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SLIMLEIGH1's Photo SLIMLEIGH1 Posts: 441
1/2/13 8:32 P

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Hi Tricia, thank you for the warm welcome. I think just knowing there is a group that I am connected to that are facing similar challenges is very helpful. If something comes up that I need help with I will let you know for sure.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom - Aristotle


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TLRANEL's Photo TLRANEL Posts: 478
1/1/13 6:26 P

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Welcome to the team, Tara! You hit the nail on the head - stepparenting is a unique experience with challenges that don't necessarily come with biological parenting. Sounds like your family has gone through a lot of changes lately. What kinds of goals are you working on to get some of the focus back on you? Any ways that this group or I can help support you?

Tricia

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SLIMLEIGH1's Photo SLIMLEIGH1 Posts: 441
1/1/13 4:10 P

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Hello my name is Tara and I don't have any biological children of my own and yet I have two great kids. I am 34 and I have been a step mom officially for 8 1/2 years but I have been with my now husband for 12 1/2 years. I have two step children. My step son is 18 and my step daughter is 14. They both lived with there bio mom until my son was 14 and decided to move in with my husband and I full time. He has just moved out in the last 3 weeks. Similarily my step daughter was "sent" to live with us a year ago at age 13 as her mom who is a single mom was having a lot of challenges with her behavior. We welcomed my daughter with open arms and I am so glad that she is living with us but it has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster. In the midst of the chaos I pushed aside all of my personal health goals and really just focused on her needs and helping her to adjust. I know that there are years of teenage stuff that will happen yet but I am ready to get back on track with my journey to healthier living. I was so excited to find a site that is for step moms because I think you need to have experienced it to really understand what it is to be a step mom.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom - Aristotle


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8/24/11 2:04 P

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The couch to 5K program is Awesome!

How is it going?

~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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8/23/11 12:03 P

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I do get out and exercise and play with them a lot. My new goal is to get up early and start the couch to 5K program. I get up very early with my oldest step-son, to make sure he is awake and going in the morning. I need to go right then and run. It is only 20 minutes! It is just too easy to ramble around the house. My husband usually is rolling around in the bed trying to wake up or getting a nap. I just have to make myself do it! 5:30 comes sooo early!!!

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8/18/11 3:51 P

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Welcome, welcome to our team. I shook my head in agreement while reading your introduction. Wow, we could be "twins". Seriously I can totally relate on so many levels.

I am so excited to have you join us. We need the support from each other under our unique circumstances.

Now about exercise; that's a tough one for me too. Wii is one form of exercise; I also walk at work everyday. And try to do other forms of activity when we don't have the kids. Like most recently it was roller skating.

Again, welcome!!

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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TLRANEL's Photo TLRANEL Posts: 478
8/17/11 8:56 A

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emoticon to the team! Sounds like you will have a lot to contribute!

Finding time for exercise is difficult, but I think I make it more difficult than I need to. I'm self-conscious about exercising in front of my family, because they are all athletes (husband and kids) and I am SO not. I'm the clumsy one, and I feel clumsy when I exercise. I use different Wii games to exercise a lot, but have to kick everyone out of the living room to do it, and I get so many mumbles & grumbles when I do that, that sometimes it just doesn't feel worth it. I've been walking at the park during my youngest stepson's football practices 3 times per week, so that's something. For you, I wonder if you could include the kids in your exercise. Is that something you'd be comfortable with? If you don't want to leave to exercise because they want your attention, do things you can do together - go to a park and play a sport, or create games out of it, like relay races. You might have to be spontaneous with it, but if you have some "go to" ideas, you might find something that works!

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8/16/11 3:15 P

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Hi! I am amazed and excited to find this group! There is so much out there for blended families, but nothing for people like me...and us.

Let me introduce myself.

I am 41 y/o. My husband and I got married 3 years ago. He has 3 boys who are now 13, 10, and 7. They are my heart. From day 1 we have had an incredible relationship. This is my 2nd marriage as well as my husband's second. We are so happy and blessed to have found one another.

I had endometriosis and had a hysterectomy in my 30s, so that is why I have no children. After my divorce, I was actually thankful that I did not have children with my previous husband. I had no idea that I would be so fortunate to find the love of such wonderful boys. My husband is a wonderful man and a terrific father. I have been given a 2nd chance, and it is so great!

Living arrangements:
The 13 y/o is in our physical custody (his choice). On paper, my WIL (wife-in-law) has physical custody of the other 2, and we are supposed to have them every other weeked, a month in the summer, and 1 week at Christmas. However, we have them every Tuesday night, and any other night they choose. On our weekends, we keep them Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. We had them, 21 days in May, 22 days in June, 21 days in July, and the last 6 straight weekends. We are thrilled to be able to have them this much. I am not sure why she won't just let them move in with us, but that is another story for another day.

My WIL is currently on husband #3. I am sure you all have challenging stories with the WIL as well. Lets just say she likes being there mother when the child support rolls in, and when someone is looking to watch her act "motherly". When it comes to taking them to the dentist, attending school functions, keeping them when they are sick, being there for oral surgeries, etc... somehow she always has to work, has plans, etc...

Our schedule is very fluid, and it is very hard to plan or schedule anything. At any moment's notice, she will call or text wanting us to keep the kids. We always say yes, because we want any chance to be with them. They prefer our house, and like the structure and secure atmosphere we have at our home. This can sometimes get frustrating, though. It is hard for my husband and I to have alone time at all. When we do make plans on our alone weekend, they usually get changed. We have the problem of feeling guilty to say no...especially when the kids tell us they had a horrible weekend at her house.

It is nice to find a place to talk to people in the same situation!

Do you have a hard time squeezing in exercise?

I find that because I can't plan much or have a set routine of when the kids are coming, I am having a problem scheduling exercise. The kids want my attention so much when they are with us, I hate to leave to go run/exercise. My husband and I have started walking some in the evenings, and that has been good. With school/homework I don't know how much we will be able to keep it up.

When do you (or do you) exercise?



TLRANEL's Photo TLRANEL Posts: 478
8/16/11 10:57 A

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emoticon to the team, you've come to the right place! Many of us in this team have felt similar, or are currently dealing with the same situation. Check out some of our threads in the ranting forum.

I wish I could offer a solution, but what I've learned through this team is that this is normal. The adjustment period for us stepmoms is often a lot longer than we expect. Add on to the adjustment that you're heading into the pre-teen years, and you get your experience. Definitely feel free to start threads whenever you need to vent, or are hoping for some advice or feedback, or just need to know you're not alone in how you're feeling!

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~Tricia~

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EMLUBRANO's Photo EMLUBRANO Posts: 19
8/16/11 10:50 A

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Hi Ladies! I've been a stepmom officially for four years and its been a rocky road all the way. My husband and I married in June of 2008 and moved half way across the country to be in the same state with his son. My stepson is wonderful - he's extremely smart, well behaved, unfortunately he's not my biggest fan. He's not openly rude, but you know that feeling...the ignoring me when Dad's not around, the rolling of the eyes. Honestly it makes it really hard to develop any type of loving relationship with him.
I met him when he was 3 (he's now 10 going on 11 soon) and he was the sweetest little boy ever! We had good times, but because he lived out of state we only saw him 3-4 times a year for two weeks at a time. And the older he got the less he wanted to do with me. He is extremely close with his mother, and I think that has a lot to do with it. And he and his Dad are also very close. My husband is a great Dad to him, and I'm happy that they are close. But this now leaves me out of the picture. We just started 50% custody this summer, and I thought it would make things better. It did, in the sense that he feels much more comfortable at our house, and we have a routine. But things between us are the same.

Its very frustrating feeling like I'm the problem all the time. I don't know how to move on from this. Its putting a HUGE strain on our marriage.
If any of you have been in this situation I would greatly appreciate some advice!

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5/27/11 5:24 P

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Welcome Annie!!

So glad you joined us.

Since you found us early hopefully we can help you through the journey ahead of you.

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Oh, and congratulations!

~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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TLRANEL's Photo TLRANEL Posts: 478
5/26/11 5:30 P

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Welcome to the team! You may not "technically" be a stepmom yet, but you're in the role. We've had a lot of similar issues. It can be difficult to go through changes to family traditions (or creating them), but I'm not sure anything tops being the house with the rules. It's definitely challenging!

You are welcome to rant whenever you need - I'm sure several of us will be able to relate!

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ANNIE7205's Photo ANNIE7205 Posts: 610
5/26/11 2:06 P

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Hi. I'm not "technically" the step-mom yet, but we've been living together since February and are getting married next fall (the e-ring was just purchased, yesterday as a matter of fact, but the official "question" I think is waiting until our mini-vacation in two weeks). I'm 32 years old, he's 44 and has two boys, ages 7 and 5. We also have a two year old English setter and an 8 year old black cat (my "children" from a previous relationship). We used to work together, have known each other for about 4 years and have been dating for a year.

The issues I'm facing with the boys are minor - they're two very active little boys. The issues with their mom are nothing serious just really annoying, but I'm having a hard time letting it roll off my back. There's a definite lack of structure over there (she wants to be their "friend", bahves more like a babysitter than a parent) which takes awhile to "deprogram" them from when they're with us, we have rules and they are expected to follow them - from what I've seen, very similar to their friends' houses, Mom's house is the anomoly. We have them half the time (sometimes more depending how "overwhelmed" she is - btw, she doesn't work although she claims she's looking. Between cs and alimony, she makes about what I do to be a part-time stay at home mom.).

She lives about a half a mile away so there aren't issues with drop offs, pick ups, etc., except she always seems to "forget" to send something over, like we get a raincoat for one of the boys but not the other, or homework from the weekend is forgotten when she drops them off on Sunday nights. To her credit, she is very accomodating if we want to trade weekends due to holidays (she doesn't do anything for holidays at all and I'm like Martha Stewart, so we always ask to have the boys for them), or if we have something that comes up. It does take a couple of emails, though, to get her to respond to requests. Overall the structure is there for this to be easy, or at least easier, but it's not there yet. I'm still adapting to life with two younger kids and trying to get the hang of parenting.

My sweetie is very supportive and keeps telling me not to be so hard on myself. He sees the changes in the boys since I've started doing things with them. They never did holidays before (really, really long story - like they never had Christmas stockings or Easter baskets), never really did stuff as a family, and he feels like things are finally the way they're supposed to be. He's afraid I'm going to get overwhelmed and bail and he'll have to explain to them why another mom moved out. I'm not going to bail, but need a place to vent. None of my friends are in a situation like this, so none of them get it. A lot of them think I'm too involved, but considering our age difference and the fact that he feels he's too old to have another, these are the only kids I'm ever going to have. I'm not going to just be a roommate.

Thanks for listening to me vent in this post - it's the first of many rants, I'm sure. :)

Edited by: ANNIE7205 at: 5/26/2011 (14:13)
Anne

Lots of people talk to animals.... Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem.
- Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but, remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” Epicurus, philosopher

DLSMITH411's Photo DLSMITH411 Posts: 166
5/26/11 1:07 P

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All I can say to that last post is: Wow. Oh, and: I know exactly what you mean. Oh, and: Paying child support when the kid lives with you is BS. But that really is another topic because I'm sure it can be a harry one.

I'm already loving this group because you gals totally understand! emoticon

Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
-- G.K. Chesterton

You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.
-- C.S. Lewis

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
-- Ghandi


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5/25/11 3:38 P

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So back to my welcome.

Our kids' biomom is usually ok but she definitely manipulates the kids and it drives me crazy.

One of the hurdles we seem to all deal with is being able to be involved with our step kids lives outside of our own homes.

The first year I moved in with my family I became involved with the three youngest kids' schooling because I technically forced myself in to the situation. I went online to see the school calendar (they went to a private K - 8 school) to find out about open house etc to make sure we knew when they were being held because we were not being told by the kids' Mom. The first open house we went to our daughter's first grade teacher ignored me when she realized who I was. But I eventually proved myself. I stayed as active as possible. Years have passed now and the teacher's actively e-mail updates etc and we are involved with parent teacher conferences and after school activities. It gets complicated since their Mother works part time at the school in the extended care program.

At the same time since I have been in the kids' life their mother has pretty much ignored our 17 year old son with autism (he went to public school since he is in Special Ed). Every year since 8th grade at one point or another he has been with us more than the other three. He would come to our house extra nights during the week so we could make sure he was getting his homework done etc. During all this time I have been the one in contact with his teachers. Even though she technically has been the custodial parent, it was me the school contacted not her. Usually via e-mail or telephone.

Last school year (his 10th grade year) his core teacher, counselor, and I scheduled an emergency IEP for him because he was failing algebra (he was in a mainstream algebra class with the wrong kind of teacher, different topic for another time though). I let his Mother know when it was scheduled. Anyway, I got there early and went to the teacher's classroom (which I knew where was since I had gone to open house parent / teacher meetings etc) the Mom was late she got lost because she had never been there before (now remember he technically did not live with us, he lived with her). She ended up at the office I guess and they called saying Mrs. so and so is here for you, the teacher just looked at me and said no Mrs. so and so is here with me now. I reminded him that I was the stepmom and that the other person was his biomom. He had forgotten I guess since I was the only one he ever dealt with, he honestly just assumed I was Mom.

Now he and our second oldest son who is now in 9th grade; live with us full time and go to the high school in our school district (even though we still pay her child support for them - but that's a different topic for a different time). DH and I are the only ones the school contacts and the one that goes to the school functions etc. I try to keep her informed, but that's all I can do.

Ok that's my rant for the afternoon....

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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5/25/11 11:50 A

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Welcome Debbie!!

You have more in common with us than you may know. I can so relate to so much of what you said. I will post more on my lunch break when I have time.

I just wanted to send a quick welcome!

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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5/25/11 11:48 A

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One of my biggest issues is that we are kept completely out of my stepdaughter's school, medical, etc. It's something we are trying to get fixed at the moment and I see as very important for a truly involved parent! Kudos to both of you for trying so hard!


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Mostly plants."
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5/25/11 10:59 A

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Welcome Debbie! I can relate with a lot of what you've said. With my oldest, my husband complained about not knowing what was going on with SS at school. All the report cards ect. were sent to mom. I contacted to school and they now send report cards and other information to both of us. Sure we never got any of those cute homemade cards from him, but we did get at least get to follow up on how he was doing. Sounds like you are doing the right thing being as active in his life as you can be.

That's right! I'm Awesome and so are you!


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DLSMITH411's Photo DLSMITH411 Posts: 166
5/25/11 10:47 A

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Hi ladies. I'm Debbie - 26 y/o graduate student from Indiana. Office manager at a substance abuse center by day and fiction writer, avid TV watcher, and Little League coach by night. Oh, and somewhere in there I find time to attend graduate school :)

I met Hubs (sorry, I loathe the "DH" handle for some reason) in 2003. He was my trainer at work. He's 10 years older and had a 4 y/o son, and was not only going through drama with bio-mom but also was engaged. We became friends and began carpooling to work and taking our breaks together. When his engagement abruptly ended (due to the fiance's lying, cheating, and overall being a *badword*) we started spending more time together. After a little while, we began dating and I moved in pretty quickly because I was in the midst of trying to find an apartment to move out (I was 19 and a sophomore in college) and he had a huge house to himself. Stepson was there 50% of the time, but it was a struggle because he hated to go home to his mom's. Screaming, clawing at furniture and walls, hiding and locking himself in his room, that kind of stuff.

He eventually got over that, but unfortunately when he got old enough for school our parenting time changed. Bio-mom moved him about 40 miles away, which isn't too bad, but not what we'd like of course. This move meant, per the divorce decree, that she got full custody and Hubs was relegated to one afternoon a week and every other weekend. It's been awful but since Stepson is finishing up 5th grade this week, we've had time to get used to it. In 2006 we amended the agreement (long story, ugg) and we now get him the entire summer, with bio-mom having him every other weekend and one week for vacation with him.

I coach his baseball team at the Y and try to be as involved in his life as I can. It's difficult because bio-mom has made sure to push us both, but me especially, out of his life as much as she can. For instance, when I was going to school full-time I also volunteered at his school in a couple capacities. I taught ESL to a couple of children a couple times a week, and this allowed me to have lunch with Stepson and interact with his teachers. But bio-mom told the school they weren't allowed to send anything home with us, which meant even though I was in. his. classroom. I couldn't get a report card, math test, or even a Thanksgiving turkey made out of his handprint. It was awful. Hubs and I would also volunteer to chaperone field trips, only after he had checked with bio-mom and confirmed that she was not, in fact, going on the trips. But each time, once we would sign up, she would suddenly sign herself or her parents up, and we would be asked by the school to withdrawal - not because of their policies, but because she would create a huge stink over it and they asked us to take the high road. Grrr.

That's the kind of stuff we put up with but as he is getting older it's getting a little easier. He is in the autism spectrum, though only mildly, so there are some behavioral and math-related issues to deal with, and that is grounds for other clashes between us and bio-mom. But also they just add to an already stressful situation. I want so badly to be Mom that even though I know I'll never literally be "Mom" to him, I want to at least have a more parental role. But I try to respect the fact that they are his natural parents and I am a caregiver, friend, and role model, and have equal say in decisions at my house... but ultimately don't have any say in matters affecting him overall. Hubs and I can make a decision but it can get overturned by bio-mom, or he will make decisions to avoid conflict with her. Obviously this is frustrating and I sometimes feel myself pulling away from Stepson because the closer we are, the more it hurts when I get pushed back (by bio-mom, who still, even at 12 y/o, feeds him stuff like "You'll be grounded if you tell her you love her.").

Anyhow. Sorry if this was long. Obviously this is an important issue in my life and I don't have ANYONE who understands any of it. I know a lot of divorced people and they all have custody of their kids. My best friend has stepchildren just a few years younger than her, but they don't really have contact with their dad so she doesn't have a Stepmom role. She also has 2 toddlers. So no one in my life really gets the trials of being a stepmother and wanting to be more involved than I'm allowed to be.

It sounds like I have some things in common with a lot of you, so hopefully we can all support each other when bio-moms get crazy!!

Edited by: DLSMITH411 at: 5/25/2011 (10:49)
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
-- G.K. Chesterton

You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.
-- C.S. Lewis

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
-- Ghandi


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TLRANEL's Photo TLRANEL Posts: 478
5/25/11 9:41 A

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Hey Sara! Glad you joined this team, I think you'll like it. We stepmoms need all the support we can get, right? This is a small team, but very supportive.

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5/24/11 7:27 P

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Welcome Sara, you definitely have a tough situation. Kudos for you for going in with your eyes wide open.

Please feel free to open your own thread just to vent out some of your issues; that's one of the reasons we are here.

A farm, how cool is that!

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

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5/24/11 5:28 P

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Hey, I'm Sara. My DH and I will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary in July. The first night we met he laid it all on me that not only had he been married before and had a son with ex-wife, but his 8-month pregnant girlfriend had just recently broken up with him. So why we ever got together again? I'm smart enough to know that wasn't a situation that I wanted to be in. Call it love, but for some reason, I couldn't walk away from him and I greatly admired his honestly. Well the youngest stepson (unborn when we met) is turning 8 in June and my husband and I will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary in July.

I've gotten kind of a crazy mix of mom-roles. My oldest stepson (who is turning 16 in July and is the son of my DH's ex-wife) is pretty balanced. Even though there is an occasional thing that sets DH off about her, she is a normal loving mom and completely sane. She hasn't raised any issues and only lives a few miles from us with her new husband & family. So I've really gotten to play the fun stepmom role with him. He's got a dad, he's got the mom, and I get to have fun with him for the most part (I'm not saying there isn't the occasional "Pick up your clothes!") ON THE OTHER HAND, youngest stepson was absent from our lives until just a few years ago. DH's ex-girlfriend has problems to put it nicely. She ran away when 8-months pregnant, couldn't hold a job due to a severe drinking problem and lived off abusive boyfriends, bouncing here and there. We hired a lawyer, a private investigator, but couldn't track her down, until finally when SS was 5 years old the court caught up with her and we step in just as the court was going to take SS away from her. We have full sole custody of him and though entitled to supervised visitations, BM hasn't seen him in over a year. So I am "mom" to youngest. Even though we currently don't have drama with BM, it is always hanging over our heads that some day she'll just reappear and decide she wants to play mom again. We also have an everyday struggle with SS because he went through 5 developmental years with no role-models. He's seen things and knows about things that no 8 year old should know. A huge benefit though is that he's incredibly smart, one of the top in his class and the down side is that each day is a constant behavior battle. We don't have issues at home, but at school where there are so many children, he's a constant distraction. I may have to open my own thread just to vent out some of these issues.

Well with all that I'm an advertising manager at a newspaper and my husband owns his own construction & welding business. We own a small farm, have horses, dogs, & cats, and love outdoor activities, bon fires & fishing!

I'm a long-time member of SparkPeople and have lost 90 lbs over the last year. Unfortuntely the latest is that I've gain nearly 30 pounds back. I want to stop the reverse and get going forward again towards meeting my goals. At some point DH and I would like to have one child of our own, but I suffer from PCOS so weight is struggle and a healthy weight is essential for our ability to start our own family.


That's right! I'm Awesome and so are you!


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5/16/11 2:44 P

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Welcome Rae

Glad to have you join our little team....

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

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5/16/11 12:27 P

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Hi, I'm Rae, I've been married to my husband since Sept. 2009. I have an eleven year-old step daughter. She is the most amazing child in the world. Unfortunately, she lives with her mom six hours away. I have a great relationship with her, but difficulties in getting to and "being aloud" to see her are very stressful. I'm here for camaraderie and support. Nice to meet you all!


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Mostly plants."
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5/14/11 12:04 A

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Welcome Katie!

You are not alone on your journey.


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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
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5/13/11 5:35 P

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Wow, I already feel pretty comfortable here. When I tell people that I met my guy online I tend to get some weird looks, but it seems I'm not the only one here :)

We "met" a couple years back in a 3D virtual chat room (I was there more to design outfits and rooms.) He was in the middle of a nasty divorce with his ex when we met. I guess when the ex wife and daughter (and respective baggage) didn't scare me away he took a liking to me. We talked constantly and then in February of last year (2010) he asked me out. We've been dating since and I moved up with him in September of 2010. Just a few months ago we moved to his hometown in Virginia.

Technically, I am not an official stepmom yet, but for all intents and purposes I might as well be. Sadly, his daughter is living in Iowa with her mother, but we'll have her soon for a few weeks in June, and then for summers once she is in school. Just turned two at the beginning of the year. She is an absolute sweetheart and I love her to death.

I'm so glad I found this group. I actually just am coming down from the energetic high of an argument we just had with his ex. And I thought I might try and find some people who understand what it's like to be where I am.

It hasn't been easy necessary (no thanks to the ex), but we're making our way in hopes of making the little one's life the best possible. He and I would love to have children of our own some day but not in the present. I am only 19 after all :)

I have been fortunate to maintain my current weight through everything. I orginially lost 20 pounds last year and gained 10 back, but I've held off any gain and kept myself steady. Hopefully as things calm down, I can get back on track with my beloved healthy lifestyle that I miss so much.

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4/25/11 7:29 A

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Welcome, Nelly!

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4/24/11 11:23 P

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Hi Nelly and Welcome!

Your story too has a ring of familiarity.

You took on a lot of changes in a short period of time. I can completely see why weight added up.

You have already accomplished amazing things!

We are here for you.

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=50565


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4/24/11 10:47 P

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Hi everyone! I'm Nelly and I met my husband 10 years ago online on a total fluke. We talked for 4 years online and occasionally on the phone but never traded pictures or last names. We were just each other's rock, someone to talk to that was never directly involved in the situation that may be bothering us and could give each other a very honest answer/opinion.

Long story short, he went through a divorce, I ended a terrible relationship/engagement (we actually stopped talking for nearly a year with all this going on as we didn't want our friendship to be a factor in our decision making) and we finally met up! We've been together almost 8 years, married for almost 5.

He brought along two wonderful children, a boy who just turned 19 (in my mind he will always be a boy!) and a girl who is turning 16. We share joint custody of our teenage girl. We do not have any children of our own and are not planning on any either!

I quit smoking (officially) 6 months ago; this along with moving to a new country (originally from Canada, now in the US), starting a stressful new job and moving recently has added on the pounds. 40 to be exact in the last 6 years without any weight loss. Late last year, I declared enough was enough and have lost nearly 25 lbs.

Edited by: NZILLES at: 4/24/2011 (22:48)
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4/21/11 10:54 P

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Your story sounds absolutely familiar to me. Ok I'm 10 years older, but otherwise I can totally relate.

Even the extra 50 pounds we acquired the past couple years emoticon

Anything that comes up and you need a place to go, please hop on over.

You will conquer, you will prevail!!

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~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=50565


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4/21/11 7:58 P

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Hello, Teresa, and others! I'll introduce myself too.

I'm Tricia. I "met" my DH back in April 2006 on eHarmony. We had a whirlwind start to our romance, and both knew from very early on that we were meant to be together. He had everything I wanted in a life partner... and then some. I always told myself I was never going to marry someone with kids because I didn't want a ready-made family. Upon finding out DH was divorced with 3 children, my best friend said, "run for the hills!" Normally, I would've agreed, but I told her I thought there was something special about this guy, and I wanted to take some time and get to know him better. We were engaged a year later and married May 24, 2008. He has a 15 y.o. daughter, 13 (will be 14 in Aug.) y.o. son, and an 11 (will be 12 in May) y.o. son. When we first got married, we had 50% custody of the kids - every other week, alternating holidays, half the summer. However, our time with the boys especially kept growing. Beginning in January this year, officially, the boys are with us pretty much full-time (they've spent 2 nights at their Mom's house this year), and we see our daughter every other weekend.

So, here I am, 32 years old with 2 teenagers and one preteen, while all my friends have newborns and toddlers. We think we may want kids of our own (he's always wanted a big family, I want the experience of being a biological mother), but we're not quite there yet. It's fun to hear all about the babies from my friends, and tell them what they have to look forward to.

Now, in the midst of all this, I put on about 50 pounds, and I'm slowly trying to get rid of it. Obesity is a big issue in my family, and there's a strong family history for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type II Diabetes, cancer, and arthritis. Hard to say if those issues would be there if the obesity were not. I finally got to a point where I realized there was no magic solution that was going to make those 50 pounds go away and I was going to have to put forth the effort to do something about it. I do not want to end up like the rest of my family if there is anything I can do to help it. I've lost a little over 10 pounds since I've started, which isn't a lot for the amount of time, but there's been slacking and injuries. I WILL conquer the rest!

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4/18/11 6:57 P

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My name is Teresa. My DH and I dated back in 1990 when we were 20 years old (yes you can do the math and figure out how old I am, I don't mind emoticon ). We went our own ways and both ended up marrying and divorcing different people. During that time he had four children (3 boys and 1 girl the youngest) while I did not have any children.

To be honest, at the time I did not want to have children with my first husband, should have been a big clue to me that something was amiss. I did not want to bring children in to this world with a man who did not like kids or want them. Period. My decision was made for me.

Fast forward to 2005. My DH and I both found ourselves single again. I ran in to his mother at a local grocery store and the rest, as they say, is history. We got back together and married May 3, 2008.

When we first started dating again he was pretty direct about his kids, he did not hide anything. At the time they were 12, 9, 6, and 5. Long story short I jumped in with both feet. With my eyes wide open. I knew what I was getting in to.

So I thought anyway. There have been so many things that have come up over the years I never expected. I will save those for another post.

I just wanted to give you some background. Currently our two oldest are now 17 and 14 and live with us. Our two youngest are 11 and 10 and we have them about 35% of the time. We do not plan on having kids together. So what we have is what we will have.

All in all I really can't complain. I am married to my soulmate and his four kids. That is my life.

emoticon

~ Tree ~

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss

Stepmom Sparks, Instant Firm Time Moms
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=50565


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