
Stop letting unreasonable rules guide your behavior. Saying "Oh well." helps. The world is not ending so I need to let it go.

Edited by: NANCY- at: 6/1/2010 (21:57)
Expect Success

*)
..*) .*)
(.*Stress comes from focusing on problems,
........relief comes from focusing on solutions.

Reward yourself for behaviors, not results.


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FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,297
12/6/08 11:53 A

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Read this week Dec 6, 08

Relax your self-imposed rules
"insert the word reasonable into your rules"

Relax your rules for others
"change to it's realistic to expect"

I found this advice most useful. Things really change when you move from 'should' to 'reasonable' or 'realistic'. It reduces pressure and gives us more time for fun and happiness. I also think it helps to deal with others who hav their own ideas and feelings.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/29/08 8:40 P

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You're right! A good way to reduce stress is not to take ourselves too seriously! Good job!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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PURPOSEPOWER95's Photo PURPOSEPOWER95 Posts: 30,708
9/29/08 1:55 P

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Well I am reading this and I have distraction-de-stess techiques from early chapters. I use deep breathing already when stressed.

I find that the best way for me to deal with my special needs little one is be be organized (I was that way before I had him.) He is my younger sweetie. I have 2 other kids. Thinks like placing what he will wear to school the day before, packing lunch the night before, packing his book-bag for school is very helpful. That way I don't have to run like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready for school.

Some of the chores cannot be delegated so that is that. I could always use some down time. I see Beck even mentioned sleep. One of my streak goals was to get in bed earlier.

I love those spa music DVDs the music is very relaxing. So I will buy myself a couple. May be even take a cat nap when I am overly stressed or tired. So could some of those.

I think as adults we forget to blow bubbles, swing on the play ground swings, or even do a cartwheel. Hey I can still do them.

Edited by: PURPOSEPOWER95 at: 9/29/2008 (13:53)
PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/23/08 9:26 P

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It must've been a while since anyone's made it this far! Good Job!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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PURPOSEPOWER95's Photo PURPOSEPOWER95 Posts: 30,708
9/23/08 11:32 A

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Just starting I had to dig this post up!!

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
2/6/08 7:22 P

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That is a blessing!

Welcome! I think this is your first post?! Be sure to stop by the Daily Check-in!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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2/6/08 5:01 P

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Luckily, I don't have much stress in my life, other than my poor old dog who suddenly went deaf.

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,134
1/5/08 10:13 A

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Quoting Dr. Beck:

"Once I take steps to reduce my overall stress, dieting will be easier."

When I notice myself feeling stressed, I'll examine why I'm feeling stressed, and take steps to reduce the stress.

I'm learning that dieting does not have to be stressful. Changing my mindset and practicing my new skills will help me achieve my goals. Being willing to be aware of my behavior, and being willing to practice my new skills is essential to achieving my goals, and reducing stress.

Edited by: MAZZYR at: 1/5/2008 (10:14)
Mazzy


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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,134
11/20/07 8:04 P

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I agree with Mom2two that stress management is an evolving awareness because the things that cause one's stress changes.

I'm aware that some stress situations are out of one's control, and I'm aware that I may be the cause of my own stress.

I never thought of dieting as stressful, but I'm learning that it could be without a plan, or preparation or a support system.



Edited by: MAZZYR at: 11/21/2007 (08:54)
Mazzy


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MOM2TWO!'s Photo MOM2TWO! Posts: 218
10/2/07 6:59 P

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I can see how stress management is a vital part of success in weight loss, happiness and ultimately good health.

I think the author is referring to meditation in step 2. I try to do this daily but do not always remember to. I don't know why it is sometimes hard to do the things we know are good for us. I mean it free, it certainly can't hurt me.

I have learned to relax my definition of a clean house. I regularly take an inventory and cut back on my involvement in things.

I feel like stress management is an evolving awareness because the things that cause me stress change and as I learn how to deal with one area another one may crop up.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
10/2/07 6:52 A

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It is very hard to prioritize your time correctly and still keep up with things. Even if dishes and cleaning aren't your high priority because we're taking care of ourselves, they still need to be done eventually.

I've been VERY BUSY lately and when I was home I was tired. So I'm behind in everything! My house is a mess and I desperately need to pay bills. So this morning I slept later than I wanted to and when I got up I had a choice to make. I still had time for exercise, which I know is important, or I had time to get my checkbook in order and take care of some bills. I'll still get a walk in later this evening, so I opted for the bills. I think I'll take 10 minutes for strength training and elliptical too though. That's a decent compromise!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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SANDYKEYS's Photo SANDYKEYS Posts: 96
10/2/07 12:34 A

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I too try to be perfect and now I'm applying it to the weight loss journey. That's a hurdle I believe I'll be better able to handle.
emoticon Goodnight.
SandyK

Thanks be to God, I am achieving my goal!

5 years ago my weight was 292. I've been off and on diets since then until I found SparksPeople.
Now I'm getting back to were "I" want to be, 165#.
I discovered the book "The Beck Diet Solution" by Dr. Beck. Her book, which uses Cognative Therapy, is helping me to adjust my mind to think like a thin person. When I can convince my mind, my body will follow.


 
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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
10/1/07 10:19 P

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That's kool that Sparks and Beck and coinciding! It is important to deal with stress and definitely not to stress about your diet. We aren't perfect people, so we can't be perfect! I know I have been an "all or nothing" type person in the past; but I think I'm starting to let myself not be perfect.

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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SANDYKEYS's Photo SANDYKEYS Posts: 96
10/1/07 4:33 P

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Hu,
Had a busy weekend so haven't kept up with you. But, as it happened, this morning I had an email from Sparks dealing with Stressing out because of dieting. It, like so many other elements, hit home for me. It seems my expectations are causing me to stress! They say to change my mindset and change my expectations so I'm not putting stress on myself.
This sounds like what Dr. Beck is saying so I printed the article to include in my Beck book for future reading along with Beck.
It seems that Beck is validating Spark or vice versa. Either way it's good.
SandyK
emoticon

Thanks be to God, I am achieving my goal!

5 years ago my weight was 292. I've been off and on diets since then until I found SparksPeople.
Now I'm getting back to were "I" want to be, 165#.
I discovered the book "The Beck Diet Solution" by Dr. Beck. Her book, which uses Cognative Therapy, is helping me to adjust my mind to think like a thin person. When I can convince my mind, my body will follow.


 
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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/30/07 8:56 P

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Three Steps to Lower your Level of Stress

Step 1: Solve the problem.

Step 2: Relax

Step 3: Change your mindset

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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