Hi everyone, I'm Carmen. I'm 34, married and live in South Dakota. I had little or no weight struggles until I was in my mid-twenties, when a series of emotional events caused me to spiral into emotional eating and I gained 80 pounds in a year. I've struggled with my weight ever since. I gained another 25 pounds after I got married last summer, so now I've got about 100 pounds to lose, give or take.
I'm not new to IE -- I think I more or less ate that way instinctively when I was younger. Also, when I tried Body for Life a couple of summers ago, it took me forever to lose any weight until I ditched their eating plan and just started paying close attention to hunger/fullness. Then pounds started to really come off. I slipped back into emotional eating though and injured my ankle so that I couldn't do the very rigorous workouts of BFL, so I gained everything back plus the extra 25.
I have enjoyed SparkPeople quite a bit this time around (I had come here a couple of times before but just wasn't ready to change what I was doing, I think), particularly in the first month of being here. I didn't feel ready to track calories yet so just paid attention to hunger/fullness. Lost 7 pounds that way. Then, I began to track the calories because that is what I was supposed to do to progress in the plan. At first it went okay, lost 3 more pounds, but I started to get obsessed with food and counting and feeling like a failure 60% of the time because I could not meet my calorie range. I either went over it or under it, depending on the day. And I HATE going to bed hungry because I already ate all my calories for the day but am still hungry. About 40% of the time I'd get it "right". Not surprisingly, either because of the jumping around on the calorie range or just the pressure of tracking them, I haven't lost an ounce in the month since. Maybe my body just didn't want to release any weight this past month, who knows -- at any rate, I am not liking what is becoming of me and all this obsession/stress. It's made me want to throw in the towel on the whole thing but I do NOT want to give up on myself. I learned some valuable things from my month of tracking, and I don't want to forget what I've discovered about my eating patterns. I don't regret having done it for a month, but now it is time for the obsessive feelings to stop.
I went into this wanting to make changes that I could willingly do for the rest of my life. I guess tracking calories is not one of them. Honestly, if I can't do something for the rest of my life, then there is no point as eventually I will slip out of it and gain everything back plus more. So!! Today I have officially decided I'm ready to come back to IE and stop this whole stress roller coaster. It has always worked for me in the past -- my problem is that I get derailed by intense emotional times/events, be they good or bad, and then I fall into emotional eating patterns (and the consequent "self-medicating" with food) and stop paying attention. I really, really want to unravel and heal that so that I can have peace with food again. I also really want to lose this weight for lots of reasons. Thanks for making this group!
| current weight: 172.0