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LODESTONE's Photo LODESTONE Posts: 2,852
8/3/10 9:43 P

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No kidding about the Autobahn. The polezzi don't give tickets for speeding unless you were in an accident. And if you were, it was kinda too late! We were there from 1973-1976, and my hubby still thinks he can drive that agressively here in the States. Wrong! The first time I saw a guy taking a whiz on the side of the road, I almost broke my neck- couldn't believe what I was seeing. Unfortunately, if the back is to the traffic in one direction (on a narrow 2 lane country road), it's FACING the traffic in the other direction. Be still my heart!!!!! I can believe your wife wasn't the UGLY American- to the Germans. Uninformed Americans seem to be the problem, and we were supposed to be fitting in!

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8/3/10 8:13 P

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I would have told him that one of the reasons there was no speed limit on the autobahn was to keep anyone from being upset by the white backsides of those whose peristaltic movements needed to be observed.

My first tour in Germany was as a bachelor, and I learned a lot about the difference in our cultures.

When I returned with a family, I learned about all those cool cultural things, like 'Crazy Ludwig's Castle' and how much nobility would spend having this HUGE garden that needed a crew of 20 working on it every day.

My son pointed things out that a little boy would find different, and on occasion, my wife would be shocked when she encountered something I forgot to give her a heads-up on.

But she NEVER acted like the Ugly American ...female... that was so put out by my son's very natural behavior.

For anyone who has not experienced the joy of driving on an Autobahn in Germany, NO Speed Limit means "let 'er rip"! If your vehicle is capable of doing 160 flat out, going less than 145 means you are a wuss and should be driving in the slow lane.

Lodestone, am I right?

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LODESTONE's Photo LODESTONE Posts: 2,852
8/3/10 7:31 P

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Anyone that has lived in Germany should know about the peeing with your back turned. My God, you saw it on the autobahn, side roads, never mind the soccer field! You did well not to disable the other fella in the first round of kickass, but his wife should have been roundly trounced! Good for you. I love a story with a happy ending!!!

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8/3/10 1:31 A

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Glad he was still able to hear- good on you for not popping his ear drums.
People can be such culture bigots.

Mare-

Direction, not perfection!

It's not a DIE-et- it's a LIVE-it!

I am a kind of pranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger



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TIME4COFFEE's Photo TIME4COFFEE Posts: 13,412
8/2/10 11:56 P

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That was a GREAT story Popeye, and well told!
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This rounds on me!

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8/2/10 7:41 P

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see I knew it would be a boys will be boys story! Great one tho, you should have cold cocked him one tho! emoticon



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8/2/10 6:10 P

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When I was stationed in Germany, there was a waiting list for base housing, so my DW, oldest son and I moved into a quadruplex "on-the-economy". There were a large number of young families in the little German village, and of course they went to school, bright and early.

Easy, my son's nickname, would play quietly alone until called for lunch. He ate lunch as fast as he could so he could be out when the "big boys" came out to play soccer. Though he was the youngest by far - and the shortest, he was not the slowest and his foot-eye coordination was fantastic. The soccer games would generally last a couple of hours, with a break for something to drink and to pee.

In Germany, boys taking a pee in public is not a big deal. They're boys, they have to pee. The only piece of etiquette required was to turn their backs to the others, or find a fence or wall to pee on, again, with back turned.

Fast forward. We finally got on-base quarters, and since I was a unit commander, being five minutes from base during an alert was amazingly safer than being 35 minutes out - unless we'd been put on alert and then my little MG made the trip in 16 minutes flat.

We had been in quarters for three days, my DW had everything organized and things were great - or not.

I came home early (6 PM) on the fourth day and I knew something was wrong when I walked into the apartment.

Dead quiet. And the temperature dropped 10 degree's. Outside, it was late fall. Looking around, then listening, I could here my DW crying. Passing my son's room, I looked in and he was he was sitting on his bed, face to the wall.

I went in to our bedroom, closed the door and gently asked what was wrong.

Nothing, everything was just fine.

Really? You know I'll find out, one way or another, so tell me what's wrong.

Hiccoughing between portions of her story, she told me that Easy had been playing outside with the other kids, when he had to pee. Up against the wall, zip down and in a minute was back playing. A six-year old girl was so shocked, she went and told her mother.

Said mother proceeded out of the building, and on discovering my son, she went over to him, grabbed his arm hard enough to leave bruises, and quick-marched him to our apartment - which he had identified for her. By this time, he was hurt and afraid and he was crying.

When my wife innocently opened the door, the woman threw my son inside the apartment and proceeded to give my wife a tongue-lashing, going into great detail about the little savage we had and his crude, lewd behavior.

When my wife tried to find out what had been done, the woman started screaming at her about not being fit to raise a child, she was stupid and she must have been one of those girls outside US bases who just crawl into any man's bed.

Obviously, her behavior hurt my wife. When she quit her caterwauling and left, my wife still had no clue what my son had done. When she asked him what he had done wrong, his big-eyed answer was, "Nothing mommy, I didn't hit anybody and I shared. I don't know why that bad lady hurt me."

My DW's burning ember flared to a burning torch. Unfortunately, the more angry my DW gets, the more she cried and she couldn't do anything.

When I came home and she told me what had gone on, something sounded strange to me, so I went to my son's room and had him go over in detail everything he had done when the "big kids" got home.

Um-hum, OK, that's great, OK, sure ... go back to what you said before OK. I peed on the wall Daddy.

OK, that's all right this time, but American boys go into their housed to go pee. They don't pee on the wall, ever. Do you understand? He said he did, but I could tell his mind was really asking him "Whhaatt?

Not really a problem, but then I rolled up his shirt and there was a bruise. On the under side of his arms, I could almost see finger prints - OK, I did see individual finger marks.

Having learned from my DW where this person was located in the apartment complex, against my DW's wishes, I rapidly marched over and knocked on the apartment door.

When I get angry, people who know me know that the softer I speak, the more angry I am. The guy who opened the door had no clue.

When I told him who I was, his comment was, "So you're the little assh*les old man? What the hell do you think you're doing, barging in like this?" From behind him, I heard this harridan say, "And you tell him about that b*tch of a wife, the little tramp!"

Ohh. Right off I knew this wasn't going to be just a chat with another set of parents with some explanation and a little understanding.

I asked him if he would please control himself - that didn't work. We were both still in uniform, so I knew he was a 1LT and I was a CPT. Then I told him he was not acting like an officer and a gentleman and I ordered him to tone it down.

He told me what I could do with my order and if I wasn't in uniform, he'd kick my backside - he also expressed the opinion I was a little twerp.

Whish! My temper exploded. When my temper is let out of it's cage, I quit hearing anything except for what is directly in front of me, I lose all my peripheral vision and outside of the narrow cone I am seeing through, my peripheral vision is only red. I suggested we go down to the PT building and by signing in to box, or spar in martial arts, rank would have no meaning.

He agreed, we left.

We arrived at the Training Center, signed in and he preferred we warm up with a little martial arts. Fine.

Uniform tops off, we jumped, hopped and feinted around the mat until we were both warm, then asked a MSG to referee a full contact match, with no time limit, until someone was unconscious or someone tapped out. Reluctantly, he agreed.

My opponent was about 4" taller, outweighed me by at least 20 pounds, and had longer arms. As the MSG signaled for us to start, I knew he would attack first, so I simply waited, stepped to the side and tripped him.

I must have made a remark about grace or buffalo behinds or something, because his face turned red and he came at me again. This time he received an elbow in the ear.

The match continued exactly like that for about 30 minutes. I had a bloody lip, he had a broken nose and both eyes were swollen nearly shut. He had been on the mat so many times he had burns on his back. Finally, he tapped out.

While we were toweling off, I offered to buy him a beer for his effort. He didn't sound particularly enthusiastic, but since a medic was going to do a little touch-up, he accepted.

About half way through our beers, he asked me what I had studied and what level had I achieved. When I told him, his response was, "H*ly sheet! You could have killed me on first contact", a statement I agreed with.

We had a second beer and I explained to him about living on the economy, what bathroom etiquette the young Germans practiced and what my son had done.

I explained how his wife had acted and was willing to stop by my quarters and show him my sons bruises.

Not necessary.

Then I told him how his wife had described my son and what she had said to my DW.

He got quiet, then said he would apologize to my wife. Not what I felt was needed, and I told him so.

He indicated it might take him an hour or so, but he thought his wife would see the error of her ways, make her way to our quarters and "SINCERELY" apologize.

And that's the way it happened, the notorious 'Four year old, Pissing on the Wall Contest' in Schweinfurt, FRG.

Ohh, right. He was correct. His wife did apologize and it sounded sort of sincere. He and I became beer drinking and card playing buddies. Our wives just never could seem to hit it off.

Do you remember that snotty Nellie on 'Little House on the Prairie'? That pretty much described his daughter, but I think she got it from her mom.

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8/2/10 2:05 P

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One of my favorite 'raising a boy' memories was when I found out that he & his best friend liked to see how far away they could stand when pissing- I found out when his bud was standing in the hallway 6 feet from the toilet.
I had my son clean the bathroom floor from then on.... stopped that trick.

Mare-

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I am a kind of pranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger



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8/2/10 7:53 A

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emoticon



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8/1/10 9:47 P

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Yeah, just not standing by a bunch of strangers in a group john.

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8/1/10 9:38 P

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YEA, I'VE HEARD THOSE TYPE OF STORIES MYSELF. I ALSO RAISED 4 BOYS, AND I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DOING, ALL IN FUN OF COURSE!

Edited by: GARDENCHRIS at: 8/1/2010 (21:38)


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LODESTONE's Photo LODESTONE Posts: 2,852
8/1/10 9:35 P

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Used to be trying to drown a Kent micronite filter-- so I've heard................

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8/1/10 9:30 P

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emoticon YEA RIGHT!



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8/1/10 9:08 P

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Nobody peeks, they just pee and try to look nonchalant.

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8/1/10 9:45 A

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just the thought of 3 guys at a urinal.........



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7/7/10 9:20 P

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Well, if I'm at a concert or game, I like to go to the bathroom with a friend, because you are going to have to live in the line for so bloody long. If you go alone, you may forget where to return, & just return with your new BFF.
Which is a whole other thing... like, why do so many women wear 15 layers to do & undo when going to a public place? That is one of the main delays for us women folk, along with not being able to use 1 urinal for 3 like the guys can.

Mare-

Direction, not perfection!

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I am a kind of pranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger



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GRALLEN's Photo GRALLEN Posts: 20,069
7/6/10 8:47 P

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I go camping for a holiday weekend and this is what I come back to.

Welcome to the team. There that little obligation is done.

As for two women going to the bathroom, can't help ya there. I've always gone by myself. So for those of you who do go in pairs, please enlighten us as to the reason.

Gail

Quit stuffing your face and face your stuff.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken.
I think therefore I am dangerous.
Don't make excuses, make changes.

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BLUNTFORCEMAMA Posts: 66
7/5/10 12:55 P

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Perhaps they all lack a definitive Jewish vocabulary? However Wokpongwang is a bit like slapstick comedy: everyone gets it, but not everyone thinks it's funny.

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ROSY_TIAMO's Photo ROSY_TIAMO Posts: 2,252
7/5/10 4:01 A

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Popeye, all sarcasm aside, your blog "My Affair" is beautifully written.

You profess to be sarcastic but that writing tells a different story. When I read it, I could see that you are a gentle soul and a true romantic, and by your comments here on "Sarcastic Unlimited" you show a great sense of humor even thought it's a bit cocky!

Okay, 'nuff said, back to being rude.........



"LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE"

If more people had a sense of humor, the world would be a better place!

We live in the land of the free, only because of the brave.

If you're not willing to stand behind our troops, please feel free to stand in front of them! "God Bless America, My Home Sweet Home".


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TIME4COFFEE's Photo TIME4COFFEE Posts: 13,412
7/5/10 1:58 A

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Hmmm. I've benefitted from a vet or two, but now I'm happily married.

BluntForce, I'd like to know what kind of Facebook people you've got that don't understand Hutzpah but get WokPongWang? That's messed up.


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7/4/10 11:54 P

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I'm thinking that there are grounds for a claim of sexual harrassment here.

But, I guess I'd have to complain first.

Nah.

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7/4/10 11:26 P

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Woot, woot! Sarcastics Unlimited alive and kicking-
Happy 4th, all ye vets, and all of us American's who have benefited from the vets.
I did the Navy cause I look good in whites. Any time I take all my clothes off, I get told that.
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Mare-

Direction, not perfection!

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LODESTONE's Photo LODESTONE Posts: 2,852
7/4/10 9:06 P

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Welcome to this pack of miscreants- with or without cajones! Snarky-ness brings us together so sharpen you snarks!

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7/4/10 8:33 P

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popeye I laughed so hard! thanks for that post! love you guys emoticon



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BLUNTFORCEMAMA Posts: 66
7/4/10 7:13 P

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Well, my alter ego is a black transvestite from the deep south, so....

I had a cat once who for six months, I thought was a female. His testicles never descended. I got a call at work from the vet, "I've never tried to spay a Tom cat before."

He was a crazy cat and unfortunately died young, but man he had personality, and major cojones.

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7/4/10 7:09 P

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I've heard of that - but from what I've read, it causes identity problems.

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BLUNTFORCEMAMA Posts: 66
7/4/10 4:56 P

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Maybe some of us have undescended cojones. ;-)

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7/4/10 3:06 P

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All right, already. I've trained well enough to know when to retreat faced with an overwhelming adversary.

If it were anywhere but Spark, OK, maybe some of those Pregnancy sites, I'd have reinforcements.

I haven't heard any bugles blowing - it's fairly apparent that the Cavalry won't be coming to the rescue here.

What is the deal? I've seen elementary school girls who gang together like y'all. Obviously it goes on to a more, supposedly, mature group as well. Is it related to the need for two women to go to the bathroom at the same time, some genetic memory or what?

Probably 'or what'.

PS: This isn't designed to get Brownie Points. RoyaleTBone, You've got a cool Avatar for the 4th of July. This old veteran thanks you - even if it was not done deliberately, it's still appropriate. If it was done deliberately, Thanks!

Edited by: POPEYETHETURTLE at: 7/4/2010 (15:11)
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7/4/10 11:00 A

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ROSY_TIAMO33 great answer! I'll go one further, we girls are "cocksure" because we do NOT need one to prove we are cocky! And If you have to "Prove" it you then you really aren't



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BLUNTFORCEMAMA Posts: 66
7/4/10 9:47 A

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Moxie! That's what I'll call it. I used to go by Hutzpah on Facebook, but I'm afraid not everyone understood that. So I changed it to WokPongWang.

I do have a friend who insists on calling me Gremily. He seems to think I'm part gremlin.

Moxie and gremlins aside, I'm happy to be here! Thanks for the snarks! I totally should have gone with Buttercup. Dang it.

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ROSY_TIAMO's Photo ROSY_TIAMO Posts: 2,252
7/4/10 3:57 A

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"Cojones" is where most males get their thinking process.

The female equivalent is the "Mind/Brains" which allows us to be self confident, self assured, positive, and sure footed.

It gives us chutzpah, gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, incredible guts, presumption plus arrogance, and most of all it makes us "Cocksure".....just sayin'.....

Edited by: ROSY_TIAMO at: 7/4/2010 (04:02)
"LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE"

If more people had a sense of humor, the world would be a better place!

We live in the land of the free, only because of the brave.

If you're not willing to stand behind our troops, please feel free to stand in front of them! "God Bless America, My Home Sweet Home".


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ROYALETBONE's Photo ROYALETBONE SparkPoints: (46,180)
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7/4/10 3:25 A

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Popeye?
You haven't heard? It's at the tip of the vulva, and called a clit. Most women want you to know about it.
I'm hung well myself.

Mare-

Direction, not perfection!

It's not a DIE-et- it's a LIVE-it!

I am a kind of pranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger



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POPEYETHETURTLE's Photo POPEYETHETURTLE SparkPoints: (218,246)
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7/3/10 4:47 P

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Cocky? I don't think so. In order to be cocky you have to have cojones. I don't know what the female equivalent is, but . . .

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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TIME4COFFEE's Photo TIME4COFFEE Posts: 13,412
7/3/10 11:16 A

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You think? Well I suppose, since you ARE new around here, we can let you have your own thread this time. WTH? It's close to a holiday and I'm feeling generous.

I'm surprised you didn't say your name was Buttercup though. "Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning." But since you didn't, Inigo Montoya or Emily it is.

~*~Sally~*~
BLUNTFORCEMAMA Posts: 66
7/3/10 10:25 A

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...and apparently cocky, too.

Hi, my name is Inigo Montoya, but my friends calls me Emily. I'm genetically inclined to be sarcastic, but I do try to be a good sport about it.

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