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10/11/13 1:33 P
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My husband is a Vietnam Vet with substantial disability from Agent Orange poisoning. He is still able to do a lot, so I am not to the point many of you are; but I wanted to get established in this group. His situation will likely deteriorate over time. Many of the health conditions he has would probably have happened eventually because they run in his family, but they have struck earlier and harder than they would have because of the Agent Orange poisoning. We make frequent visits to the ER because of his congestive heart failure and diabetes. When he gets an infection, he is unable to fight it like most people, so that usually lands him in the ER as well. We moved from Frankfort, KY to Lexington, KY to be closer to the VA hospital where he gets his care. They do an excellent job. We also got a handicapped-accessible apartment because we expect he may eventually be confined to a wheelchair. So we are trying to be prepared and have things set up as well as we can. I ask for prayers, and I will pray for others on this team. Thanks for being here. I learned about this team because Dee107 is on it. Thanks, Dee!

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down. Psalm 145:14

A monk was once asked: What do you do there in the monastery? He replied: We fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again. - Tito Colliander

The Jesus Prayer helps to lift the whole life, body and soul, to a level where . . . the world is sought and known in the beauty of God, not God in the beauty of the world. - Mother Maria of Normanby


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WANT2BHEALTHY60's Photo WANT2BHEALTHY60 Posts: 236
9/5/13 2:01 P

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My husband is permanently in a hospital due to an error with anesthesia administration. He´s in a vegetative state. We presently have 2 full time nurses and some volunteer and family help, but I am the decision maker and go in almost daily for a while. The distress for me has been seeing him unable to do anything, except respond with grimaces or shock, or disaproval at what they do to him. He is totally conscious.
This has been my life for the past year
Looking at this group I can see that my situation is not too bad. It will be a good group for me.

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7/24/13 12:33 A

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I care for my DH who had to retire at age 62 due to memory loss he was a boiler engineer he will be 79 in September so have been dealing with this for awhile he was diagnosised in 2000 and ran him through all the test again in 2004
We traveled for a few years and then parked our trailer at a campground and finally at our daughter/soninlaws lake home signed the trailer over to them this year as we can no longer travel up there to stay we are homebound and DH is nearing the final stages of Alzheimers
we continue to take one day at a time
Am grateful for Gods strength and follow His plan for us


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LIFE-FAITH's Photo LIFE-FAITH Posts: 7,827
4/26/13 9:47 A

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I help take care of my dad who has COPD, congestive heart failure (his heart works at 22%), he has two hernias, an aortic anurism and cancer. he cannot have surgery due to his heart.

Jean

Dad: BIBLE: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

Leader:Loving Our Kidneys
Kidney Failure is the 8th leading cause of death in USA


"Seventy years are given to us! Some may even reach eighty.
But even the best of these years are filled with pain and trouble;soon they disappear, and we are gone."(Psalms 90:10)

You cannot change your life until you change something
that you do every day.
~John C. Maxwell~


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4/13/13 12:32 A

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Hi my name is Patty, I care for my grandchildren and I am the main day to day care giver for my mother. She lives 25 minutes from me and I do some of the daily chores she needs done, shopping, doc. appt., and so on. I also am a respite provider for a child with special needs. Once a month he comes to our home for a weekend get away. I use to provide respite care for many more children but after my grandchildren came along and I started caring for them, I cut back on my respite care. I miss all the kids because I loved my job, and had most of the kids for 13 years. I am glad to find a group of other care givers. It is hard to find the time I need when my time seems so filled. Hopefully here I can come upon some good ideas. Thanks- Patty

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HIKINGFAN's Photo HIKINGFAN SparkPoints: (99,504)
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3/29/13 6:56 P

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Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. It looks like he will have surgery next week. He will be in the wheelchair at least 8 weeks. The good news is the Dr. seemed to think the feet would heal well so that we can again hike in the mountains although I'm guessing that is summer of 2014.

I am still frustrated with the food thing. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen getting meals for him. The past 2 days people have come by with dinners so that has helped. I know they meant well but earlier this week a group stopped by with "food" - a bundt cake, a coffee cake, a frosted chocolate cake, 3 dozen cookies and 2 dozen cupcakes. I finally have that stuff into the freezer so it is not in front of me constantly. There are only two of us - I think it will last for months!

Someone will be here tomorrow so I can finally go out shopping - I'll check on getting some protein and quick healthy items as you suggested. Thank you for the support!

Persistence Pays !!


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
3/28/13 12:12 A

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You are at about 1000 on one of those stress test questionnaires. Can anything be put off, so future DH can be part of the moving and wedding w/o feeling worthless. That would help alleviate part of the burden from both of you. Ask him what he thinks is best. It is hard being the invalid too. Sending hugs and prayers for wisdom and pacing for you and wisdom for the doctors and rapid recovery for your fiance.



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BRAVEONE92's Photo BRAVEONE92 SparkPoints: (113,180)
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3/27/13 11:09 P

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So emoticon about your fiance's fall and resulting injuries. It also
is very unfortunate that it happened when you are preparing to sell your
house and move, then the wedding. I agree with Debby, you do have
some serious stress issues. All of us on this team knows what its
like to be a caretaker. That in itself is challenging at times, it is for
me anyway. It sure doesn't leave much energy to attempt to get other
important things done.

It is important that you try as much as possible to eat healthy so
that you keep your energy in tact. It might help to buy a protein mix
and make healthy smoothies some days. I bought a Nutri Bullet
and make green smoothies, I even add protein to most of those.
Now & then, I buy the frozen Weight Watcher meals. I like them
occasionally. Some people won't touch them but it is a matter of
choice.

Please know while you're going through all these very hard times,
I will remember you and your fiance in my prayers. I am sure some
of the others will do so as well. I think it helps to come here each
day and post on chat and get everything off your chest. It really
helps. We will be here, helping to encourage you.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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DEBBY4576's Photo DEBBY4576 Posts: 4,873
3/27/13 9:34 P

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Years ago my brother had the exact same thing happen to him. We lived far apart, so I only know that it is a long recovery, and that he never walked quite the same, but did walk.

I don't know how you find time to eat!!! I know I know. When we are under stress, and really busy we grab simple things and snack more often on wrong things. I'd just be sure to have frutis and vegs at all times in the fridge. I also, recently have done this 4xs a day. Half cup plain low fat greek yogurt. 1 tbls sugarfree vanilla pudding. 1/2 cup frozen berry mix. I microwave 2 cups of the berries and add 2 tsps xylitol and let them cool Only about 3 minutes in microwave. Then I mix the the half cup yogurt with the tbls pudding, and add 1/4 of the cooked down berries with all that cooked sauce. I am losing now, and it's filling. The real cool thing for me is I'm lactose intolerant, but Greek yogurt doesn't bother me. The pudding makes the yogurt taste like cheesecake, not yogurt. The reason to make your own is this kind has no glycemic raising sugars, so filling but you won't gain....you lose.

I'm sure you'll get more ideas from the others. It is a stressful time when any loved one is injured. Add moving, and a wedding not that far away, and you are under some serious stress.



Edited by: DEBBY4576 at: 3/27/2013 (21:37)
Northwest PST
Debby
CoLeader of Natural Remedies, Natural Health.


“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” Randy Pausch
Don't let your past hold your future hostage.


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HIKINGFAN's Photo HIKINGFAN SparkPoints: (99,504)
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3/27/13 7:44 P

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Hi! My fiancé fell 15' off a ladder a few days ago and has shattered both heel bones. He cannot put any pressure at all on his feet and will be in a wheelchair for 2-3 months. The pain is finally subsiding but I'm sure it will be worse again after his surgery next week. We have a 4-level house so he is confined to the family room.

I had hoped to be slim and trim for our wedding this summer but am really struggling to watch my calories while caring for another person 24 hours. Does anyone have any tips on staying motivated under the circumstances?

Oh, and we are getting ready to move and have a zillion coordinating and moving tasks to do besides the full-time care. I spent the day helping him, staining cupboards, packing boxes, sealing new tile grout, and getting several rooms ready for buyers' showings.

Persistence Pays !!


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CAPTAINMORGAN2's Photo CAPTAINMORGAN2 Posts: 13,834
12/28/12 11:22 P

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emoticon Donna and hi everyone. Just came from movie night with my youngest daughter, I look forward to it every other Friday. I want to wish everyone a happy New year, may it be a good year for all of us.More later, hubby had his 3mo. check up yesterday, too much to tell tonite, more later, Georgine emoticon .



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BRAVEONE92's Photo BRAVEONE92 SparkPoints: (113,180)
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12/28/12 10:20 P

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emoticon to a great team. There are not a lot of us in number,
but we have some faithful members who usually post most days in
chat. We hope that you will join in with us. We would love to hear
from you every chance you get.

I am so sorry for your dear husband. I know arthritis to be very painful.

Yes, nursing homes are very expensive. But Mom fell back in July at
age 92, now 93. She was unable to stand or walk thereafter. I have a
spinal fusion and other problems as well, and she has always insisted
that the nursing home is where she wanted to go. She loves it and I
have to say, they are very good to her. I visit most every day. Her
most wanted wish is to go to be with the Lord. She states that her
body is worn out and she no longer has any work to do.


"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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DONNALOU76's Photo DONNALOU76 SparkPoints: (1,081)
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12/28/12 5:00 P

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Hello! I am new to Caretaker's. Heard about your team on my other team for weight loss. My DH is very crippled with RA (rheumatoid arthritis), deformed and in a wheelchair for outdoors and hobbles with a walker indoors. He does not require lots of care -- just laundry, meals served just so, and assistance in the shower and with clothing. Also applying bandages on swollen, oozing legs.

I work part-time in real estate. This gives me an escape from too much togetherness.

My heart goes out to all who care for loved ones. It must be so frustrating, caring for someone with dementia, knowing that only very expensive nursing homes might be the alternative to home care. Also it must be heart-breaking to care for terminally ill parents. My Dad died in the hospital, and Mom lived for some time in a long-term nursing home, at great expense. I worked in skilled nursing homes for 25 years as social worker.

DonnaLou
CAPTAINMORGAN2's Photo CAPTAINMORGAN2 Posts: 13,834
11/12/12 11:57 A

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One nail on each foot had grown to the skin so he did have to have a band aid on one toe. No wonder he was complaining, at least it is better now tho he will always have sore feet. The nurse told us about some peoples nails actually had grown from the left all the way to the right--how in the world did they walk! Another lady that had let them grow too long was dancing around the room after they were cut. The nurse soaked his feet before she cut them too. She is the same nurse that was our Home Care nurse.I am glad it is done cause that is one thing i don't want to do is cut someone else's toe nails. Funny how toe nails and nails get hard as we age but not our bones. Have a good day. Georgine

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11/11/12 9:29 P

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Am glad you went to a nail clip clinic having nails too long effect the feet and walking also makes me grumpy
Am still able to cut my own and my DH but it takes me an couple hours as we do soak them to make them softer
Take care one day at a time

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CAPTAINMORGAN2's Photo CAPTAINMORGAN2 Posts: 13,834
11/8/12 4:01 P

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Read all the post and hoping all are taking care of themselves as well as loved ones. How well i remember those days caring for my mother and husband. Now mom has passed and hubby is doing well. We went to have his nails cut yesterday. He kept saying he could do it but the podiatrist said they were too far gone and told us to go to the nail clinic.That lady who does the clipping is our former Home Care Nurse and it was nice to see her again, we miss all those gals. Anyway, one nail on each foot had grown in to the skin , no wonder his feet hurt. I wouldn't have even tried to cut them. So I can say we are doing ok, as well as we can. Now it is me needing to get back to losing, gained past my top number in my plateau so i am not happy and this cold gloomy Nov. doesn't help. Take care everyone, will pray for healing and comfort, Georgine emoticon

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11/7/12 8:46 P

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Something about my DH who has alzheimers is he is happy, warm and safe
It thrills my heart when he smiles and laughs
continue to live one day at a time

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LIFE-FAITH's Photo LIFE-FAITH Posts: 7,827
10/11/12 8:48 A

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I am Jean - I take care of my parents a few times a week. Dad is 82 and lives with congestive heart failure - his heart works at 22%, he has two hernias, an aortic aneurysm, gout, COPD, and arthritis. My mom has heart disease and arthritis. Mom is having surgery on Nov 1 to straighten her leg and replace her knee.

I love taking care of my parents. I have five siblings - two of which come periodically. I am going to need a bit of support balancing everything.
Jean



Dad: BIBLE: Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

Leader:Loving Our Kidneys
Kidney Failure is the 8th leading cause of death in USA


"Seventy years are given to us! Some may even reach eighty.
But even the best of these years are filled with pain and trouble;soon they disappear, and we are gone."(Psalms 90:10)

You cannot change your life until you change something
that you do every day.
~John C. Maxwell~


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8/4/12 9:44 P

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Telling you something about my DH he is loveable kind gentle and very easy to care for
one day at a time

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SILVER1369's Photo SILVER1369 Posts: 13,639
7/30/12 12:36 P

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emoticon to both of you!

Mom is doing ok. Last week was not a good week. Praying this week will be better.

Hope your Mom will have a better week also.

Helen
Leader An Angel's Touch is Unstoppable
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Leader An Yorkie's Love is Forever
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No matter how devastating an event, I truly believe that for every door that closes...a new one opens. You just have to be willing to see it and open it.


When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
7/30/12 1:14 A

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emoticon Thinking of you both.



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BRAVEONE92's Photo BRAVEONE92 SparkPoints: (113,180)
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7/27/12 10:21 P

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Silver, I am sorry that that your Mom has had such a hard time. I am glad
that she can get around with her walker. I can identify with her memory
slipping, my Mom has not had a stroke, but she has mini strokes. That
has caused her memory problems. She too, uses a walker with wheels
& a seat. I can clearly understand why they would be depressed. Their
bodies are worn out. Mom states often that she wants to go to be with
the Lord.

I am sure that she misses the little dog. They are so much company
for everyone. I hope that your Mom is doing well this week.

Mine, has had a really rough week. Things were going better today.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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SILVER1369's Photo SILVER1369 Posts: 13,639
7/25/12 8:44 P

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Hi! I am Helen and I take care of my Mom. Mom is now 86. A little over 2 years ago Mom ended up in the hospital. We found out that she had/has blood clots in her lungs. Along with having congestive heart failure, and kidney failure. This past January she had a mini stroke and was back in the hospital. Mom is able to get around with the aid of a walker. Her memory is slipping she can recall things that happened many years ago but recalling something that happened recently not so much. Since last month Mom has been going thru depression. I had a Yorkie that I had to put to sleep. He was my little helper with Mom and she loved him dearly. She said he was her hero and her grandson. She does not want another.

Helen
Leader An Angel's Touch is Unstoppable
teams.sparkpeople.com/UAT
Leader An Yorkie's Love is Forever
teams.sparkpeople.com/AYLF
No matter how devastating an event, I truly believe that for every door that closes...a new one opens. You just have to be willing to see it and open it.


When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
3/10/12 10:15 A

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Misti, How are you doing at the moment? Have you set aside some time just for you?



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3/7/12 10:54 P

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Misti, I read your story of all you've endured and will continue to endure.
You and your Mom really have done a lot of sacrificing and hard work,
that is a labor of love. My prayers go with you and your Mom, also
with your brother and your own children.

I am a caretaker for my Mom who is 92 now. She is very feeble and falls
a lot. Otherwise she does okay. I do everything that is needed for her,
for the most part. Sometimes, I find it very hard to cope with it, day
after day. I also have a DH that has days that he doesn't feel well,
and I don't always feel well, because of chronic pain.

After reading your post, you have to deal with so much more. I don't
how you've done so much, but you're really a very special woman,
with special qualitities. Your Mom as well.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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MISTIHASE Posts: 10
3/7/12 9:25 P

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Thank you, Cathy.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. ~William Shakespeare


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3/5/12 1:13 P

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Misti, My heart goes out to you and your family who have endured so much.
emoticon



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MISTIHASE Posts: 10
3/2/12 6:48 P

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I knew this was the place for me when I joined almost a year ago. That was just reaffirmed when I came to finally introduce myself. The reason I knew that was that this forum had a topic to tell about our loved one and also one to tell about ourselves. As I'm sure all of you who are in a caretaker role will understand, it becomes difficult to separate who you are from who you are in relation to the loved one you are caring for. For me, that's where a lot of my issues around doing what I need to do for myself come from.

So, my loved one. My loved one is not just one but many.

A year ago, nearly to the day I escorted my brother to Craig Hospital in Englewood, Colorado. In January of 2009 he fell off a ladder at work and injured his back. He tried to deal with the pain and kept working on limited duty and limited mobility until he suffered a subsequent fall at work in May of 2010 which left him to live life as a paraplegic. It was a long road between 2009 and now. The care he should have been receiving was slow in coming and parceled out so poorly through worker's compensation that if he had been attended to properly from the beginning, he probably would still be walking. But, no looking back. All we can do is deal with now and look towards the future.

We spent longer than most at Craig. The average stay is around 12 weeks, we were there for 6 months. He had one medical problem after another. Before we got to Craig, I spent nearly every waking hour with him at medical facilities in our home state from August 2010 to March 2011, where he went only from bad to worse. I am happy to say he is back home now, but the mental toll from 2009 to today has left his spirit quite broken, and his will very low.

My brother is what motivated me to find others who were in a similar position of being the caretaker. However, my children are also loved ones I care for. I have a 13 year old son with Asperger's Syndrome and Epilepsy. I also have a 10 year old daughter who struggled with failure to thrive as an infant and toddler, and still has an extremely low bmi. She also has Central Auditory Processing Disorder, and ADHD.

In addition, I help care for my father who was injured in an auto accident when he was younger and had traumatic brain injury as well as spinal cord injury, leaving him blind, deaf, and partially paralyzed on one side.

My mom and I have shared the care of my brother and father. She is an amazing woman!



It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. ~William Shakespeare


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10/19/11 10:53 P

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emoticon Susan to a great, compassionate team!

You will find that all of us on this team, has similar problems, like yours.
When I read your post, I went back to Oct. 2007, when my step dad
passed and left my Mom a widow. Mom was 87 at the time and was
already having medical problems. Also, she lived a long ways from
me. I had to make so many decisions for her, because she was not
capable. I handled the whole funeral business for him. Then the
ordeal of moving closer to me, into an apartment, and giving the
house to one of her DH children. It had already been decided,
between them. When I go back and revisit the months of decisions,
I had to make, lawyer, court, funeral, moving, furniture sales and
the list goes on, it really still stresses me.

I can imagine what you are going through right now. My Mom is
normally headstrong, but the Lord had to be with her & me, at the
time, because she made everything easy as far as agreeing
with things. But it was all an ordeal.

Praying for you, that your dear Mom will agree to what you think
is best re: her house. Also, hope that she will agree to go to a
nice senior housing or assisted living.

We have one assisted living place in our town, but it is occupied
mostly by teachers, who paid into a plan for years, so that this
kind of place would be available to them. They don't accept
Medicare. Sure wish they did, it would be perfect for Mom.

I am looking forward to seeing you post every day. We will
be here for you, to help, pray, and encourage you.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
10/19/11 12:26 P

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Hello Dear Friend,

Glad to see you here. I can't say enough good things for the assisted living facility I convinced my parents to move into. There were studios that were as cute as can be that were for people on Social Security. One of Mom's friends moved into one. The other thing I liked besides the aides who checked regularly on them was the meals and common room. Lots of new and exciting things were happening. It was a good experience for all of us.



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10/19/11 10:39 A

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emoticon Susan;

When it comes to our parents it really pulls on our heart strings.

Things are so bad financially now all over it is hard to make very many decisions. I am happy to hear your Mom is in fairly good health at this time, except for the cataracts.

I know you will get plenty of love,support and motivation here, plus loads of prayers my friend.

We all work together here to find solutions.

Welcome to our family!

God Bless you,
Barbara


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IZZYBEBOP's Photo IZZYBEBOP Posts: 12,813
10/19/11 10:06 A

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Hi, I'm Susan, 53 year old daughter of 84 year old mother. She's still able to do a lot of things, but I've found myself now in a position to try to get her affairs in order, such as funeral preparations, and she's very stubborn, obstinate and hard headed. After yesterday, I decided I needed some support and am so thankful that I found this team.

A little history to explain why it's so emotional for me:
Back in 2005 she basically couldn’t afford to live in her home. We were in a position where we could pay off her mortgage so we did, but she pays the taxes and insurance. This caused problem with my older sister, BAD problems, to the point that she finally had to get an attorney to write her a letter prohibiting her from having any contact with my mom. So that leaves me as her only caretaker.
When the economy started getting so bad, her savings has gone down a lot. I'm working with her on finalizing her funeral plans now, and trying to work with DHS to get her some assistance. After she pays for the funeral, she’ll have no savings and only getting $918 social security per month, I'm hopeful that she’ll be able to get assistance and hopefully Medicaid to help pay for her cataract surgery. She doesn’t have Medicare because it’s too expensive.
Her right eye is completely covered with the cataract, so much that they couldn’t get a reading for it when she went to her eye exam, so she’s now seeing 20/50. If she doesn’t get it done, and her left eye gets that bad she won’t be able to drive.
She’s obstinate, stubborn and heard headed, and I'm not a very strong person when it comes to matters like these. So after the eye exam we went to sit and talk, and I broke down telling her how it hurts me when she says certain things like “if I was dead none of this would be a problem.”
I did find a CARETAKER group here on SP that I'm going to join, but I also suggested that we look for some type of a support group for both of us. She says it won’t help, but she’s never been to one so I'm still going to look into it.
Also, since we own the house, the way the market is it won’t be easy to sell later on, so once I find out if she can get assistance from DHS I'm going to look into apartments for her to move to. She has a huge yard, and it’s getting more difficult for her to mow and keep up. If it gets to where she can’t, she won’t be able to afford to have it mowed. She’s not going to like the idea, which puts me into another stressful situation trying to convince her that it’s in ALL of our best interest to do so. We’d even give her some money after the house sells to help her out.
I can be a very responsible person when it comes to working, but other things like this it’s really difficult for me.
Thanks for reading all of this.

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9/5/11 4:18 P

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emoticon CED emoticon

I am so glad you finally introduced yourself to this wonderful team!

You like me need this team for support,motivation and yes....escape! emoticon

My grandson that we are raising and have had since the day he was born has aspergers syndrome. Not too many people know exactly what that is! Some look at it as a disability, others when they look it up, all they see is autism.

Well first to me it is neither. It is a daily challenge my child has to live with and overcome in his daily life!

Second, aspergers syndrome is a disorder that causes his brain to function faster than his hands or other body parts maybe able to keep up with.

Third he is like a sponge with information. Highly intelligent. Non- social-able to his peers at school, but can carry on a normal conversation with a college professor! He does however want to be friends,they however do not understand him.

His hyperactivity I find not really unusual, but at times I do see it gets a little much. Medication is not the answer for him. Vitamins and a new supplement called Focus has helped him to concentrate and actually focus on the task at hand.

So emoticon my friend. Come on and join in the threads and yes even the VENT let it all out on those bad days that we all have!

Your Leader and Friend,
Barbara

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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
9/5/11 2:34 P

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I have not lived with a disabled child, but I was a special ed teacher for 25 years. There are blessings too, which I am sure you are aware of. Welcome to the roller coaster.

Just wanted to share that Hubby made it to his VA appt. Kidney function is at 34% and his lungs are a mess to quote the doctor. He has a bazillion other tests scheduled. I don't know if I will get him back to the docs. He is sleeping now. I think He just wants to move on to his next adventure. He scheduled a picnic with his kids yesterday at the park. I managed to throw it together and they all came and acted normal, but I think we all know he was trying to say goodbye. Despite all that, he has a strong heart and is a fighter, so he still may have another ten years. He told me I couldn't post anything on facebook, and I won't, but I need support too, so here I am going behind his back. Please forgive me for my indiscretion here, but I am reaching out for support. Thank you.



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9/4/11 3:07 P

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hi, i'm cendi and my loved one is my daughter/granddaughter. she is a lovely, very intelligent young lady who just happens to suffer from multiple mental/behavioral illnesses. she is developmentally about 5, cognitively about 5 but chronologically she is almost 11 which leads to many interesting times. which is what leads me here..... emoticon

May God’s blessings out number all your prayers
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted: Garrison Kellor
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody – Bill Cosby
You can be the hammer, making things happen, or you can be the nail that sits there and gets pummeled over and over - Mike Kramer, Staff Writer , SparkPeople


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8/15/11 6:26 P

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emoticon Linda. You are in the right place for support. There is no magic wand but we can send our prayers and hugs to you and your family. Chris

GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
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30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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8/1/11 5:15 P

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emoticon Linda to our team!

I am so glad that you shared your story about you & Bob. I can understand
that you both had lots of fun motorcycling. It is an exciting life. I used to love
to ride on the back of a Harley, but a very long time ago.

I do hope that the chemo & radiation has helped Bob and that he will feel
better and be able to ride his bike again. With God all things are possible.

My DH has a grandson who was not even 20, when they found that he
had brain tumors. They did surgery on him and took the tumors off.
I'm not sure what other treatment he had, as he lives in another state.
He is doing fairly well now.

Please come often and post, we want to encourage you and support
you, in however way, we are able. May God bless you & Bob.

Edited by: BRAVEONE92 at: 8/1/2011 (17:27)
"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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8/1/11 12:43 P

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Linda...God works in mysterious ways my friend. One being He brought you to us!
I pray the chemo and radiation has helped in the healing process.

WOW a Motorcycle Mama! emoticon That is one of the things you can always talk with Bob on his bad days. Give him hope for the future. Talk about his bike. Usually things they like will trigger a good point. We never know what the future will bring but never let your dream die!

Welcome aboard my friend, and know we are here for you!
Barbara



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7/31/11 8:52 P

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My husband Bob is 55 and had no health issues (save being overweight and standard prostate problems) until the end of last year. We thought he just had a virus around Christmas time because he just felt a little 'off.' Took a family vacation to the Orange Bowl (big VT fans), and he got much worse while we were there. Rushed home & to urgent care - diagnosis brain tumors.

This year has been a slow downhill slide. Bob has had two rounds of radiation & two rounds of chemo in the hospital. Since mid June he's been so weak that he's barely mobile. Caught a cold, which turned to pneumonia. He was hospitalized for that until just this past Friday. Suffered a more weakened state while in the hospital this last time. He's now at a nursing home for rehab to gain strength. Unfortunately, he's been to disoriented and confused to do much rehab so far.

Prior to this year Bob was actiive and independent. He's a maintenance mechanic for Anheuser Busch, and his passion is motorcycling. I share that passion (yeah, I drive my own), and our retirement plans included lots of motorcycling. At this point, I'd be surprised if he can recover sufficiently to drive a bike again, which makes me very sad. Don't know what the future holds, though. All I know is Bob & I are fighting for a future.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
-Will Rogers


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
7/18/11 2:50 A

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Thank you for the warm welcome.

Today was a better day for DH. I posted on the chat thread.



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7/17/11 11:18 P

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Chris.. First let me say I am so thankful you are a Christian my friend. The reason I say this is because the challenges we face and the challenges you and you dear husband are facing would have been life shattering if you had not had the Lord to lean on.

I hope you know my friend you have many here that are going through similar situations and we all grow so much closer as we lean on each other and pray together.

I do pray you can get more PT for your dear DH..I will pray a miracle will walk through your door. If I lived closer I would come and do the PT for you. Do you think we can move States around? I would sure try! Like we had discussed before my friend I know your time is limited,but please drop in when you have the time.

Cathy;
We are so glad you caught Chris by the shirt tale and followed her in!

Your Dear Dh is surely a miracle. God still has work for him to do! We would love for you to join in the chat room and other threads my friend any time you can.

We have threads to talk, to vent...which we all need to do from time to time...Please let us know if you need anything special. we are here for you. This is a good Christian team and we Love one another.

Your DH has many things going on ..degenerative disk disease is very painful..I know I have it,but mine is in the early stages. With your DH with his kidneys,heart and especially the traumatic experiences he had to endure i Viet Nam, he has more will power and determination than I could imagine. The Lord is looking after him.

My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend. Please always know I am here for you.

May God Bless you,
Barbara


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GRAMMACATHY's Photo GRAMMACATHY Posts: 19,434
7/17/11 1:52 P

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Chris, I followed you right here. Thanks for adding me as a friend too or I would not have found this team.


My hubby is a Viet Nam Vet. He died almost three years ago from sepsis, kidney failure, pneumonia and copd. I joined the Lost a Loved One team at that time because the doctors told me he would not survive. Luckily, he has a warriors heart and not an ounce of body fat. Most recently he is going through that same decline he had three years ago and I can't get him to the doctor of even out the door. I am trying to get him to access the VA for assistance. He is having a lot of short term memory loss. He also has been retired for over 15 years due to degenerative disk disease. His neurosurgeon told me he would not survive the pain for six months without his pain medication. So he hurts all the time too. Mostly he lays in bed and smokes. He does not eat much and has lost all the beautiful muscle his yard maintenance/road paving lifestyle had given him. He also lost that intense physical workout that helped him cope with his nightmares of Viet Nam. He is still mobile and will walk the dogs around the yard.



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7/17/11 12:27 P

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Thank you all for being here!

I am Christine from Connecticut. The song "When I am 64" fits us both now. My husband at 59 had a stroke in the spring of 2006. He is now using a motorized wheelchair to get around. He can speak and his mind is pretty good. Now he spends his time watching TV and reading the newspaper. He was an engineer and then in the 80's went to school for computer programming. He switched careers not by choice but it worked out pretty well. He misses his woodworking hobby greatly. He was also a volunteer in the fire dept. and ambulance.We don't live near his or my family. We are in a condo complex. I wish more people would visit him. He is alone all day when I go to work. Now in the summer he loves having me home. The doctor in the hospital kept him alive with a team of 5 doctors. It was a hospital designated as a stroke center. They have to have certain things in place for that title. the doctor said John was the hardest person he ever had to get his blood pressure down. So it was a very serious event. He is very lucky to be alive. Insurance has been paying for very limited physical therapy for him. He has this sometimes in the house here. If he could go out for it apparently he could get more each year. Through the 5 years I have set up this physical therapy a few times. His arm has improved but his leg has gotten much weaker. He certainly cannot walk and now can't even stand holding himself up at a bar like he used to--about 2 minutes at a time.



GOAL: Reduce A1C,BP,tryglicerides,and weight. HOW? By not eating added sugar, using Omega3s, base meals on veggies, water aerobics at least 3X week and using NuStep when I can't get to the pool.

CAREGIVER SUPPORT PLEASE SEE THESE LINKS:
www.caring.com/
www.agingcare.com/

30 lbs. gone. Now to work on the next 10 lbs.


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6/13/11 10:53 A

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My friend Rant you may! This is the first step to healing!

I tell so many people that my first real.. time at caretaking long term was with my Mom..I actually thought I was going to go crazy!

I had looked for support and could find nothing in my small area. I thought the walls were closing in around me. So this is why this team is so important to me. WE WILL HELP YOU THROUGH EVERY STEP.

You have a wonderful family. God has been very good to you my friend. Yes right now you are feeling very disappointed in every situation. Together we are going to try to help you, not only get past your stress, but get back on a healthier track for you and your family!

Welcome to Our Team..and when I say "OUR" this means "YOUR" team. Please never hesitate to come either to the team page we have a vent thread or if you would like spark mail me....pour out your heart my friend. The first step is sharing what is in your heart that you can not share with anyone else!

Have a great day and Please let me know if you need any assistance at all!
Your Friend,
Barbara

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SNOOPY1960's Photo SNOOPY1960 Posts: 1,681
6/11/11 8:58 P

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Hello ! My loved one is my DH and on April 26, 2009 he had a massive stroke ( he was only 45 years old ) We have 3 children and it has been so hard on us all. His stroke was not caused by lifestyle ( no high blood pressure , he is not overweight nor did he smoke ) but rather a random blood clot that got stuck in the back of his head and exploded and made many strokes right and left side of his brain. He was in ICU for 2 weeks and spend 30 days in a rehab learning how to tie his shoes, dress himself, brush his teeth etc etc He lost a lot of his eyesight, he can not work , he can not drive and his short term memory is awful. His right side does not work as well as the left side and he has difficulty walking. He has made great strides since he started out in a wheelchair, then to a walker, then to a cane and now walks like he is drunk but when we are out somewhere I hold his hand for stability. At home he just holds onto furniture or walls when he walks.

I find it very overwhelming to be a caretaker. It breaks my heart to see my once strong , handsome Husband be reduced to a shuffling old man.

All our plans for our future are gone. Just when I thought life could not get any worse, I lost my job.I was laid off and never saw it coming.

I have to do all the worrying since he unable to take care of anything financially anymore. I have to be Mom and Dad since he really can't "parent" either. I have to make sure things get done llike oil change on the car, making sure the mortage is paid on time, insurance bills are paid for . He did EVERYTHING before his stroke and I was treated like a Queen.

He has days where he is very depressed and tells me the stroke ruined his life. I never tell him it ruined mine too because that would hurt him too much.

We rely on his disability check for income and now my unemployment check adds some to our income. I have more stress than I could ever imagine having in my life has taken its toll on me. I do not drink or smoke but I eat wayyy too much !! Food is my comfort, food makes me momentarily happy. Stinks.

I can not find a job anywhere. I am 50 years old and look older because of the stress. I am sure potential employers who look at me are disgusted at my size and are reluctant to hire me.

Our children are the best, they have been so good through all this. They miss their old Dad.
We have 3 beautiful girls aged 20, 17 and 9. The oldest is a full time college student, the middle one is a Junior in High School and the little one is in the 3rd grade. It has been hard on them since he treated them like his princesses and they miss that . He always made special time for them , taking them out one at a time for ice cream or lunch or to play in the park.

I could rant for hours. Thanks for listening.

emoticon

RANJINI4's Photo RANJINI4 Posts: 3,214
6/8/11 8:24 A

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hi there,my mother is my loved one as well as my father.The latter is healthier of the two except for diabetes and heart issues.The former has Non hodgkin's Lymphoma which cannot be cured and needs extensive treatment-which she is taking as well as she can.the problem is that it makes her tired and did have delayed vomiting and no taste at all for food.So she does get a bit cranky but in her condition that is normal.i wish I could do more but my work keeps me busy in the daytime and there is only so much one can do in the night.She is so active and does not take rest-yet cannot understand why she feels tired and that makes her frustrated!i will do my best and carry on -thanks for listening!

Indian standard Time!


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5/11/11 10:22 P

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emoticon MAMAKITTY. You will find lots of support and motivated friends here. we are always available to talk,and listen. we are so glad you found us. Please come and join us in the chat room and check out all the other threads as well.
Please never hesitate to contact me if I can be of any assistance to you.
God Bless you my friend,

Barbara

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DEE107's Photo DEE107 SparkPoints: (391,261)
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5/11/11 9:50 P

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hello MAMAKItty and welcome to the team

DEE Southern New Jersey
CARETAKER'S OF OUR LOVE ONE'S
SP Class of Oct 12-18 2008.
Losing Weight & Disabled
Menopause & Losing
Grandpas & Grandmas Are Special

Faith makes all thing possible
Love makes all things happen
Hope makes all things work

God is Good all the time. All the time GOD is good.

Let your life be like Angel Food Cake...sweet and Light---




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5/10/11 11:40 P

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My husband is 73. He has arthritis through out his entire body. neck. shoulders back hips legs and knees. He is in constant pain even with pain meds. He has sleep apnea, acid reflux, breathing problems. He's in bed or a wheel chair all the time. He can stand for about 5 min and take a few steps. He was injured in the Marine corps in a non combat trainning accident. He is also suffering from depression. We've been married for 16 years. His son lives with us and helps me take care of him. I'm 65 and have arthritis in my knees. Thanks for listening.

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5/9/11 9:41 P

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Thank you for your up lifting and scriptures and just affirming many of the things I know but need to hear others say. I had some tears today but shared with the young mothers of my Bible study some of the things they will one day need to know...line upon line, precept upon precept. No one taught me these things, i have just learned as the Lord gave me strength through paths before and now i must help these young ones to know that they will go through valleys and they will grow stronger through them and walk closer to God because of them.. What a blessing!!

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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5/9/11 12:15 P

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Linda my thoughts and prayers go out to you. I am in the same situation as you my friend.
I know Granny is knocking on Heavens door.
As I have been in this situation so many time,as I believe you have.

The signs are all so clear. The lack of food, the sleeping all the time, the glassy eyes. I could go on....sometimes I feel maybe I need a thread with some of the signs...but then again....The main thing we need to concentrate on my friend is spiritual intervention....We know the Lord is near...

Caretakers are so Special...you may not realize this part of your journey takes you closer to the Lord than you will ever be before actually meeting him in Heaven.

He is in that room with your Loved One! He is waiting patiently for the right time..He is comforting your loved one the whole time you are working around him or her. He is right there preparing your Loved one for the journey they are about to take.

So my best advice for any caretaker is breathe in the calmness,surround yourself with the peacefulness of the what the Lord has to offer.

Caring for someone who is ill is challenging,yet it has the potential also to be rewarding. As each moment becomes special, you may experience a heightened awareness of the beauty of life.

You have an opportunity to face a challenge together and to share your fears and feelings. Life can become more precious, death less fearsome.

I do believe Jesus is with us..why? Because the Bible tells us so!

“Let not your hearts be troubled; believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And when I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.” John 14:1-6

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5/9/11 1:28 A

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I have made my decision today - I will be dropping one of my other teams so that I have a little more time to devote to loving and encouraging you and sharing my walk down this "caring for my loved one" path. Grama B is so much weaker than three weeks ago when i joined your discussions and I must adjust my heart as well as my care and then help other family members to so the same. emoticon Time and time and time --- Lord help me to use mine well.

Linda F in WA state
*John 10:10b Jesus came to give me life,
an abundant life!


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5/7/11 9:48 A

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Thank you Barbara and Diana. Now that I've had my morning cry I will get on with my day.
It's nice to know there are people around that understand how I feel. Thanks for starting up this team.

Julie (Ontario,Canada)
-----------------------
Dum spiro, spero, "While I breath, I hope".
Latin Proverb
-----------------------
Lord
Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together can't handle.
----------------------------


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5/7/11 12:49 A

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Oh Barbara that was so heart felt and just beautiful,it brought me to tears emoticon I began to think of my own father and when I will be dealing with the similar time in his life.When I spoke to him the other day he had a moment of memory loss for the first time I have ever noticed this.I forget my dad is 80 years old,hard to believe by the way he acts.It's so difficult to have a strained relationship with a parent whom you love so much and have a difficult time forgetting the pain he has inflicted on my mom and myself and 2 brothers.I can't seem to forget,I forgive,as his wife,a step mom that isn't really one just pretended to be.She now has stage 4 liver cancer and I have spoken with her once.I am trying to not think about the negative she has done and wish her a Happy Mother's Day Sunday.Julie I am so happy you joined this team,the members and Leaders here are the best Spark has to offer.God Bless You and I agree with Barbara about your father. emoticon emoticon Diana:)

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We that have gone through this understand exactly where you are my dear! You love your dad and you never want to see someone you love suffer. You are at the point now,that you realize, he is ready to go Hoe and would be better off with Jesus.
You are a very loving daughter. Even though the moments seem he doesn't recognize you, the main thing to remember, you still recognize him, Don't miss a moment my friend. Don't miss a smile. You are right to recognize the signs.. his time is probably drawing closer. Never feel guilty for asking the Lord to relieve your Dad of his pain and suffering. This is normal at this stage.
Just talk calmly to your Dad. Tell him your love him. Tell him how much you appreciate all he has done for you.
As we all know we are all just passing through this world on our way Home. We will all meet again one day..what a wondrous reunion that will be when the Lord calls us all Home.
So don't feel bad my friend. He will just be going before you. Be happy his journey here with pain and suffering will be complete!

As you said...your Dad would hate living this way...so love him while he is here,but sometimes we also have to let them know we will be okay if they go, reassure him in a calm voice that if he sees Jesus..it is okay for him to go. Tell him you will join him one day soon!

God Bless you my friend. I will be praying for you,and I am always here if you need me,

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My loved one is my Dad. He's 76 and has been in a nursing home for over 5 years with dementia. 76 is really not very old.
It's been really hard for me watching him waste away. He use to be so active, now he's in a wheel chair. He never talks anymore but sometimes he still smiles at me. It breaks my heart.
He hasn't recognized me as his daughter in years. Sometimes I get really down after I visit with him. I usually go see him every other day.
Over the years I've watched so many of the other residents waste away and die. I know what's coming for my Dad.
Lately he's been sick with aspiration pneumonia. He is getting better but it takes it's toll every time he gets sick.
My problem is I feel torn. I want what's best for him but I pray for God to take him quickly and soon. Then I feel bad for praying that way. My Dad would hate living the way he is because it's not really living.



Julie (Ontario,Canada)
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Dum spiro, spero, "While I breath, I hope".
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Lord
Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together can't handle.
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Mayber,
We do get thrown a curve ball sometimes but with you my dear it sounds like you got a home run!
You dear Husband sounds like a true dear! So many times our loved ones do not want to accept what is happening around them. I can tell by what you wrote he is very content with his life. Being happy and content helps so much.

I hope and pray you can continue to keep him calm. My Mom was losing her memory and she was as sweet as could be right to the end....well except every now and then she would get mad at me! Now I know that was natural, nothing serious.

We are glad you are here. We had a travel trailer years ago.I miss it.I loved going places when all the children were small.WHEW....now that has been a while!
Have a great night!
Barbara

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5/1/11 11:26 P

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I know what you mean and you and my parents have many similar life hugs

DEE Southern New Jersey
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5/1/11 6:38 P

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My Dear Husband will be 77 in September We have been married 55 years in Nov
Was stationery (boiler) engineer at Certainteed (a roofing manufacturer) in Shakopee, MN
Also an engineer at the Curtis Hotel in Minneapolis, MN til it was tore down
Retired at 62 due to memory loss same year as our 40th Wedding Anniversary
We travel for a few years and he was diagnosised with Alzheimers in 2001
From then on we put our trailer at a campground on a lake
Currently have trailer on our daughter and son in laws property on a lake
He is a very gentle man calm enjoys tv, reading, puzzles and keep him as active as we can
Easy to care for and coopertive most of the time accepted his memory loss long before I did
He has had three heart surgeries only one heart attack others angiplasty
Also has arthritis so many medications
We truly live one day at a time

Edited by: MAYBER at: 5/1/2011 (18:53)
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3/31/11 8:01 P

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thanks Barb

DEE Southern New Jersey
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3/31/11 9:43 A

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Dee your situation is so familiar. When you are taking care of a loved one and have another that feels the responsibility should be theirs,although they are not physically able, then this throws you really caring for two at once.

My heart goes out to you. This is almost the same situation I am in with Granny and Granddaddy. Since they have been married for 67 years he feels it is his responsibility to take care of her, but his health is failing. All we can do is try to humor him and let him provide as best he can and watch him ads he still tries to perform his duties around the house and the farm.

He is also showing signs of dementia and gets very over bearing at times..but you have to love him!

Unless we can get them to rely on a walker or cane...all we can do is be there and keep a close eye out for them..as for Granddaddy he has taken several bad falls, thank the Lord he has not been severely injured.

Keep us posted on your Dad also my friend.

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This has to be hard for all of you as it is for me .. I live in New Jersey and somedays I feel its the end of the world.. My father , Freecal , we have to watch him because he likes to climb and fall a lot tooo

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Thank you Barbara for the welcome,you put words together so heartfelt beautifully.God Bless You and Your family! emoticon emoticon Diana:)

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3/30/11 6:12 P

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FREECAL1..I know this has to worry you and with him wanting to be Dependant..it is so much harder. The good thing is he is moving. I realize your concern about him falling again,especially with a walker. Is it his vertigo that is off after the concussion?
You know you have our thoughts and prayers. Please let me know how I can help you,
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My Dear Diana, Death is never a welcomed visitor , but one we must all face. You are indeed welcome with open arms.
The old saying goes.."Time heals all wounds" does not relate to losing a close relative or even friend.
The only thing we can do my friend is accept the grieving period and then remember the laughter.There is always a spot in our hearts for our departed ones, but the joy from the years we had and the love we shared will live forever, and nothing can stop us from enjoying and sharing those memories.

I hope you are prepared to take on this scared role,yet again. It takes a strong and dedicated person to become a caretaker once,but to re-visit the role of" life support" for a loved one, and when I say this..you are their Life Support when things get bad.

Always remember The Lord is always with you, We are with you through the good and bad.
Life is a journey we all must take. We as Caretakers ,if we can make the final days a little more caring,a little more loving,a little more enjoyable,a little more comfortable, then we have done what God put us here to accomplish.

God Bless you my Friend and never hesitate to let me know how I can help!

Your Friend,
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I helped care for my mom when she was bedridden and on hospice and since has passed since 2006,I am still traumatized and have emotional scars watching her slowly painfully die and had no resources or support for my emotional outlet and now my Father In Law's health is deteriorating and from what it appears he has dementia,but not confirmed.I am trying to get my dh and brother to start preparing for caring for him and there mom who has health and ageing issues and need help constantly with things they cannot do themselves.My step mom has stage 4 liver cancer and my dad has a aortic abdominal aneurysm and the doctors want him to have another surgery,they already put in a stent.He is so stubborn and won't do the surgery and I worry about the phone call about her passing and having him to care for him and I am apprehensive and most likely will be the one to be his caregiver when the time comes.I hope that I belong here as I prepare myself and have support in place before the phone call and I will be so much more helpful when the time comes.Thank you. emoticon Diana:)

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3/30/11 1:38 A

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My loved one is my hubby who, on Dec.28/09 suffered a major concussion, brain injury and lost complete hearing in his left ear which used to be his good ear for hearing. To make a long story short he has come a very long ways. The main bugbearer is that he suffers from dizziness all the time and needs to use his walker for walking. This will probably always be with him. He is slower at doing things but being the worker he has always been; he's outside when the weather is nice puttering at something. As my one son said he's stubborn and has that Norwegian blood in him. Because after being initially in the hospital for 2 months straight he wound up in there twice after that with pneumonia.

I was a wreck too because I had gone to gym class and came home and found him.



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3/30/11 12:38 A

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Hi Barb,

Just wanted to let you know that my mother passed peacefully yesterday. Thank you for your support.

Cookie

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3/29/11 7:51 P

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Dee,
You didn't let me know your Mom had another nose bleed after the last balloon. Wow. I know the last major one liked to have scared you to death. 'I hope and pray they get her on the right medication to prevent any more.

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My Mother since November her health went down hill and trying to help her to get back to a better way of living ... My mom was on her second heart attack when she went to the hospital, we changed doctors and trying to get her medicine in order and to make sure she doesnt get any more bloody noses .. she had 2 ballloons in her nose and she still got a bleeder but not a bad one ..

DEE Southern New Jersey
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3/29/11 9:24 A

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Barb,

I do understand your concern about your Dear Mom,your fears with her living alone,the fear of her falling again,the mini strokes.
As we get older and our health takes a different turn,we often have to make choices. I hear those voices my friend.

You must attend to your needs also. You are your Mother's child. She would never forgive herself if you hurt yourself helping her.I have had to back up several times along my journey.
It is never saying you are weak, it is admitting you are strong.

Barbara

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3/29/11 9:04 A

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Cookie,

My Friend,
I want you to know our thoughts and prayers are with you. Know that as you sit by your Mother's bed and do the daily task at hand, you are not alone.
Please continue to check in with us. We are here for you.

Barbara

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3/29/11 9:01 A

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SHARMAE,

This is right where you belong.With your DH depression,anxiety are real. Also it sounds like there maybe more with the loss of memory and anger issues. We are here for you.Let us know what we can do from listening,to praying, to research..we are here to help in any way we can.

A Special needs child is so dear to a Mother's heart. We all know that God makes no mistakes, every child is perfect in the eyes of the Lord. However, we as humans sometimes have a difficult time adjusting to the reasoning. We are here to support you with your beautiful daughter as she goes through these times. You never walk these roads alone my friend. We are right beside you.

Barbara emoticon

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My loved one is my 91 year old Mom. I am her only Caretaker.
She lives alone in senior housing. She lost her DH a little
over 3 years ago, my step-dad. Her most difficult problem
is in walking, she uses a walker on wheels with a seat. In
the past she has had lots of vertigo and has taken lots of
hard falls. She fell several years ago and broke her back.
She was in a nursing home for months, in rehab. She
was able to walk again and returned home. She is almost
crippled/helpless, except in her own apartment. There she
walks, but very gingerly. When I have her out, I have to
hold on tight to her, until I can get a store cart for her or
lift her heavy walker out of the car. She becomes
confused sometimes because she is having mini strokes
often.

I am not supposed to lift because of my spine fusion and
a recent mastectomy. But I have no choice.

Edited by: BRAVEONE92 at: 3/29/2011 (00:17)
"I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth."
Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV)


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3/28/11 11:27 P

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My loved one is my mother who is on hospice and who is currently experiencing terminal congestion. She slept for most of the day today. She is totally bedridden, has a urinary catheter and wears a diaper. She is no longer lucid.

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My loved one is my husband. He suffers from depression and anxiety. I am not certain if you want me to belong to this team. However, caring for him does take a lot of energy. He needs to be monitored to be certain he takes his meds, he forgets a lot so I have to check that things are turned off and the doors are locked. He has a lot of fears which are expressed as anger. Many, many times I am so tired.

Also, my daughter is a special needs child. She does not have a left hand and because she is now going to be 10 in 2 weeks, she is very self-conscious about not having her left hand. In add to that, she is Chinese and always feels different and aware that she is adopted. She expresses so much of her anger towards me. I don't know of anyone I can really talk to about my caregiving struggles.

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my loved one is my mother who has non hodgkin's lymphoma and my father too-old age only.i will be leaving to my home next fall sometime because of this but I will always be with SP and this team.I think a place to be ourselves is essential to be our selves.

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Sharing our experiences not only helps us deal with the stress of our everyday lives,but also we can help one another with everyday challenges.


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