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2/4/09 11:09 P

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I bought a postage scale for $20. It's always on my counter, and whenever I'm in doubt, I use it. I should use it more!

I also plan an evening snack (nightcap but NO NUTS) into my calorie count for the day.


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,756
2/4/09 10:17 P

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Judi - I've always found that I need to specifically "pay attention" to my eating, etc, in order to get good results. I feel like I'm doing everything the same way but I don't get the same results. Maybe it's because our bodies get used to what we're doing and therefore the results change. Maybe it's like FB says with measuring, maybe we're not doing as well as we think we are?

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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GWYNNIE1's Photo GWYNNIE1 Posts: 3,181
2/4/09 8:13 P

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judy i have two days worth of food in my tracker--yesterday and today--will do tomorrow tomorrow :)

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MAZZYR's Photo MAZZYR Posts: 8,898
2/4/09 6:16 P

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I really like this thread. I've been reading along and the support and suggestions are very helpful. I'm a common sense type of gal who appreciates problem solving.

I can use help with the following:

How do you deal with after dinner eating? What rules, response cards, etc. help you the most? I most often get off track or have momentary slips after dinner. HELP!



Edited by: MAZZYR at: 2/4/2009 (18:18)
Mazzy


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/4/09 12:14 A

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FB, Thanks. What you are saying makes a lot of sense. And thanks for telling me about your own experiences. For me, I am still trying to sort it all out. I would say that OVERALL, my results are "ok" but not as good as I would like. That is one reason I am revisiting this.

Talk to you soon... J

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,271
2/3/09 11:29 P

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Judi,

I think it depends on the effects either scenario is having. Is it taking less time but you are still happy with the results, regardless of spending less time. Or are you skimping on time and not happy with the results, b/c of spending less time?

For myself... I don't really follow Beck's sitting down method. I do eat in front of the tv, but I notice this is not having any effect good or bad on my program.

I KNOW I cannot stop measuring b/c I WILL over-estimate. After years of dieting, I know that I will trick my brain. However, I do use the same cups, dishes, plates, etc. so I know that one of my small glasses is 8 oz. So I do not measure when using that glass, b/c I know it is 8 oz. I've measured it hundreds of time before. I can save time, by using the same glass. But I know beforehand that it's 8 oz. The effect of saving time using this glass is neutral on my plan. 8 oz is 8 oz regardless if I measure it (once again), or not.

However--- recently I measured something I thought was 6 oz, it turned out to be 10. So on some things I know not to skimp out on measuring.

I do not pre-plan my meals, but I do monitor the calorie count by using spark. So, usually, between lunch and dinner I check to see how many calories I can eat. For me, this is working.

My focus is on anything that helps with my binge eating (ending overeating, hunger tolerance, differentiating b/t hunger, desire, cravings). And Chapters 8 & 10.

I am finding that Beck is not helping with my problem of exercise consistency. My spark teams & challenges are helping me with that.

My suggestion -- how is it affecting your results, your feeling good, or however you judge your successes. If negative, then maybe you are skimping. If positive, then maybe you've evolved?

Can I say evolve? To me it's like any other skill. You can become an advanced user or an expert. But you can also lose ability & competence if you do not continue to practice it. And sometimes advanced users can skip steps, or are "accelerated users", sort of like...

In IT we call them "power end users" or "expert users."

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/3/09 10:34 P

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Great, Gwynnie. I am glad you want to give that a try. After you track a little more closely, we can see if that helps and we can also study the actual foods to see if you want to make any changes.
I'll be around if you need me .... emoticon

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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GWYNNIE1's Photo GWYNNIE1 Posts: 3,181
2/3/09 9:27 P

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i'll do as you suggested--some foods I eat regularly--like breakfast and salad at lunch at work so that may work

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/3/09 1:57 P

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Back to my earlier question - I have been thinking more about this and I want to clarify what it is that I am trying to figure out for myself (and am suggesting that others might want to think about). This whole question really only applies to people who are done with their first time through the Beck program (done with the first "six weeks")

What I have noticed is that on my first time through, I was spending tons of time "doing" Beck. I keep seeing notes in my journal saying: "I don't know how to fit this all in. I am so overly busy. how can I do this forever? ..." At this point, I do not feel that way. I feel that I am not crunched to fit this in, and I realize that this is because I am not doing as much work as I did then. But the truth is, my results are not coming as readily. I am losing much, much more slowly.

So my question is: "should" I be working this more? Is some of my "ease" with this just because I am better at handling it? (For example, I do not measure quite as much because I have a really good idea of the sizes of my bowls.) But would some of my "ease" be coming from the fact that I am skipping important things that I need to be doing. (For example, I used to plan out my dieting activities the night before and my exercise the week before. Now I am "winging" it, and sometimes I run out of time before I get to cooking the veggies or going to exercise.)

So that is what I was talking about. Do other people have a split like mine? Where some activities take less time but that is fine, but others take less time because you are skimping on them. I want help sorting that out.

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 2/3/2009 (13:59)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/3/09 1:48 P

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Hi Gwynnie,
It sounds like you have already found a way to keep the muffins under control. That is great. If you do want to do something about having a "planned" snack, the muffin is a possible thing to put into that spot because they are satisfying and "fun" to eat.

It is tough when you are not able to track as you go along, but if you are limited to night time, this is an idea that could work. Every night, type into the track the "probable" food for the next day. (Take into consideration what you have in the house, whether you have any special plans, etc.) Then print it and take it with you. The next day, jot down any "changes" along the way on the paper. Then the next night, put in the changes for the day that just ended and also enter the plan for the following day.

When I was first getting started, I did that method of tracking. Now that I am less diligent, I do not always do it that way, but when I do, my eating turns out better. I might actually try to make myself do this again.

Talk to you later... Judi

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 2/3/2009 (13:50)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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GWYNNIE1's Photo GWYNNIE1 Posts: 3,181
2/3/09 5:31 A

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hi judi==tonight is my tops meeting--maybe tomorrow night i will post some food journals--i am blocked at work so i can't post from there so i have to post a whole day's worth at one time:) as to the muffins--i have them only saturadays now.

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2/3/09 3:37 A

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All right.

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/3/09 1:28 A

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Femme Bella, I don't think that is what I meant by my question. You said: Are we working on problems that we have with particular Beck action items? Is this a separate thread -- "Beck habits that worked for me" -- sort of like?

I do not meant his as a separate thread. I am not talking about everyone just saying what they like about Beck. I am looking for some coaching (to give and to get some coaching). It seems to me that after a long time of doing things, we can get a little stale and maybe not really "do" it anymore. Is that a reason for some of our stalling?

Or on the other hand, did some of us find ways to continue to do things in a less cumbersome way after the habit was formed, and that might help others too.

So I am not sure what you meant. I don't think you answered the questions and I think you might have been trying to say they belong somewhere else. But I really want to hear some thoughts on this on the coaching thread.

Sign me .... confused... emoticon

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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FB_000's Photo FB_000 Posts: 1,271
2/3/09 12:56 A

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Judi, in reference to...
"Question for discussion ... this occurred to me while I have been rereading some of my Beck workbook. What are some of your Beck behaviors/habits/skills that helped you the most in the first few months? Are you working those things in the same way? If not, have you developed some shortcuts that still make it work very well but differently? Or have you "lost" some of that by not doing them as seriously? I really want to think about this for myself. If anyone else wants to do this too, I would love to hear your thoughts....."

Are we working on problems that we have with particular Beck action items? Is this a separate thread -- "Beck habits that worked for me" -- sort of like?


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/2/09 9:58 P

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Hi Gwynnie,
It's me again. I noticed that your food tracker is public, so I went and took a look.

I see that you have not been tracking on SP most of the time. I think you once said that you have tracked on paper and pencil. Do you think you could try tracking online for a week or two?

Just from the old food logs, I had a couple of ideas for you. One thing I notice is that you have a low-fat muffin appearing a few times. It sounds like something you enjoy. Maybe you can decide not to eat that muffin at the same time as a meal, and put that in as a snack. It would probably be very enjoyable and it might let you eat less at a meal.

One other idea I had was to eat just the egg white and not the yolks. I am a huge egg white eater! The white has none of the fat and it is basically pure protein. I boil a dozen eggs at a time and I even peel them. So I can grab them. And I just throw the yolk away. If you love the yolk, you might just substitute part of it. So instead of two whole eggs, you might have a half a yolk and three or four whites.

I'll look here later to see if you checked back in.

Judi emoticon

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/2/09 9:49 P

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Hi Gwynnie,
I am a person who really needs to eat in between meals, so I have learned to plan some calories into an afternoon snack and a night snack.

If you want,, I can help you figure out a good way to split up your calories into the meals and snack.

Tell me this ... are you keeping track of your calories on good days and "bad" days? I would be interested in finding out a baseline of how much you usually eat when your weight is staying the same so that we can lower that just enough to make it go down!

(I am very lucky that I am able to eat more than many people can. So I am trying to keep my calories under 1800 per day. I often go up closer to 2000, but that usually just makes me maintain. If I can stay between 1600 and 1800, I can lose slowly. But everyone is different.)

Judi

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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GWYNNIE1's Photo GWYNNIE1 Posts: 3,181
2/2/09 5:33 P

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i need help kicking this weight off. my problem -- i need between meals. i nosh if you know what i mean. how do i turn it around?

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
2/2/09 12:28 A

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Hello! I have some catching up to do!

Margaret, I have knitting stuff all over the family room. Just the other day, I spent a half hour straightening out a bunch of yarn and finding a few projects that are partway done. I do feel that this unfinished business is part of a desire to eat! Good insights. I also love your A student approach. I have to think about that. I was also always an A student.

FemmeBella, I like your idea about making assignments for yourself, just like in school. There are such good ideas here!

Rachel (Seriouslim), what you are writing is just fine for this thread! I am sorry to hear about your depressed feeling. That is not such an easy thing to overcome. I do think that being around other people (even if just online) is very helpful. The catch is, that when I am feeling depressed, I feel more like hiding out and not talking to the people who could help me the most. So try to come around as much as possible and we will help you feel better!

Beck (Run2ride) I love your ideas. I am incorporating some of these as they are coming my way. I do already keep my gym back packed, and sometimes even in the car. And I love what you said about learning from having had that goal in January and deciding not to have that goal again. I believe very strongly that we need to relook at our goals all the time. Keeping "old" goals that are not working for us is as bad as the clutter in our houses. It feels like it makes it hard to brainstorm some new exciting goals if you have the failed ones laying around. So good thinking!!!

Sandy, I think you are right that the things that I am doing easily are not so much about triggers any more. But if I am doing so well at those things, it helps me to think back to see if I had some good triggers to get me ready to make them a habit and then see if I can use some of those ideas again on my harder habits. And you are so right about the head needing to be ready before the body can get anything done!

This is really proving to be very interesting and informative and fun! I'm so glad you all are putting your energies into posting here!

OK, I was about to post this, and I realized that I only answered everyone and I did not post anything about myself! (Sandy, that sounds like a leader's dilemma! I need to get used to this!!!) So, what is going on with me. For one thing, I have been incorporating a few of the ideas that people have been giving me lately, so that is so helpful! Tonight I did have a really hard time with being hungry in the period of time after dinner but too early for my snack. I think I am feeling a let-down from my show being over. I also have a few aches and pains because my massage therapist was sick on Friday. I am seeing her tomorrow. And also, I have been trying to get ready for my class to start in two weeks. So all of this has created some stress. So these are some things I did: I cleaned out my purse, I read my ARC and other response cards, I got some chores done (like boiling my hard boiled eggs and refilling my pills for the week) and I did a 10-minute clutter blitz on some messy old mail papers. All of those things really did help me a lot.

Question for discussion ... this occurred to me while I have been rereading some of my Beck workbook. What are some of your Beck behaviors/habits/skills that helped you the most in the first few months? Are you working those things in the same way? If not, have you developed some shortcuts that still make it work very well but differently? Or have you "lost" some of that by not doing them as seriously? I really want to think about this for myself. If anyone else wants to do this too, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 2/2/2009 (00:31)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,756
2/1/09 7:50 P

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Wow! You ladies are deep! I love it!

Triggers: I was looking at the things that you are successful at doing and I'm wondering if they aren't just "good habits" instead of "triggers". I suppose triggers would help to build habits that we have trouble building. I like Beck's ideas about putting things right in front of you.

Goals: I know I feel funny continually setting the same goals; but I think we do need to set them. I think threads like this that will help us figure out why we're having trouble achieving them could help alot!

It's funny that nothing will happen to your body until your head is ready for it to happen. I think times when I've "worked at it" but wasn't fully focused on it, I didn't get good results. Don't know why that is. Glad my head has finally come along with what the body wants and needs to do.

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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2/1/09 4:26 P

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I'm a little late but thougth I'd jump in on two points -- then I've got a whopper of a question coming - but it might take a day or two to get it posted...

re: Goals -- As I was reviewing my Jan goals and setting my Feb workout plan, it dawned on me that the value from my January goals was as much about what I learned from the effort as it was whether or not I made the goal. One goal in particular-- to complete the CORE performance - taught me a lot. Not only did I not meet that goal, I finally simply abandoned it - I gave up! But I did spend time trying to make it work and thinking about why it was so hard and why I wanted to quit. And I think I'm closer to "success" for having tried & failed. I definitely planned February differently because of what I learned trying to do it.

re: Postive triggers -- I *love* that phrase!!!
For workouts & water, here's a few of mine:
--sleep in my yoga pants when I have an early morning, at home workout planned.
--put my sports bra on first thing - it doesn't come off til my workout's done.
--put my water glass on the counter next to the sink -- everytime I want to move it out of the way, I simply glug down a glass and put it right back in the way!
--put my running shoes where I trip over them.
--prepack gym bags with everything I can. If they're already packed, that's one less excuse when I try to head out the door...

til later... beck

Edited by: RUN2RIDE at: 2/1/2009 (16:28)
My ticker represents 6 years of learning and losing (and regaining a bit) - I'm NOT going back! I *AM* fit 4 life!!


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SERIOUSLIM's Photo SERIOUSLIM Posts: 1,144
1/31/09 10:12 P

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I have not posted in a while,i was sick with a cold, but I am hanging on.Weight is (extremely) slowly going down.But my main objective is to get to a place where i truly feel,like Chia said,that i deserve to be successful.
This is the number one stumbling block for me,to the point that,when i lose weight too fast i feel unsettled and tend to regain it.

It goes beyond problem solving:The techniques have helped me but this depressed thinking and especially feeling is where i struggle most and it is really an inner job.However i am learning from this CC and am grateful to everyone for being on this great team.The spirit is amazing and i treasure the support and the positive attitude that i find with you,it is helping me tremendously to stick to my goal.

Sorry if what i am writing today does not fit exactly with the topic of CC but i feel it complements it.

So Judi,Sandy,Do2,Mazzy,Chia old timers and newcomers,lots and lots of thanks,good thoughts and wishes your way!
Rachel

"a relentless desire to live our best lives"
(borrowed from Spark member Mandelovich)


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1/31/09 3:24 P

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Congrats! Chia. I think you are right about procrastinating, or not keeping promises not only about weight loss but about whatever else is going on in our lives.

This weekend I have a bit of studying, but I am going to setup my weight loss mini-assignments and make sure I do them. Just like work or school, deadlines are deadlines. You may not meet them but you are still accountable.

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1/31/09 2:46 P

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Terrific Thread Judi! I love this stuff. Helps me get my head around my own situation.

This week, I have had some success because of FB's earlier post about keeping commitments to yourself.

I decided that since I have always been an A student, I can continue to be an A student in real life by setting attainable "assignments" and then doing a good job on them!

So this week a spent a considerable amount of time sorting out another guilt-inducing theme: my knitting. Too many unfinished projects, disasters in waiting, and unused yarn. More F's than A's. And I have never been able to face this. But now I've put it all on the web (Ravelry.com) and will create baby-step assignments, and will find peace at last.

Knitting/weight loss/household clutter--I think it's all the same thing going on for us!

We need some successes, and we need to accept that we deserve to be successful!!

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1/30/09 11:47 P

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Read a great article here on spark "A Solution-Focused Approach to Weight Loss"

It's a move from problem solving to finding the solution. Same thing Judi is talking about but under a different guise.

Very interesting article. It's under HEALTHY LIFESTYLE - MOTIVATION. I also have it saved under my favorites on my spark page.

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1/30/09 4:01 P

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Congrats! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

The friend who gave it to me for Christmas has 2 grown children. She said it helped her a lot, especially with her 20-something year old son who's never left home and not going to school.

It has helped me with my parents, friends, and at work with colleagues.

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 3:36 P

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I just ordered the book about not making everything better! Got it used online!

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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1/30/09 3:23 P

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Judi,
I like your idea of helpful triggers. I think I have a lot of negative triggers around me and in my life right now.

I'll have to work on that this weekend, as well as, tweaking my plan so it works better.

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1/30/09 3:21 P

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For people who procrastinate, over analyze, or over plan, goals can be helpful in putting an end to that and accomplishing something.

I do see my goals as indicators of my progress. Whether I am at my goal, beyond my goal, or not there.

I joined Spark in May 2008, but didn't implement anything until Nov. That's 7 months of procrastination and overanalyses.

Edited by: FB_000 at: 1/30/2009 (15:24)
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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 2:13 P

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OK, one last reply and then I am all caught up. I love this thread. People are really talking!

It has been really hard for me to reconcile having goals that I am not meeting. Does that mean I should not have made the goal? Or does it mean that I still did better than I would have done without any goal? I'm not sure. A part of me is really not happy with not meeting the Valentines Day goal. But I still think it made me start going down again when I had been stuck for a while.

Is there a better way to think of a goal? Not something that you will either succeed at doing or fail at doing, but something else. Maybe it is like a target to keep your eye on. Somehow, we need to take the judgement out of it without taking the motivation out of it.

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 2:00 P

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Sarah (Madison), I love reading what you wrote about working on consistency. That is really what worked for me in the food arena. (Still not there for exercising!) But by setting my targets to something really DOABLE, I was able to make the commitment to doing it.

I am also such an anxious person by nature, and for me, the structure of having all of this to follow is helping me to be less anxious about this area of my life. I have one response card that talks about how all of this structure is comforting to me. (It is not oppressive or burdensome. It is how I take care of myself.)

And about accepting a smaller weight loss, I really hope that your "new me" will win out! I was just thinking about something similar, in looking at my Thanksgiving to Valentine goals, and I realized that I have lost about 3.5 pounds in two months. That may not seem very good, but I have started diets so many times where by now I would be back to gaining! The fact that I am still going in the right direction is HUGE for me! What is my big hurry! If I can make these habits stick, I will eventually reach the right weight for me. I believe that for the first time in years!

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 1/30/2009 (14:02)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 1:51 P

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In line with what FB said in that quote, my mom is always saying "Act your way into a new way of feeling" (not sure who said it)

That book about letting people solve their own problems sounds really good! I have been working on that issue for a long time! I need to go get that one!

As I am reading through, I keep editing this post!
FB, when you said: I feel incredibly anxious. I'm afraid to put any new program on paper, in case I do not live up to that one.
That sounds exactly like me!!!! I worked on this with my coach. I had such a serious aversion to any kind of self-discipline because I was afraid that I would HATE doing it and I would not do it and then be a failure. That is one reason that I set my calories so high initially. I wanted to finally find something I would be willing to follow. That worked for me, as you said, being careful of the promises I would make to myself. I cannot really say why it worked this time, but it did. I finally found myself willing to do it. The Beck workbook helped me a lot.

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 1/30/2009 (13:56)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 1:48 P

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Triggers as a good thing...
I am very much a “process” kind of a gal, believing that when things are not happening the way we want them to happen, it just means that the process needs tweaking. Instead of judging the person, fix the process! So if we want certain things to happen, we need to develop the proper triggers to make those things happen. A lot of my career as an engineer involved thinking about “triggers” that would cause necessary things to happen. So why not apply that to my life now?!

I am always reading about “bad triggers” that make us eat foods that are bad for us at all the wrong times. But today, I want to talk about “good triggers” that we devise to set “GOOD” things in motion.

For me, the main things that are “hard” for me to do, where I seem to want to skip them, are:
- doing my stretches and physical therapy exercises every day
- doing my aerobic exercises three or four times a week
- eating vegetables
- working on the clutter in my house (not sure how often would be good)
- drinking water

So for those, I need to think about some triggers to put in place that will cause me to do those things. I don’t have it figured out yet, but I can see that this is something I need to do.

Some of the things that are “easier” for me to do are:
- tracking my food every day (but I would like to get back to doing it the night before)
- reading and answering emails, sparkmails, facebook mails, ...
- posting on the message boards

I think one reason those are easy for me is that I get on my computer every day, and when I receive a note I always answer it. And when I bring up my browser, I am automatically on SP. I have my environment all set to make those things easy.

I want to come up with lots of ideas for how to trigger those other activities, and then I hope that one or more of these ideas will sound like “just the thing” and then I will DO IT!

Help me brainstorm about these ideas!
I’ll start the list:
- post it notes all over the house (hmmm, not sure about this one...)
- Use Spark People “appointments” to have an email sent to me for things
- precut veggies and put them in a visible place in my fridge
- ... what else???

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/30/09 1:47 P

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I just wrote something for my blog that I think will be of interest. In a little while, I will also read and reply to all the other recent posts.


Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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1/29/09 2:29 P

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I went for a walk after my last post yesterday. It cleared my head and I enjoyed being outside for awhile.

I think my main problem is anxiety over unemployment and figuring out what I'm going to do. That's spilling over to everything else.

It's diverting to concentrate on weight loss when trying to figure out other stuff. But this time, I'm trying to do both at the same time, so that I don't go backwards during times of stress.

Madison, my mom is the opposite of yours. She sabotages me by asking why I'm dieting or exercising at all. The last time I lost 20 lbs, she said it was a bad thing. I weighed 149 lbs, so it wasn't like I was too skinny. I was healthy, and looked great. She saw that as a bad thing. Like you I'm great at planning things out, it is the execution that gets me. I do not think that I plan too much for myself. I think I just don't do it. My goal for 169 lbs by February, was set back before Christmas. So if I had stuck to my plan, then it would have been a reasonable goal.

In general, of course, now that I did not lose weight in January, I'll have to change my goals. Like with my plan, everything will have to be updated and changed. Looking over my journal I see that I've done well, and celebrate those things I did towards the right direction. But I also continued to engage in negative behaviors too.

My inital plan was to exercise 3-4x per week for at least 30 min each time. That is reasonable, even easy maybe.

So there's something going on in my head about my mother (and father), fear of failure or success, and anxiety over making a change in my life.

I'm trying to think of what the yoga teacher said, "practice then all is coming." I do believe if you engage in good behaviors, then it can change what's in your head (and vice-versa).

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1/29/09 2:04 P

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Sandy, Yes I do think that we teach others how to treat us. After 26 odd years, then yes it would be difficult to start sharing the load, but I would still try.

I have a couple of friends who are recently married, and they do most of the housework, taking care of things etc. One friend is the primary breadwinner.

For myself, I wouldn't handle that well. I never let guys get away with as much as they do with other women. One guy I dated did all the cooking, and I did the cleaning. I've been called "challenging" before by men. If sharing is "challenging" then I like those men are morons.

For me it's more of the emotional load, than tasks or money. In the past 6 years I've left needy people behind and tried to find people who are as capable of supporting me, as I them. No more one way street.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,756
1/28/09 6:50 P

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FB - I'm not sure whether I "need" to take care of people or have just gotten myself into the position of having lots of things to take care of. I'd say over the past 26 (almost 27) years with my hubby I've taken over most things in the house because nobody else would -- and I don't think he's taking anything back now. I have slacked up on alot of stuff; I'll let it pile up when I'm busy but then it drives me crazy and I go crazy and get it done. I like realizing that the fact that I overeat when I'm stressed goes way back. Somehow it makes me feel like I can handle it better.

I understand the anxiety too. I think that's why I stayed away from SP for a while, because I felt like I was failing. But I do now that if you don't strive to do better, you'll go backward! And nobody is going to make you feel like you're a failure.

Sandy emoticon

Edited by: FINDINGSANDY at: 1/28/2009 (18:59)
Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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MADISONSMC's Photo MADISONSMC Posts: 416
1/28/09 2:46 P

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I can absolutely relate, especially with anxiety.

The boot camp challenge 1 ten minute video per day plus 30 minutes of some kind of cardo (mine has been mostly walking or exercise bike) has really helped me set and find satisfaction in a "Smaller" goal. I told my mom about it and right away she started telling me how I could do more or work up to an hour and I was able to set a boundary and explain that right now I'm working on consistency and finding a plan that works for my life. AND doing this workout plan that I initially dismissed as "too easy" has helped me achieve 690 minutes of exercise!!! I've lost a few lbs and I am proud of myself for following through -- for once!! I'm going to do a similar plan on my own for February - if it fits with you maybe we could be "virtual work out buddies"

I have set out on perfectly crafted diet and exercise plans a million times and failed (or failed in my eyes at that point) didn't do enough, didn't lose enough....

Last year I lost 15lbs--old me: I totally failed because I wanted to lose 30. New me: I'm moving forward, learning and growing and focus on my achievements even though they kinda feel small and not that great at times.

It isn't easy, I criticize and feel guilty about my weight at times, but I look to positive inspiration.

One think I did notice is that February is only a week away and your goal seems a mismatch? For me as hard as it is, I've tried to take some of the emphasis off weight and put energy into the habits that will lead to weight loss.

Wow, I hope that wasn't too much or overwhelming, I just see a lot of me in your post :)

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1/28/09 1:55 P

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So I've been thinking up a new program for myself. Trying to be reasonable in my goals and picking the right promises.

I feel incredibly anxious. I'm afraid to put any new program on paper, in case I do not live up to that one.

I think there's a fear of failure behind all of this. For the most part I've never really done anything and failed, or done anything I knew I couldn't succeed in.

Maybe it's a mix of fear of failure and risk aversion.

I think of myself not doing well and I can see myself crying.

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1/28/09 1:46 P

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Sandy, I can relate to thinking about all the things I have to take care of the next day. In the past 6 years or so, I've worked on letting things go and letting people take care of themselves.

I've also noticed that through the years, friends have changed, and my taste in men have changed. I turn away from people who EXPECT me to solve their problems for them. I say, "No."

If you are interested I would recommend the book,

"I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles That Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your Relationships" - by Gary & Joy Lundberg

A friend gave it to me one Christmas, and I have found it as useful as Beck's book. It's really that great. It teaches how to validate others and listen while teaching them to be responsible for their own lives. There are sections especially for young children, teenagers, spouses, parents, divorce, friends, and at work.

It really opened my mind to an alternative to taking care of others and to being lonely. There is a middle ground.

My problem is consistently implementing what I've learned. I'm working on that.

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1/28/09 1:35 P

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Madison, I like the idea of doing the list even if you are intimidated.

Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, teacher of Ashtanga Yoga, said

"Yoga is 99% practice, 1% theory. Do your practice and all is coming."

I like to apply that to everything. There's something very cognitive therapy about it.

Train your mind to think differently in order to change your behavior, mood, etc.

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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,756
1/28/09 7:08 A

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I like the idea of the visuals, too! Maybe I'll work on that this weekend. And I'm going to work on a brand new list of advantages. I know mine by heart and I don't think it is as effective anymore.

Thanks, Friends!!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/28/09 1:47 A

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I like your idea about the visuals. I feel so much more tired in the winter.

I have to visit your page because I have not seen the new book, so I am not sure what list you are talking about.

Oh, I just went and looked. I do like that list! I already do a lot of those things. I guess I really got Becked the first time through!

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 1/28/2009 (01:49)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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MADISONSMC's Photo MADISONSMC Posts: 416
1/27/09 11:28 P

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Maybe visuals would help right now? It's winter, maybe cutting up some active summer pictures and putting them up for inspiration -- not bodies, activities, vacation locations etc. Lots of folks get a little winter malaise/low mood/mild depression and looking farther down the line might help you get back on track?

I'm using the new book and a little intimidated by tracking the new list (posted on my page - personalized a little toward me) right now I need to notice and accept that fear and then do the list anyway because I need the change.

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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/27/09 11:14 P

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OK, team, we need to help Sandy!!!!

Sandy, what can we do for you? You do need your Beck-ness back! That is a good way of putting it. I think it is time for you rewrite your ARC, the whole motivation for why you want to lose weight. And it won't just be long term things, because I can hear that right now you feel icky, so you know that if you can lose a little bit to feel like you are getting back on track, it will lift your spirits.

Also, you know that you cannot take care of everyone else unless you take care of yourself first. If you look at the activities that you are doing in a typical week, can you think of any of them that you can just skip? Can you strive to be IMPERFECT, to get your life back! Give yourself a little bit of your time back. You deserve it!

I have to go put up the thread about nurturing ourselves!

Edited by: JUDI_CUTIE at: 1/27/2009 (23:15)
Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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FINDINGSANDY's Photo FINDINGSANDY Posts: 5,756
1/27/09 10:45 P

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FB - Your post almost looks like I could've written it, except for the 14 years that you took off. I haven't done that yet. I always have to be taking care of things; It's obsessive. I wake in the middle of the night and think about things that I need to do. Which is why I stress eat when there is a lot that needs to be done, which is always. Uh, I just made myself tired!

Judi - I agree with what you said about not feeling deprived with working with Beck. That's what I loved about it, too. I seem to have lost sight of that though. All I know is right now I feel so fat and icky that I need to get my Beckness back!

Sandy emoticon

Feeling healthy is much better than ANY food tastes!!!

STG - Have a 4 week streak!


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/27/09 12:26 P

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Whenever I would try dieting in the past, I would have a bad reaction to the idea of "discipline". I just hated the idea of being disciplined and I would rebel.

Somehow I do feel differently this time. The work in the Beck program helped me change, but I am not exactly sure how to pinpoint it. I did see one really good quote on a Spark board saying:

Discipline is remembering what you want.

So that was a really big shift for me. It was not some meanie telling me what to do, it was a way that I could give myself what I already want!

Some time soon, I will talk to you more about the other things you said in your post about the different phases of your life so far and how those have affected you. I don't have a handle on that yet...

emoticon

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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1/27/09 11:52 A

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People tell me the reason why I'm still single is b/c I have high standards. I think that is true, not only of the guys I date, but also of myself -- and my friends.

I am definitely demanding, and maybe even unforgiving at times. I think this mainly stems from being a care-taker all my life.

When I was around 21 I realized that I had been taking care of people since I was a kid. I used to help my mom write checks to pay the bills when I was 8. From that point on, I've been taking care of my parents, tolerant of my sister, therapist to my friends, supporter of my boyfriends, and overall over-achiever.

At 21, I got sick of it and rebelled and have not found a middle ground since. For the next 13 years I lived exactly the way I wanted. Now at 34 I think the resentment is gone, but I have 13 years of bad habits to change.

I need to find a reasonable plan and keep those promises. I want to make the right promises, but I also need to learn discipline.

I am very disciplined in many aspects of my life, except - diet and exercise. It's an area I get an "F" in, but somehow that's acceptable. If I got an "F" in school, I would study harder to bring up my grade.

Edited by: FB_000 at: 1/28/2009 (13:48)
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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/26/09 10:57 P

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I'm so happy to have our first visitor to this thread!

I think that putting questions in terms of how we would treat a friend instead of just thinking of it as how we are treating ourselves is an excellent strategy for assessing the way we do treat ourselves. I love that strategy!

I totally agree that if someone stood me up half the time, I would not accept that. One thing I might do is to stop being her friend. That is probably the most likely reaction.

Let me also propose another reaction. Let's say this other person was a very, very important friend or sister, so that dumping her would not be an option. Then what? I might ask that friend, "Why do you keep canceling on me?" Then we would have a discussion, and I might learn more about her, and I might find out that the plans we were making are not well suited to my friend for some reason. Are we sometimes making promises to ourselves that are just not the "right" promises? And then, because it is just ourself and not a friend, we feel able to just NOT keep the promise. But if we thought that it was very important to keep the promise, as we would to a friend, then maybe we would be making somewhat DIFFERENT promises. That's what I think.

Rethinking and revamping these promises to ourselves is something we can do in our Beck work. We cannot just give up on ourselves. So on the one hand, I think a big point of your note is to say, don't be a "no-show" when you have promised yourself something. I get that. But I would add, work with yourself ... "talk it over" with yourself and see what would make you more able to keep that promise. It is a gentler way to treat oneself.


Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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1/26/09 10:43 P

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I pulled this over from the DAILY thread...

...how well I'm doing on keeping promises to myself.

It's something I saw on Oprah. Bob Greene, her trainer, was talking about how we make promises to ourselves. Then break them. Even when we wouldn't break a promise to anyone else, when it comes to ourselves we do.

Like if I promised a workout buddy I was going to meet them at an aerobics class, I would be there. But I make such promises to myself everyday, and break those promises.

It's like I'm disappointing or neglecting the friend inside me. If a friend stood me up more than 1/2 the time, we probably wouldn't be friends anymore.

I would not tolerate being treated like that by anyone. Yet, I do it to myself. It's the power of 'habit' that keeps you doing it.

It's something I've read on our Daily thread often. Maybe for the coaching corner.


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JUDI_CUTIE's Photo JUDI_CUTIE Posts: 7,944
1/26/09 10:25 P

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Hello Beckers,
Here is the Coaching Corner, as promised. I hope that people will stop in here to write about things that are giving them trouble so we can all help to figure things out. This is the part of "coaching" that is for problem solving. (The "encouragement" part of coaching, which is also really important, can be found on the Daily Check-in.)

Of course, that is not to say that we cannot be encouraging here too! Just that we are going to take a serious look at things in order to make changes in our thinking and changes in our behavior. I think that the beauty of the Beck Diet Solution is that it is all about what you are thinking! When I am talking to myself about my weight loss, am I saying things that are helpful? Am I basing my decisions upon good healthy thoughts or on sabotaging thoughts?

Let's help one another figure things out!

Sparkfully Yours, Judi

Dear Spark Friends, I may not always write back about everything each person posts, but I am really interested in you! If you ever need me, send me a Spark Mail and I will always answer!


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