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DSMBURTON Posts: 3,394
8/28/08 9:13 P

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Welcome to the group FINALLY*4*ME!, wether or not your husband works, YOU ARE A CAREGIVER!!!, you do help him with things he can't do. Don't sell yourself short. When it does come to the point that your husband needs to stop working try to find things that he can do to give him his sense of self worth. For my husband it was yard work type things but for yours it would have to be something else. Men often feel worthless if they can't accomplish things and it doesn't always take a lot. My hubby does all the cooking and laundry and that works for him too.

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MRS_SANDMAN's Photo MRS_SANDMAN Posts: 1,084
7/6/08 1:59 A

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WELCOME TO THE TEAM! POST ANYTIME!!

ONE THING YOU SAID AND I HAVE TO AGREE WITH, I BELIEVE WE ALL "ARE IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL!" AS MY LIFE SITUATION IS DIFFERENT THEN YOURS, IT ALL BOILS DOWN THE SAME WAY...WE ARE ALL CAREGIVERS! NOT EASY AT TIMES, BUT LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR NOR EASY! WE DO THE BEST WITH WHAT WE CAN, AND GOD WILL HELP US THE REST OF THE WAY!!!

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* (♥ ~♥ SANDRA♥~♥)*
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~All Things are Possible with GOD~

~Today is a NEW DAY~

~"I am not losing weight. I am getting rid of it. I dont want to find it again." ~

~Just...hand over the CHOCOLATE and NO ONE will get hurt!~


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RHALES199's Photo RHALES199 SparkPoints: (27,189)
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7/3/08 9:19 P

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Welcome to the team, MicroMouser.
good to hear from you as well, Brandy.
My name is Becky, I'll be turning 32 in just a few days.
While our situations are different (my husband was born with his disability), I understand a lot of what you both said very well... I understand the man's need to be the provider, having dealt with that one with my own DH... I understand stubborn... I understand taking them back and forth to the Dr's, and surgeries/ hospital stays...and I very definately understand having to pick them up off the floor, as well as needing to help them get to the bathroom. I also understand being in it for the long haul...
Anyways, welcome to the team!
Becky

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7/3/08 4:01 P

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You sweet, sweet thing. Of course you are a caregiver and you have come to the perfect place for support and friends. You have quite a life ahead of you and I find it commendable that you have embraced that and prepared yourself emotionally for what is coming.

I can understand what you are going through perfectly. My DH broke his back in 1999 from bull riding. The bull stepped on and shattered his forth lumbar vertebrae. The surgeons cleaned out the shattered bone and replaced it with a cadaver's bone, then fused the third, forth, and fifth vertebrae together and put in a titanium rod to support it. The spinal cord was damaged a little by the bone that shattered which led the doctors to believe he would never walk again. Chad wouldn't hear of it. He is also a very stubborn man and refused to live his life in a wheelchair. He worked harder then I've ever seen any man do before and was walking within three months.

The real problems came when he had gone back to work suffering through the pain and the infections started. Following the first infection my DH had seven surgeries within a three month period where they would go in and clean out the infection, staple him back up, and discharge him to go back to work just to see him again a few weeks or even days later.

Finally, the infections stopped and Chad and I had a very peaceful year. Then, in 2001, it was happening all over again and I thought Chad would have a mental breakdown. My patience, love, and ability to be a great caregiver were definitely tested at that point as my DH constantly made comments about taking his own life if he was bound to a wheelchair. I knew this attitude was coming from frustration and fear but it was still very hard to hear.

The doctors came to discover that my poor DH was actually allergic to the metal in his back and that was causing the infections. His back had fused beautifully so they removed the titanium rod from his back and decided to let his wound heal from the inside out for fear of him having a reaction to the staples as well.

It took about six months before Chad was ready to once again return to work and he has not had a problem, other then the daily pain in his back, for over six years now. My job as his caregiver still continues with nightly back rubs, an escort to the doctors on really bad days, and just an ear when he's frustrated.

Sorry if my own post was a little long but I hope you see the importance of your love for your DH and how blessed he is to have such a wonderful caregiver by his side.

Feel free to e-mail me anytime you need to talk or just need an ear or even a shoulder. Hang in there. You're doing great things.

With love,
Brandy * Myers

Brandy Star Myers

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me whin you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,"declares the Lord,"and will bring you back from captivity."
Jeremiah 29:11-14

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MICROMOUSER's Photo MICROMOUSER SparkPoints: (27,226)
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7/3/08 1:36 P

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I apologize in advance for this being so long. Thanks, Sandy, for encouraging me to post the e-mail I sent you about joining this group.

I am in somewhat unusual circumstances. In technical terms, most people would not consider me as a caregiver. However, I need support, and right now, I'm not sure where else to turn. I'm usually very upbeat, but there are times when the circumstances really wear on me.

My husband is still currently working; however, that could literally change any day. Please bear with me as I describe my situation, and I will try to keep things brief.

You see, back in 1992, my dh (was just a friend at the time) was a passenger in a car that was hit by a drunk driver. The driver of the car he was in didn't make it. My dh and another passenger did. DH didn't know the full extent of the damage after the accident - it has taken 15 years to piece together all that happened. What he was told was that he would never walk again.

DH is a strong man, and can be somewhat stubborn. He did walk again. However, because he didn't get the full story, there has been permanent damage done. What he didn't know was that the femur went completely through the lower part of his hipbone at the time of the accident, and that during the accident, the impact of his face caused the enamel on his teeth to shatter. They pieced his hip together the best they could, but since they told him he would never walk, we think he got up before the bones solidified enough to bear weight without damage.

Fast forward 16 years. We have been together for 13 years, and the situation is becoming quite troubling. DH still works, but it is with pushing to the very limits of what he can physically do. He does it because right now he is still at the point where he NEEDS to work. I am more than willing to go back into the workforce, but right now he's not at the point (mentally/emotionally) where he can let go of the responsibility of being the breadwinner of the family. That's the only reason I am not insisting (yet) for him to quit and file for disability. I know the time is coming soon when he will not have that choice, and I don't want to take away the sense of dignity he has that holding a job brings him.

He doesn't have the skills for a desk job. There are days that he has to scoot across the floor to get from room to room at home. He hates it when he has to ask for help getting undressed, or putting his socks on, or clipping his toenails because he can't reach.

Some people probably wouldn't consider me as a caregiver, because he can (for now) work. He can get around, even if it is hobbling around. But, other than a caregiver, who would understand what it is like to literally pull your loved one up off the floor? Who else would understand the need to be physical support so your loved one can get to the bathroom?

We've looked into a hip replacement, and we've looked into vocational rehabilitation. Neither of those options are open to us at this time, for reasons I won't go into right now.

One other thing - I need someplace where I can get support because I am in this for the long haul. You see, I'm 34, and he just turned 41 this month. I'm praying that something will change before then; but as it stands now, I see a future where he won't be able to walk his daughters down the aisle. My oldest is 14, and my youngest is 6. The little one doesn't even know what it is like to have a dad to run and play with her.

You can check out my blog and sparkpage, and you will see that I don't dwell on the circumstances. However, I know that here, people can understand that sometimes a person just needs a place to let go and have someone have at least a bit of understanding of how the person feels.

Thank you very much for your time. I do appreciate it.

Thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ coming into my life and changing me!


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