Hey there, guys. My name is Kristin, and I've been unemployed for a month now.
I graduated with my BFA in Game Art & Design over a year ago. The only job I was able to find was working at a local Office Depot. The manager refused to give me full-time hours (therefor, no benefits), paid me minimum wage (despite my degree - which included design skills and program knowledge that I used daily in Office Depot), and forced me to cover the entire store's duties by myself rather than putting a cashier on schedule. I managed to keep things together for almost 9 months before the stress from it all made me crumble into a suicidal mess.
I quit to avoid feeling pressured to go through with it.
I've been applying like crazy to positions all over that are even remotely related to any of my skills... Nothing so far.
Luckily, I live with my boyfriend. While I was the one working my buns off to cover all the bills before, he was going to school full time. Not that I hadn't been going to school full time and working part time and doing all the chores and bill-paying... but I did what had to be done so that we could stay afloat and he could keep getting better and better at what he does. He is SO GOOD at what he does, and that's why I didn't mind. Well, that and the fact that I like to be a provider. I like having control and knowing everything is taken care of. I like being the one who is relied on.
Shoe's on the other foot, now. He landed his first job and makes easily 2-4 times what I've made before at any point in my life. I make nothing. It's really frustrating. All I can do is keep the home as nice as possible (though my boyfriend is a lot like a 5-year-old in that regard... I can spend hours cleaning his desk after he's sat there for five minutes!) and continue to take care of the bills and groceries and chores on time.
I receive SNAP benefits (food stamps) but sometimes it's not enough. I always run out before the next month arrives, so we usually have a week of the month where we have to scrape food together and hope we have enough for the next day, too. I haven't reported my change in employment because I'm afraid that my benefits will be reduced again, and then I will be even more of a burden and even more incapable of contributing at home.
I've been keeping an Excel spreadsheet of all the jobs I've applied to since I graduated. It's sad seeing such a huge list, and only one of the items on it worked out, though only temporarily...
I'm trying to keep things together. I sleep more than I should, and I feel guilty about that. I end up playing video games or watching movies sometimes, to help lighten my mood, and I feel guilty about that, too.
I feel like I've turned this into a journal entry, so I'll apologize for writing so darn much and leave it at that =/
| current weight: 220.0