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MOOMSHINE's Photo MOOMSHINE Posts: 5,622
2/5/17 1:41 P

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Like Nancy, I'm not bothered by food pushers. I was bothered as a child because I was underweight until my first pregnancy at age 30 (99 pounds on my wedding day). Been fighting the battle of the bulge since then -- and I blame it on those early-year food pushers. 8-)

8-)
Em
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11/1/16 3:51 P

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I don't know why I don't have trouble with food pushers but I don't. I do what my husband (a "normal" eater) does and say "Not right now, thanks" and go on with whatever I was doing before the food was offered.

Nancy C (Daisy) - Colorado
Life is Good.

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KRISZTA11's Photo KRISZTA11 SparkPoints: (95,021)
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11/1/16 5:11 A

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Thought provoking stories, June, thank you for sharing!
The traditional cake looks adorable and delicious, I'm glad family differences resolved and now everyone can enjoy the cake their own way.
My grandma sometimes made a wonderful cake out of flour, sugar, butter, eggs and cocoa powder it was an appropriate dessert for people doing physical work all day. I would have to twist my food plan seriously to fit in a slice, but surely I would do that if she was still here. Happy memories!

Kriszta

Goal weight:
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Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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JUNEPA's Photo JUNEPA Posts: 12,015
10/31/16 6:43 P

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Kriszta, your post reminds me of one of my son's smart ass tactics, he was about 10 at the time. He said he could say anything to anyone, meaning very insulting and inappropriate things, if he finished up with, "no offense" or "just kidding". And before he revealed his strategy, I actually and ingenuously thought I was being too serious or not having a sense of humour when he said the rude things.

Most people are not offended and don't remember you declined some food that they prepared. Pleasing them is bigger in your mind than being offended is in theirs. Plus you move further away from your diet and goal weight if you give in and you strengthen the giving-in muscles at the expense of the resisting muscle. One of my goals in this trek is to strengthen my resisting muscle as much as I can.

I want to add that I am sometimes a food pusher, I encourage people to eat when I host and am interested (kind of entertained) in when and how they will decline. That is not very nice on my part. I will not do that any more.

Most people are not offended, but some people are. My mom used to make birthday cakes that were very calorie dense, they were a tradition in our family and in her family growing up. My brother-in-law, when he was new to the family said they were calorie and sugar bombs. My sister made whole-wheat carrot pineapple cakes with egg white and cream of tartar frosting for her family birthdays. My mom was deeply offended and didn't make that cake any more for years, until my other sister, who lived in Saskatchewan for about 10 years, moved back home and asked what happened to the cake. Now we make it again, but no one gets offended if anyone declines a piece.

The cake, with a (part of a) tractor in smarties (DD's creation for her dad's cake). It is a egg and butter cake with chocolate-butter filling and icing sugar with lemon juice icing and smarties.



Edited by: JUNEPA at: 10/31/2016 (18:55)
June -- Pacific Time Zone
Where you end up is more important than how fast or where you start out.
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It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 10,002
10/31/16 7:51 A

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Oh, Kriszta! You're so funny about punishing the food pushers. emoticon emoticon

**Kathleen
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2 Peter 3:9


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10/31/16 5:52 A

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It is amazing how intrusive and offensive some people can be, and get away with it as "it was a joke" or "they are just worried about your well-being"... sigh.
Eating has so many emotional and cultural aspects, not always easy to be kind and loving.
My dad is a dear, but he drives us girls crazy by worrying about "thinness" of those who are are at goal and complimenting those who gained weight and want to get back to goal...

I had difficulties with Resisting Food Pushers all my life, but I'm doing well on this since my first reading of Beck.
My responses:
1. No thank you
2. No thanks, I'm fine now but I know I would be very hungry soon after I ate this.
This is usually enough but if it isn't, I punish the food pusher by a speech about my diet, principles of Bright Line Eating, leptins, running, yoga... nobody can stand that! ; )

Edited by: KRISZTA11 at: 10/31/2016 (05:52)
Kriszta

Goal weight:
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CET (Europe, Hungary)

Maintenance Lessons Learned:
-go on with the healthy lifestyle learned in weight loss phase
-just add healthy foods gradually to stop losing
-work out every day - 30-60 minutes is enough to maintain weight and good mood
-do not try to balance overeating by extreme workouts, it is not going to work
-avoid overeating, instead of satisfaction you get stronger cravings


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STRONGDAWG's Photo STRONGDAWG Posts: 1,300
10/30/16 4:25 P

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I'd give it right back to them. It's none of their business what you eat. I wouldn't worry about being polite to that person who is regularly rude. Bullies don't respond to politeness. I'd tell that person that I was not going to help them be fat. Infuriating. You are a better person than I.

She believed she could so she did.
- R.S. Grey


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JEANKNEE's Photo JEANKNEE Posts: 14,530
10/30/16 3:04 P

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I am doing much better here. This has been an area that has challenged me because I respond with anger when pushed. I literally had an individual shove food at me and say, "If I'm going to be fat, you're going to be fat too." I almost lost it.

I had already verbally pushed back rather roughly with this particular individual on a previous occasion when accused of being a bulimic. I have never binged nor purged in my life. Nor have I ever been on a restrictive diet ... ever. I was deeply offended and have been accused of this so often in my life because of my tendency to run thin when my body is in balance. And, quite frankly, I'm sick and tired of it.

Can you tell that it gets my hackles up? emoticon

Just this week I had a coworker comment that I needed to quit losing weight. My weight has fluctuated within what's considered a healthy maintenance range +/- 3% for nearly 2 years. And, folks are still telling me to quit losing weight. It has been nearly 4 years since my journey began. So, I'm wondering if these comments will ever stop. Honestly, it's likely unrealistic for me to expect them to stop. As a young person I consistently had such comments directed at me. So, why would that change? Glad I'm doing a better job of shrugging it off and speaking up when I feel the need to do so. It's learning when to speak and when to be silent that's my challenge. And, speaking up in a manner that's polite yet firm.

Jeanne
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KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 10,002
10/29/16 7:38 P

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Here's another way to handle food pushers. I read it in a book called "100 Days of Weight Loss" (or 100 DWL as it is referred to in the biz).
When you're offered food, respond with something to the effect of "Not right now, maybe in a little while," or "I think I'll wait a bit." By the time "a little while" comes around, your food pusher may have forgotten, or the item may be all gone, or you will have built up enough resolve to respond with an out-right No Thank You.

**Kathleen
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2 Peter 3:9


KBEHNKE81's Photo KBEHNKE81 Posts: 10,002
10/29/16 2:48 P

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STRONGDAWG, I like that you've noticed a means of accountability. You say, "Once you've publicly declined something it's much harder to go back and risk being caught snitching!" That is so true.

For people who struggle with saying no, it might be possible to enlist the help of a friend or family member and role play how to politely and firmly say no to their food offers.

Food pushers don't trouble me too much. I'm ok with saying "no" and sticking to my guns. The one that's hard sometimes is the "It's my birthday, you have to have some cake" tactic. I've learned to say something like "I'll help you celebrate your birthday in all the non-cake ways," and give them a big hug.

**Kathleen
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2 Peter 3:9


STRONGDAWG's Photo STRONGDAWG Posts: 1,300
10/29/16 9:57 A

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Ahhh yes... Food pushers. They make me nuts. I have had someone literally push a plate into my hand. I put the plate down on the table and walked away. Oh that made me angry. Sometimes to appease someone I'll accept whatever it is and then discreetly throw it away. I try not to do that any more, though. It is better to just politely decline. It strengthens your resistance muscles. Once you've publicly declined something it's much harder to go back and risk being caught snitching!

She believed she could so she did.
- R.S. Grey


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10/29/16 9:26 A

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I had mixed emotions about this one because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings after they went through all the work of preparing food for me. I know how I feel when that happens to me. I end up feeling down right depressed and think to myself - what a waste of food, look at all of that food that is left for me to eat, if I had know no one was going to eat the food I would have saved myself a lot of time and money by not fixing it to begin with.

The other night when I had my dad for dinner he brought a store bought apple pie. He doesn't do this very often. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and so I had a piece. Plus the piece was bigger than I should have had because I didn't want to have him comment on how little I ate. On the other hand, when he got ready to leave I sent the remaining pie with him despite his protests.

I think it is easy to resist food when you are in a crowd and no one is specifically watching what you eat.

Sue

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MORERED's Photo MORERED SparkPoints: (21,782)
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2/7/12 11:29 A

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My response to food pushers will be no, thanks and then I get myself out of the situation. I can do it, I've done it before. At work, I've gotten pretty good at resisting the birthday cupcakes, leftover brownies and cookies from lunch meetings, etc. It doesn't even call to me anymore. I need to keep vigilantly practising the 'no choice, would rather be thin' thinking.

Advertising and restaurant menus are more of the challenge for me than food pushers. But I think that's a task for another day :o)

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JSPEED4's Photo JSPEED4 Posts: 1,695
4/14/11 2:20 A

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I need to say NO more quickly to several types of pushers--most of them wanting some sort of personal attention. Advertisers are bad, too.

Saying NO to myself more helps me say NO more to others and to influences.

J. Speed Eastern Standard Time, UTC/GMT -5
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1/5/11 9:15 A

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revisited from an older post of 2008 emoticon and I am still working on beck. Oh well this is a process not perfection. I tend to think on the perfection side of things sometimes. No one is perfect including me. My imperfection just make me human.

It is funny how much I can think at the allergist office...I guess at home there is so much going on it it hard to concentrate or think.

My hubbie has gotton somewhat better at not being a food pusher but there is room for improvement on both our behaves. Pusher in progress but a sabatour you bet he is. This is why the nuts are still on the counter. emoticon read the daily chat....

My card for him goes like this: *if it is sweets* No thanks, I appreciate you thinking about me though. If it is something good that well help me toward my weight goal I except it and plan around it.

strangers: *It it is sweets that are bad for me (they don't care if I refuse)*No thanks, I am diabetic. Some say Oh I am sorry. I say it is ok I am in control of it. Many folks think that diabetes is a death just waiting to happen. It does not have to be. It does not control me but I control it. With each step I crush it under foot! emoticon BAM! emoticon CRUNCH! emoticon KERPLATT!

Edited by: PURPOSEPOWER95 at: 1/5/2011 (22:04)
PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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12/29/10 1:15 A

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restarting this chapter... finishing it hopeful by the new year. Chapter 26 and 27 was an eye opener.

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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9/23/10 8:33 P

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This is a major problem for me. And, it is MY problem. I allow people to make me feel guilty. I'm tired of other people treating me like their personal garbage cans. My mom bakes a cake and then cries that she's getting too fat, but of course, I'm supposed to help her out by eating it and getting fat instead. I've learned to redirect my anger at her... I now take satisfaction in throwing out all of the junk that she buys or makes and leaves for me to eat.

Anuschka
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ANNANN63's Photo ANNANN63 Posts: 2,241
2/7/10 7:58 P

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This day is not a problem for me. I do not have any food pushers in my life.

I found that some of the ideas could be helpful in other situations not food-related.

Annie
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COFFEE666's Photo COFFEE666 Posts: 97
12/13/09 5:00 P

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Yeah this is not an issue for me at all. I have no problem saying "no" to anyone.

My problem is wanting it and saying "no" to myself.

"Looks like your expectations let you down. Expectations have a way of doing that." -Pedidiva


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11/20/09 1:55 P

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I need to resist the food pushers around me at the gas station and the grocery store. Actually, I'm doing better with this one.
Cindi

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NANCY-'s Photo NANCY- Posts: 7,348
9/21/09 11:20 A

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"Lead me not into temptation -- I can find it myself."
I have taught my children to sample a "no thank you helping" when trying new food.

But I am a food pusher. Oh MY!!!

Be polite and firm. "you're entitled to do what is right for you."
At the very least this day gave me insight to make me stop being a food pusher and gives me ammo to deal with those pushers.

Expect Success

*)
..*) .*)
(.*Stress comes from focusing on problems,
........relief comes from focusing on solutions.

Reward yourself for behaviors, not results.


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12/8/08 10:44 P

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revisiting this again. for the holidays and always!! food pusher just don't get it. revisited my cards to.

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
10/9/08 9:30 P

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Sometimes we have to work this around to our own situation. Trying to eat sparingly and saving for later sounds like good strategy. Good Job!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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10/9/08 3:46 P

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I forgot to post here when I finished this one...

And it's a good one for me, as my in-laws are French & my MIL really takes offence when you pass on her offerings. Wine & appetizers are also abundant when they visit, so I need to keep this advice close at hand. I do like the suggestion to ask to keep it for later, that way I can nibble on it at will and not feel as though I am offending anybody.

~~ Renee ~~

My Motto: "DO IT ANYWAY!!"


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
8/13/08 10:02 P

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I didn't mean to sound like your hubby was a bad guy. I totally understand the "food treats" and it's wonderful that he gives you treats. I guess maybe I can be lucky my hubby doesn't give me treats? I'm sure you'll find a balance with him. You could tell him that he's enough sweets for you!

Sandy emoticon

Edited by: FINDINGSANDY at: 8/13/2008 (22:01)
Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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8/13/08 4:56 P

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Thanks Sandy he is not a bad buy may be a little unsure right know. Most men need reassuring that no matter how other men wink or look you are still his gal so to speak. Giggles.

People show love thorough giving food. Habit are hard to break. He is not difficult he's used to eating junk. I used to eat all that junk with him. Now I am different. I guess since he shows some love threw food-- when I refuse it is like I have refused him instead of the food. We have talked about.


For example when we were little my sister and myself/my mother would make a big after church Sunday dinner. Whew I remember those days. Traditions for many families are still going on now. I still carry those traditions but with healthier versions. We celebrate every holiday around food think about it..

RuntoRide I like your ideas I do ask for fruit now as a goodies. As far as the junk goodies, I am one of those who if I eat anything it sets off triggers, and I can not stop. I would creep into the kitchen until all those goodies would be gone.

Still gonna use some southern sweetness. We have been married going on 21 years. So somethings working emoticon

Edited by: PURPOSEPOWER95 at: 8/13/2008 (17:49)
PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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RUN2RIDE's Photo RUN2RIDE Posts: 1,204
8/13/08 1:56 P

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my dh is a bit like that too... and i know that at the heart of it, he just wants to feel like he's doing something special for me and/or reassured that even tho my body's changing, my affection for him isn't changing.

So i do a few different things --
...sometimes i'll accept the goodie and tell him how nice it was that he thought of me. ...and then replan the rest of my day or the next day so that i stay in calorie range. Like the other night, he brought me an apple fritter from my fav bakery - by omitting my planned dessert and my baked potato, i stayed in range! :)
... sometimes i'll do the above, cut the goodie in half, make a big show of enjoying it (cuz i really do enjoy the goodies he brings) and also let him know that I'm saving half cuz it's too much for me right now. This approach actually got him to buy me small McD shakes instead of the large ones. He started seeing that i consistently put most of it back in the freezer.
...sometimes i'll do the above and discreetly throw the 2nd half away.
...sometimes i'll just say "thank you! that's so sweet -- I'll enjoy it later cuz right now i'm rather full." and sometimes later never comes and it discreetly ends up in the garbage ;) but he knows i appreciated that he thought of me...
...sometimes i'll plant ideas like "ooohh, i;ve really started enjoying blueberries as a treat!" so now he's bringing me blueberries - but so many that i'm having to freeze them! ;)

sometimes i feel i'm being a little deceptive which i don't like but i think trying to balance my needs (how i eat) with his needs (reassurance, affection and gratitude) is worth it... and i try to remember that underneath it all, he's worried about how my changing will impact him and i try to make sure my actions alleviate that worry too...

LOL on the southern sweetness -- i bet your charms will work wonders! emoticon


oh yeah - I did the day 29 readings too...


Edited by: RUN2RIDE at: 8/13/2008 (13:58)
My ticker represents 12 years of learning and losing and regaining and regrouping - I'm NOT going back! I *AM* and *WILL BE* fit 4 life!!


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8/12/08 10:36 P

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There's usually someone that is like that; too bad you have to live with the person though. Can you try just a little?

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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8/11/08 8:08 P

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I just finished this chapter. It will take some practice with hd. He gets super sensitive when I refuse a goodie.

Being a christian southern girl.... sometimes it is said that being assertive is like being witchy substitute the letter B. This will take some true practice. I should not allow him/her to push me around and get me off track. I will only kick booty when I have to giggles. emoticon emoticon . Much practice with a little southern sweetness. emoticon

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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7/31/08 11:19 P

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Hang in there! Maybe he'll figure it out sometime.

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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7/31/08 5:28 P

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His response he say playfully"If you love you will try it". My response is if you loved me and would not ask me to take a bite. I remember when he went out and brought some Frozen yogurt I refused to eat it and he got all bent out shape. (upset) I think he loves me and shows it sometimes with food. We were all programmed that way. I am trying to break that cycle with this program. Onward going!!!!!!!!!

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
7/31/08 9:21 A

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Maybe you need to talk to him about it and find out why he takes it personally. I'm sure he's enjoying your weight loss!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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7/30/08 11:15 P

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Huhhh I just started reading this and my hd must be the exception he is hurt if I refuse goodies. I may spend some time on this one.

PAT FROM NC

LOVE WORKETH NO ILL TO HIS NEIGHBOR, THEREFORE LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW

ROMANS 13:10


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4/5/08 8:43 P

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This is a hard one and you're right, people don't mean ill by it. I've noticed that when my mom goes to one of my brothers houses or anywhere she always tells me what she had to eat before she tells me who was there -- the food is the most important part. Explains a lot!

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MOV4WARD's Photo MOV4WARD Posts: 10,632
4/3/08 4:18 P

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I usually encounter food pushers the most at work (co-workers bringing goodies) and at family get2gethers where food is served...

i *think* this is really an important thing to consider ~ and it surprised me when I thought about it....

for me, participating and enjoying a little when I want to is happy making (like pumpkin pie @ Thanksgiving or cake on my birthday!), but sometimes I don't want or need to... so it is ok to say no, thank you to more or extra food :) If they persist, I usually just say something like: It looks wonderful but I'm not really hungry right now, but thank you :)

If they really push, I ask if I can just take some home and repeat I'm not really hungry, but thanks for doing this, thinking of me... whatever is appropriate for the event/person...

it dawned on me one time though, that sometimes it is just people being kind & wanting to be a good hostess and that socially we do celebrate with food... I can remember my gramsies & gr8aunties buffets and they were always asking "can I get you more of this or that, coffee, dessert? r u sure u've had enuf?" etc... until everyone was replete & unbuttoning their pants & moaning from being 2 stuffed!!!

It dawned on me that I do the same thing, but I swear, it's just the hostess coming out... I want people to be happy = eating food.

i also know that i have worked hard to put out beautiful buffets, and i'm disappointed if people don't eat, (and used to be upset and then had to try to eat all the leftovers myself so they wouldn't go to waste ~ now, i try to send most home with my guests ;)

so, on the other hand, I also learned to respect people when they decline the 1st invitation instead of pushing a 2nd or 3rd time...

FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
11/22/07 10:37 A

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Today we're going to here "It's Thanksgiving, you have to eat!" I don't think we need to overeat to be thankful! Work that Resistance Muscle!!

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,144
11/22/07 9:55 A

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Today is Thanksgiving... beware of food pushers!

Quoting Dr. Beck:

"Once I firmly believe I'm entitled to say no to food pushers, dieting will be easier."

I'm generally assertive and don't ususally have a problem resisting food pushers, however, LOL... my friends mom, a definite food pusher, is hard to say no to. LOL... my plan is to take offered food (she's older... I don't want to hurt her feelings), then do what Barbara Walters' friends do... push it around my plate and not eat it... LOL... no problem unless "I" really want it. I'll try "no thank you" first... unless "I really want it."

Mazzy


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
11/11/07 7:52 P

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Good point!

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 9,144
11/11/07 6:00 P

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I'm very good at resisting food pushers... I just say "no thank you." If pusher further pushes... I am assertive in resisting, however, if the pusher pushes something "I really want... that's a different story... LOL.

Mazzy


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PEANUTBUTTER14's Photo PEANUTBUTTER14 Posts: 214
9/25/07 7:02 P

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I am going to try that I'm allergic to it. I hope they push so I can tell them why.
lol. that is so funny.
Mary

 
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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/24/07 11:27 P

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I think it's ridiculous that people have to insist that you eat something. You can be social without stuffing your gut. You're right; if it meant your health, they wouldn't press. But it does mean our health!!

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MOM2TWO!'s Photo MOM2TWO! Posts: 218
9/24/07 10:57 P

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I have a couple of friends who are food pushers. I avoid them, because they just don't get that their behavior is annoying. I have experienced this with family too. Family members tend to take it more as an insult if you don't try their food.

I read once somewhere that I should say I can't eat that because I'm allergic to it. And if pressed further say it makes me break out in "fat":).

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/24/07 6:53 A

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I think this one used to get to me more than it does now. I definitely used to give to the pressure of going to someone's house to eat; birthday parties are the worst! Do you have to eat the cake?!

My mother is a HUGE food pusher, but I can tell her to knock it off!

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Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,757
9/23/07 8:44 P

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Who are the food pushers in your life? How do you handle them?

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

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