I apologize in advance for this being so long. Thanks, Sandy, for encouraging me to post the e-mail I sent you about joining this group.
I am in somewhat unusual circumstances. In technical terms, most people would not consider me as a caregiver. However, I need support, and right now, I'm not sure where else to turn. I'm usually very upbeat, but there are times when the circumstances really wear on me.
My husband is still currently working; however, that could literally change any day. Please bear with me as I describe my situation, and I will try to keep things brief.
You see, back in 1992, my dh (was just a friend at the time) was a passenger in a car that was hit by a drunk driver. The driver of the car he was in didn't make it. My dh and another passenger did. DH didn't know the full extent of the damage after the accident - it has taken 15 years to piece together all that happened. What he was told was that he would never walk again.
DH is a strong man, and can be somewhat stubborn. He did walk again. However, because he didn't get the full story, there has been permanent damage done. What he didn't know was that the femur went completely through the lower part of his hipbone at the time of the accident, and that during the accident, the impact of his face caused the enamel on his teeth to shatter. They pieced his hip together the best they could, but since they told him he would never walk, we think he got up before the bones solidified enough to bear weight without damage.
Fast forward 16 years. We have been together for 13 years, and the situation is becoming quite troubling. DH still works, but it is with pushing to the very limits of what he can physically do. He does it because right now he is still at the point where he NEEDS to work. I am more than willing to go back into the workforce, but right now he's not at the point (mentally/emotionally) where he can let go of the responsibility of being the breadwinner of the family. That's the only reason I am not insisting (yet) for him to quit and file for disability. I know the time is coming soon when he will not have that choice, and I don't want to take away the sense of dignity he has that holding a job brings him.
He doesn't have the skills for a desk job. There are days that he has to scoot across the floor to get from room to room at home. He hates it when he has to ask for help getting undressed, or putting his socks on, or clipping his toenails because he can't reach.
Some people probably wouldn't consider me as a caregiver, because he can (for now) work. He can get around, even if it is hobbling around. But, other than a caregiver, who would understand what it is like to literally pull your loved one up off the floor? Who else would understand the need to be physical support so your loved one can get to the bathroom?
We've looked into a hip replacement, and we've looked into vocational rehabilitation. Neither of those options are open to us at this time, for reasons I won't go into right now.
One other thing - I need someplace where I can get support because I am in this for the long haul. You see, I'm 34, and he just turned 41 this month. I'm praying that something will change before then; but as it stands now, I see a future where he won't be able to walk his daughters down the aisle. My oldest is 14, and my youngest is 6. The little one doesn't even know what it is like to have a dad to run and play with her.
You can check out my blog and sparkpage, and you will see that I don't dwell on the circumstances. However, I know that here, people can understand that sometimes a person just needs a place to let go and have someone have at least a bit of understanding of how the person feels.
Thank you very much for your time. I do appreciate it.
Thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ coming into my life and changing me!
| current weight: 136.4