I started my life change in October 2007. It was about one year after the love of my life lost her life. I was so out of shape and physically not able to do much and I knew that something had to give.
I began by putting my nutrition together and putting it on a word document. Organizing my meals and what I ate on a daily basis began to give me a sense of accountability. Daily, I followed my nutrition. At that time I also put together a plan for exercise although knowing that my health at that time would not permit me to be very active, at least I had a workout plan waiting in the wings for when I was stronger.
All during this time I was deeply depressed over the loss of the love of my life and I was begging the almighty for death...not health. Death was not what I got...I got health.
Sometime during December 2007, I was starting to feel much better and not so depressed because my I was following my nutrition plan flawlessly, although I only realized a few pounds lost over the 2 months I had been following the plan.
December 13, 2007 was the day I returned to the gym and I found out exactly how weak I was physically and how much I needed to do. I knew that the task before me was daunting...to put it mildly. I had a determination inside of me. I had a goal.
My one goal that I set for myself when I put the plan together almost 2 years ago was to feel good. That's it. No magical number to hit on the scale, no amount of length to run, no number on how much weight I could lift, no special size of clothes to fit into, it was JUST TO FEEL BETTER AGAIN.
As my late love (Colleen) was laying in the hospital dying, two days before she died, she had her last conversation with me which was her last conversation with anyone. She looked at me as I sat at her bedside and held her hand. She spoke very softly as she was very weak. She said "Tim, I'm worried about you". All during her sickness, she watched me blow up from weighing around 240 pounds to the 380 pounds that I was when she died. I was in denial that she was dying but I knew deep down that her end was very near. I asked her why on earth would she be worried about me? She then told me "I know that my time is short but I want you to go back to the gym and get into shape, eat right and lose weight because I'm worried that you are going to have a heart attack. I want you to be happy and I know you will be happy if you get healthy again." She said some other things about me and how she knew that I'd go on and find someone and make them just as happy as I made her. It was about then that the nurse came in and gave her the dose of morphine in her IV that sent her into the sleep she never awakened from.
As deeply depressed as I was and as much as I begged for death over the year following her death...
...that last conversation I had with her flickered in my soul and wouldn't let me go. What started out as a faint flicker of a flame has turned into the turbo thrust similar to that of a Pratt & Whitney Jet Engine.
My first month back at the gym was just getting myself moving in directions again that I hadn't moved in a couple of years. I lost 8 pounds my first month back and that was an accomplishment that went unnoticed by everyone I knew because I was so big.
As I became stronger, I increased the intensity of the workouts, not enough to kill me but enough to challenge me everytime I went into the gym. Slowly, as the spring of 2008 approached I found myself doing more than I had done in years and finally being able to move again with little or no pain. No time to rest...time to put the bar a little higher.
It was June of 2008 that I finally dipped under 300 pounds. It was June 25, 2008 that I stepped on the scale and saw 299! I was ecstatic! It was about then that I realized...I reached my very first goal. I was feeling good again!
All throughout last summer I was losing 4-7 pounds a week. I was eating very healthy and I was getting so much stronger. People I knew really started to take notice of me. I no longer wobbled when I walked, I was beginning to have a strut when I walked. My confidence was coming back to me. My ability to talk to people was coming back to me. I was no longer a shut in and spending a great deal of time at home alone. I was out and amongst the living! Just as I had when I started out, as I found the workouts not challenging, I upped the intensity!
What you see before you today is the result of dedication to my plan and my goal of feeling good.
Yes, I am feeling good again. I don't ever want to feel like I did some 3 years ago. I realize that I have choices to make and the results of those choices are the outcomes that determine my future choices. I choose to live healthy because I can't find this feeling anywhere else and I'm going to make the choices in my life to maintain and grow this good feeling I have.
I joined spark people November 26, 2008 by following a link from my local television station had on their web site. I want to share my good feeling with anyone that wants the same thing...and that is to feel good again!
The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible...David Viscott
My name is : Berta My birthdayis: Feb 22 I live at: T¨nisia, North Africa / Kenai, Alaska I need : my thighs to q¨it to¨ching while I exercise so I q¨it destroying my pants!! they're expensive!! I love to: cook new and exciting things
current weight: 283.8
Fitness Minutes: (61,026) Posts: 4,259 3/3/09 3:01 P
welcome to all the new team members.tell us a little about you so we can get to know each other better. My name is : Leanna My birthdayis: Jan. 29 I live at: Soldotna, Alaska I need : all the support and understanding i can get. I love to: help others
Edited by: DUTCH_PEARL at: 3/3/2009 (15:02)
May a spark of light shine on you each and everyday and guide you in the right direction... .May all your dreams and wishes come true...Hugs & Love to all...your friend for life...Leanna
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