Lately I feel constantly torn between being a realist about my body and not being able to handle the truth. There are parts of it that I've come closer to accepting over the years, but living at my height, or lack thereof is still a challenge for me. I was always either the shortest or very close to the shortest kid in my classes growing up. I know some have the experience of hitting their growth spurt when they're fairly young, so they have a few years of being taller or at least average before everyone else catches up, but not me. Nope, I was still growing all the way until I was twenty... and then I only managed to reach 5' nothing. At this point I can mostly just accept it as one of those unchangeable truths, but there are still days when it contributes more than it should to my overall insecurity.
However, my lack of musculature and general pudginess: these are things I haven't accepted yet, because I'm not yet ready to concede that they are things I cannot change. I still have plenty of healthy and reasonable options to cycle through here before I must accept the more 'realistic' limits of my body.
One of my biggest challenges is feeling so intimidated and inadequate at the gym. I've tried joining some in the past, but I always felt uncomfortable as a tiny, 125lb or so young looking man surrounded by huge bodybuilder types. I have also attempted to simply avoid the gym and workout at home, but I don't have the experience or the spare change to afford more than the bare minimum of equipment.
I signed up for this site to get some motivation and encouragement to overcome my insecurities and finally start seeing some progress! I signed up for the YMCA last week (still waiting for my financial screening) so now I just need to be ready to face my fears next week. :|
Erm, this was probably an unnecessarily long and rambly introduction, but I guess I just suddenly spilled most of my life story cause I felt maybe I finally found a group of folks who could relate. ^^;
| April Minutes: 0